Keith,
IMHO...
You have to want to win. I'm sure that you do. Then you have to do the work that it takes to win. The win will not be given to you. Sounds like you're not working enough.
By work, I mean a really focused effort. You asked how 'we' overcame it.
Well my answer is focus. Especially when up against tough competition. By focus I mean fully.
When I'm playing seriously, my eyes never leave the table & I hardly hear anything & if I do hear something, I ignor it. I never put my cue down because I want to be at the table. I can't win with my cue out of my hands, leaning somewhere. I want to stay connected to my cue as though I was still playing, because I am still playing. I may not be shooting but I'm still focused on the game on the table. Pay attention to everything that happens on that table.
When you have that kind of focus, nothing can distract you from your goal, which is to win that game. When that game is over regardless of the outcome, stay focused. Forget the last game & focus on the table for the next game. Try to take no breaks, but if you have to go to the rest room or get somethig to drink stay focused on the table & the real task at hand. When it is all over, then you can relax & enjoy it.
Keep in mind that I am not an instructor. I am sure that they will have very good & very specific advice for you.
Best Wishes & Good Luck,