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BooBoo
07-03-2006, 07:09 AM
For example-
"His bark is worse than his bite".-Mike Sigel
"Speak softly, but carry a big stick".-Efren Reyes
"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".-Earl Strickland
Any others come to mind? Would Like to hear them.

1pRoscoe
07-03-2006, 07:10 AM
"I'd take a deal of them crawfish and drill that ol' devil in the ass." - 1pRoscoe

mnorwood
07-03-2006, 07:59 AM
If your nuts itch, scratch em.

Black-Balled
07-03-2006, 08:00 AM
If you're scared, just say so.

breakup
07-03-2006, 08:01 AM
Sometimes you have to feed the fish.

AZE
07-03-2006, 08:01 AM
"If they start paying for nap taking, wake me up.. I'm the nuts!" I forget the name, but it's from a user here.. I saw that and started dying.. it was in the RockPaperScissor thread.. he had a funny avatar too.

JAM
07-03-2006, 08:10 AM
Player A makes a triple-rail bank shot for the win. He looks over to Player A, sitting in the chair, and says, "Don't worry none. It'll only hurt for a lil bit."

Player B is running out for the win and then scratches on the money ball. Player A jumps out of his chair, "Man overboard."

Player B misses a relatively easy shot. Player A advances to the table and states: "Watch out, Colonel. Here come the troops."

Player A is running out from everywhere, as Player B stays benched in disgust. Player A glances over at Player B mid-stroke and says, "It's like a nightmare, isn't it? It just keeps getting worse and worse." :D

Player A is missing everything, hitting the rails instead of the pockets. Player B is on the hill, running out brilliantly with every shot. The score 11-zip. Player A finally wins his first game, glances over to Player B as he's racking the balls and says, "Are you getting scared yet?"

Player A can't seem to win a game against Player B. Player B is on fire, winning every game. Player A eventually wins a game and gets on the scoreboard and states, "Well, I beat the line. I got one."

JAM

chefjeff
07-03-2006, 08:11 AM
"Man must sit with mouth open for long time before roast duck fly in." ----According to Fortune mag, an old Chinese saying.

Jeff Livingston

Williebetmore
07-03-2006, 08:27 AM
"Penny wise, pound foolish" - breakup.

"A fool and his money are soon parted" - WBM's view of breakup.

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Harrah's view of breakup matching up with WBM.

"You can't teach common sense" - explanation by one of breakup's third grade teachers.

Grady
07-03-2006, 08:36 AM
"All trappers don't wear fur caps", meaning you may have a player's speed misjudged.
"He's ate up with pool sense", said once of Johnny Archer.
"Terrible removal shot", said by Jersey Red when he would move multiple balls from a pocket.

Sore_Aintya
07-03-2006, 08:40 AM
"It was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway"-Me in reference of my ex wife.
"I'm all for gay marriage..as long as both chicks are hot!"-Me to Scruggsinhand last night, referring to the "make out session" of two girls in last Tuesdays league.:D

Andrew Manning
07-03-2006, 08:42 AM
"Man must sit with mouth open for long time before roast duck fly in." ----According to Fortune mag, an old Chinese saying.

Jeff Livingston

I like that one.

My girlfriend's dad got me good with this one: I broke a rack of 9-ball, made a ball, but ended up with two or three major problems and it was obvious to both of us that this wouldn't be a break-and-run. So while I'm looking at the one-ball deciding what to do, he remarks loudly "Aw hell, Ray Charles could get out from there!", and as I start to get down on the shot, chuckling at his sarcastic remark, he mutters under his breath "man, I wish I had his game."

Looking at it in print, it doesn't seem to have the same effect, but it made me laugh out loud while stroking and consequently miss the shot. I'd have accused him of sharking if we'd been keeping score.

-Andrew

JoeyA
07-03-2006, 08:42 AM
LOUISIANA SAYINGS:

Player B tired of player A demanding and begging for a spot, says,

"Belly-up to the table like a man" - JoeyA :-)

Notorious pool sharker/cheater "Tenneco", while missing the intended object ball by a very slight margin, jumps all over his opponent when his opponent calls a foul for missing the object ball, cries loudly, "MAN, I FANNED THE MOTHER FXXXXX, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?", usually winning the argument.

Upon winning the final game in the hard won, big money-ahead set, Player
B shouts, "Where's the fat lady, is she warming up yet?"

"I've still got one more air barrel left". From a player who always gets at least one air barrel from his opponents.

Did you see the hair on that bank roll?

You wouldn't bet that a fat baby could make a skinny baby cry.- JoeyA

A play off of, "You wouldn't bet a big dog could whip a little dog." AU

"Don't crayfish (pronounced CRAW-FISH) on me." AU
Crayfish when scared move backwards when confronted by just about anything except a dead fish.

"Paul Laplace hadn't won a tournament in 30 years." (A pal justifying Paul's handicap in a fantastic win of 1400 jelly beans in a severely handicapped tournament where he was a three). (Happened yesterday)

Towards the end of the tournament "Painter" a four, complaining about David Walters being a 4: MAN, THERE'S NO WAY THAT GUY SHOULD BE A FOUR. Joey, you really screwed things up with this guy, he should be a 5 like they had him originally handicapped at. (I found out after the tournament that Painter had knocked David into the loser's bracket early on in the tournament.) Ain't that nice?

JoeyA

JAM
07-03-2006, 08:44 AM
"Putting pool players in tuxedos is like putting whipped cream on a hot dog." - [unknown player]

JAM

JAM
07-03-2006, 08:46 AM
Shannon Daulton at the 2003 Derby City Classic standing in a crowd of about 100-plus spectators, players, and railbirds states, "Let's everybody post up $1,000, and then we'll see who the best 9-ball player in the land is."

[Moment of silence.]

"It's so dag on quiet in here, you can hear a field mouse peeing on a cotton ball," says Shannon.

JAM

pawnmon
07-03-2006, 08:47 AM
"You can't get snot off a suede jacket." (Lenny Bruce)

"Sometimes you're the windshield - sometimes you're the bug." (Unknown)

"I've been rich and I've been poor. Trust me - rich is better." (Kate Smith)

"I've really got to work on my lag." (A pool pro who was interviewed after he lost the lag, did the opening break (14.1), sat back down, and watched his opponent run 150 and out.)

"Too soon old - too late smart." (Old Amish saying)

"The older I get the less I seem to know." (Unknown)

"If you think education is expensive - try ignorance." (Unknown)

:D

Andrew Manning
07-03-2006, 08:57 AM
And of course there's the one I chose for my signature line:

"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken."

I've seen it attributed to Mark Twain, but I think I remember reading that the source is in fact unkown. I've always liked it. Of course it should only be used tongue-in-cheek, and you'll come across as an ass to anyone who doesn't get the irony.

-Andrew

StraightPoolIU
07-03-2006, 09:32 AM
Alright if we're doing this I decided I had to break out my copy of McGoorty (i.e. endless supply of hilarious often filfthy quotes).
"...I was talking to a friend of mine about p***y, saying that at my age the only way you could keep a girlfriend was make sure you didn't break any fingers."-Dan McGoorty

branpureza
07-03-2006, 10:20 AM
"Putting pool players in tuxedos is like putting whipped cream on a hot dog." - [unknown player]

JAM

i always thought rudolf wanderone came up with that one...

BooBoo
07-03-2006, 10:50 AM
Good stuff so far, one more that I remembered,

Somedays your the dog, somedays your the hydrant".

Fast Lenny
07-03-2006, 11:06 AM
I was playing a really good player and getting out making key shots,an old timer says "We should take this kid on the road.",then i miss a fairly routine shot right after and he replies "We wont need much gas though." :)

billyjungle
07-03-2006, 11:32 AM
When asked how it was having sex at age 90. George Burns replied.It's like trying to shoot pool with a rope.




billy

RobertR
07-03-2006, 11:33 AM
Referring to nits or pockets: "Tighter than a 12 year old girl"

Snap9
07-03-2006, 11:33 AM
"When the waitress comes by ask her for roll of pennies, you're going to need it."


Watching a ONE POCKET MATCH. Player A scratches into the pocket and starts whining about posting his 3rd penny on the rail. Player B states "When the waitress comes by ask her for roll of pennies, you're going to need it." It was bold enough of a statement to make me die laughing for atleast an hour. Regardless, Player B won the match 8 to minus 5. I am still laughing.

StraightPoolIU
07-03-2006, 12:05 PM
Dan McGoorty: "I look up at him and say, 'Just a strain, huh, doc?"
Doctor: "Yeah, just a strain commonly known as gonorrhea. Got any money?"

thepavlos
07-03-2006, 12:17 PM
I don't know if my father made them up or they are from other sources but:

My tagline
"make up your mind and do what I tell you" told to me when I was "thinking too much"

"I'm going into a deep pocket with a short hand" when I'd ask for money

dacue
07-03-2006, 12:26 PM
"Can't never could do Nothin"
My dad would always tell this when, I would say I could'nt do something.
dacue

Black-Balled
07-03-2006, 12:28 PM
I can't believe nobody has used (I know you all have used it!):
I haven't been playing much lately.

sixpack
07-03-2006, 12:37 PM
For example-
"His bark is worse than his bite".-Mike Sigel
"Speak softly, but carry a big stick".-Efren Reyes
"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".-Earl Strickland
Any others come to mind? Would Like to hear them.

Buddy of mine played a guy for several hours and beat him silly, he finally told the guy it was late and he had to go. The guy says "aren't you going to give me a chance to win my money back?" My buddy: "What? You want me to wait here until you learn to shoot pool?"

One time a guy asked me who my next match was, after I told him it was Warren, a top player in our area, he was struggling to be encouraging, so he said "That should be a good match." I replied : "Not if you're a Warren Fan"

The I went out and smoked Warren. I don't think he won any games.

Cheers,
RC

eales
07-03-2006, 01:08 PM
"If you are discouraged it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers. Never bother about other people's opinions. Be humble and you will never be disturbed. Remember St. Aloysius, who said he would continue to play billiards even if he knew he was going to to die. Do you play well? Sleep well? Eat well? These are duties. Nothing is small for God." - Mother Theresa

Jim Eales

highrun55
07-03-2006, 01:08 PM
"Putting pool players in tuxedos is like putting whipped cream on a hot dog." - [unknown player]


i always thought rudolf wanderone came up with that one...

I believe that was one of Wimpys lines

Ken_4fun
07-03-2006, 01:32 PM
Hard to hit but easy to make - Ball was near a pocket, but cue ball was snookered. Sounds crazy but it was true.

Its not the arrow but the Indian. - JR Calvert after a miscue. We offered him an out, but he took the blame.

He hates money - Top local player here. Great player but gives away the world for no reason. I used to back him but pride insists he gets into games that he cannot win.

He trades games where he cannot loose for those he cannot win - Mine! About the same player above. (LIFE AS A BACKER!!!)

More later

Ken

renard
07-03-2006, 01:43 PM
i always thought rudolf wanderone came up with that one...

I agree, In the book, Hustler Days they attribute that one to him.

cubswin
07-03-2006, 02:12 PM
Ain't it a b i t c h when the rabbit has the gun.....


"Crazy as a shit house mouse"....crazy hillbilly named Kat likes that one in a middle of a set for some reason

Wish I could think of the things Kat says because they are hilarious.

Tennesseejoe
07-03-2006, 04:08 PM
"College doesn't necessarily make a fool of a man---but sometimes it sure helps." Grandma Tennessee Joe

chefjohnb
07-03-2006, 08:00 PM
After a bad shot- "that's a good shot....if you don't like money"
or after trying to kick at a ball after the break and missing-- "Is it too late to say "push""??

StraightPoolIU
07-03-2006, 08:28 PM
"You itch? Then why'd you scratch?"

RobertR
07-03-2006, 08:36 PM
Oh, and this one, similar to some others....

Sitting next to Lou Butera watching my buddy play in the last IPT qualifier in Vegas. His opponent plays his 8-ball pattern bass-ackwards and has his last ball with a tough cut or a cross-over bank, he banks it, misses. I ask Lou, "would you have shot it that way?"...

Lou's reply: "Sure, if I hate my stakehorse".

STANTON
07-03-2006, 08:49 PM
"if God Didn't Want Them Sheared He Wouldn't Made Them Sheep."

"why Are There More Horses Asses Than There Are Horses"

"if A Stranger Walks Up To You And Says He'll Bet That He Can Make A One=eyed Jack Jump Out Of A Pack Of Cigarettes And Spit In Your Ear, And You Take The Bet You Will Surely Wind Up With A Wet Ear".

justnum
07-03-2006, 08:51 PM
-to the sponsored player who complains

I guess they didnt sponsor you for your amazing ability to win.

GADawg
07-03-2006, 08:57 PM
Two from a long time ago

"If you can't shoot good, shoot hard" - anonymous

" I'm not the best in world, but until he gets here........" Glenwood Wills -Covington VA

sjm
07-04-2006, 06:33 AM
I'm gonna shoot that guy right between the eyes - Boston Shorty's way of telling you he expected to beat someone

The percentages don't always work - Irving Crane, after a high percentage shot doesn't work out despite solid execution.

Don't get married to your pattern - In 1978, this was Ray Martin's way of explaining that you must stand prepared to change your 14.1 pattern during the rack.

Just watching that guy shoot pool gets me out of stroke - by many

I shoot like a girl, damn good - Nine ball girl

sjm
07-04-2006, 06:37 AM
"A fool and his money are soon parted" - WBM's view of breakup.

This brings to mind one of my favorite non-pool quotes:

A fool and his money are soon elected - Will Rogers

ironman
07-04-2006, 06:40 AM
"Putting pool players in tuxedos is like putting whipped cream on a hot dog." - [unknown player]

JAMMinn. Fats!

ironman
07-04-2006, 06:50 AM
He ain't playing nobody, he's so broke he don't have birdseed for a cukoo clock.
He couldn't run out if you was to open every door in the building.
Oh no, My horse just threw a shoe.
Yep, he should go on the road, a gravel road.
It tkes him two hours to watch 60 minutes.

Floyd Myers from Denver Co. was one of the greatest sweaters of all time.

Scaramouche
07-04-2006, 12:51 PM
As you go through life you will encounter individuals who have no more respect for the truth than a tomcat has for a marriage licence.

ironman
07-04-2006, 01:00 PM
As you go through life you will encounter individuals who have no more respect for the truth than a tomcat has for a marriage licence. Good One!!!!!!!

RonsTheOne
07-04-2006, 01:06 PM
"that guy is so unlucky he could walk out in a shower of pu**y and get hit by a d*ck"

worriedbeef
07-04-2006, 04:21 PM
that's brilliant! hahaha

Hal
07-04-2006, 04:48 PM
Yo Mamma is so crosseyed that your father left her for seeing someone on the side.

shark3149
07-04-2006, 08:34 PM
"aint no fun when the rabbit's got the gun"

Opie
07-04-2006, 09:02 PM
Player A says "I need a spot, your a world beater."
Player B says" Yea, I gotta travel the world to find someone I can beat."

I also like the quote in DiLiberto's book.
"She's the best roll I ever got."

breakup
07-04-2006, 11:27 PM
"

"A fool and his money are soon parted" - WBM's view of breakup.


A fool and his money are soon partying.

(Williebetmore talking to himself while doing yard work)

Fuji-whopper
07-05-2006, 06:27 AM
Out of line? Fire the nine!!

When in doubt, sh!t out!!

Hal
07-06-2006, 11:59 AM
"If you are expecting a Tennis babe, you're going to be dissapointed. I'm a tennis player."

Maria Sharapova at age 15 before she won her first tournament.

Nostroke
07-06-2006, 12:03 PM
"If you are expecting a Tennis babe, you're going to be dissapointed. I'm a tennis player."

Maria Sharapova at age 15 before she won her first tournament.

Well whoever it was-they got both!

breakup
07-06-2006, 12:05 PM
You can shear a sheep many times but you can skin it only once.

RSB-Refugee
07-06-2006, 12:41 PM
After a player had scratched in the side pocket, "It's been there a hundred years!" - Buddy Hall

Tracy

NaClBandit
07-06-2006, 01:15 PM
Player A can't seem to win a game against Player B. Player B is on fire, winning every game. Player A eventually wins a game and gets on the scoreboard and states, "Well, I beat the line. I got one."

JAM

LOL - McCready after taking a game off Parica in the '03 (?) US Open.

They're obviously all Keither but I thought I'd share the context.

The Kiss
07-06-2006, 01:24 PM
" Don't let your alligator mouth over load your tad pole ass hole"

scottycoyote
07-06-2006, 01:31 PM
i went into a new room a few weeks ago while i was out of town and i hadnt sat down 2 minutes and a guy comes over and asks me to play for 5 or 10 a rack 9ball. Im thinking he must be a pretty strong player to jump on me blind......and he didnt play bad but after a couple games warming up i reeled off 4 or 5 games in a row on him, nothing spectacular just getting out, and he pulls up.
"I need weight"
"hey this only our 8th game, you cant be asking for weight already"
"i need the wild 7 and 8"
"i think youre stalling me"
then he said "hell son I aint gotta eat the whole pig to know its pork"
i had to laugh out loud at that one. We woofed a bit, i offered him weight if he would play for bigger stakes in a race to 5 or 7, but he "didnt like races".I stopped playing him and watched him work everybody else who came in, he wasnt a bad player but i could his real strength was matching up, pretty much a locksmith.

Chris
07-06-2006, 02:03 PM
"Putting pool players in tuxedos is like putting whipped cream on a hot dog." - [unknown player]

JAM

Minnesota Fats said something to that effect when preparing to play W. Mosconi on WWOS.

freddy the beard
07-07-2006, 03:20 AM
When I was playing, and might have gotten a good roll, a good open shot, or maybe a key miss by my opponent, my gamesmanship remark designed to upset the other guy was, "Now, that's what a mutherf***ah needs!" It was very effective, and I gladly will the move to the next generation.

the Beard

Taiko
07-07-2006, 05:54 AM
After beating a better player someone asked me,
"How did you beat him?"
"I Forrest Gumped my way through it."
The player overheard us and said,
"You give an indian an inch and he thinks he's a cowboy."
I turned back to my freind and said,
"Weight will stop a freight train."

coastydad
07-07-2006, 08:09 AM
A strong local one pocket player and I were discussing how to match up with a short stop from out of town. During the negotiations as to the proper weight that my player wanted he told me "I don't want to play a champion, I want to play a chumpion". I almost fell out of my chair!

shag_fu
07-07-2006, 08:48 AM
When referring to pockets or a close shot:
"Thats tighter than angel p***y!"

RickBrazil
07-07-2006, 09:20 AM
At the pollhall wen they ask me if i am married, I'd say that i'm married to POLL ! Got kids too, but once in a wile i'll get rid of one to buy another one,(with more inlays :D ).
"Marriage is like a submarine... ; even floats, but it was made to sink !" *(S.A.B.):rolleyes:

Joseph Ortega
07-07-2006, 09:34 AM
"watch out, theres a hole over there!" when cue ball is on its way to scratch

"he butchered another one!" when other player misses a cut

"he's human folks!" when his opponent finally misses

"that man cant play dead" tryin to lure another victim

Aaron_S
07-07-2006, 09:55 AM
"Don't worry about shape, just make the ball."
- Me, after hooking the living sh*t out of my scotch-doubles partner

"You play pool like old people f*ck!"
- Borrowed, I believe, from Full Metal Jacket

"I could beat you with one leg tied behind my back!"
- Unknown pool player

"I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to take two weeks off and then quit."
- Some (friendly) guy when asked for advice by a younger player

"I'm like Nolan f*cking Ryan with these things!"
- Bucktooth, holding a handfull of pool balls and threatening to use them

"I put the quietus (he pronounces it qui-ATE-us) on that mother f*cker!"
- Local player, after making a particularly difficult shot

And finally, this is one of my all-time favorites from Playing off the Rail. I don't have the book handy, so this may not be exact:
"The golden rule of pool is 'Do unto others before they run the table, kick you in the nuts, and take your bankroll.'"