Here is an edited version of the bar rules thread from awhile back...
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Bangers Congress of America
World Standardized Bar Rules for 8-Ball
Chickenshit and Cowpoke Edition
Gentleman’s Pool
Bar pool is "gentleman's pool." You should be a gentleman and shoot your shot so your opponent can win. Otherwise you're playing chickenshit pool.
Rules on Rules
No “posted” bar rules are allowed. This will allow you to invent new rules or change the rules so no one else can win.
Your Turn at the Table
If there is a chalkboard in the bar, erase all the names before writing yours as large and unreadable as possible. Then go to the bar and get a drink. Don't return.
If you are really drunk, it is always your turn at the table next.
When you go to pay for your game, if you don't have enough quarters for the game, take one of the free ones off of the rail.
To improve you chances of winning, it is best to put more than one quarter up in a row.
Selecting a Cue
When selecting a house cue, immediately before your opponent is about to break, roll your stick on the table. Repeat as necessary until the best stick is found.
Hand Powder
How much hand powder is enough to use? Put on plenty. Your hand should have so much powder on it that it will leave hand prints on the rails and cloth. If you are not leaving hand prints where you place your hand, apply more hand powder.
Chalking
Chalk up only after you miscue.
Always take the chalk from the table, even if it’s your turn or not. Put it in you pocket and forget you have it. When you can not find another piece, take it off the next table. Repeat procedure until all chalk is missing from the bar.
Always place chalk with the chalk side down on table.
You must tap your cue on the side of the table after chalking.
Always knock the chalk into the pocket, thus jamming the entire table.
Racking
Before racking, place you drink on the rail, or better yet, in the pocket.
When placing the rack, never place the head ball directly on the foot spot. It must be placed at least one inch above, below, to the left or right.
Never give your opponent a tight rack.
When racking, place the 8-ball behind the head ball, then slide rack backwards so the 8-ball drops into place. This looks very impressive.
When racking the balls, if a ball is missing, you must drop the cue ball in to each pocket at least three separate and non-consecutive times, in an attempt to clear the jam. (In the event that the 8-ball has been stolen, this event will continue indefinitely.) If it has been determined that the ball is still in the table, the largest and drunkest guy in the bar must pick up one end of the table, and drop it a distance of no less than 6 inches off the floor. For this will surely release any stuck ball.
You MUST twirl the rack when removing it from the table, and slam it into the rack holder.
Breaking
Before breaking, quote lines from Pool Hall Junkies and twirl your cue like Tom Cruise did in The Color of Money.
When breaking, angle your cue in a downward direction and shoot as hard as possible. This will make the cue ball fly off the table and will look impressive. You must try to bend your cue as much as possible when breaking.
If you do not break the rack well, accuse your opponent of giving you a slug rack. Never inspect the rack or ask for a re-rack before breaking as this is chickenshit pool.
Pocketing Balls
Hit the cue ball as hard as you can. The harder you hit the ball, the better player you are. If you can hit very hard and move all the balls around on the table, this is a great shot as one of your balls may fall into a pocket. If this happens, say that is the shot you intended to make.
If not shooting accurately, shoot harder. Shooting harder will improve aiming accuracy.
You must call every ball contact of other balls or rails before ball is pocketed. Example: Cue ball off the 9 to combo the 6 into the 4 off the rail into the corner. The more balls in a combination, rails contacted, etc., the more impressive the shot.
Leave your cigarette and beer on the rail when shooting.
Always jack up the back end of your cue. On every shot.
You must make an honest attempt to pocket a ball with each shot or make it "look like" you made an honest attempt to pocket a ball.
If you make a ball, strut around the table like you are the king!
Never directly hit your opponent’s ball first. However if you shoot a long kick shot or multi-rail shot and the cue ball hits your opponent’s ball first, well accidents happen! If your opponent has a ball blocking a pocket, never shoot it directly. Shoot a long kick shot and accidentally hit their ball to get it out of the way. Then get them to thank you for accidentally pocketing one of their balls.
Shoot as many bank shots as possible. This looks impressive!
Your follow through should hit the light fixture above the table. You are required to break the lights over the table any time it is possible. Suggested methods:
• Stand up from a shot where you are leaned way over the table, hitting the overhead lights.
• When you really need to show your manliness, hit the cue ball as hard as you can and let the cue tip swing up, hitting the overhead lights.
• When you are going to miss a shot (which is every shot), yell and scream at the ball to curve while leaning your body in the direction of the pocket and help the ball curve by swinging your cue towards the pocket, thus hitting the overhead lights.
• Swing your cue upwards after every break shot for maximum velocity, hitting the overhead lights
• while spinning your cue and whooping like tom cruise, drift closer to the table and let the butt of your cue get loose, hitting the overhead lights.
• After you put your beer on the rail and it spills onto the table, quickly surge forward to grab it before it goes everywhere, hitting the overhead lights with your forehead.
• If the above methods don't work, wait until your opponent is about to shoot the 8-ball then jam your cue into the overhead lights. Look surprised.
When your ball is on it's way to a corner pocket (since it leans that way and it's suppose to, all good tables do) and it doesn't look like it has enough juice to get there, it's appropriate to run to the corner pocket and stomp your foot real firm so the ball hops it's way to the pocket.
You must leave any balls which are tied up for last. Anything else is "playing like a girl".
Pretend that the 8 rail shot (that ricocheted off of 4 balls) you made was on purpose. Move immediately (twirling your cue) to your next shot.
There Ya Go!
You must say, "There ya go," when you miss and leave your opponent a shot. Failure to say "There ya go," is a foul.
Foul
The penalty for fouling is your opponent accusing you of playing chickenshit pool, the worst penalty there is.
It is a foul to not sing along with the jukebox while you are shooting and "Friends in Low Places" is playing.
Missing Your Shot
If you miss and leave your opponent tough, make sure he knows you were playing leave and did it intentionally.
Sharking
Talk to your opponent while he is shooting. Try to distract them or make them mad. Comment on their shooting. Give them free lessons on how to play pool, but only do this while they are playing against you.
If your opponent leaves you without a shot, accuse them of playing chickenshit pool.
When it's your turn to shoot, walk away and start socializing for ten minutes before finally shooting your shot.
Stand in front of your opponents shot while whistling and twirling your cue (bending over the pocket and making funny faces is also acceptable).
When your opponent is about to shoot, distract him by asking why he is about to shoot in one of "your" balls. Then argue with him about who has which group of balls for a while, then eventually concede that he was about to shoot the correct group. Then tell him to go ahead and shoot.
You must jump up and yell: "You didn't call that!" after any shot where three or more balls move.
While your opponent is shooting, jingle the quarters in your pocket.
Just before your opponent shoots the 8, unscrew your stick and say good game.
Always ask your opponent where he's shooting the 8 ball after he has already told you. Wait until he is in mid stroke.
While your Opponent is Shooting
Sit on the next table waiting for your turn to shoot. Ignore the game on the table on which you are sitting.
You can only ask which pocket your opponent is calling with his final shot (8-ball).
Balls Frozen To Rail
If the cue ball ends up on frozen to the rail, move it away at least a cue butt width so than you can shoot. It is not possible to strike the cue ball properly if it is glued to the cushion. It just isn't!
Jump Shots
Jump the cue ball over an obstructing object ball by hitting the cloth and the cue ball at the same time. Some idiots claim this is a so called "scoop shot foul", but in fact, it's one of the most impressive bar pool shots.
Skill
Shooting behind your back at least once a game is encouraged, even if it is not necessary. A behind the back shot will impress anyone within eyesight. If necessary, lift both feet of the ground, and roll back on to the table after loosing your balance.
If you're not drinking, then you can't play because you might use skill to win. Using skill to win is chickenshit pool.
No thinking allowed. Thinking, using cue to determine angles, etc. prior to making a shot is cheating.
You can't use your own cue because this might give you an advantage. Using such logical, rational advantages over drunks is chickenshit pool and must not be allowed.
Anyone using a glove, custom cue, crutch, or jump stick is a sissy and should be addressed as "Hot Shot" when spoken to.
Gambling
If you're playing partners and you lose the dollar bet, you owe your opponents 50 cents each, not a dollar each. If you win, it's a dollar each, of course.
Draw Shots
Always shoot as hard as possible when drawing the ball. When the ball doesn't draw, pretend you were shooting a stop shot.
If you can actually draw the ball, draw back the full length of the table whenever you use draw.
Safeties
No safeties allowed. You must leave your opponent with a shot. Obviously hiding the cue ball so your opponent has no shot is chickenshit pool. If you attempt to pocket a ball and the cue ball happens to roll into a nasty spot, then you can’t help that. Any sort of safety play must look like an accident which happened while you were attempting to pocket a ball.
An allowed “bar rules” safety is when you just tap the cue ball. It does not even have to hit a ball. Use this valuable tool liberally.
Scratching
Your required to scratch the cue ball into the pocket on every hanger you shoot at.
If all of your opponent’s balls are in the kitchen, scratch on purpose.
Always scratch on purpose if your opponent has the 8 ball in the kitchen.
Combination Shots
Your opponent can’t use one of your balls in the middle of a combination shot EVER! (It doesn't matter if he hits his ball first.)
Losing the Game
If someone beats you, don’t play with them anymore. They are obviously cheating. Tell everyone else that you are not going to play that guy again because he plays chickenshit pool.
If it looks like your opponent is about to win, announce that you are playing bank 8. If your opponent says this was not said before beginning play, say you always play bank 8 and he should have known this.
Contest every 8 ball shot. There is always some rules violation you can find. Usually it's because your opponent wasn't specific enough in calling which balls and rails the 8 would hit before going in.
When you lose to a female, pretend you let her win and then ask for her number lewdly.
If your opponent has shot in more balls than you and there is no way you can make all of your balls, shoot in his remaining balls when it is your turn to shoot. If he insists that you are shooting in his balls, place your stick on the wall and say you will not play with someone who cheats!
In the event the person you are playing is on the 8-ball, you should place you stick in the pocket, "golf course hole" style. This will help him see the pocket. Just before the 8 goes in, pull your stick away. In the event the 8 contacts your stick and does not go in the pocket, it is your turn, and you continue to shoot.
When you lose, you have to walk up to the other guy and tell him while nodding knowingly "I can shoot pool!" or "I used-ta play great pool, I am just drunk" or "I know a guy that you should play...."
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Bangers Congress of America
World Standardized Bar Rules for 8-Ball
Chickenshit and Cowpoke Edition
Gentleman’s Pool
Bar pool is "gentleman's pool." You should be a gentleman and shoot your shot so your opponent can win. Otherwise you're playing chickenshit pool.
Rules on Rules
No “posted” bar rules are allowed. This will allow you to invent new rules or change the rules so no one else can win.
Your Turn at the Table
If there is a chalkboard in the bar, erase all the names before writing yours as large and unreadable as possible. Then go to the bar and get a drink. Don't return.
If you are really drunk, it is always your turn at the table next.
When you go to pay for your game, if you don't have enough quarters for the game, take one of the free ones off of the rail.
To improve you chances of winning, it is best to put more than one quarter up in a row.
Selecting a Cue
When selecting a house cue, immediately before your opponent is about to break, roll your stick on the table. Repeat as necessary until the best stick is found.
Hand Powder
How much hand powder is enough to use? Put on plenty. Your hand should have so much powder on it that it will leave hand prints on the rails and cloth. If you are not leaving hand prints where you place your hand, apply more hand powder.
Chalking
Chalk up only after you miscue.
Always take the chalk from the table, even if it’s your turn or not. Put it in you pocket and forget you have it. When you can not find another piece, take it off the next table. Repeat procedure until all chalk is missing from the bar.
Always place chalk with the chalk side down on table.
You must tap your cue on the side of the table after chalking.
Always knock the chalk into the pocket, thus jamming the entire table.
Racking
Before racking, place you drink on the rail, or better yet, in the pocket.
When placing the rack, never place the head ball directly on the foot spot. It must be placed at least one inch above, below, to the left or right.
Never give your opponent a tight rack.
When racking, place the 8-ball behind the head ball, then slide rack backwards so the 8-ball drops into place. This looks very impressive.
When racking the balls, if a ball is missing, you must drop the cue ball in to each pocket at least three separate and non-consecutive times, in an attempt to clear the jam. (In the event that the 8-ball has been stolen, this event will continue indefinitely.) If it has been determined that the ball is still in the table, the largest and drunkest guy in the bar must pick up one end of the table, and drop it a distance of no less than 6 inches off the floor. For this will surely release any stuck ball.
You MUST twirl the rack when removing it from the table, and slam it into the rack holder.
Breaking
Before breaking, quote lines from Pool Hall Junkies and twirl your cue like Tom Cruise did in The Color of Money.
When breaking, angle your cue in a downward direction and shoot as hard as possible. This will make the cue ball fly off the table and will look impressive. You must try to bend your cue as much as possible when breaking.
If you do not break the rack well, accuse your opponent of giving you a slug rack. Never inspect the rack or ask for a re-rack before breaking as this is chickenshit pool.
Pocketing Balls
Hit the cue ball as hard as you can. The harder you hit the ball, the better player you are. If you can hit very hard and move all the balls around on the table, this is a great shot as one of your balls may fall into a pocket. If this happens, say that is the shot you intended to make.
If not shooting accurately, shoot harder. Shooting harder will improve aiming accuracy.
You must call every ball contact of other balls or rails before ball is pocketed. Example: Cue ball off the 9 to combo the 6 into the 4 off the rail into the corner. The more balls in a combination, rails contacted, etc., the more impressive the shot.
Leave your cigarette and beer on the rail when shooting.
Always jack up the back end of your cue. On every shot.
You must make an honest attempt to pocket a ball with each shot or make it "look like" you made an honest attempt to pocket a ball.
If you make a ball, strut around the table like you are the king!
Never directly hit your opponent’s ball first. However if you shoot a long kick shot or multi-rail shot and the cue ball hits your opponent’s ball first, well accidents happen! If your opponent has a ball blocking a pocket, never shoot it directly. Shoot a long kick shot and accidentally hit their ball to get it out of the way. Then get them to thank you for accidentally pocketing one of their balls.
Shoot as many bank shots as possible. This looks impressive!
Your follow through should hit the light fixture above the table. You are required to break the lights over the table any time it is possible. Suggested methods:
• Stand up from a shot where you are leaned way over the table, hitting the overhead lights.
• When you really need to show your manliness, hit the cue ball as hard as you can and let the cue tip swing up, hitting the overhead lights.
• When you are going to miss a shot (which is every shot), yell and scream at the ball to curve while leaning your body in the direction of the pocket and help the ball curve by swinging your cue towards the pocket, thus hitting the overhead lights.
• Swing your cue upwards after every break shot for maximum velocity, hitting the overhead lights
• while spinning your cue and whooping like tom cruise, drift closer to the table and let the butt of your cue get loose, hitting the overhead lights.
• After you put your beer on the rail and it spills onto the table, quickly surge forward to grab it before it goes everywhere, hitting the overhead lights with your forehead.
• If the above methods don't work, wait until your opponent is about to shoot the 8-ball then jam your cue into the overhead lights. Look surprised.
When your ball is on it's way to a corner pocket (since it leans that way and it's suppose to, all good tables do) and it doesn't look like it has enough juice to get there, it's appropriate to run to the corner pocket and stomp your foot real firm so the ball hops it's way to the pocket.
You must leave any balls which are tied up for last. Anything else is "playing like a girl".
Pretend that the 8 rail shot (that ricocheted off of 4 balls) you made was on purpose. Move immediately (twirling your cue) to your next shot.
There Ya Go!
You must say, "There ya go," when you miss and leave your opponent a shot. Failure to say "There ya go," is a foul.
Foul
The penalty for fouling is your opponent accusing you of playing chickenshit pool, the worst penalty there is.
It is a foul to not sing along with the jukebox while you are shooting and "Friends in Low Places" is playing.
Missing Your Shot
If you miss and leave your opponent tough, make sure he knows you were playing leave and did it intentionally.
Sharking
Talk to your opponent while he is shooting. Try to distract them or make them mad. Comment on their shooting. Give them free lessons on how to play pool, but only do this while they are playing against you.
If your opponent leaves you without a shot, accuse them of playing chickenshit pool.
When it's your turn to shoot, walk away and start socializing for ten minutes before finally shooting your shot.
Stand in front of your opponents shot while whistling and twirling your cue (bending over the pocket and making funny faces is also acceptable).
When your opponent is about to shoot, distract him by asking why he is about to shoot in one of "your" balls. Then argue with him about who has which group of balls for a while, then eventually concede that he was about to shoot the correct group. Then tell him to go ahead and shoot.
You must jump up and yell: "You didn't call that!" after any shot where three or more balls move.
While your opponent is shooting, jingle the quarters in your pocket.
Just before your opponent shoots the 8, unscrew your stick and say good game.
Always ask your opponent where he's shooting the 8 ball after he has already told you. Wait until he is in mid stroke.
While your Opponent is Shooting
Sit on the next table waiting for your turn to shoot. Ignore the game on the table on which you are sitting.
You can only ask which pocket your opponent is calling with his final shot (8-ball).
Balls Frozen To Rail
If the cue ball ends up on frozen to the rail, move it away at least a cue butt width so than you can shoot. It is not possible to strike the cue ball properly if it is glued to the cushion. It just isn't!
Jump Shots
Jump the cue ball over an obstructing object ball by hitting the cloth and the cue ball at the same time. Some idiots claim this is a so called "scoop shot foul", but in fact, it's one of the most impressive bar pool shots.
Skill
Shooting behind your back at least once a game is encouraged, even if it is not necessary. A behind the back shot will impress anyone within eyesight. If necessary, lift both feet of the ground, and roll back on to the table after loosing your balance.
If you're not drinking, then you can't play because you might use skill to win. Using skill to win is chickenshit pool.
No thinking allowed. Thinking, using cue to determine angles, etc. prior to making a shot is cheating.
You can't use your own cue because this might give you an advantage. Using such logical, rational advantages over drunks is chickenshit pool and must not be allowed.
Anyone using a glove, custom cue, crutch, or jump stick is a sissy and should be addressed as "Hot Shot" when spoken to.
Gambling
If you're playing partners and you lose the dollar bet, you owe your opponents 50 cents each, not a dollar each. If you win, it's a dollar each, of course.
Draw Shots
Always shoot as hard as possible when drawing the ball. When the ball doesn't draw, pretend you were shooting a stop shot.
If you can actually draw the ball, draw back the full length of the table whenever you use draw.
Safeties
No safeties allowed. You must leave your opponent with a shot. Obviously hiding the cue ball so your opponent has no shot is chickenshit pool. If you attempt to pocket a ball and the cue ball happens to roll into a nasty spot, then you can’t help that. Any sort of safety play must look like an accident which happened while you were attempting to pocket a ball.
An allowed “bar rules” safety is when you just tap the cue ball. It does not even have to hit a ball. Use this valuable tool liberally.
Scratching
Your required to scratch the cue ball into the pocket on every hanger you shoot at.
If all of your opponent’s balls are in the kitchen, scratch on purpose.
Always scratch on purpose if your opponent has the 8 ball in the kitchen.
Combination Shots
Your opponent can’t use one of your balls in the middle of a combination shot EVER! (It doesn't matter if he hits his ball first.)
Losing the Game
If someone beats you, don’t play with them anymore. They are obviously cheating. Tell everyone else that you are not going to play that guy again because he plays chickenshit pool.
If it looks like your opponent is about to win, announce that you are playing bank 8. If your opponent says this was not said before beginning play, say you always play bank 8 and he should have known this.
Contest every 8 ball shot. There is always some rules violation you can find. Usually it's because your opponent wasn't specific enough in calling which balls and rails the 8 would hit before going in.
When you lose to a female, pretend you let her win and then ask for her number lewdly.
If your opponent has shot in more balls than you and there is no way you can make all of your balls, shoot in his remaining balls when it is your turn to shoot. If he insists that you are shooting in his balls, place your stick on the wall and say you will not play with someone who cheats!
In the event the person you are playing is on the 8-ball, you should place you stick in the pocket, "golf course hole" style. This will help him see the pocket. Just before the 8 goes in, pull your stick away. In the event the 8 contacts your stick and does not go in the pocket, it is your turn, and you continue to shoot.
When you lose, you have to walk up to the other guy and tell him while nodding knowingly "I can shoot pool!" or "I used-ta play great pool, I am just drunk" or "I know a guy that you should play...."