I'm with you on most of this, although I do like one of the commentators to whom you alluded in your screed above.
When a commentator is hard to listen to I usually I just turn off the sound and enjoy the play. What bothers me the most, though, is the streamers that insist on inserting a video window of themselves doing the commentary and/or the scrolling text of the chat. Like they are somehow important enough visually to distract from the actual game, or like I cared at all about what the people on the chat had to say. Those I usually give a thumbs down and leave the stream/video.
it seems that's a generational thing. the young generation apparently likes it that way. why, and how it came about i dunno