Fast Larry Story Invades Louisville

tomgearhart

tomgearhart

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
The funniest story I’ve ever heard….anywhere, anytime, is the Fast Larry and his Wonder Dog saga. This one was floating around the Derby City Classic over last weekend and had everyone in stitches, especially people who have read the deranged rantings from the warped and bigoted mind of the blowhard, FL.

It seems that Fast Larry heard that Barry Hearn’s Matchroom Sports needed a 3-minute filler footage of trick shots within their coverage of last year’s Mosconi Cup. Wanting these 3-minutes badly to help enforce his image of being a touring and entertaining billiard pro, and in typical FL fanatical fashion, he sent hundreds, if not thousands, of emails; hundreds of letters, and made dozens of telephone calls from his many multiple personalities touting the expertise, prowness, professionalism, marketability and entertainment value of Fast Larry and the Wonder Dog. All these “people” explained to the staff that Barry would be nuts and one of “da insane Bozos” if he didn’t hire the Master Teacher and Trick Shot extraordinaire, Fast Larry, to entertain the masses through the magic of TV.

Additionally, FL sent along a video clip of himself and the Wonder Dog doing trick shots. Some of the footage, the Matchroom staff thought, was pretty good and felt that Wonder Dog added a dimension of entertainment not usually seen on a billiards show. Although Fast Larry appeared to be arrogant when talking and stiff when shooting his trick shots, the Wonder Dog would appeal to just about everyone within their viewer demographics.

After telling Barry Hearns about FL and the Wonder Dog, Barry told his staff to find out how much Fast Larry wanted for himself the Wonder Dog to perform for the 3-minute filler spot. After contacting FL by email, FL replied that he would take a pay cut and do the 3-minute promo for $25,000 for himself and $5,000 for the Wonder Dog.

Understandably, the staff at Matchroom Sports had never heard of Fast Larry or his Wonder Dog and started doing the “due diligence” of vetting out FL. Imagine, if you will, what these people found when the facts came in about Fast Larry Guninger (or Grindinger). They found an old washed-up, foul mouthed, bigoted nobody spewing out hatred and obscenities and hell-bent on self promotion of his smoke and mirrors “career” of a pro pool and trick-shot artist.

Not wanting to make the call themselves, they put the racist report on Fast Larry and Fast Larry and Wonder Dog’s trick shot video on Barry Hearn’s desk and waited for him to make the decision.

When Barry returned, he put the video in and started reading the report. While doing this, he noticed that he had a new email on his computer and opened it up. It was from Fast Larry. It read:

Dear Barry….

I don’t understand why I haven't heard from you yet. If it’s the $30,000 price tag for me and Wonder Dog, then I’ll tells you what, you send me your OK for our appearance and I’ll throw the Wonder Dog in for free and youse can have us both for $25,000. But, I need to hear from you by 12 noon tomorrow for this offer to be good. Just tell me when you want us to be there and I’ll send us both out.

Love and peace, because I come to teach….

Fast Larry Guninger


At exactly 11:59 am the following day, Fast Larry Guninger received the following reply from Barry Hearns:

Dear Fast Larry…

SEND THE DOG.

Regards….

Barry Hearns
 
Giving Tom Some Good Rep Points

tomgearhart said:
The funniest story I’ve ever heard….anywhere, anytime, is the Fast Larry and his Wonder Dog saga. This one was floating around the Derby City Classic over last weekend and had everyone in stitches, especially people who have read the deranged rantings from the warped and bigoted mind of the blowhard, FL.

It seems that Fast Larry heard that Barry Hearn’s Matchroom Sports needed a 3-minute filler footage of trick shots within their coverage of last year’s Mosconi Cup. Wanting these 3-minutes badly to help enforce his image of being a touring and entertaining billiard pro, and in typical FL fanatical fashion, he sent hundreds, if not thousands, of emails; hundreds of letters, and made dozens of telephone calls from his many multiple personalities touting the expertise, prowness, professionalism, marketability and entertainment value of Fast Larry and the Wonder Dog. All these “people” explained to the staff that Barry would be nuts and one of “da insane Bozos” if he didn’t hire the Master Teacher and Trick Shot extraordinaire, Fast Larry, to entertain the masses through the magic of TV.

Additionally, FL sent along a video clip of himself and the Wonder Dog doing trick shots. Some of the footage, the Matchroom staff thought, was pretty good and felt that Wonder Dog added a dimension of entertainment not usually seen on a billiards show. Although Fast Larry appeared to be arrogant when talking and stiff when shooting his trick shots, the Wonder Dog would appeal to just about everyone within their viewer demographics.

After telling Barry Hearns about FL and the Wonder Dog, Barry told his staff to find out how much Fast Larry wanted for himself the Wonder Dog to perform for the 3-minute filler spot. After contacting FL by email, FL replied that he would take a pay cut and do the 3-minute promo for $25,000 for himself and $5,000 for the Wonder Dog.

Understandably, the staff at Matchroom Sports had never heard of Fast Larry or his Wonder Dog and started doing the “due diligence” of vetting out FL. Imagine, if you will, what these people found when the facts came in about Fast Larry Guninger (or Grindinger). They found an old washed-up, foul mouthed, bigoted nobody spewing out hatred and obscenities and hell-bent on self promotion of his smoke and mirrors “career” of a pro pool and trick-shot artist.

Not wanting to make the call themselves, they put the racist report on Fast Larry and Fast Larry and Wonder Dog’s trick shot video on Barry Hearn’s desk and waited for him to make the decision.

When Barry returned, he put the video in and started reading the report. While doing this, he noticed that he had a new email on his computer and opened it up. It was from Fast Larry. It read:

Dear Barry….

I don’t understand why I haven't heard from you yet. If it’s the $30,000 price tag for me and Wonder Dog, then I’ll tells you what, you send me your OK for our appearance and I’ll throw the Wonder Dog in for free and youse can have us both for $25,000. But, I need to hear from you by 12 noon tomorrow for this offer to be good. Just tell me when you want us to be there and I’ll send us both out.

Love and peace, because I come to teach….

Fast Larry Guninger


At exactly 11:59 am the following day, Fast Larry Guninger received the following reply from Barry Hearns:

Dear Fast Larry…

SEND THE DOG.

Regards….

Barry Hearns
Click to expand...




Now, THAT'S some funny stuff. One of the pool magazines should publish that (with a picture of the DOG)..... LOL
Doug
( thanks for the laugh )
 
If a person is considered deranged and has a warped mind---to me this is a sign on mental ilness. How can this be funny?

We should hope that our golden years are more pleasant.
 
Fast Larry broke and ran 18 racks of 15ball rotation in a row, and he spots Efren 15-4 in one pocket and robs him. Greatest pool player of all time, no doubt about it. :rolleyes:
 
i joined azb i think shortly after larry was banned here, i remember he was still a hot topic. There was a website where this guy was doing interviews with some of the great teachers like rossman and breisth (sp?) etc, and he had fast larry on for a segment, i listened to all of them. When i was at the open last year i saw where larry was playing derek leonard so i rushed in and grabbed a seat to watch...........sad. Derek is a pretty sporty local player, he seemed to be off his game and he still rolled over larry like he was a banger. I remember about halfway thru just getting up and leaving, kicking myself that i coudlnt get those 5 minutes of my life back where i listened to his segment on how to play pool lmao.
 
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I once saw Fast Lary run 792 balls in straight pool on two tables. Then the wonder dog ran 300, AMAZING!!!!!
 
Tennesseejoe said:
If a person is considered deranged and has a warped mind---to me this is a sign on mental ilness. How can this be funny?

We should hope that our golden years are more pleasant.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately you will find out that the "Golden Years" are only golden for your doctors.
 
Update

Update:
Fast Larry is really upset that people around the world are laughing at his expense and he has decided to sue everyone.

He wants to sue Tom for posting this here, AZB for allowing it to be posted here, me...for RE-posting it in RSB, all 726 people that 'viewed' it here (including their family, friends, neighbors, gardners, maids, butlers and people that they've told or e-mailed), everyone at the Derby City Classic and anyone that THEY may have told or e-mailed.

This lawsuit will Not be confined to the U.S.A., but will include people and countries around the world that may have read it and laughed and published it in another language.

The Wonder Dog is so embarrassed to be affiliated with FL that he is no longer speaking to FL and not only refuses to work, but will not be seen in public with his idiot owner.

FL has said that he will drop the lawsuit if Tom Gearhart apologizes publicly and pay him damages in the amount of $2.86

Doug
( don't do it Tom.... but to be humane, we really should get a disguise for the Dog to wear in public.... maybe a pair of those glasses with the big nose and the bushy moustache)
 
Smorgass Bored said:
Update:
Fast Larry is really upset that people around the world are laughing at his expense and he has decided to sue everyone.
Click to expand...

I should sue that son-of-a-gun for all the time I wasted reading his posts, hoping that he would finally say something sensible.

May he find peace some day.
 
Smorgass Bored said:
Update:
Fast Larry is really upset that people around the world are laughing at his expense and he has decided to sue everyone.


As I posted in RSB earlier today, I am astounded and find it hard to get my mind wrapped around the fact that Larry is and can be offended by this humorous story making its rounds through this year's Derby City Classic. And, even more astounding is that this is coming from one who fills page after page, rant after rant with his vicious hate filled racism, slander and untruths day after day, night after night, day in and year out under his own name and under dozens of made up personalities. When one spews forth the ravings of a demented fool, one should not expect respect and honor but rather suffer the laughter of the pitied.

As you said so aptly in another post, Doug, and I also now take it as mine....I apologize to no one for repeating this humorous story....except the dog!.
Click to expand...
 
LOL (and feeling sorry for the dog)

Dead Money said:
I heard the dog gives Fast Larry the 6 out:eek:
Click to expand...


And plays with one paw... and has never lost a game to FL.
Doug
( and is higher ranked than Liar Larry )
 
Good Luck "Wonder Dog"

FL's 'Wonder Dog' (they call him that because he wonders why he's stuck with such a pitiful owner) has packed up all his chewy toys and is looking for a new home with a REAL poolplayer (player must be SANE and not own a computer)...
Doug
 
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