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mullyman
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04-20-2008, 04:09 AM

Q: How many pool players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five. 1 to screw it in and 4 to stand around and go "Pbbbth, I can do that."

MULLY


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04-20-2008, 04:51 AM

When you see a pool player with a police dog, it isn't for protection, it is to help him find his drugs.


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Good Humor Ice Cream Man
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Good Humor Ice Cream Man - 04-20-2008, 07:51 AM

Grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. "

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.


"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."


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What ?
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What ? - 04-20-2008, 07:56 AM

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman
and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and
discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to
go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed
to the river to his fishing boat and started out on
their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and
pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what
had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river.

He again asked the lady, 'Up or down ?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day.!

She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady, 'Up or down ?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confuse d the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
f*ck or drown.'

Ain't getten old grand

Tommyd1


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Last one-well maybe
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Tommyd1
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Last one-well maybe - 04-20-2008, 08:01 AM

Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top !!!!


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One more
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Tommyd1
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One more - 04-20-2008, 08:20 AM

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."


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Cuephoric
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04-22-2008, 12:12 AM

A couple were celebrating their 40th anniverary, and giving each other presents.
The Husband looks at his wife of all those years and says that all he wants for their Anniversary is to know what it is she keeps in the box locked up under their bed.
She looks at him and says I'll do anything but that.
But he persists....
She says that he might not like it if she did show him.
He still keeps it going until she finally gives in and they go to get the box from under the bed.
When she opens it, there is $4,974.85 laying in it, and 5 eggs.
He tells her that he can appreciate the money , but why lock up the eggs under their bed?
She says that each time she has cheated on him since they were married, she put an egg into the box.
Well, he sits back and thinks about it for a minute, and tells her that after being married to him for that long, if she only cheated on him that many times, he couldn't get mad at her.
But wanted to know where she got all of that money she had been saving up.
She told him that everytime she made it to a dozen eggs, she sold them for a nickel..........


"I bet you are some guy that cant play a #%$&* radio!!" - Donny Mills

"If you need weight, you don't need action, you need practice!"-Cuephoric

Great and beautiful cues may come and go, but ugly ones will keep showing up in your closet years after you thought they were gone........

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Cuephoric
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04-22-2008, 12:22 AM

It's vocabulary day in little Johnny's class, and the word for the day is "Beautiful". You have to use the word "beautiful twice in the same sentence. Little Johnny's hand shot right up! The teacher thinks to herself she's not in the mood for this, this early in the morning, so looks around the rooms and says "Susie, why don't you stand up and tell us your sentence." Susie stands up and says "it was a beautiful morning as I walked to my beautiful school."
Very good take your seat.
Johnny is sitting there waving his arm all over the place, dang near falling out of his chair....
"Billy, why don't you stand up and tell us your sentence?"
Well, yesterday I caught a beautiful fish in a beautiful stream."
"Good job!. Good job on the sentence, good job on the fish!, take your seat."
So it goes around the room, until finally only little Johnny is left.
She's thinking to herself, that even Johnny can't screw this one up, "Go ahead Johnny, you may tell us what you have."
"Well, Teach, it's like this.... Me, my mom,my dad, my brother, and my sister were sitting around the table having breakfast this morning, when my older sister came down and told us she was pregnant! And Dad said beautiful just f***ing beautiful!"


"I bet you are some guy that cant play a #%$&* radio!!" - Donny Mills

"If you need weight, you don't need action, you need practice!"-Cuephoric

Great and beautiful cues may come and go, but ugly ones will keep showing up in your closet years after you thought they were gone........

Playing cues- STEVE KLEIN, Bobby Hunter, James White Conversion, Abear
Case- Murnak, Predator,instroke

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Cuephoric
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04-22-2008, 12:26 AM

What do you call a poolplayer without a girlfriend?
Homeless!

Do you know what the difference is between a 6 month old puppy and a poolplayer?
After six months, the puppy will quit whining!

What do you call a basement full of poolplayers?
a whine-cellar!

thankthank you I'll be here all night.
ok-g'night-


"I bet you are some guy that cant play a #%$&* radio!!" - Donny Mills

"If you need weight, you don't need action, you need practice!"-Cuephoric

Great and beautiful cues may come and go, but ugly ones will keep showing up in your closet years after you thought they were gone........

Playing cues- STEVE KLEIN, Bobby Hunter, James White Conversion, Abear
Case- Murnak, Predator,instroke

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our_auctionguy
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04-22-2008, 01:20 AM

A male gay couple who had lived together for 10 years in San Francisco were discussing how the only thing they were missing in their relationship was raising their own child. Then one of them came up with the idea that they should look into the possibility of having a surrogate mother to carry a child for them and they both agreed that was the way to go. So, they soon placed an ad in the newspaper offering $50,000 plus expenses for someone to carry a child for them. After interviewing numerous women, they decided on one they both liked and she agreed to carry a baby for them.

When it came time to decide which one of them would provide the sperm for her insemination, the couple began to banter back and forth why each thought the other should have the priviledge to be the donor, when finally they came up with the idea that if they both donated and it was mixed up, neither would know who the real biological father was and they could both think of themselves as the biological dad. Happy with this plan, they carried it out and the young lady was successfully impregnated on the first visit.
As time went by they would take the young lady to the doctor for her pre-natal checkups and got more excited with each passing day that they would soon have their own child.

Nine months and 3 days after the insemination they received a phone call from the young lady "Guys, I have wonderful news. I gave birth to your new son a couple hours ago and would have called you sooner but I had to go through a c-section and just came back from recovery."
At the news, they jumped in the car and headed to the hospital. Upon arriving, they immediately went to the nursery viewing window and started looking at all the babies looking for their new son. When they spotted him by the name card on the infant basket, they noticed he was the only baby in the nursery that was smiling while all the rest were crying. They were so excited that they knocked on the glass and pointed out their son to the nursery nurse and she came to the door. When she came out to greet them, one of them told the nurse how they were the proud fathers of the little guy that was the really happy baby in the nursery. The nurse congratulated them and said "You know, he really is a happy baby now, not like he was his first hour in the nursery." The couple asked "Why, what was the problem?"

The nurse said " Damndest thing. He was really throwing a fit, louder than all the rest... until one of the nurses figured it out and took the pacifier out of his mouth and shoved in his butt. He shut right up and started smiling. He's been happy ever since."



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Gas prices
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  (#26)
avmaster
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Gas prices - 04-22-2008, 04:25 PM

Things to come..........
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Neil
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04-23-2008, 09:22 AM

I walked in the gas station today and handed the clerk $5 and said "I want $5 of gas". She farted and gave me a receipt.
  
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DelaWho???
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04-23-2008, 01:51 PM

a Priest a Rabbi and a Kangaroo walk into a bar

The Bartender says: "Is this some kind of joke??!!"

Banger



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04-23-2008, 02:33 PM

What's the difference between a lesbian and a Wheat Thin?

One is a snack-cracker and the other is a crack-snacker.

****Before anyone gets offended, let me just apologize in advance to any of the Wheat Thins that I have offended with that joke.
  
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Picture this..........
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Picture this.......... - 04-23-2008, 02:43 PM

Ok, everybody ready for Universal health care...........
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