A question...

Sweet Marissa said:
I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks... He doesn't play pool at all. Except the other day he mentioned that he wants a pool cue for Christmas. That way, he says, I can teach him.

This has not worked well in the past. I don't like to teach, don't know how to teach, and get bored playing with someone that doesn't know what they're doing. I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario. Showing someone how to make a close bridge for twenty minutes while they fail is just not appealing for me. I want to break their fingers. I'd rather listen to my mp3 player and play pool in my little bubble that I create for myself. I don't talk or acknowledge anyone for the most part.

So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?
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Relationships are give and take. Sounds like you only want to take and not give?? At least where recreational activities are concerned.

Edited to add: AFTER ALL, ITS JUST A GAME!!!!!

Russ...
 
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Sweet Marissa said:
I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks... He doesn't play pool at all. Except the other day he mentioned that he wants a pool cue for Christmas. That way, he says, I can teach him.

This has not worked well in the past. I don't like to teach, don't know how to teach, and get bored playing with someone that doesn't know what they're doing. I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario. Showing someone how to make a close bridge for twenty minutes while they fail is just not appealing for me. I want to break their fingers. I'd rather listen to my mp3 player and play pool in my little bubble that I create for myself. I don't talk or acknowledge anyone for the most part.

So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?
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Well, for starters. you could teach him to use an 'open bridge'. It isnt as hard to learn and pretty effective.
 
Marissa,
He sounds like a wonderful guy. Do not give up who you are to be with him. If he wants to be with you, find things together. Ask (nicely) to have "your time". If he truly loves you, he will understand. :cool: Good luck and let me know when the wedding is....
 
I see... when you guys first met you played alot of pool. Now you guys do alot of other things together and you don't play as much pool, right?

Sounds like he senses that you miss playing pool, but enjoy time together so he's trying to take an interest in pool so that you can play more often like before, but still spend time together.

Go with the flow, see what happens. Sounds like he's pretty sincere!
Zim
 
Sweet Marissa said:
I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks... He doesn't play pool at all. Except the other day he mentioned that he wants a pool cue for Christmas. That way, he says, I can teach him.

This has not worked well in the past. I don't like to teach, don't know how to teach, and get bored playing with someone that doesn't know what they're doing. I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario. Showing someone how to make a close bridge for twenty minutes while they fail is just not appealing for me. I want to break their fingers. I'd rather listen to my mp3 player and play pool in my little bubble that I create for myself. I don't talk or acknowledge anyone for the most part.

So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?
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Marissa-
Don't get me wrong. I know you love pool. BUT...

...if the first setence of yor original post is true, ("I am so happy with my boyfriend") it would all boil down to HOW HAPPY.

Do you love the guy? If so, this is an open and shut case. You make the sacrifice. You teach him what you can while explaining to him that you aren't the best teacher but you'll try. And the best you can do is show him the basics and the rest is up to him. Practicing. Focusing. Watching and Learning.

If you don't love the guy, is there potential for love there. Sounds silly but, you have to ask yourself this question. Because if you are so happy, then why make it unhappy by telling him 'Sorry. Don't wanna." Sounds trivial and somewhat immature for someone to respond this way, but think about it. What if you wanted him to show you how to do something (one of his interests) and he responded with "Nah! I don't like teaching and I'd rather have that to myself!"

I mean, if you truly are happy and you want this to A) continue, and B) grow, this is a small sacrifice but sacrifice for the sake of a partner/love nonetheless.

Food for thought.
 
pharaoh68 said:
Marissa-
Don't get me wrong. I know you love pool. BUT...

I mean, if you truly are happy and you want this to A) continue, and B) grow, this is a small sacrifice but sacrifice for the sake of a partner/love nonetheless.

Food for thought.
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Are we seeing a softer, more cuddly pharaoh? I'm impressed.....
 
poolhustler said:
Relationships are give and take. Sounds like you only want to take and not give?? At least where recreational activities are concerned.

Russ...
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His school is having a 50 year celebration that I'm going to with him.

For his birthday, I scoured and searched for the perfect present: I took him to Restaurant Eugene in Atlanta the Friday night of his birthday. Afterwards, we checked into our room at the Omni were he opened his presents: some books on old Russia and Nazi Germany, two antique Russian war medals (including a medal for bravery that he's going to research using the serial number), and a 19th century Bible. We spent the next day at the Georgia Aquarium and Fernbank Museum of Natural History before having dinner at Fogo de Chao and heading home.

I've offered to take him to play tennis with me.

I'll play chess with him, even though he's much better than me.

I'll play spades with his mother and father. His father has made every one of his past girlfriends cry. I'm the only girlfriend he's liked and it's probably because I don't take offence to anything he says. For example:

His dad: You know, I've taken more pictures than you have in your lifetime.
Me: Well, it's quality, not quantity.

We volunteer together and he comes with me to church. He's taking me to mass soon, as well.

So that isn't it at all!
 
Marissa, I think the best thing to do is to break up with him and go out with me. I promise to never post on here again and won't play pool either. This would be a win-win for everyone on here, except you!:grin-square:

Maybe give it a try and be really mean to him when teaching him and then he might lose interest.
 
Hi Marissa!

Recently, I've been hanging out with a new guy that wants to 'learn' to play pool (he's also a geek. Hopefully he won't see this, lol). Usually, I cringe about (I to am selfish;) ) having to share my table time with any one, especially a guy that can't hold a cue. What's helped a lot is playing 8 ball instead of 9 ball and I don't offer any help unless he asks. I also think about all of the people that used to refuse to shoot with me (and a few people that still do) because I wasn't there level and how they thought that was a waste of their time. Because of that, I try and stay open minded and play with almost anybody. Besides, I'm playing the table, not them. I've found that I'm enjoying shooting with non pool players a little more this way and am learning small things about the game at the same time. As far as teaching, buy him a lesson or two for Christmas from a good local instructor:) . Bring him to a few tournaments with you and maybe he will get the jist and understand that practice time is practice time and hopefully he won't be offended by that. Hope this helps!

hilla
 
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shayla said:
I met my husband in a pool hall. We both play pool and love the game. However, we've gotten to the point where we don't play pool together. He's a good player and I'm a good player. I know a lot about the game and he knows a lot about the game. But, we each have our own styles and neither of us can tell the other one how to shoot a shot because both of us are stubborn and each of our ways is the only way to shoot a shot! :)

Since we both love the game, I support him in pool and he supports me. I go by myself to tournaments and he goes by himself to tournaments. We rarely often go to tournaments together. This works very well because neither of us resent the other for being out at the pool hall.

Many couples can't play pool together and we've definitely have our ups and downs when we used to play together. Now, we only play together once a year in Scotch Doubles at the BCA and our last time we played we got 3rd!

I think its great he wants to learn the game and support you and want to do something with you and you should embrace that, but be honest and tell him up front how you feel about it. If you can't do that, then maybe you need to seriously consider giving up pool instead.
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Shayla, You guys are a great example of a pool playing couple that works! So many couples effect each other in a negative way but you guys really balance each other's needs well. I've dated guys that play and guys that don't and there is always going to be complications centered around pool. Either they don't understand your desire to play or they don't understand how to fit into your pool life. You just have to be honest with him and make sure it's all out on the table before he start to learn.
 
One more thing... I'm learning to cook for him. I hate to cook, but since he likes it, I'm taking lessons. I'm giving a LOT right there :p
 
I had the same problem with my ex girlfriend. At first it seems selfish to not teach a significant other to play, or to not want to spend time hitting balls with them.

When I realized how much pool time I sacrificed to be with her, I didn't want to give up the little practice time I had. I explained to her that pool wasn't something I just did for fun or to pass time, but something I wanted to spend my free time getting better at.

She seemed to understand, but it still caused a bit of a rift between us.
 
Sweet Marissa said:
So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?
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I'm the worst teacher there is. Just have no knack for it. When someone asks me to teach them, INCLUDING my own kids I'm just honest about it and say that I'm not very good and can I help you find a better teacher.
 
If you don't play as much as you used to, maybe you are becoming more of a casual player. In that case, it might not be so bad to spend some casual time together in a pool room. But if you still consider yourself a serious player, it could take a while for him to catch up.

Either way, I wouldn't suggest teaching him yourself. It's a sure relationship killer. I am a professional instructor, and when my wife wanted to learn, I got another instructor to work with her.

If he really wants to learn, give him lessons for his birthday or whatever. I occasionally get down to GA to teach classes. If you're interested, let me know. I'm hoping to make a weekend road trip to Athens again before the end of the year to hold another school down that way.

Steve
 
my 2c experience and a perfect tip to make it not so boring..

I spent 3 nights / week in tournaments and my g/f asked me to teach her to play pool 3 years ago. She wanted to beat all her male friends. We started out, and i started with teaching her the basics in phaser 1:
aka: stance, bridge, shoulder, only playing with the cb (no other balls on the table), i told her it would take a good 6 months up to a year, before there would be extra balls to play with. We got out first fight in many years right there. She didn't want to learn, she just wanted to pass more time together and get interested in what my hobie is. She stopped for a month, and then asked me again: please teach me, but don't talk so much. after a week a second big fight, and she stopped for 3 months. She wanted 'tricks' so she would win, that could be teached in 5 minuts, instead of roling the cb back and forward in a line for weeks, she wanted quality time instead of feeling she was in school and had to obeye a teacher and do homework...

result: She does't even come as spectator to big tournaments anymore, she hates pool , and i'm not alowed to talk about pool in the house anymore (I agree, i'm talking ALL the time about it)

Since she stopped playing, we hadn't had a big fight...

Tip:

Occasionaly when we are with a big group of friends and someone asks to play pool, we won't say no. We will play and have a good time, but the only thing i found that was helpfull for me, and less boring then to play people who can't hold a stick:

play with your eyes closed and focus on your stroke. In the beginning they'll take it as bragging, but if you explain them, they will understand. If they don't, play some 14-1 and run 100 till they get bored. they will understand after some time :D, teach then new games besides 8-ball. People love to hear new things and give yourself a huge handicap.

Usually when with lots of friends and in an uneven number we play 14-1, race to 50, and they start at 40. makes it interesting for you..

gl with the ballbanging nerd and let us know how it worked out.
 
Marissa,
If the reason you don't want him to play pool is really because you don't want to be in a pool hall all the time then tell him that and you don't like to teach or dont want to teach, explain to him just like you explained to us about it, but put it a way he will not get offended or take it the wrong way. Just tell him the truth, he will be more hurt in the end if you don't
 
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