Sex on a Billiards Table
- Thread starter jasonamoss13
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I got screwed many times.
As a matter of fact, every night just after dinner, while watching Jeopardy. I recommend protection, a coaster actually..
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I tried it once, when I was younger.
I was helping the night-manager close one hot Summer evening. She went to cut the house lights at the breaker box while I locked the front door and turned on the alarm system.
With only the back-bar lights for illumination she mixed us each a Bloody Mary, with an extra stalk of celery. I had missed lunch and was hungry.
As we sipped our cocktails I could tell there was something on her mind. I said, "Is there something you want to get off your chest, Lola?"
She looked at me with a coy smile and said, "Yes, there is. My shirt." I laughed.
I thought it might have been the alcohol talking because she had already knocked back two to my one, but somehow, in some small way, I knew she wanted something more than just my company. Suddenly, embolden by the drink, I walked over to where she was standing and took her in my arms. I could smell the hot stench of Vodka and pure lust, permeating the night. I half dragged, half carried (Lola, was big gal) her over to table Eight, the Gold Crown nearest the bar.
As she stretched back to sit upon the table her left foot slipped off the rail and struck me full on in the nuts. I cried out, "Holy shit, that hurts!"
Regaining my breath I climbed over the rail to join her. As I did I misjudged the height of the table and cracked my knee on the metal edge. Once again I saw stars.
Lola, hurriedly undid her blouse as I attempted to take off my t-shirt with one hand. She tried to help pull it from around my neck, but it was so badly twisted that each timed she gave it a tug I would pass out for a few seconds from lack of oxygen. While all this was going on I managed to get my left foot stuck in a side pocket and my right arm stuck under Lola. I couldn't move a muscle.
If all that wasn't bad enough someone had left the balls on the table and the fourteen was lodged under my spine. The pain was excruciating.
Lola, meanwhile, had all but passed out from all the liquor and was speaking some kind of unintelligible gibberish as I lay pinned to the table top.
It wasn't until the next morning, after the day crew had managed to extricate us from our predicament, that I found out what had happened and realized that love and a Gold Crown just doesn't mix.
This is classic! Maybe it was better this way, La La La La Lola.
Sex on a billiard table is way better than on a pool table. More room to maneuver and less chance of a getting hung up in something.
Good story Tramp.
Hey, thanks. :grin-square:
Hey, thanks. :grin-square:
If my table could talk!
Last time? 2 weeks ago…
My table sees a lot of action, not the type usually mentioned around here!
No Moore???
What? No love for "10" starring Dudley Moore? In the scene, he is spying on his neighbor on the next hill over using a telescope (I think). The neighbor is standing in a robe while a naked woman plays pool in front of him. As she bends over to take a shot, he drops his robe and takes a shot of his own.
It was the first thing I thought of when I saw your post. Of course, many on here, yourself included, may not be old enough to remember this movie. It's what made Bo Derek a (sort of) star.
What? No love for "10" starring Dudley Moore? In the scene, he is spying on his neighbor on the next hill over using a telescope (I think). The neighbor is standing in a robe while a naked woman plays pool in front of him. As she bends over to take a shot, he drops his robe and takes a shot of his own.
It was the first thing I thought of when I saw your post. Of course, many on here, yourself included, may not be old enough to remember this movie. It's what made Bo Derek a (sort of) star.
I used to play at a bowling alley that had a little 6 table room off to the side. The way they had the bar set up, was open into the bowling alley side, and a counter on the pool hall side, so that the bartender could be in charge of the pool hall. The main bartender was a woman named Renee, and her boyfriend was a big ol boy named Moe who picked her up after work every night. Well, we walked in one Saturday night and table 1 had a very odd shaped stain on it. A couple of us stared at it for a while like a Rorschach test trying to figure it out, but we were stumped. Towards the end of the night, big Moe came in and sat at the counter waiting on Renee. We asked Moe if he could figure it out, and he started grinning from ear to ear. Upon closer inspection, the stain was butt shaped, and about Renees size. Table 1 didnt get played on by any of the regulars until it was recovered. :grin:
I tried it once, when I was younger.
I was helping the night-manager close the pool hall one hot Summer evening. She went to cut the house lights at the breaker box while I locked the front door and turned on the alarm system.
With only the back-bar lights for illumination she mixed us each a Bloody Mary with an extra stalk of celery. I had missed lunch and was very hungry.
As we sipped our cocktails I could tell there was something on her mind. I asked, "Is there something you want to get off your chest, Lola?"
She looked at me with a coquettish smile, and said, "Yes, there is. My shirt."
I thought it might have been the alcohol talking because she had already knocked back two to my one, but somehow, in some small way, I knew she wanted something more than just my company. I walked over to where she stood and boldly took her in my arms. I could smell the hot stench of Vodka and pure lust, permeating the night. I half dragged, half carried (she was a large woman) her over to table number Eight, the Gold Crown IV nearest the bar.
As she arched her back to sit upon the table her left foot slipped off the rail and struck me full on in the nuts. I cried out, "Holy shit, that hurts!"
Regaining my breath I climbed over the rail to join her. As I did I misjudged the height of the table and cracked my knee on the metal edge. I saw stars once again.
Lola, hurriedly undid her blouse as I attempted to take off my t-shirt with one hand. She tried to help, but it was so badly twisted that each time she gave it a tug I would pass out for a few seconds from lack of oxygen. While all this was happening I somehow managed to get my left foot wedged in one of the side pockets and my right arm stuck solidly underneath Lola. I couldn't move a muscle.
If all this wasn't bad enough, someone had left the balls out on the table and the fourteen had become lodged under my spine. The pain was excruciating.
Lola, meanwhile, had all but passed out from the liquor and was speaking in tongues as I lay pinned to the table top.
It was not until the next morning, after the day crew had extricated us from our tangled mass of ill conceived passion, that I found out what had happened and realized that love on a Gold Crown IV isn't all I thought it might be.
Holy Crap! You had me laughing at work....LOL
Glad I have my own office.....
I call BS on all these stories! There is nothing more uncomfortable to lay on then a pool table! If you don't believe me then try it. I tried sleeping on a pool table once and it was impossible. I may as well been laying on the kitchen floor, only worse. Now if the table is on carpet, sleeping under it is possible. Sex on a pool table is the last thing i want to attempt. Too many other places that are far better.
I call BS on all these stories! There is nothing more uncomfortable to lay on then a pool table! If you don't believe me then try it. I tried sleeping on a pool table once and it was impossible. I may as well been laying on the kitchen floor, only worse. Now if the table is on carpet, sleeping under it is possible. Sex on a pool table is the last thing i want to attempt. Too many other places that are far better.
Not if you knew Lola.
Just to be clear the following is "ON" the table...
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d2/5f/da/d25fda1783d1a69ef55b25f123dd280d.jpg
& this is sort of 'leaning over' the table...
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/2e/64/28/2e6428391128417076bcb2eb33f276d6.jpg
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d2/5f/da/d25fda1783d1a69ef55b25f123dd280d.jpg
& this is sort of 'leaning over' the table...
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/2e/64/28/2e6428391128417076bcb2eb33f276d6.jpg
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on the table
On a pool table is about the only place I didn't have sex when I was young!
But I have known it to happen...just remember...NEVER USE A TIP PIK ON YOUR TIP!
I call BS on all these stories! There is nothing more uncomfortable to lay on then a pool table! If you don't believe me then try it. I tried sleeping on a pool table once and it was impossible. I may as well been laying on the kitchen floor, only worse. Now if the table is on carpet, sleeping under it is possible. Sex on a pool table is the last thing i want to attempt. Too many other places that are far better.
On a pool table is about the only place I didn't have sex when I was young!
But I have known it to happen...just remember...NEVER USE A TIP PIK ON YOUR TIP!
Not if you knew Lola.
This is priceless. I actually knew a Lola and had some fun on a pool table and also a snooker table, lmao. She was an average size lady though. For a second I thought we were playing in the same honey hole. :grin:
I'm a member of this elite club. Cost me for new Simonis 760 cloth as I got tired of making up excuses where the stains came from. It was worth it though.
I know what you mean. My Dad asked me about some stains on the front seat of his Buick. I told him I'd dropped my ice-cream. :smile: