Not necessarily the Sunday Funnies

pt, that was one great story, but I can't say as I see a grain of truth in it. Here's one that I've told before, but there's enough newbies here to make it worth tellin' again, and if it ain't true it ought to be.

Many years ago, while in the service of my country, I lived aboard on old WWII vintage LST, tied up at one the piers in Little Creek, Virginia and during my off time would frequent a nearby poolroom in one of the strip centers just outside the main gate. The owners name was Bob and he was a retired Marine First Sargeant and since I had been coming there for the better part of a year we had become friends and were on a first name basis.
One night, just before closing time, Bob comes over to where I'm practicing One Pocket breaks and just stands there for a couple of minutes watching.
I look over at him and say. "Hey, Bob. What's happening?"
"Not much." He says.
"Got somethin' on your mind?" I ask.
"Well, yeah Mike, I do." Bob says. Scratching his chin. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?
"Absolutely." I said. "Name it."
Bob scratched his chin a little bit more and said. "I don't think I ever told you this but I have a daughter about your age and, well, she doesn't date much and I was wondering if you might take her out on a date. It would mean a lot to me if you did. I would lend you my van and pay for everything. What do you say?"
Bob was just too nice of a guy to say no to so I agreed. As long as he was paying, I thought, how bad could it be.
That next Saturday night I show up at Bob's house. He let's me in and I sit down on the couch and wait for his daughter to finish getting ready.
It is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her hair is long, and golden. Her skin is soft and white with a hint of blush on her flawless cheeks and her eyes are as blue as a morning sky in Summer. I was speechless.
Bob introduced us. Her name was Sarah and she had just graduated from high school this past spring. I told her I was in the Navy but was unsure as to what I wanted to do after my enlistment was up. We left shortly after that and started what would become one of the best Summers of my entire life.
Sarah and I had been dating for the better part of three months when one night as we were setting out in her back yard, talking and listening to music on a portable radio, she asked me to do something very special for her.
Like I said, we had dated for a while now, and sometimes late in the evenings we had held hands and kissed, but to night was much different. Tonight had become more passionate. More intense. She put her lips to my ear and asked if we could make love.
Although shocked, I to was excited, and asked her how. She suggested that I help her grab onto a low hanging limb. I couldn't help myself and did as she instructed.
No sooner had we finished making love and I had gotten her down from the tree the porch light came on.
I could see Bob's outline in the shadow of the light and he called for me to come to the back door. I was scared to death.
When I got to the porch he said. "I saw what you did."
"You saw us?" I said. "Bob, I don't know what..."
"I saw what you did." He repeated. "And I just wanted to say thanks."
I was dumbfounded. "Thanks for what?" I said.
"Thanks for helping her down. Most of the guys just leave her hanging in the tree.

This tale originally had the lovely Sarah confined to a wheelchair, but a couple of members (out of 40 some thousand) was incensed by that fact. I guess in their world everything has been so sanitized that the reality of that world no longer offends them. Well, hey, I'm a stand up guy. I'll do all I can to help them out. I'll just take a hilarious story, cut the shit out of it to where it is meaningless and call it good. Feel better, Jeff? How about you, Dave?

Thanks for the laughs, both of you guys! :thumbup::thumbup:

Best,
Brian kc <---who's had a couple of greyhounds he thinks may have been faster (no, not vs. the girl)

Tramp Steamer said:

pt, that was one great story, but I can't say as I see a grain of truth in it. Here's one that I've told before, but there's enough newbies here to make it worth tellin' again, and if it ain't true it ought to be.

Many years ago, while in the service of my country, I lived aboard on old WWII vintage LST, tied up at one the piers in Little Creek, Virginia and during my off time would frequent a nearby poolroom in one of the strip centers just outside the main gate. The owners name was Bob and he was a retired Marine First Sargeant and since I had been coming there for the better part of a year we had become friends and were on a first name basis.
One night, just before closing time, Bob comes over to where I'm practicing One Pocket breaks and just stands there for a couple of minutes watching.
I look over at him and say. "Hey, Bob. What's happening?"
"Not much." He says.
"Got somethin' on your mind?" I ask.
"Well, yeah Mike, I do." Bob says. Scratching his chin. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?
"Absolutely." I said. "Name it."
Bob scratched his chin a little bit more and said. "I don't think I ever told you this but I have a daughter about your age and, well, she doesn't date much on account of her being in this wheelchair and all, and I was wondering if you might take her out on a date. It would mean a lot to me if you did. I would lend you my van and pay for everything. What do you say?"
Bob was just too nice of a guy to say no to so I agreed. As long as he was paying, I thought, how bad could it be.
That next Saturday night I show up at Bob's house. He let's me in and I sit down on the couch and wait for his daughter to finish getting ready.
It isn't long before Bob pushes a wheelchair into the livingroom and sitting in it is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her hair is long, and golden. Her skin is soft and white with a hint of blush on her flawless cheeks and her eyes are as blue as a morning sky in Summer. I was speechless.
Bob introduced us. Her name was Sarah and she had just graduated from high school this past spring. I told her I was in the Navy but was unsure as to what I wanted to do after my enlistment was up. We left shortly after that and started what would become one of the best Summers of my entire life.
Sarah and I had been dating for the better part of three months when one night as we were setting out in her back yard, talking and listening to music on a portable radio, she asked me to do something very special for her.
Like I said, we had dated for a while now, and sometimes late in the evenings we had held hands and kissed, but to night was much different. Tonight had become more passionate. More intense. As we sat, she in her wheelchair and I in my patio chair, she put her lips to my ear and asked if we could make love.
Although shocked, I to was excited, and asked her how. She suggested that I push her over beneath a nearby tree and help her out of her chair where she could grab onto a low hanging limb. I couldn't help myself and did as she instructed.
No sooner had we finished making love and I had gotten her down from the tree and settled back into her wheelchair, the porch light came on.
I could see Bob's outline in the shadow of the light and he called for me to come to the back door. I was scared to death.
When I got to the porch he said. "I saw what you did."
"You saw us?" I said. "Bob, I don't know what..."
"I saw what you did." He repeated. "And I just wanted to say thanks."
I was dumbfounded. "Thanks for what?" I said.
"Thanks for putting her back in the wheelchair. Most of the guys just leave her hanging in the tree."

Now that's a Sunday Funny.

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I guess I might have thought that that was funny at one time in my life.

Dave Nelson

Dave Nelson said:

I guess I might have thought that that was funny at one time in my life.

Dave Nelson

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Sorry you feel that way, Dave. Were you left hanging in a tree once?

Thanks for the laughs on this soggy Monday morning..

MOJOE said:

Thanks for the laughs on this soggy Monday morning..

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It's been raining here for three days straight and not supposed to quit until Thursday. Luckily I play One Pocket indoors.

thanks for sharing guys!

:thumbup: Good one!

You have all heard of the man who hated birds who, when he walked on the beach left no tern unstoned, but did you know that he had a brother who was a painter in a boat yard where he left no stern untoned?

Dave Nelson

There was a fellow who was having an affair with one of the girls in his office. Her name was Shirley.

His wifes name was Lorraine. One Sunday afternoon, he was out walking by a river with his wife. His wife got a little close to the rivers edge, fell in and got washed away.

His first thought was, Great, I can see Shirley now, Lorraine is gone.

..............

There are times when AZ can be considered up there with "The Greatest Show on Earth"!:thumbup:

pt109 said:

My first room..early 70's...I was the working partner.

Opened the room at 9:am..many retired guys would be my first customers.
I loved listening to their stories so the first 400 pots of coffee..on the house.

One of the sharpest was a 75 year old named Paul Lachappelle.He walked
with a cane but when he cashed a winning ticket at the race track, the cane would go over his shoulder as he STRODE to the cashier.We used
to stake him at gin rummy when his horses were a little slow.

So they started arguing one day about who was the fastest horse.
Paul said the fastest critter he ever saw was a jack rabbit.He said there
was a stretch of road after a hill and before it curved that was exactly one mile.They all knew it was a mile 'cause there were 40 telephone poles.
The jack rabbit was timed in 1.34 flat..and that beat any race horse alive.

"Mind you", he said, "that stretch wasn't always that long.....
...we had to add four telephone poles to make it a full mile."

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Only four telephone poles? Double HemLock!!!
Many Regards,
Lock N Load.

A really good story, pt. I enjoyed it.
Just thinking though, what if Mr. Cordero's daughter had been in a wheelchair. Now that would have been a tale to tell. :smile: