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Favorite pool jokes
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mullyman
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Favorite pool jokes - 05-25-2010, 08:51 PM

Probably been done before but what the he'll, I need a laugh today. Here's my all time fave

How many pool players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and four to stand around going "pffft, I can do that"

thank you
MULLY


  
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Tom In Cincy
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05-25-2010, 08:58 PM

I always like the one where Efren, Johnny Archer and Earl are all killed in a plane crash and are at the pearly gates when Their Maker sitting in his throne asks what they believe...

Efren believes he got there because of his fans, his hard work and that he was very lucky.

Johnny believes he is there because of his love of the game, the fantastic fans and supports he's known all his life.

Earl just stares and says... " I believe.. you are sitting in my chair"


"In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves." From Jennifer


Just remember all posts are, of course... In My Humble Opinion
Age= Been Playing since I was 17... 49 years ago
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05-26-2010, 08:44 AM

Here are some oldies but goodies.


What does a medium pizza and a pro pool player have in common?

Neither one can feed a family of 4.


What do you call a group of pool players in a basement?

Whine cellar.


Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. ~John Lennon

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Breaker: Custom Roach Breaker
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CreeDo
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05-26-2010, 11:40 AM

I'll admit I just made this up. That's why it's so weak.

Two nits walk into a room and somehow make a game. One of them has a rare neurological disorder that causes him to fall over dead the instant he hits a ball. What does the other one have? ...The nuts.
  
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rackmsuckr
Linda Carter - The QUEEN!
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05-26-2010, 08:06 PM

What do you call a pool player without a wife or girlfriend?








Homeless!


I put the Mental in Ornamental
  
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jersey jer
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05-26-2010, 08:38 PM

How do you get a pool player off your front porch?


pay him for the pizza.





only cause i remeber this from the incarnation of this thread
  
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Pool Player Orders A Pizza...........
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ibuycues
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Pool Player Orders A Pizza........... - 05-26-2010, 08:47 PM

A pool player orders a pizza by phone.

The order-taker asks, " Do you want that cut in six pieces or eight"?

The pool player says, "You better cut it in six pieces. I don`t think I can eat eight".
  
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Philthepockets
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05-26-2010, 11:31 PM

What do you call a pool player in a suit?

The accused!
  
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Pool Shooting Monkey by Rudy Ray Moore
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Kid Dynomite
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Pool Shooting Monkey by Rudy Ray Moore - 05-27-2010, 04:54 AM

Deleted Youtube file has been moved or deleted!

Oh Well!

Last edited by Kid Dynomite; 05-27-2010 at 05:07 AM.
  
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Pool Shooting Monkey by Rudy Ray Moore
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Kid Dynomite
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Pool Shooting Monkey by Rudy Ray Moore - 05-27-2010, 06:28 PM

Here is the lyrics or poem!!!

Also click on play and hear the original song!!!

Enjoy!!!!

Caution adult language!!!!!!

http://www.dolemite.com/original_rhymes.php?r_id=3#

Kid
Dynomite
  
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Chris_Lynch
I play pool
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05-27-2010, 08:43 PM

What does a cue ball and an illegal immigrant have in common?



The harder you hit 'em the more english they pick up.


I know it's bad...
  
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05-28-2010, 07:38 AM

I always loved the gag newspaper headline: "Local Poolhall Burns Down, 20 Left Homeless"


Primary Cue: Barry Szamboti (Pic1/Pic2)
Break Cue: Predator BK2
Case: Jack Justis (Pic)
Table: Kim Steel 9' (Pic)
Hannah: She Chalks Before Every Shot (Pic/Vid1/Vid2)
  
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Samiel
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05-28-2010, 08:34 AM

Modified for pool...

A priest and nun go to shoot some 8-ball. They play a race to 3 to see who will get into heaven (hey, I'm making this stuff up as I go along)!

In the first game, the priest gets down to the 8-ball and misses! He exclaims, "f*cking sh*t I missed!" The nun wags her finger at him and says "God will strike you down for that!" She then proceeds to run out.

In the second game, the priest again gets down the 8-ball and misses by a hair! He exclaims again, "f*cking sh*t I missed!" The nun again says, "God will strike you down for that!" She then runs out again.

In the third game, with the nun on the hill, the priest gets down to a straight-in 8-ball and proceeds to miscue, missing the 8-ball totally! In frustration, he yells, "f*cking sh*t I missed!"

Suddenly, there's a flash of light and the NUN is gone!

From above a booming voice is heard... "f*cking sh*t I missed!"


Playing Cue - 2000 Series PS03 - Jerry Pechauer
High Run - 59
  
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jrt30004
just jokin' around
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05-28-2010, 08:37 AM

c.t.e. (or at least the threads invloving it)


they used to call me jason, now they just call me evil.
playing cue: dick neighbors
break: players
jump: lomax
case: instroke 3x5
"if you wanted to win you should have played better" ~ me
".....you guys round up some money and I'll give you guys the nuts again like I always do. " ~ Chris Bartram
"like i said your a nit. i did not say your a bad guy.
i just said your a nit." ~ Chris Bartram
"yeah he did somethin' stupid so i ran a 3 pack and beat him 5-0". - j.c.
  
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renard
Play in these conditions?
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05-28-2010, 09:55 AM

Ok....you asked for it...enjoy


John and Joe are playing pool. John likes to have fun and Joe is very very serious and NOTHING will disturb him or shark him on his shot. Joe as is usual is very serious and running out the last game to win the set. He is shooting the 8 with a tough 9 remaining for the win. He shoots the 8 in and gets tough on the 9, he gets down on the shot and right before he pulls the trigger, he sees a hearse go past the window of the pool room with
several funeral cars following. He gets up off the shot and puts his hand on his heart and bows his head and then after about 5 seconds, gets back down on the 9 and drills it in the back of the pocket for the win.

John then turns to Joe and says "I am amazed that you did that and got up off your shot, it shows amazing respect and I have to say Joe, I have never seen you get up off a shot before." Joe then responds, "It's the least I could do John, I was married to the woman for 37 years"

-------
A rack boy, $10 short in his pay envelope, went to the manager to complain. The manager checked his records, then told the rack boy, "Last week, we overpaid you $10, and you didn't say a word." "Ha," said the rack boy, "An occasional mistake I can overlook, but two in a row. -- Anonymous

-------
During the hey day of billiards a woman was on trial for killing her husband. The judge asked the prosecutor how the murder was committed. The prosecutor responded by telling the judge that the woman had beat her husband to death with a billiard cue. The judged then asked "Really, How many innings?"

-------
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the patient.

"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.

"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."

"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble.

What kind do you eat?"

"All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens....!"

-------
A guy is going into a poolroom with his wife and they see a bum out front begging for money. The guy pulls $20 out and ask if he gives it to the bum will he spend it on booze..."no" said the bum..."I gave up alcohol". Then the guy ask if the bum will spend it playing pool...."no I gave up gambling". Well then he ask if he'd spend it on a hooker...."no I gave up women too". The man drops the $20 into his lap and walks inside. Once inside he tells his wife..."that was one filthy, nasty, homeless bum...see what would happen if I quit drinking, gambling & women?"

-------
What's the difference between a pro pool player and a pizza pie?

A pizza pie can feed a family of four.

-------
This pool player goes to see his Dr. and tells him he hasn't taken a dump in two weeks.
The Dr. says here, take this mild laxative and come back in 3 days. After 3 days, he
returns to the Doc and says still nothing. The Doc, a little amazed, says here, take
this, it's the strongest laxative I have. Take it and return on Monday.

He returns on Monday and tells the Doc, Still nothing..." The Doc is somewhat confused...
He asks the guy, "Can I ask you what you do for a living?" The man replies, "Well sure,
I am a professional pool player."

The Doc says, "Well why didn't you say so! Here's 10 bucks, go get something to eat..."

-------
What does a woman do with her a**hole before having sex?

She drops him off at the poolroom!

---------

Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husbands best mate
Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation.

"Who was it? The back stabbing buddy asked.

"Oh, that was Mick." She replied calmly.

"Oh shit, I'd better be going then!: he said. "Did Mick say where he
was?"

"Relax - he's down at the pub, playing a few games of pool with you."


"The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears." ~ The Minquass
  
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