[our_auctionguy]

Mine seemed civil, but was only because I agreed to give her everything except the clothes on my back. Mine made it clear custody issues would be the pawns she played to get what she wanted. Her next boyfriend asked her to marry him 3 times and she turned him down 3 times. He was killed instantly in a tragic car accident, and then she had the nuts to tell his family she was his common law wife and should inherit everything. She was distraught to find out she was not named anywhere in his will or life insurance and she even had the brass to call me and ask if she should pursue his estate as his commonlaw wife. I told her it was a shame she wasn't riding with him the day he died. Then I hung up.

Take your half. Some become demons when they want the proceeds of the marriage. Hopefully not yours.
If at all you can work things out and stay together, I wish that upon you.
Wishing you the very best in luck.

[rellek]

The only advice I can give is don't try to save money by using the same lawyer! Some one I know pulled that genius move and got roasted over the coals! Not that they deserved anything less for being an idiot, but lets face it, when it comes to this point no one is exactly thinking straight anymore.

[mullyman]

I guess it all depends on the people involved. My divorce went very smooth, no lawyers involved, no fighting. I actually went and picked her up and we went to court together, then had lunch after. We just both realized that we were moving in different directions and together wasn't going to cut it. We were married for 13 years, no kids. I'm on my second marriage now, 5 years into it, and about 8 years since my divorce. My ex and I still keep in touch on a semi-regular basis. No involvement with each other sexually, of course, but we talk every once in a while.

I wish you luck and hope that your wife can be as much of an adult about this as mine was.
MULLY

[manwon]

Originally Posted by the420trooper

I never thought it would happen to me, but it looks like it's going to...

I know there are a lot of smart people here, and many of you have been through this before...I would appreciate any tips you guys could give.

-Michael

Michael I have never been divorced, however, I have had some very close friends go through it.

Get a good lawyer and do not sign or agree to anything without his counsel.

To many men allow themselves to be taken advantage of just to get on with life, this in my opinion is the biggest mistake you can make.

Good Luck

[gabesmom]

My first question would be 'who wants the divorce'? - only if you want to share that info. Then I'll throw in my .02.

[Shaft]

My advice, for what it is worth (I have a law degree but I do not practice, and I am not engaging you as a client (I have to say that BTW)):

Try hard for reconcilliation. Talk to any couple that has been married for 20-30 years and they will tell you that they all had ample opportunity and ample justification to get divorced many times. The difference between them and divorced couples is a mutual commitment to work through the hard times.

Try praying with your partner, even if prayer is uncommon for you. You might be amazed at what happens.

If reconcilliation is simply not possible...

Don't listen to anything your friends say about legal advice. Like the clouds, the law looks static but it is constantly changing. And, every state is different. Get a lawyer asap.

Many or most states do not allow the same attorney to represent both parties (irreconcileable conflict of interest), but it is a very bad idea in any case. Don't ever do it.

Be firm and be reasonable. In community property states, you are entitled to half the marriage assets, just as she is. Don't try anything cute like selling off assets or closing bank accounts. You will look like a bad actor later to the court.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

[wahcheck]

The problem I see with most divorces is that the man's friends tell him to watch out and hide all the assets; the woman's friends tell her to be smart and get all she can because he's probably hiding a lot of assets......I got by with mine because I kept things amicable between us and gave her more than half of what little we had, and most importantly, did not let lawyers get involved............!

[cuesblues]

I went through a long protracted divorce and I think I handled it very well until I call her lawyer a "fat f--k" in mediation.

Get a very good divorce lawyer and protect yourself.
Stay close to your kids but kids are resilient and as long as you are around they can handle more than you think.
Your kids will be better off if you protect your interests no matter what your wife says.
One example is don't let your wife keep the house just for the kids.
Sell it, split the money and each of you get smaller houses.
The judge will order a sale of the house anyway.
Divorce is divorce and it affects the whole family.
No way out of it, divorce sucks.

The judges are looking to pick a side so be very careful in court not to mention anything outside of the state laws. For instance Colorado doesn't have custody laws, we have "parental responsibility" so if you go into court and even mention the word "custody" it will upset off the judge. My lawyer warned me about all of this.
Know the laws...
If divorce is inevitable you may as well file before she does. It looks better in court but again I don't know the law in your state.

Fight for as much time as you can with your kids.
It reduces your child support but again I don't know your state laws.

Statistically men do better than women do after divorce so keep your cool. As it drags on her friends and family will be giving her all kinds of advice and things can get ugly, no matter how cordial things are when it starts out. Take my word for it.
As it gets toward the end you may think the whole world hates your guts but it will pass and you will end up in good shape.

As soon as you file, find a girl friend, buy a nice cue, get a Harley, just don't let your wife get to you.
If you ever want to talk PM me.

If none of this works, hook her up with the balloon baby.

[the420trooper]

I'd like to extend a very heartfelt thanks to everyone who replied here.

We're still separated right now, and I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I guess time will tell...

[asiasdad]

Originally Posted by Majic

Its cheaper to keep her.

Actually, it's cheaper by the hour.

I married a woman once, divorced her, and 9 years later re-married her.

I have heard other people do this same thing.
Not a single one of these 2d efforts worked.

My experience is to get out of it (if that's what you want) the best
way you can, and start over.

The definition of divorce has always been:

The fvcking you get for the fvcking you got.

[Terry Ardeno]

Michael,
I stumbled upon this thread while looking at another member's posts. I'm so sorry to hear your family is going thru this.

Every divorce is different, no 2 are alike. I'll share something that I feel is of the UTMOST importance....

I got married in 1980 and had a son in 1985 and a daughter in 1987. They are so incredibly important to me, and I cherish them beyond words. In 1995, my wife filed for divorce. I told her I would pay the attorney bill for her and I did. Based on my income at the time, I was to give $550.00 per month for child support. When I read that, I told her I would double it and give her $1,100.00 per month PLUS give her a credit card so as to take care of the kids in an emergency. She used it for ALL the groceries as well as gas for her car. And I didn't mind one bit because I wanted my kids to have food in the house and a car for when I wasn't there. She did not work and I was employed full time and had 2 part time jobs as well.

EVERY SPARE MOMENT was spent with my kids. I was always a dad with a mom's heart for my kids. We three played constantly and did just about everything together. And after the divorce, I had unlimited anytime I wanted visitation with my kids and other than sleeping in my house, they were with me constantly. Sunday School, Church and Wednesday night Bible studies at the church were part of every week. If I was on 3-11, I would pick them up in the morning and take them to school. On the 11-7s or 7-3s, I saw them in the afternoon after school. They lived with their mom because she didn't work and so she was home every night when they slept. I also bought ALL their school clothes, paid for all their medicines, took them to the Dr's when they were sick, everything just as if I still lived with them. Other than we didn't sleep in the same house. And I almost lost my mind when I thought about all the times I couldn't check on them anymore in the middle of the night or wake them up playfully in the mornings. If I would not have been able to see them everyday, I would have gone into such a deep depression that I don't know what would have happened.

Bottom line for me was to make certain that I would see my kids everyday.
And I did, roughly 355 days a year. I may have missed a few here and there when I was working 3 shifts straight or back to back doubles, etc. But I only slept a few hours most days so as to have time with them between shifts. If I worked 7-3 or 11-7, I was with them from 3:15 till around 9:00. On my 3-11's, we had morning time and then I was able to take a lunch break at their house. I also had them those weekend days. God did bless me with the right job in the right location and I praise Him for all His blessings that He's given to my family.

Over the years, I have helped them thru college, with car payments and insurance and everything else a normal dad does with his kids. They are both grown now (24 and 22 years old) and both have great work ethics and are super responsible. They're still the greatest kids. Both are devout Christians. And we're still as close as ever. It was worth every penney and worth every hour of sleep lost to see to it that they had a better life than I did.

And something GREAT happened after some time. I met the very best woman God could have ever made and we ended up married! She's the one I'm hugging in the avatar pic.

What I'm sharing is that there are some very trying days ahead Michael. See them thru because your child needs you to be strong. You will never regret anything you do to make your child's life a better life! And you never know what is just down the road for you. There will be plenty of great days, events, memories, etc still to come. Keep your heart my friend.

[JesPiddlin]

Originally Posted by the420trooper

I never thought it would happen to me, but it looks like it's going to...

I know there are a lot of smart people here, and many of you have been through this before...I would appreciate any tips you guys could give.

-Michael

Michael, all divorces are different. My ex-mother-in-law couldn't ever get used to the fact that I wasn't vicious and I even tried to keep her son in touch with his son and tried to not put him down to his son. I always felt that if the two parents had to be divorced, it would show the child more support if they worked together for the child's benefit and happiness, not for their own greediness. Not everyone thinks that way, but I hope that's the kind of divorce you have, if you have to have one... especially if there are any kids involved.

My parents divorced when I was a teen. My mom did a lot of "your dad did this" and "your dad never could do..." and both of them were continuously telling me "you tell your mom/dad..." I finally got a little smarter and decided I didn't like being the messenger who was being verbally attacked, so I told them if they had something to say to the other one, they needed to say it to them, not me. I wasn't relaying any more messages. I didn't want my kids to go through that kind of torture, if I divorced, so I made up my mind that any divorce(s) I had were going to be friendly ones. I had 2 divorces and both were fairly friendly. They had their moments, but the kids' emotional states were my first priority, when it came to divorce.

On the other end of the stick, as a little encouragement... I finally found my soulmate and he's even more wonderful after 23 years together!

Good luck. Divorce hurts, no matter how bad things are.

[DelaWho???]

I was there..... Memorial Day this yr. She had a retainer down with a lawyer, I was trying to untangle the finances so it would go as easy as possible.

We were at the point where we couldn't communicate, living on opposite ends of the house. Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I got to where I couldn't take it, had several (24yrs worth) things I needed to get off of my chest and nobody to talk to. I wrote it out in a 7 or 8 page letter. Let it flow, didn't read it after I wrote it. I left it where I knew she would find it. I didn't care if she read it, it was directed at her, but it was written for me by to get the demons out of my head.

Low and behold she responded, and then I wrote her back 3 others in rapid succession laying everything bare and elaborating on the first letter. At the end of it all I wrote that if she felt like there was still something to talk about I was willing to listen.

We hashed everything out and started over. Her outlook and attitude completely changed. Turns out she didn't have a clue what was running around in my head and me thinking, I was transparent and everything was obvious, she just didn't care.

She just didn't know.

My advice is write her a letter, put it in black and white. Once it's out there it cannot be misinterpreted or denied. It must be dealt with. Pour your feelings out on paper. If it doesn't work you're right back where you are now with nothing lost.

I managed to save mine. I hope you can too.

Sorry no advice on divorce, I was fortunate enough to not experience it.

Good luck, and happiness in your future.

[jsp]

Originally Posted by the420trooper

I'd like to extend a very heartfelt thanks to everyone who replied here.

We're still separated right now, and I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I guess time will tell...

My sympathies for your situation.

However, before any of us can give appropriate advice, I think it would be helpful for us to know more about the grounds of divorce. Not knowing much about your situation at all, my simple off the cuff advice would be to save your marriage, especially since you have a son (IIRC). I can't think of too many situations where the damage in a relationship cannot be repaired with some hard work. You may end up regretting the decision later in life, especially if this divorce is a "heat of the moment" situation and not the ultimate last resort thing.

Of course, no pressure divulging any information. Just thought I would ask. But again, not knowing the details, I say work to save your marriage...especially for your son.

[ChopStick]

Originally Posted by Secaucus Fats

Grab everything you would not truly want to lose and stash it somewhere safe. Say you gave it away.

Been there, done that!

This is an excellent point. A lot of guys overlook this. It doesn't have to be a big thing either. It could be your lucky coin, the watch your grand dad gave you, anything that has personal value just to you. Women absolutely will steal these things on their last day out the door and tell you they don't know anything about it. It's in their DNA.