Pool Jokes

I don't know why so many people love to play pool. Might as well ask why a hen lays eggs or a cow stands still while a farmer burglarizes her. -- Luther Lassiter

JAM
 
John and Joe are playing pool. John likes to have fun and Joe is very very serious and NOTHING will disturb him or shark him on his shot. Joe is as usual very serious and running out the last game to win the set. He is shooting the 8 with a tough 9 remaining for the win.

He shoots the 8 in and gets tough on the 9, he gets down on the shot and right before he pulls the trigger, he sees a hearse go past the window of the pool room with several funeral cars following. He gets up off the shot and puts his hand on his heart and bows his head and then after about 5 seconds, gets back down on the 9 and drills it in the back of the pocket for the win.

John then turns to Joe and says "I am amazed that you did that and got up off your shot, it shows amazing respect and I have to say Joe, I have never seen you get up off a shot before"

Joe then responds, "It's the least I could do John, I was married to the woman for 37 years"
 
A rack boy, $10 short in his pay envelope, went to the manager to complain. The manager checked his records, then told the rack boy, "Last week, we overpaid you $10, and you didn't say a word." "Ha," said the rack boy, "An occasional mistake I can overlook, but two in a row. -- Anonymous

JAM
 
What preparation is required to play pool on the championship level? All you have to do is quit your job, get a divorce, and devote the next 3 years to pocketing 2 million balls. Then maybe you'll have some idea of what is required. -- Grady Mathews

JAM
 
During the hey day of billiards a woman was on trial for killing her husband. The judge asked the prosecuter how the murder was committed. The prosecuter responded by telling the judge that the woman had beat her husband to death with a billiard cue. The judged then asked "Really, How many innings?"

Lunchmoney
 
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the patient.

"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.

"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."

"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble.

What kind do you eat?"

"All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."

"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens....!" :p
 
Don't lie to me, saying that you have been with another woman until 4:00 AM -- That's chalk dust on your hands.
 
Well there is one about a cue ball and a monkey . . .

. . . but I ain't fixing to tell it on a public forum with ladies present!!

Hu
 
A guy is going into a poolroom with his wife and they see a bum out front begging for money. The guy pulls $20 out and ask if he gives it to the bum will he spend it on booze..."no" said the bum..."I gave up alcohol". Then the guy ask if the bum will spend it playing pool...."no I gave up gambling". Well then he ask if he'd spend it on a hooker...."no I gave up women too". The man drops the $20 into his lap and walks inside. Once inside he tells his wife..."that was one filthy, nasty, homeless bum...see what would happen if I quit drinking, gambling & women?":D :D :D
 
OK first let me say my wife is from Venezuela so I am indeed Latino friendly so hold the hate mail, por favor...but this is just too funny. I've posted this on here before, but here goes once again for those who missed it....

What does a cueball & a Mexican have in common?

The harder you hit 'em...the better the english!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
 
Jugement day, and God sitting majestically on his throne, is asking Johnny Archer, Efren Reyes and Earl Strickland what they believe in.

Johnny says "practice, good sportsmanship and appreciation of the Fans"
Efren says "same as Johnny but I just really 'get lucky' sometimes"

And Earl... says... "I believe you're sitting in my chair"
 
Grady has a million of them.

I remember on an old Accu-Stats video he and DiLiberto were talking about somebody, and Grady said, "Do you know how he determines when it's time to get a new girlfriend?"
How?
"He places a five ball and an orange on the nightstand, and when she's sober enough to tell the difference, she's gone!"

But my favorite from Grady was when he was talking to Pat Fleming, and he was saying how he just got married again, for the fourth time. He said "I might just as well every five years find a woman I hate... and buy her a house"
 
When you win a game, ask your opponent, "What was the name of that country we fought in the Gulf War?", they will say "Iraq!" (I prefer to think of it as "I-rack!"). :D

Southpaw
 
Last edited:
Tom In Cincy said:
Jugement day, and God sitting majestically on his throne, is asking Johnny Archer, Efren Reyes and Earl Strickland what they believe in.

Johnny says "practice, good sportsmanship and appreciation of the Fans"
Efren says "same as Johnny but I just really 'get lucky' sometimes"

And Earl... says... "I believe you're sitting in my chair"
Click to expand...

You made me laugh!

What do you call a poolplayer without a girlfriend?
Homeless!
 
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