John and Joe are playing pool. John likes to have fun and Joe is very very serious
and NOTHING will disturb him or shark him on his shot. Joe is as usual very serious
and running out the last game to win the set. He is shooting the 8 with a tough 9
remaining for the win.
He shoots the 8 in and gets tough on the 9, he gets down on the shot and right before
he pulls the trigger, he sees a hearse go past the window of the pool room with
several funeral cars following. He gets up off the shot and puts his hand on his
heart and bows his head and then after about 5 seconds, gets back down on the 9 and
drills it in the back of the pocket for the win.
John then turns to Joe and says "I am amazed that you did that and got up off your
shot, it shows amazing respect and I have to say Joe, I have never seen you get up
off a shot before"
Joe then responds, "It's the least I could do John, I was married to the woman for
37 years"
-------
During the hey day of billiards a woman was on trial for killing her husband. The
judge asked the prosecutor how the murder was committed. The prosecutor responded by
telling the judge that the woman had beat her husband to death with a billiard cue.
The judged then asked "Really, How many innings?"
-------
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the patient.
"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.
"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."
"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble.
What kind do you eat?"
"All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for
lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens....!"
-------
A guy is going into a poolroom with his wife and they see a bum out front begging for
money. The guy pulls $20 out and ask if he gives it to the bum will he spend it on
booze..."no" said the bum..."I gave up alcohol". Then the guy ask if the bum will
spend it playing pool...."no I gave up gambling". Well then he ask if he'd spend it
on a hooker...."no I gave up women too". The man drops the $20 into his lap and walks
inside. Once inside he tells his wife..."that was one filthy, nasty, homeless
bum...see what would happen if I quit drinking, gambling & women?"
-------
What's the difference between a pro pool player and a pizza pie?
A pizza pie can feed a family of four.
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Judgement day, and God sitting majestically on his throne, is asking Johnny Archer,
Efren Reyes and Earl Strickland what they believe in.
Johnny says "practice, good sportsmanship and appreciation of the Fans"
Efren says "same as Johnny but I just really 'get lucky' sometimes"
And Earl... says... "I believe you're sitting in my chair"
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What do you call a poolplayer without a girlfriend?
Homeless!
-------
This pool player goes to see his Dr. and tells him he hasn't taken a dump in two weeks.
The Dr. says here, take this mild laxative and come back in 3 days. After 3 days, he
returns to the Doc and says still nothing. The Doc, a little amazed, says here, take
this, it's the strongest laxative I have. Take it and return on Monday.
He returns on Monday and tells the Doc, Still nothing..." The Doc is somewhat confused...
He asks the guy, "Can I ask you what you do for a living?" The man replies, "Well sure,
I am a professional pool player."
The Doc says, "Well why didn't you say so! Here's 10 bucks, go get something to eat..."
-------
What does a woman do with her a**hole before having sex?
She drops him off at the poolroom!
---------
Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husbands best mate
Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation.
"Who was it? The back stabbing buddy asked.
"Oh, that was Mick." She replied calmly.
"Oh shit, I'd better be going then!: he said. "Did Mick say where he
was?"
"Relax - he's down at the pub, playing a few games of pool with you."
