It is okay to post a PM (private message) on the Open Forum?
- Thread starter JAM
- Start date
Unless your getting confidentiality agreements signed in advance, I suggest one never send anything out into the free world that one doesn't not want read by the entirety of its inhabitants. Or be fully prepared to deal any and all consequences. Its really that "simple". 
Unless your getting confidentiality agreements signed in advance, I suggest one never send anything out into the free world that one doesn't not want read by the entirety of its inhabitants. Or be fully prepared to deal any and all consequences. Its really that "simple".
That's right -- post of the thread.
People, after having lost all their face-to-face social skills via the new "thumbelina" technology (i.e. thumbing TXT messages on cell phones), "think" that when they have a virtual "friend" here on these forums, that it's the same as having a real face-to-face friend, and that somehow, all those things that you'd expect from a face-to-face friendship is the same. Those of us that were alive before the "thumbelina" technology know that it's not.
Back in the earliest days of electronic correspondence (remember email? FidoNet? BBSes?), it was always the rule that whatever you send, you should consider it out in the public domain, unless you absolutely, without a doubt, trust the person you're sending it to. Even handwritten letters -- who or what is to stop the recipient from showing it to other people? Answer: nothing. We all learn this lesson the hard way.
Sorry, but even though I personally re-learn this lesson the hard way occasionally (and I empathize with the notion that what is private should stay private), looking back, I deserved it. The only person looking out for your best interest, is yourself. Sometimes we all need a size 12 "wide" firmly planted up our *ss to remind us.
-Sean
What is to stop a face to face friend from doing the same???
The modern internet in my opinion cannot be compared to the BBSes of the past. It was rare to ever even know who you were referring to on a BBS.
There's nothing to stop a face to face friend from publicizing your secrets, they do it all the time. The question is whether it SHOULD happen, not whether it can or does happen.
The answer is that it shouldn't happen without permission from the person.
Jaden
The modern internet in my opinion cannot be compared to the BBSes of the past. It was rare to ever even know who you were referring to on a BBS.
There's nothing to stop a face to face friend from publicizing your secrets, they do it all the time. The question is whether it SHOULD happen, not whether it can or does happen.
The answer is that it shouldn't happen without permission from the person.
Jaden
I would tend to agree with you with one exception. Not all PM's are secrets.
If all of my PM's were posted in the open everyone would be bored to death reading them. Many (dare I say MOST?) PM's are probably only sent privately out of respect for others time. It doesn't make them secret in any way.
Ah, but here's the rub -- when a face-to-face friend shares your secrets, you now have a face to blame (and a door to knock on). That's not always the case with "virtual" friends. Your face-to-face friends know this, and I'll bet the decisions made by face-to-face friends to share things (knowing you have a direct line back to them) are made with a little more care than your "virtual" friends.
I used to think just like you -- you know, that idealist "shouldn't happen without permission" thing. Then you get burned (and you get older
) and realize that line is very soft.Sure, I wish the idealist "shouldn't happen without permission" notion was more set in stone. The fact that it's not, means the onus is on YOU to control your communications if you want to prevent getting burned.
EDIT: By the way, just in case it may be important to you what my stance/answer to the OP's post question is, I voted "No" -- to me, the contents of PMs should never be shared in a public forum without permission. It's a pet peeve of mine when people otherwise do it, too. But that idealist notion is personal, not a hard-set rule. All this attention to sharing the contents of PMs without permission is merely tilting at windmills. It's going to happen whether you like or not. So, place controls where you HAVE the ability to do so -- at your own level. Police yourself, and everything will be fine.
-Sean
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Why should you, the recipient keep that covenant without prior consent? Because you intend something to be private, it automatically binds the recipient to keep it so?
NYC cue dude
Banned
A private message does not to be delineated as such by virtue of its name. A private message should NEVER ever be shared without the authors explicit permission.
There is only 1 exception, and that is if it promotes a crime, ie- threats, intention to defraud, etc. if publicizing will prevent such crime. Otherwise, turning over the messages to the proper authorities is warranted.
Now, as a realist, I have very little faith in my fellow man, so I know it is likely that anything I write can/will be publicized at some point in time. The lesson is simple, never put in writing what you do not want to read in print. Most people get into trouble ecause they have no self control and can't let the opportunity pass to impose their thoughts.
There is only 1 exception, and that is if it promotes a crime, ie- threats, intention to defraud, etc. if publicizing will prevent such crime. Otherwise, turning over the messages to the proper authorities is warranted.
Now, as a realist, I have very little faith in my fellow man, so I know it is likely that anything I write can/will be publicized at some point in time. The lesson is simple, never put in writing what you do not want to read in print. Most people get into trouble ecause they have no self control and can't let the opportunity pass to impose their thoughts.
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Pathetic Shark
Banned
Ah, but here's the rub -- when a face-to-face friend shares your secrets, you now have a face to blame (and a door to knock on). That's not always the case with "virtual" friends. Your face-to-face friends know this, and I'll bet the decisions made by face-to-face friends to share things (knowing you have a direct line back to them) are made with a little more care than your "virtual" friends.
I used to think just like you -- you know, that idealist "shouldn't happen without permission" thing. Then you get burned (and you get older
Sure, I wish the idealist "shouldn't happen without permission" notion was more set in stone. The fact that it's not, means the onus is on YOU to control your communications if you want to prevent getting burned.
EDIT: By the way, just in case it may be important to you what my stance/answer to the OP's post question is, I voted "No" -- to me, the contents of PMs should never be shared in a public forum without permission. It's a pet peeve of mine when people otherwise do it, too. But that idealist notion is personal, not a hard-set rule. All this attention to sharing the contents of PMs without permission is merely tilting at windmills. It's going to happen whether you like or not. So, place controls where you HAVE the ability to do so -- at your own level. Police yourself, and everything will be fine.
-Sean
We're not politicians, Sean.
Rats. I'm running for office, Tim. Can I count on your vote?
-Sean <-- hopes Tim's vote gets him elected to the porcelain chair
I agree with every word. :smile:
The vote does reveal there are some who feel PMs can be shared. I agree with your second paragraph in this regard.
Here is my most recent PM I received:
"The cover diamond sells is vinyl with a cotton liner."
Is there any reason this should not be shared?
I think sometimes (it HAS happened with me on this site) people will send you a PM regarding one of your posts on a specific thread. They don't want to post on the thread so everyone can see it because they know their reply will make them look like an A-hole. They are trying to maintain a certain type of reputation by sending their (less than PC) messages "privately". I will also have no problem repeating those messages on the original thread.
"The cover diamond sells is vinyl with a cotton liner."
Is there any reason this should not be shared?
I think sometimes (it HAS happened with me on this site) people will send you a PM regarding one of your posts on a specific thread. They don't want to post on the thread so everyone can see it because they know their reply will make them look like an A-hole. They are trying to maintain a certain type of reputation by sending their (less than PC) messages "privately". I will also have no problem repeating those messages on the original thread.
There have been times when I have contacted a member "privately" and vice versa to discuss something that may not be the subject matter of a thread. I agree that this happens often, I think. :smile:
Why should you, the recipient keep that covenant without prior consent? Because you intend something to be private, it automatically binds the recipient to keep it so?
I sometimes send PM's to people in regards to stance/aiming...ideas of things to try to that may, or may not, work for them. Those are PM's that are intended to be, and hopefully are helpful. If I saw one of those PM's posted with my name attached, without asking me first.....I doubt I would be inclined to be helpful to that person in the future.
In response to the above quote, If you mass distribute information that was given to you in private, you probably shouldn't expect any more information from that source again..
I agree with you on this. I do think it should based on the subject matter of the PM, however.
If somebody were to write to me and say "this is off the record," I would not publish that PM in the open forum out of courtesy.
I have never posted the contents of a PM ever.
I just don't understand the mentality that you can tell a secret and expect it to be kept without swearing the person to secrecy first.
Most PM's I receive are as others said comments that are off topic to a thread or responses to reputation points I have given.
If I am soliciting information and I get a reply that is in pm form I understand that it is meant to be a private response to an inquiry. That it is a confidential response is understood.
If I get a random pm regarding one of my posts in a thread why should I be obligated to keep it private?
Another similar forum etiquette, for lack of a better word, is putting the REP remarks in the Open Forum you receive from others.
I have published my REP screen (sans the remarks) -- only the left-hand side of the REP screen. I never have published the member's name or what the member wrote.
Sometimes I think folks might use the REP remarks as another way to communicate with another member, similar to the PM. In fact, some of those remarks on the REP screen can often be controversial.
I have published my REP screen (sans the remarks) -- only the left-hand side of the REP screen. I never have published the member's name or what the member wrote.
Sometimes I think folks might use the REP remarks as another way to communicate with another member, similar to the PM. In fact, some of those remarks on the REP screen can often be controversial.
