View Full Version : one liners

04-18-2003, 07:50 AM
this was told to me the other day, just thought I'd share.

" I play pool just like I have sex,everything in but the balls!"

04-18-2003, 12:40 PM
Best quote I ever heard was from Buddy Hall who someone complimented once on his cue ball control. He responded that it should do what he wants it to do, he raised it from just a marble.


04-18-2003, 02:16 PM
I have only been playing seriosly for 8 months, so have not been around long enough to know the kool pool sayings. I do know one I heard from my karate instructor that to me seems like it would apply to pool, also.

"Practice doesn't make perfect, Perfect practice makes perfect"


04-18-2003, 02:37 PM
"A pool player in a tuxedo??? That's like puttin' whipped cream on a hot dog!" - Luther Lassiter

"I'd have beat him fairly if he'd have played fairly - I had no problem stooping to his level, and the fact that he lost and I won proves who the worst SOB is." Dirty Danny Jones after beating Minnesota Fats.

and one of my personal favorites:
"I finally beat that S.O.B.!!!" - Cowboy Jimmy Moore after defeating Keith McCready at the 1st Annual Huebler Cup in Las Vegas, June 1988 (and yes, Keith, at the age of 78, he jumped up and kicked the heels of his boots together)

04-18-2003, 06:13 PM
Over heard this one night at the pool room from a few old guys one of the guys was sitting in his chair watching the guy he was playing ( forgot the guys name) run 5 racks and finally come up dry on the break on rack 6 ( race to 9)

Old guy gets out of his chair and says

" Can I buy you a beer and clean your glasses? "
the guy says back " No I dont drink , and my glasses are just fine"

Old guy says " Okay I just wanted you to be able to see cause its your turn to watch"

And heres one I use when I am down huge in a set

" You have 2 choices I can either start to play or you can just forfiet the set. and if you give up I'll let you tell everyone you got to the hill"

04-18-2003, 06:34 PM
Bobby Earl (Squirl) getting run over by a guy named Jimmy who was running with Scotty Townsend. It was at the Rack tourny in Memphis about 4 yrs ago. Jimmy kept beating Bobby and kept giving him more and more weight.

Jimmy, "Do you wanna play again?"

Bobby, "I don't know. What do I need? talking about the spot.

Jimmy, " I'll tell you what you need. You need to hang that there pole on the wall and go back to school."

Pop And Slop
04-18-2003, 06:59 PM
You wanna play me? Good, I was just looking for a rack*****.


04-18-2003, 10:50 PM
"If you try and fail, the lesson is never try at all" Homer Simpson:D lol......this one cracked me up.

Keith Legros
04-19-2003, 12:25 AM
"Must Be Fall"..............The Balls Are Dropping Like Leaves!!

"Downtown".....(when calling a "long" shot to the corner)

"I can hit it" "I am just deciding if I want to make it or hook you back" (taking a little time when hooked)

"I can't remember the last time I lost to you" (when using this pretend that you just have a real bad memory!)

Call The Cops.........I've Been Robbed!

Call The Fire Department..........Someone's On Fire!

"Anyone could have made that in the side" (when playing flukes and you shoot for the side at make it in the corner)

(When your opponet has missed and leaves you "accidental" shape on your key ball)........."I was wondering how I was going to get shape on that ball!!!"

Or..........."I was wondering how I was going to break those out!"

Just Because.............

This "out of town guy walks into the pool hall and asks if anyone

wants to gamble on the snooker table........a local guy agrees to

$20.00 a game...........

The "out of towner" breaks and runs 107..........the local guy pays

and agrees to another game..........This time the "out of towner"

breaks and runs 112..............again the local guy

pays..........."another?' ...........says the "out of

towner".........OK.............says the local guy................but you

have to spot me...........the "out of towner" says........."Spot

You?"........."I haven't even seen you shoot!"

Mike T.
04-19-2003, 08:32 AM
Omaha Fats to Minnesota Fats after Minnesota had just told him he played pool with Zsa Zsa Gabor that day:

Well, I don't know who the man is.... but if you played him, you had the nuts!

04-19-2003, 08:57 AM
Bucktooth when he's winning, "I'm putting you on the Redeye Express with a one-way ticket to Omaha Nebraska, and you aint comin' back!"

He tells Alex Pagulian, "I'm just an old man, I have half a heart and I can't see. I'll tell you what, why don't we play and you have to wear my glasses."

Alex' response, "Okay but you have to play naked and if anyone laughs, you lose!" This busted Bucktooth up and he replied, "Now that's a good one Kid, I gotta remember that one!"

04-19-2003, 03:34 PM
This one isn't funny, but it's a great quote from a great player!

"Nothing great has ever been achieved without enthusiasm" - World Champion Ralf Souquet

04-19-2003, 11:59 PM
grady mathews on trick shots: If it dont come up in game I dont wont to see it

04-21-2003, 09:19 AM
Sometimes you’re the windshield … and sometimes you’re the bug.


04-21-2003, 08:05 PM
My theory: Your only as good as you play on your worst day.

04-23-2003, 06:55 PM
I know why you missed that shot. There was no pocket there.

05-05-2003, 09:55 AM
"Don't feel bad about missing. There's a lot more rail than there is pocket."

05-05-2003, 11:25 AM
I liked it when I heard a friend of mine trying to get someone down one night. He said:

"You want to play some cheap 9ball??" and the guy said no thanks. My friend quickly replied: "Ok, Do you want to play some expensive 9ball?"

It sounded cocky as hell!

Oh, and yes, the guy did say ok, explaining that it was because my friend made him laugh that he said yes. The guy lost, but he had fun doing it.

and Yes, Vaughn Lucas was his name. (for those who know me and wonder who Im talking about.)


05-05-2003, 02:06 PM
Scotty Townsend after racking for Archer for the 4th time in a row without having a shot comes over to the rail and says, "this guy is taking this game seriously". At the Predator Cup last year. And then Scotty ran the next 3 racks, but lost the set. Jake

05-06-2003, 01:11 PM
Its a dog eat dog world, and today, im wearing milkbone underwear!

Some guys want it, and i get to flaunt it!

Dont sing it..... bring it.

"stupid is as stupid does" by forest gump