Here's what I do.
1) I eat a lot of really crappy fast food. Things that are filled with oil and grease! Then I get fat. Not like obese fat. Just 'disgusting pot belly that makes me look like I'm 7 months pregnant' fat, and believe me! That's even less appealing.
2) Now that I'm fat, I stop wearing belts and I let the elastic pop on my boxers. This equals plummers crack on every shot.
3) Now, remember all that grease and oil? Don't shower. See how that stuff affects your pores. I promise you, it'll lead to acne and bacne in no time. You won't be able to look in the mirror without wanting to liken parts of your face to constellations!
4) Now, be sure to pop every zit before its ready to burst. This way, it'll scar and leave terrible little pock marks all over.
5) Wear a hat all the time! Sideways too!
Bonus:
6) Drink beers too. Lots of 'em. And when they start to get old, try whiskey.
7) Smoke a lot too. And I mean, a lot. Forget two packs of your silly light cigs a day. I mean three packs of Camel unfiltereds or Lucky Strikes!
I promise you; you follow steps one through five and you will look like a angst-ridden, 'angry at the world' adolescent in no time flat!
Now, throw in steps six and seven (plus the residual affects of one through five) and by the time you hit forty, you'll look like your seventy (fat, bald, and skin like leather)! By the time you forty-five, you look like your ninety (fat, bald, skin like leather, and ginblossoms)!!! By the time you hit fifty, you'll be dead!!! Trust me! I'm well on my way!
