Official List of Acceptable Excuses for Non-Participation

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Williebetmore

Member, .25% Club
Silver Member
Well, well, well. It appears there are some forum members who think us insensitive in our stated belief that any member worth a plug nickel should join the venerable institution that is the Drivermaker Memorial Holiday Tournament. It appears that we must all take at face value the claims to expertise of these members, who can't spare any of their extremely valuable time for pool.

Therefore, in the interest of promoting a kinder, gentler, and more politically correct forum I have come up with a list of acceptable excuses for non-participation. Rest assured that no respectable member of this forum will criticize you if you meet one of the following acceptable criteria for not joining.

#1 - You are dead.

#2 - You die before you can complete all 50 racks.

#3 - An asteroid collides with the earth, exterminating all life forms (including you).

I'm sure that you can come up with others, I am open for suggestions. Chef Jeff's hair washing emergency will NOT be considered acceptable (though it was certainly as good as those other one's I heard).

Significant kudo's to Secaucus Fats who has decided not to let that little problem with the major internal hemorrhaging get in the way of his pool.
 
No arms ,no legs, no problem.

This is the tenacious spirit that charactizes our little fraternity.

It’s just a flesh wound! Come back here & I’ll bite your knee caps off.

He didn’t make excuses, The Black Knight would be in the club.
 

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breakup said:
This is the tenacious spirit that charactizes our little fraternity.

It’s just a flesh wound! Come back here & I’ll bite your knee caps off.

He didn’t make excuses, The Black Knight would be in the club.
Click to expand...

Breakup,
I see your point. The Black Knight would just prop himself up, take that cue in his teeth, and step up to the plate.

Mark Wilson has a student that is a paraplegic, with just minimal motion of the right shoulder and upper arm. He paints holding the brush in his teeth (fabulously well), and they have jury rigged a bridge-like holder for him, and he propels the cue with his right upper arm.

P.S. What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who is sitting outside your front door? .........Matt

If he is lying in a pile of leaves? .........Russell

If he is hanging on your wall? .........Art

If he is placed in your mailbox? .........Bill

If he is in a hole in your yard?........Phil

If he is floating in the lake? .........Bob

Well, you get the idea.
 
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Williebetmore said:
The Black Knight would just prop himself up, take that cue in his teeth, and step up to the plate.
Click to expand...


In a hot tub ........Stew
 
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WBM For President...

ROFLMAO!

You guys are Classic! To Funny...now I know I got the Cahones to be in The Club...I just hope I've got a BIG Enough Stick! :D

No excuses!...

Now...

GIT-R-DONE!
 
breakup said:
I guess I confused the issue, that was my intention.
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Breakup,
Oops!! I initially misinterpreted your post. I thought initially that you were proposing that no arms and no legs would be an acceptable excuse for the spineless non-participant (ie. "no problem" for him). I thought you were going soft on us - my apologies.

To re-iterate my thoughts on what it takes to truly be a pool fantatic:

To join the upper echelon of pool fanatics it is necessary to ignore your wife and family, shirk your responsibilities on the job, ignore your pressing medical problems, divert money from frivolous items (like food, rent, utilities, kid's college money, heart medication, etc.), and give-up those other spare time pursuits (like bathing, brushing your teeth, etc.). Failure to do so will certainly open one up to personal attacks from the "holier-than-thou" participants (like me). I just can't see why someone can't or won't participate.
 
Williebetmore said:
P.S. What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who is sitting outside your front door? .........Matt

If he is lying in a pile of leaves? .........Russell

If he is hanging on your wall? .........Art

If he is placed in your mailbox? .........Bill

If he is in a hole in your yard?........Phil

If he is floating in the lake? .........Bob

Well, you get the idea.
Click to expand...

Two of them, hanging on either side of a window?

Curt and Rod

(sorry!)
 
alright alright alright, if the silly black knight can still post some scores, I will too. It'll have to wait till thursday though, I'm too busy playing pool to play pool.

J
 
what about these excuses?

Someone threatens me. If I choose to participate in the tournament, then he'd have to kill Williebetmore.

Or what about this? AZ-Mike strikes a deal with me. He agrees to lift DM's ban if I choose not to participate. If that's the case, then i'd definitely participate...hehe. :D
 
one of the guys that shoots in a 8ball tournament I frequent shot himself with a shotgun about a decade ago. He was chasing the guy out of the house that was sleeping with his wife, and ended up throwing the shotgun down. It went off and took most of his shoulder when it did. As he was healing he learned to use his foot for a bridge and learned to play pretty good standing on one leg and using his other foot for a bridge.

His shoulder is ok now, lot of scar tissue but it works just fine. Can remember seeing him in the bars playing when I was going to them.
 
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For any of the gutless masses that are lurking here and are desperately searching for a loophole in Willie’s list of acceptable excuses, I can’t help. The excuse list is short and unforgiving.

However imagine this for a moment:

…one day in the not so distant future during a Thanksgiving meal in the bosom of your family you may hear:

“Grandpa/Grandma why didn’t you play in the Drivermaker Memorial Tournament when it was just getting started back in 2004 and 2005? This year is the 25th anniversary of the DM Memorial tournament, millions of players with game will be participating from all over the globe. Williebetmore is being inducted into the BCA hall of Fame this year. Why weren’t you part of it?”

Or when you take them to see Santa:

“What do you want for Christmas little Jimmy? “I wanna PlayStation 9 Williebetmore game with the automatic pattern advisor and a Drivermaker action figure that yells “You are a friggin MORON to use that Predator shaft” when you pull his string!!”

With that in mind here is a list of general purpose random excuse generators. They won’t work here but they will provide something to tell you grandchildren when they ask why you failed to play.

http://www.zompist.com/excuse.html (the self loathing ones seem to fit pretty well)

http://www.randomexcuse.com/

http://www.weaselcircus.com/funpages/randomexcuse.shtml

Just be sure to fill in “I’m a loser” after each excuse.

I’m sure Willie won’t accept any of these excuses but just maybe you could save face with your grandchildren. Just don’t send them to us to ask what we think.

Happy Holidays

Congratulations Eydie and Bob.

This post was not directed at you I had already posted it when I noticed your announcement. Lousy timing. Besides 23 years from now he will be much too big for a Williebetmore PlayStation game anyway.

all the best

Cheers
 
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I can not believe there are so many "Semi-Pro" players on this forum.
 
I had a girlfriend with one leg shorter than the other named Ileen....:)

She did'nt play pool though........Gerry
 
Williebetmore said:
Therefore, in the interest of promoting a kinder, gentler, and more politically correct forum I have come up with a list of acceptable excuses for non-participation. Rest assured that no respectable member of this forum will criticize you if you meet one of the following acceptable criteria for not joining.

#1 - You are dead.

#2 - You die before you can complete all 50 racks.

#3 - An asteroid collides with the earth, exterminating all life forms (including you).

I'm sure that you can come up with others, I am open for suggestions. Chef Jeff's hair washing emergency will NOT be considered acceptable (though it was certainly as good as those other one's I heard).
Click to expand...

Hmm..does spewing a live being from your innards sufice as an acceptable "excuse"? :confused:

Landshark77<~~~ can't play pool anyway
 
landshark77 said:
Hmm..does spewing a live being from your innards sufice as an acceptable "excuse"? :confused:

Landshark77<~~~ can't play pool anyway
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Hey, that would be cheating as the DMMT does not allow conermen. :D

Jeff Livingston
 
landshark77 said:
Hmm..does spewing a live being from your innards sufice as an acceptable "excuse"? :confused:

Landshark77<~~~ can't play pool anyway
Click to expand...


You both must post scores.

IMHO
 
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Hal said:
I can not believe there are so many "Semi-Pro" players on this forum.
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I guess I consider myself "Semi-Pro"

Semi-Proficient Not Semi-Professional
 
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