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Pool's greatest kept secrets--REVEALED!!!
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Bob Callahan
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Pool's greatest kept secrets--REVEALED!!! - 10-27-2011, 12:13 AM

  • Kamui chalk is expensive, and hard to find--not because it's flying off the shelves, but because of the rarity of the ingredients: powder from unicorn horns, virgin tears, and purified dihydrogen monoxide. It has to cure for 5 years.
  • Mosconi didn't miss or quit at 526 balls. He did temporarily stop the proceedings, get affidavits, and ran everybody off. He ran 498 more balls for a total of 1024. He didn't miss then, but quit because he liked that number--since he was a robot, and also because he knew no mere human could ever hope top it. The only witness to the entire run was a guy named Forrest. The Mosconibot was designed by the man who eventually started the Kamui company.
  • The lowest deflection shafts are made from 100% pure cotton. They are very expensive because only two cue makers ever knew how to properly taper them, and both passed on without passing on their knowledge. No ferrule or tip, and your grandmother could draw five rails effortlessly with one. There were only seven ever made--although, sometimes one can be found in a pawn shop, or on eBay, because folks just don't know what they have. There is a secret cabal of cue makers on AZBilliards trying to rediscover this ancient, lost cue-making technique. They hope to sell the patent to Kamui.
  • Earl ran a 31-pack once, He would have ran more, but he got distracted by the wall clock. The second hand was jumping, instead of moving smoothly. He made all the witnesses sign non-disclosure agreements, because he was afraid it would hurt his action. BTW, he did this with an unaltered Cuetec whose design was copied from a secret Kamui-designed cue.
  • There is but one true aiming system. It's called "The Third Eye". It was discovered by a hustler who called himself, "T. Lobsang Rampa". You must close your eyes when shooting, and rely on your third eye to see the shot. Only vegans have the purity to use it, and then it takes 20 years to master. On his home table, he once made over 2000 consecutive wing shots with his regular eyes closed the whole time. A DVD and book are available directly through Kamui, Inc.
  • Efren really is a magician. He is a brujo of the highest rank, and was tutored in the dark arts by a vampire about whom nothing much is known for sure, except his name: Cesar Morales. There are rumors though: It was said that Mr. Morales could stare at the balls and they'd run into the holes in fear. He once beat Chuck Norris one-handed in one-pocket, and Norris got use both hands, and all of his chi. Chuck quit karate shortly thereafter, because without his chi, he was just a husk of his former self. Efren and Chuck both sit on the board of directors of Kamui.
  • You have to pay for water at Hank's now, because it's not normal water anymore, but has an added blend of special herbs and spices. These wonderful essences temporarily enhance a player's ability by at least two balls. All the greatest players go to Hanks at least once a week to partake. It explains why two geezers did so well at the Open this year. It's a Kamui product.
  • The best break cue is made by cue maker Erwin Schrödinger, and uses his patented Negative Entropy design in a top-secret method which amplifies the energy you put into the cue by 2-fold. This explains Larry Nevel's break, since he exclusively breaks with Erwin's cues. The super-hard tips are made from quark-gluon plasma, and glow in the dark. The name on the tip patent is "Masato Hiraoka".

There are more, but I'm afraid to stay on this computer too long, lest someone tracks my IP...there are spies everywhere!!!
  
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10-27-2011, 12:22 AM

I like it Callahan! Keep up the good work!


http://www.jayhelfert.com/ to order Pool Wars
  
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10-27-2011, 12:31 AM

I believe all of what you wrote except the part about Chuck Norris...NO ONE could beat Chuck Norris at anything!
  
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JasonCrugar
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wow - 10-27-2011, 12:34 AM

Good stuff. Those crazy kamuii guys lol.
  
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10-27-2011, 12:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob Callahan View Post
  • Kamui chalk is expensive, and hard to find--not because it's flying off the shelves, but because of the rarity of the ingredients: powder from unicorn horns, virgin tears, and purified dihydrogen monoxide. It has to cure for 5 years.
  • Mosconi didn't miss or quit at 526 balls. He did temporarily stop the proceedings, get affidavits, and ran everybody off. He ran 498 more balls for a total of 1024. He didn't miss then, but quit because he liked that number--since he was a robot, and also because he knew no mere human could ever hope top it. The only witness to the entire run was a guy named Forrest. The Mosconibot was designed by the man who eventually started the Kamui company.
  • The lowest deflection shafts are made from 100% pure cotton. They are very expensive because only two cue makers ever knew how to properly taper them, and both passed on without passing on their knowledge. No ferrule or tip, and your grandmother could draw five rails effortlessly with one. There were only seven ever made--although, sometimes one can be found in a pawn shop, or on eBay, because folks just don't know what they have. There is a secret cabal of cue makers on AZBilliards trying to rediscover this ancient, lost cue-making technique. They hope to sell the patent to Kamui.
  • Earl ran a 31-pack once, He would have ran more, but he got distracted by the wall clock. The second hand was jumping, instead of moving smoothly. He made all the witnesses sign non-disclosure agreements, because he was afraid it would hurt his action. BTW, he did this with an unaltered Cuetec whose design was copied from a secret Kamui-designed cue.
  • There is but one true aiming system. It's called "The Third Eye". It was discovered by a hustler who called himself, "T. Lobsang Rampa". You must close your eyes when shooting, and rely on your third eye to see the shot. Only vegans have the purity to use it, and then it takes 20 years to master. On his home table, he once made over 2000 consecutive wing shots with his regular eyes closed the whole time. A DVD and book are available directly through Kamui, Inc.
  • Efren really is a magician. He is a brujo of the highest rank, and was tutored in the dark arts by a vampire about whom nothing much is known for sure, except his name: Cesar Morales. There are rumors though: It was said that Mr. Morales could stare at the balls and they'd run into the holes in fear. He once beat Chuck Norris one-handed in one-pocket, and Norris got use both hands, and all of his chi. Chuck quit karate shortly thereafter, because without his chi, he was just a husk of his former self. Efren and Chuck both sit on the board of directors of Kamui.
  • You have to pay for water at Hank's now, because it's not normal water anymore, but has an added blend of special herbs and spices. These wonderful essences temporarily enhance a player's ability by at least two balls. All the greatest players go to Hanks at least once a week to partake. It explains why two geezers did so well at the Open this year. It's a Kamui product.
  • The best break cue is made by cue maker Erwin Schrödinger, and uses his patented Negative Entropy design in a top-secret method which amplifies the energy you put into the cue by 2-fold. This explains Larry Nevel's break, since he exclusively breaks with Erwin's cues. The super-hard tips are made from quark-gluon plasma, and glow in the dark. The name on the tip patent is "Masato Hiraoka".

There are more, but I'm afraid to stay on this computer too long, lest someone tracks my IP...there are spies everywhere!!!
i'll have some of what he's drinking!!!
  
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10-27-2011, 01:12 AM

Ah, you sly devil. At first I thought Kamui was involved in only the top 7 of pool's greatest kept secrets and not the eighth. But a little research and ...
  
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10-27-2011, 01:55 AM

hehehhehhehehehihihihhahahha that was really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like it!
  
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10-27-2011, 02:02 AM

I am in awe. Satire at it's highest level. (it's not really true ,is it ?) Tramp Steamer , take note: your art form is in good hands.


George the Jump "a two-bit pool hustler" ( I still need weight)

Across the green field
the round, colorful flock ran
to awaiting homes
  
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10-27-2011, 03:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob Callahan View Post
  • Kamui chalk is expensive, and hard to find--not because it's flying off the shelves, but because of the rarity of the ingredients: powder from unicorn horns, virgin tears, and purified dihydrogen monoxide. It has to cure for 5 years.
  • Mosconi didn't miss or quit at 526 balls. He did temporarily stop the proceedings, get affidavits, and ran everybody off. He ran 498 more balls for a total of 1024. He didn't miss then, but quit because he liked that number--since he was a robot, and also because he knew no mere human could ever hope top it. The only witness to the entire run was a guy named Forrest. The Mosconibot was designed by the man who eventually started the Kamui company.
  • The lowest deflection shafts are made from 100% pure cotton. They are very expensive because only two cue makers ever knew how to properly taper them, and both passed on without passing on their knowledge. No ferrule or tip, and your grandmother could draw five rails effortlessly with one. There were only seven ever made--although, sometimes one can be found in a pawn shop, or on eBay, because folks just don't know what they have. There is a secret cabal of cue makers on AZBilliards trying to rediscover this ancient, lost cue-making technique. They hope to sell the patent to Kamui.
  • Earl ran a 31-pack once, He would have ran more, but he got distracted by the wall clock. The second hand was jumping, instead of moving smoothly. He made all the witnesses sign non-disclosure agreements, because he was afraid it would hurt his action. BTW, he did this with an unaltered Cuetec whose design was copied from a secret Kamui-designed cue.
  • There is but one true aiming system. It's called "The Third Eye". It was discovered by a hustler who called himself, "T. Lobsang Rampa". You must close your eyes when shooting, and rely on your third eye to see the shot. Only vegans have the purity to use it, and then it takes 20 years to master. On his home table, he once made over 2000 consecutive wing shots with his regular eyes closed the whole time. A DVD and book are available directly through Kamui, Inc.
  • Efren really is a magician. He is a brujo of the highest rank, and was tutored in the dark arts by a vampire about whom nothing much is known for sure, except his name: Cesar Morales. There are rumors though: It was said that Mr. Morales could stare at the balls and they'd run into the holes in fear. He once beat Chuck Norris one-handed in one-pocket, and Norris got use both hands, and all of his chi. Chuck quit karate shortly thereafter, because without his chi, he was just a husk of his former self. Efren and Chuck both sit on the board of directors of Kamui.
  • You have to pay for water at Hank's now, because it's not normal water anymore, but has an added blend of special herbs and spices. These wonderful essences temporarily enhance a player's ability by at least two balls. All the greatest players go to Hanks at least once a week to partake. It explains why two geezers did so well at the Open this year. It's a Kamui product.
  • The best break cue is made by cue maker Erwin Schrödinger, and uses his patented Negative Entropy design in a top-secret method which amplifies the energy you put into the cue by 2-fold. This explains Larry Nevel's break, since he exclusively breaks with Erwin's cues. The super-hard tips are made from quark-gluon plasma, and glow in the dark. The name on the tip patent is "Masato Hiraoka".

There are more, but I'm afraid to stay on this computer too long, lest someone tracks my IP...there are spies everywhere!!!
Most of what is written is the absolute truth. The few bits that are terribly wrong will be revealed in a Tell All DVD to be announced at a later date.

This masterful DVD is being produced by an unknown highly sought after chalk company with ties to the underworld.

After much research I actually contacted these folks and all they said to me was "And Double Dumb Ass On You" and hung up.
  
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Roadking
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10-27-2011, 03:57 AM

Funny stuff,Great researching. I like it but how long before the robots highjack it???
  
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10-27-2011, 05:52 AM

thats funny. but seriously, who needs to draw the cue ball five rails?
  
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10-27-2011, 05:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob Callahan View Post
  • Kamui chalk is expensive, and hard to find--not because it's flying off the shelves, but because of the rarity of the ingredients: powder from unicorn horns, virgin tears, and purified dihydrogen monoxide. It has to cure for 5 years.
  • Mosconi didn't miss or quit at 526 balls. He did temporarily stop the proceedings, get affidavits, and ran everybody off. He ran 498 more balls for a total of 1024. He didn't miss then, but quit because he liked that number--since he was a robot, and also because he knew no mere human could ever hope top it. The only witness to the entire run was a guy named Forrest. The Mosconibot was designed by the man who eventually started the Kamui company.
  • The lowest deflection shafts are made from 100% pure cotton. They are very expensive because only two cue makers ever knew how to properly taper them, and both passed on without passing on their knowledge. No ferrule or tip, and your grandmother could draw five rails effortlessly with one. There were only seven ever made--although, sometimes one can be found in a pawn shop, or on eBay, because folks just don't know what they have. There is a secret cabal of cue makers on AZBilliards trying to rediscover this ancient, lost cue-making technique. They hope to sell the patent to Kamui.
  • Earl ran a 31-pack once, He would have ran more, but he got distracted by the wall clock. The second hand was jumping, instead of moving smoothly. He made all the witnesses sign non-disclosure agreements, because he was afraid it would hurt his action. BTW, he did this with an unaltered Cuetec whose design was copied from a secret Kamui-designed cue.
  • There is but one true aiming system. It's called "The Third Eye". It was discovered by a hustler who called himself, "T. Lobsang Rampa". You must close your eyes when shooting, and rely on your third eye to see the shot. Only vegans have the purity to use it, and then it takes 20 years to master. On his home table, he once made over 2000 consecutive wing shots with his regular eyes closed the whole time. A DVD and book are available directly through Kamui, Inc.
  • Efren really is a magician. He is a brujo of the highest rank, and was tutored in the dark arts by a vampire about whom nothing much is known for sure, except his name: Cesar Morales. There are rumors though: It was said that Mr. Morales could stare at the balls and they'd run into the holes in fear. He once beat Chuck Norris one-handed in one-pocket, and Norris got use both hands, and all of his chi. Chuck quit karate shortly thereafter, because without his chi, he was just a husk of his former self. Efren and Chuck both sit on the board of directors of Kamui.
  • You have to pay for water at Hank's now, because it's not normal water anymore, but has an added blend of special herbs and spices. These wonderful essences temporarily enhance a player's ability by at least two balls. All the greatest players go to Hanks at least once a week to partake. It explains why two geezers did so well at the Open this year. It's a Kamui product.
  • The best break cue is made by cue maker Erwin Schrödinger, and uses his patented Negative Entropy design in a top-secret method which amplifies the energy you put into the cue by 2-fold. This explains Larry Nevel's break, since he exclusively breaks with Erwin's cues. The super-hard tips are made from quark-gluon plasma, and glow in the dark. The name on the tip patent is "Masato Hiraoka".

There are more, but I'm afraid to stay on this computer too long, lest someone tracks my IP...there are spies everywhere!!!

lol. Here's another: I forgot who it was that said it, but when Mooris first came out, someone quipped that the reason they were such great tips was because Moori had all these Japanese peasant women in the factory somewhere chewing whale blubber to stick the layers together.

Lou Figueroa
  
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10-27-2011, 06:22 AM

Funny stuff!
  
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10-27-2011, 07:59 AM

LOL schrodinger
  
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10-27-2011, 07:42 PM

I onced played with a Tuesday Lobsang Rampa. He came through Texas on the way from Tibet to England. Could this be the same guy as T. Lobsang Rampa???

Last edited by JMW; 10-27-2011 at 08:23 PM.
  
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