SlateMan
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I asked ChatGPT to help me identify professional billiard players who could put on funny seminars for an imaginary conference. I gave it two examples (Hennessee and Strickland). I think some of these are pretty good. What would be your imaginary seminar put on by a player?
The 1st Annual Professional Billiards Conference & Expo
“Where Legends Teach… the Things They Probably Shouldn’t.”
Jonathan Hennessee
“Chalking the Cue: How Much Is Enough? (Spoiler: More.)”
A 3-hour hands-on workshop. Chalk provided but may run out.
Earl Strickland
“Keeping Your Cool at the Table… And Why It’s Probably Your Fault Anyway.”
Bonus Q&A session where Earl answers questions he asked himself.
Shane Van Boening
“Breaking the Balls: Physics, Technique, and Why You Still Can’t Do It.”
Includes free hearing protection for when Shane really lets one rip.
Efren ‘The Magician’ Reyes
“Accidentally Genius: How to Pretend Your Kick Was Planned.”
A masterclass in smiling politely while your opponent cries.
Alex Pagulayan
“Trash Talking with Love: The Art of Friendly Psychological Warfare.”
Includes autograph signing, jokes, and small side bets you didn’t notice happened.
Fedor Gorst
“Perfect Cue Ball Control: A Seminar for Mere Mortals.”
Prerequisites: None. Success rate: Also none.
Jayson Shaw
“High Gear Activation: Going From 0 to 800 Fargo in One Rack.”
Warning: Content may be delivered too fast for humans to process.
Dennis Orcollo
“Bar Table 8-Ball Dominance: Patterns So Clean You’ll Feel Dirty.”
Sponsored by every bar owner who’s ever lost money to him.
Tony Chohan
“Power One Pocket: How to Move the Entire Rack With One Stroke.”
A physical strength waiver must be signed before attending.
Scott Frost
“Banking With Confidence: Why the Rails Are Your Friends.”
Includes storytime about the old days in Arizona action rooms.
John Morra
“Switching Hands Mid-Match: Because Why Should You Need a Dominant Hand?”
A seminar you won’t understand until you try shooting left-handed forever.
Billy Thorpe
“Firing At It: A Comprehensive Guide to Shooting Every Shot Like You Mean It.”
Discount offered if you promise not to play safe during the conference.
Jeremy Jones
“Commentator’s Corner: Saying 500 Words Without Offending Anyone.”
Optional add-on: “How to Speak Only in Wisdom.”
Skylar Woodward
“The Country Kid Playbook: Winning Matches While Looking Happy About It.”
Includes a cornhole break in the middle.
Ko Ping-Chung & Ko Pin-Yi
“Brothers in Arms: Synchronizing Your Fargo Rates for Maximum Intimidation.”
Albin Ouschan
“Staying Focused: The Art of Looking Mildly Annoyed While Running Out.”
Special section: Why chalking is optional when you never miss.
