Irish humor

Ralph Kramden said:

St. Patrick's day is near.... It's time for an Irish pool related story.

Sean was standing outside of O'Brians Pub, holding a bloody towel against his forehead.

Michael Malone was walking into the pub and saw Sean.. "What happened to you Sean?"
"I was enjoying a brew when a couple of 3x size women walked in & both ordered a beer."
.
I couldn't help but notice the accent in both of their voices" says Sean. "I was just curious.
Both those young heifers went to the pool table. One racked and the other grabbed a cue"

I said, "Are you two ladies from Ireland?"... "It's Wales you idiot" said the one with the cue.
Then I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two Whales from Ireland?" The ***** hit me with a cue.

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My dad always told me, "if you can't pick them up, don't pick them up."

Fortunately I get stronger as the night goes on.

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphys Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, I cant help but think, from listening to you, that youre from Ireland

The other bloke responds proudly, Yes, that I am!

The first one says, So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?

The other bloke answers, Im from Dublin, I am.

The first one responds, So am I!

Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?

The other bloke says, A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.

The first one says, Faith and its a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?

The other bloke answers, Well now, I went to St. Marys, of course.

The first one gets really excited and says, And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?

The other bloke answers, Well, now, lets see. I graduated in 1964.

The first one exclaims, The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Marys in 1964 my own self!

About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.

Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, Its going to be a long night tonight.

Vicky asks, Why do you say that, Brian?

The Murphy twins are drunk again.

What do you call an Irish man who keeps bouncing off of walls? Rick O’Shea.

Paddy says to Mary, “if you were stranded on a desert island who would you like most to be with you?” “My uncle Mick” replies Mary. “What’s so special about him?” asks Paddy. “He’s got a boat.”

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An Irishman walks out of a bar ..... hey, it could happen !

Dave

DaveK said:

An Irishman walks out of a bar ..... hey, it could happen !

Dave

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Nope...I aint goin' no where!

I met two gay Irishmen.

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick,

Here is my contribution to this thread.

Spike Milligan's Irish Astronaut.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esOiB_fanzI

So, I don't mind the Irish jokes so much, I find many of them humorous. I'm mostly Irish, and a dual US-Irish citizen.

But I have to ask, in today's hyper-sensitive environment, why is this O.K? What if, on the eve of Martin Luther King, Jr. day, someone started a thread of black jokes? Or on Cinco De Mayo, Mexican jokes. Or on other days Jew jokes, Muslim jokes, Polish jokes, and so on.

It seems to me that regardless of political correctness, the Irish and Catholics are always fair game.

Do you think I'd get banned for starting Jewish, black, and Mexican joke threads?

Paul McCartney tells a joke:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A85ipUgy5B4

All right then, a joke other than Irish. I'll pick on Texans.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.

Ralph Kramden said:

Anyways there's only 1 Swedish joke. The rest are true.
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That's funny. Thanks for your reply.

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