Part I
My family and I don’t post much. We spend much more of our free time at pool halls (where we don’t have online access) than we spend on the computer at home, and besides, we tend to be private people. The story I’m about to tell is more personal than we usually share and long to boot, but please bear with me as it needs to be told.
Why does it need to be told? Well, it’s not that my husband and I wasted our money and time and were grossly disrespected in the process of trying to attend the final of a tour we’ve followed for two years (since our son took up the sport). Although that is in fact what happened, and it shouldn’t have, we’re adults, and we’ve had worse – although thankfully not from anyone else in the pool community!
No, it’s not that. It’s what happened to our son. It’s what I saw on his face as a result of the way he was received when he entered the venue. No junior player in our sport – or any sport - should ever be embarrassed and humiliated the way our son was last Saturday. He went in looking forward to watching and supporting his favorite local players, and instead was treated as if he had peed on the carpet. He kept his head up admirably and walked out without a word, but he was completely crushed and on the verge of tears. That is, to put it as mildly as possible, absolutely unacceptable.
No child should experience that, and no mother would let that pass without comment. That is one small reason I’m writing. Another small reason is that when there are issues within a community, the members of that community have a legitimate interest in knowing what happened simply because they are fellow community members.
That’s two little reasons why the story needs to be told. But it’s the third reason that’s the biggie, and it is this: I’m speaking here about negative treatment of a junior player. That should concern anyone with an interest in the future of the sport – which hopefully is anyone who plays it seriously – whether or not you’re personally involved with juniors specifically.
Here’s why: In a sport like pool, which struggles in terms of both finances and image, junior players are a very important resource and part of the community. If we don’t attract juniors and give them positive experiences, they won’t play the sport, the finances will further suffer, and the sport will further erode. Secondly, if we don’t make a positive and welcoming place for young people within the community, we can’t represent the sport as family friendly, and the sport overall will continue to have the negative image problems of association in the mind of the general public with gambling, drinking, drugs and worse. Again, this will negatively affect opportunities to play the sport. In the end the losers will be those who love the sport. That’s me and my family, and if you’re reading this, it’s probably you too.
Many people have spoken to my family and I about the importance of attracting and keeping juniors, seeing that our son has a serious interest in playing. They have been glad to see it, have talked of their own desire to encourage juniors, and have encouraged our son.
Anyone who shares such sentiments and sees their wisdom should take note of what happened Saturday to one of the NYC area’s active junior players.
That covers why I’m talking, and why you should care. Now I’ll move on to who we are, and exactly what happened.
The three of us first walked into a local hall together a little over two years ago, played a little bit, and found that we really enjoyed the sport and the local community. Our son was 10 at the time. We found ourselves going back to play together, then looking for more and more outlets for our new interest. First my husband then my son started playing the weekly handicapped tournament at the local hall, then we joined the APA – TAP for the boy, since there’s no local junior APA - went to our first Valley Forge Expo (2005), and started following the Blaze Tour (it had another name back then which I don’t recall at the moment), which visited our local hall, Rockaway Billiards in Rockaway, NJ.
Watching two of our young friends, also from Rockaway Billiards, play in the junior divisions at the Expo in 2005 really got our son interested in getting involved (although they are both a little older than he is). He had been playing for four or five months at the time, but by the next year he was ready to play in his first Expo, and is planning to play again this year. In the meantime he’s continued to take advantage of the local leagues (most improved TAP player his first year), plays in the local handipcapped tournaments (several wins and shows, even now that he’s progressed to giving weight to older players), and although at this stage it’s just for practice we’ve entered him several times in smaller senior open 9-ball events (he gets games of course, and has taken a match here and there, to the delight of the regulars). And of course we’ve taken him to innumerable local tour stops so that he can watch fine playing in person and he can meet the players.
We’re lucky to live in an area where we have several high quality halls that host stops on various tours regularly, and our son has had the opportunity to watch and meet just about all of the best players in the area. The tour we’ve followed most frequently over the two years he’s been playing has been the Blaze tour, since it stops at three different halls that are all within a short distance of us (including our home hall), plus a couple others we can get to with a little effort. Many of the regulars on that tour know our son on sight and enjoy seeing him at the stops. Many of them, including a number of professional players, have taken the time to spend a few minutes with him encouraging his interest and giving him tips. The players on the Blaze tour are mostly great people and have been very good to our son, for which my husband and I are thankful.
It was also at the Blaze tour that we met another young gentleman player who has become a favorite practice competitor of our son’s. The boys met at Castle Billiards in the summer of 2005, and ran into each other regularly on various stops throughout 2005 and 2006, and at last year’s Expo. Since the boys enjoyed playing together so much at those times, our family went and stayed near him and his family for a weekend recently so the kids could have practice time at their local hall. We’re hoping to return his family’s hospitality by having them stay with us soon and check out Rockaway. It’s been nice for the boys to have a contemporary around the same age and level. We always look forward to seeing this young man and his father – a Blaze tour player – and were looking forward to seeing them this past weekend in addition to our anticipation of enjoying the finals of the tour.
It was also at a Blaze tour stop that we first met Ernie, the proprietor of Atlantic City Billiards. I gather from his actions this weekend that he doesn’t remember having met us, or what transpired when he did. However, we did indeed meet him at PrimeTime Billiards at a Blaze tour stop in 2005. He was watching our son play – ironically, I believe the two boys were playing together on that occasion - and struck up a conversation with me and my husband. He told us that he had opened or was opening a place in Atlantic City, and was looking at the Blaze tour with an eye to being a tour stop host. We thought that would be kind of cool, and we’d probably like to check that out since it’s close enough for a weekend trip, and it would be fun to visit Atlantic City. Since we had been following the tour for a while, we of course knew the tournament director, Jose. We told Ernie we’d introduce him to Jose and wished him luck negotiating. Ernie told us he’d love to see us come down to his place – “bring your son, any time.”
We didn’t think much about Ernie or that conversation again until we saw on the Blaze schedule the following year that Atlantic City Billiards was indeed hosting stops. We thought that was great. It’s a bit over 2 hours one way from us, so we knew if we went to a stop there we’d stay over. That’s not normally feasible with our schedule and finances, but when we saw that the 2 day Blaze final was going to be there, we planned to go. We were really looking forward to seeing the finals, maybe taking a few minutes to go into AC, and checking out Ernie’s place since we’d never been there and had talked with him that time and introduced him to Jose. It was all good, and we were happy and excited making our preparations and driving down.
It took us just over two hours to drive down, and we checked into a hotel nearby. When we were ready, we grabbed our cues and headed over to the hall, same as we’ve done every other one of the few dozen times we’ve been to a Blaze tour stop.
This one was different. We walked into the hall, looked around to get our bearings, and saw lots of familiar faces. We had been inside maybe 90 seconds, had exchanged greetings with a few people, and were standing talking with a couple friends from our local hall who were having lunch, when Ernie came over and without any preamble said to my husband and me regarding our son, in an extremely offensive and condescending tone, “I’ve already told several people and I’m telling you - he can’t be in here. I’ll give you five minutes and then you have to get him out of here.”
To be clear, he did not take us aside, he did not initiate any kind of discussion regarding who we might be or how we got there, he did not offer any kind of apology for any misunderstanding, and he spoke to us in a tone that was indescribably supercilious and arrogant. He spoke about my son apparently without any idea who he was, and within his hearing, as if my son’s very presence were offensive to his sensibilities.
My 12 year old son is far from stupid. He heard what was said and he was very much aware that this person just publicly negated, in front of numerous people he looks up to, the legitimacy of his participation in the sport, and in fact treated him as if he were somehow socially unacceptable. He didn’t say a word. He turned around and walked out, and stood in the freezing wind outside on the sidewalk, waiting. I’m proud of the way he held it together – but I saw his eyes, I saw his face, and I know what he felt - and it is NOT ok to do that to a 12 year old.
Right there, without discussing the merits of the policy at the root of it (we were subsequently told that nobody under 16 is allowed in Atlantic City Billiards), the fact that that policy was arbitrarily enforced, or the lack of that policy being communicated in any manner beforehand – all of which I will get to - Ernie’s handling of his communication with my husband and myself was completely unacceptable and its consequences for my son are a BIG problem.
But wait - it just gets worse.
(continued in Part II…)
My family and I don’t post much. We spend much more of our free time at pool halls (where we don’t have online access) than we spend on the computer at home, and besides, we tend to be private people. The story I’m about to tell is more personal than we usually share and long to boot, but please bear with me as it needs to be told.
Why does it need to be told? Well, it’s not that my husband and I wasted our money and time and were grossly disrespected in the process of trying to attend the final of a tour we’ve followed for two years (since our son took up the sport). Although that is in fact what happened, and it shouldn’t have, we’re adults, and we’ve had worse – although thankfully not from anyone else in the pool community!
No, it’s not that. It’s what happened to our son. It’s what I saw on his face as a result of the way he was received when he entered the venue. No junior player in our sport – or any sport - should ever be embarrassed and humiliated the way our son was last Saturday. He went in looking forward to watching and supporting his favorite local players, and instead was treated as if he had peed on the carpet. He kept his head up admirably and walked out without a word, but he was completely crushed and on the verge of tears. That is, to put it as mildly as possible, absolutely unacceptable.
No child should experience that, and no mother would let that pass without comment. That is one small reason I’m writing. Another small reason is that when there are issues within a community, the members of that community have a legitimate interest in knowing what happened simply because they are fellow community members.
That’s two little reasons why the story needs to be told. But it’s the third reason that’s the biggie, and it is this: I’m speaking here about negative treatment of a junior player. That should concern anyone with an interest in the future of the sport – which hopefully is anyone who plays it seriously – whether or not you’re personally involved with juniors specifically.
Here’s why: In a sport like pool, which struggles in terms of both finances and image, junior players are a very important resource and part of the community. If we don’t attract juniors and give them positive experiences, they won’t play the sport, the finances will further suffer, and the sport will further erode. Secondly, if we don’t make a positive and welcoming place for young people within the community, we can’t represent the sport as family friendly, and the sport overall will continue to have the negative image problems of association in the mind of the general public with gambling, drinking, drugs and worse. Again, this will negatively affect opportunities to play the sport. In the end the losers will be those who love the sport. That’s me and my family, and if you’re reading this, it’s probably you too.
Many people have spoken to my family and I about the importance of attracting and keeping juniors, seeing that our son has a serious interest in playing. They have been glad to see it, have talked of their own desire to encourage juniors, and have encouraged our son.
Anyone who shares such sentiments and sees their wisdom should take note of what happened Saturday to one of the NYC area’s active junior players.
That covers why I’m talking, and why you should care. Now I’ll move on to who we are, and exactly what happened.
The three of us first walked into a local hall together a little over two years ago, played a little bit, and found that we really enjoyed the sport and the local community. Our son was 10 at the time. We found ourselves going back to play together, then looking for more and more outlets for our new interest. First my husband then my son started playing the weekly handicapped tournament at the local hall, then we joined the APA – TAP for the boy, since there’s no local junior APA - went to our first Valley Forge Expo (2005), and started following the Blaze Tour (it had another name back then which I don’t recall at the moment), which visited our local hall, Rockaway Billiards in Rockaway, NJ.
Watching two of our young friends, also from Rockaway Billiards, play in the junior divisions at the Expo in 2005 really got our son interested in getting involved (although they are both a little older than he is). He had been playing for four or five months at the time, but by the next year he was ready to play in his first Expo, and is planning to play again this year. In the meantime he’s continued to take advantage of the local leagues (most improved TAP player his first year), plays in the local handipcapped tournaments (several wins and shows, even now that he’s progressed to giving weight to older players), and although at this stage it’s just for practice we’ve entered him several times in smaller senior open 9-ball events (he gets games of course, and has taken a match here and there, to the delight of the regulars). And of course we’ve taken him to innumerable local tour stops so that he can watch fine playing in person and he can meet the players.
We’re lucky to live in an area where we have several high quality halls that host stops on various tours regularly, and our son has had the opportunity to watch and meet just about all of the best players in the area. The tour we’ve followed most frequently over the two years he’s been playing has been the Blaze tour, since it stops at three different halls that are all within a short distance of us (including our home hall), plus a couple others we can get to with a little effort. Many of the regulars on that tour know our son on sight and enjoy seeing him at the stops. Many of them, including a number of professional players, have taken the time to spend a few minutes with him encouraging his interest and giving him tips. The players on the Blaze tour are mostly great people and have been very good to our son, for which my husband and I are thankful.
It was also at the Blaze tour that we met another young gentleman player who has become a favorite practice competitor of our son’s. The boys met at Castle Billiards in the summer of 2005, and ran into each other regularly on various stops throughout 2005 and 2006, and at last year’s Expo. Since the boys enjoyed playing together so much at those times, our family went and stayed near him and his family for a weekend recently so the kids could have practice time at their local hall. We’re hoping to return his family’s hospitality by having them stay with us soon and check out Rockaway. It’s been nice for the boys to have a contemporary around the same age and level. We always look forward to seeing this young man and his father – a Blaze tour player – and were looking forward to seeing them this past weekend in addition to our anticipation of enjoying the finals of the tour.
It was also at a Blaze tour stop that we first met Ernie, the proprietor of Atlantic City Billiards. I gather from his actions this weekend that he doesn’t remember having met us, or what transpired when he did. However, we did indeed meet him at PrimeTime Billiards at a Blaze tour stop in 2005. He was watching our son play – ironically, I believe the two boys were playing together on that occasion - and struck up a conversation with me and my husband. He told us that he had opened or was opening a place in Atlantic City, and was looking at the Blaze tour with an eye to being a tour stop host. We thought that would be kind of cool, and we’d probably like to check that out since it’s close enough for a weekend trip, and it would be fun to visit Atlantic City. Since we had been following the tour for a while, we of course knew the tournament director, Jose. We told Ernie we’d introduce him to Jose and wished him luck negotiating. Ernie told us he’d love to see us come down to his place – “bring your son, any time.”
We didn’t think much about Ernie or that conversation again until we saw on the Blaze schedule the following year that Atlantic City Billiards was indeed hosting stops. We thought that was great. It’s a bit over 2 hours one way from us, so we knew if we went to a stop there we’d stay over. That’s not normally feasible with our schedule and finances, but when we saw that the 2 day Blaze final was going to be there, we planned to go. We were really looking forward to seeing the finals, maybe taking a few minutes to go into AC, and checking out Ernie’s place since we’d never been there and had talked with him that time and introduced him to Jose. It was all good, and we were happy and excited making our preparations and driving down.
It took us just over two hours to drive down, and we checked into a hotel nearby. When we were ready, we grabbed our cues and headed over to the hall, same as we’ve done every other one of the few dozen times we’ve been to a Blaze tour stop.
This one was different. We walked into the hall, looked around to get our bearings, and saw lots of familiar faces. We had been inside maybe 90 seconds, had exchanged greetings with a few people, and were standing talking with a couple friends from our local hall who were having lunch, when Ernie came over and without any preamble said to my husband and me regarding our son, in an extremely offensive and condescending tone, “I’ve already told several people and I’m telling you - he can’t be in here. I’ll give you five minutes and then you have to get him out of here.”
To be clear, he did not take us aside, he did not initiate any kind of discussion regarding who we might be or how we got there, he did not offer any kind of apology for any misunderstanding, and he spoke to us in a tone that was indescribably supercilious and arrogant. He spoke about my son apparently without any idea who he was, and within his hearing, as if my son’s very presence were offensive to his sensibilities.
My 12 year old son is far from stupid. He heard what was said and he was very much aware that this person just publicly negated, in front of numerous people he looks up to, the legitimacy of his participation in the sport, and in fact treated him as if he were somehow socially unacceptable. He didn’t say a word. He turned around and walked out, and stood in the freezing wind outside on the sidewalk, waiting. I’m proud of the way he held it together – but I saw his eyes, I saw his face, and I know what he felt - and it is NOT ok to do that to a 12 year old.
Right there, without discussing the merits of the policy at the root of it (we were subsequently told that nobody under 16 is allowed in Atlantic City Billiards), the fact that that policy was arbitrarily enforced, or the lack of that policy being communicated in any manner beforehand – all of which I will get to - Ernie’s handling of his communication with my husband and myself was completely unacceptable and its consequences for my son are a BIG problem.
But wait - it just gets worse.
(continued in Part II…)
