Douchebag moves you have seen people pull at league

[Banks]

I posted last June about an 'issue' I had at a league game about calling a foul on an illegal move. I posted about it here....Bill Stock even chimed in to clarify the rule and maintained it was in fact a foul. During the thread, there were numerous posts by an individual who represented themselves as someone who had been at the match and was in fact involved in the foul.

The douchebag move was when this person admitted in a local shoot and in a UStream chat that he was the one who had pretended to be the person attempting to discredit me here in that thread. He was, and still is, quite full of himself. Not only was it not the person involved, but he was not even at the match, let alone on the team (not even sure if he was even on the league)....turns out, it was her ex-husband.

Now, I refuse to play in sets against this person in local shoots because he proceeds to call fouls damn near every time I am at the table....whether one has actually occurred or not. There is not enough money in these shoots to make it worth the headache....trust me. I just want to shoot some pool and have fun....it's not about the, if you're lucky, $50-$75. I can make that in one night singing karaoke. :smile:

I was talking with another female player who has been playing forever, like myself, who said that she is thinking of quitting because she is realizing just how many a$$holes are in pool these days (and she counts the above individual in that group).....I gotta agree.

Lisa

I posted a story before about a player that was simply a donkey an entire 9b match. Starts out by saying he doesn't normally play for anything under $100, after a few racks whines about slop because I'd continue runs afterwards, rakes balls, talks crap a few feet from the table, on and on. Turns out, he posts here, too. Best part, got him in 8 and 9 with a bar cue. After I mentioned him to somebody, they said, "Oh, you haven't played him before?"

As far as all of the emotionally and morally challenged people that play, I've met tons more that aren't. I'll be damned if the few drive me away from playing. I've just become more vocal about calling them on it now that I know what it is when it happens. There are lots of things that go a long ways when learning to play pool in a bar setting.. like learning how to tell somebody to go @#$%$^... :thumbup:

 

[ridewiththewind]

I posted a story before about a player that was simply a donkey an entire 9b match. Starts out by saying he doesn't normally play for anything under $100, after a few racks whines about slop because I'd continue runs afterwards, rakes balls, talks crap a few feet from the table, on and on. Turns out, he posts here, too. Best part, got him in 8 and 9 with a bar cue. After I mentioned him to somebody, they said, "Oh, you haven't played him before?"

As far as all of the emotionally and morally challenged people that play, I've met tons more that aren't. I'll be damned if the few drive me away from playing. I've just become more vocal about calling them on it now that I know what it is when it happens. There are lots of things that go a long ways when learning to play pool in a bar setting.. like learning how to tell somebody to go @#$%$^... :thumbup:

Oh, I'm not giving up that game....not by any stretch! I have actually learned to open up my mouth....but, being of the female persuasion, I'm then considered a ***** because I have the nerve to question the status quo.

The league admitted I was in the right....but refused to do anything about it, but vowed to address it at next season's general meeting. Whatever. I am more angry about the member here misrepresenting themselves as someone they were not, with first-hand knowledge they simply did not have. Their ONLY reason for posting in that thread was to attempt to discredit me and make me look like a fool. That's just straight up a malicious individual, in my book, and I got no use for them....on or off the table.

 

[Luxury]

There was this smokin hot blonde bartender that every guy wanted and she ended up on a league team.

Well I had to beat her several games and once I was in the lead the sharking began. She was doing sexy poses in front of the pockets etc.

Then when I only needed to win two more games she really put the screws to me. I'm doing my warm up strokes and she reaches from behind and grabs my crotch!

I turn around and she coyly says some dude did it. But then it continued and I allowed it to continue. Every shot she followed me around the table fondling me.

I was making tough shots and guys were making comments that nothing phased me. I adjusted my pants and considered missing to avoid questions about my orientation.

Finally she got a shot the last game and I gave her a good smack on the ass to keep things even.

Big cold shower that night. Her bar got destroyed in a fire and I never saw her again.

 

[Mowem down]

APA 9 ball match, playing a team that does not like are team for many reasons one being we played at a place that had 9 ft tables.

Playing a guy thats a 5 im a 8 (at are place ). I think it was a 35-75 race, havent played apa in years so dont remember but thats close. Im not into the match at all so im just rolling them around he gets a 24-12 lead, they think they won the dang lotto, the high fives are flying. Well wouldnt ya know old mowem down grabbed a gear. the guy got 3 balls in the next 6 racks or so. hes racking what would be the last rack the one ball rolls off 1/4 inch I ask if he willl get it touching he says "NO", I start laughing and say im not breaking till its touching. He grugingly (sp) grabs the rack and says while re-racking "what does it matter". Not sure what he ment by that but I do know i broke and ran out whatever balls I needed to win so I hope he got his answer....

 

[ghost ball]

There was this smokin hot blonde bartender that every guy wanted and she ended up on a league team.

Well I had to beat her several games and once I was in the lead the sharking began. She was doing sexy poses in front of the pockets etc.

Then when I only needed to win two more games she really put the screws to me. I'm doing my warm up strokes and she reaches from behind and grabs my crotch!

I turn around and she coyly says some dude did it. But then it continued and I allowed it to continue. Every shot she followed me around the table fondling me.

I was making tough shots and guys were making comments that nothing phased me. I adjusted my pants and considered missing to avoid questions about my orientation.

Finally she got a shot the last game and I gave her a good smack on the ass to keep things even.

Big cold shower that night. Her bar got destroyed in a fire and I never saw her again.

ummm, what you described here is not a douchebag move.....

 

[Luxury]

ummm, what you described here is not a douchebag move.....

Yeah it's hard to find a pool porn thread tho.

 

[TheNewSharkster]

In APA tri cup championship we are playing a team that brought a red dot cue ball. They never asked us if we wanted to use it so after the first match the person playing asked to go back to the original cue ball. They started swearing and calling us names. I tried to calm the team captain down during a smoke but he was hell bent on being a total *ick about it. They did however have to switch since both players need to agree on the cue ball being used.

*Personally* speaking I would rather use the red dot and when I played I actually asked if we could use it for that match.

 

[Spider1]

This is one I will never forget. A buddy of mine always played this guy on another team in league and he almost always beat him. Well, my buddy Craig, had this girl and he was crazy in love with her. But unfortunately she was a tramp and had been cheating on him for a long time. He finds out, they break up, he is devastated.

So as luck would have it on the next league night they play each other, this jerk shows up with his now x-girlfriend. This guy is really rubbing it in Craigs face too, he's got her on his lap rubbing her all over, kissing her, making jokes under their breath the whole nine yards.

So I'm thinking that any second that I'm going to have to break up a fight but I look over at Craig and he is taking this extremely well. Almost too good in fact. I lean over and say to him "You know he's doing this just to try and get inside your head right?" He tells me not to worry about, hes got it covered.

Now I'm really worried because I know he has a gun out in his car and I'm thinking he might actually use it. I'm really sweating this one out, trying to figure out what I'm gonna do when I hear a loud cry and a "OH SH!T"!!!!!

It seams that Craig decided to give this jerks wife a call and tell her to come down to the pool hall because her husband was in trouble. She walks in and catches the tramp on her husbands lap and the poo hits the fan!

The rest of us on the team just sat there dumbfounded. We looked like this----->

Well, Craig was right he had it covered!!!

:lol: This is awesome!!!

A few years ago in our VNEA league, my team captain was leading for MVP with one week to play. The captain of the team in second place could only catch him if he were to accomplish 3 ero's(8 ball run-out) on the last night of regular play. It turns out that the team scheduled to play the second place team actually forfeited, so the winning team only gets credit for the wins, but cannot accumulate ero points. Well, the captain of that team marked himself down for 3 ero's, and turned the sheet in. My captain got word of this about a week later, and confronted him and finally had him admit he cheated. So it all worked out in the end.

Now, fast forward to this year. With only 3 weeks left to play, I am the front runner, and the same guy is trailing me. And he needs 4 ero's to surpass me, if I were to get none from here on out. I am interested to see what is gonna happen.:thumbup:


Braden

This one reminds me of something that happened a couple years ago:

I was tied for the lead in my (low) bracket for mvp, which would have been $50. Last week of the season, we are playing the guy I'm tied with's team.

MVP was determined off of a few factors, including "total opponent handicap". So this guy's team threw their 2 (!) up against me, and the guy I was tied with played a 4 on my team (2-7 handicaps 2 being lowest). So we both won our matches, but because I played their 2, it dropped my opponent total handicap down just enough for him to barely beat me and win the $50.

Legal, but the height of chickensh*t. I told him we should play each other, so it would be a more fun match (seeing who was our bracket's mvp head-to-head) and he chickened out.

 

[angldemn]

Not nearly as entertaining, but a teammate of mine called "combo corner pocket" pointing his cue at the corner where his ball was just hanging on the edge for dear life.

He made the combo with ease and immediately his opponent jumped up and yelled "foul!" Since my teammate hadn't called the specific number ball, the ref ruled against him, and unfortunately he never got another shot in the game.

Rules are rules I guess, but I'd like to think that shouldn't stand in the way of sportsmanship.

 

[Spider1]

Might not be covered under the thread, but I was thinking about this not too long ago: every league, no matter where you play in the country, has certain similar 'types' of people at it that you instantly recognize in any new league you join or anywhere you go. We could start a big list, but here's a few contributions:

The tech guy

This guy can shoot up or down, but he is notable for having every type of pool related gadget you can imagine. From two or three types of cue holders, to a half dozen shapers/scuffers, to clip on extensions, to a dazzling array of sanders/slickers/cloths, etc. He will have gadgets you've never heard of. He will have watched every match ever recorded on vhs/dvd, and has studied every type of aiming system, dominant-eye lecture, or guide movie known to man. He'll be carrying a huge case, probably at least a 4x8, despite it only being a league match. That said, he will probably change cues as many times as the league rules allow in one match. Will probably also lecture you about proper patterns or your poor shot selection after you've just beat him.

The lawyer

This guy is frustrated/angry at his regular life, so he's going to take it out on everyone at a supposedly-for-fun league. He will be curt, and not friendly to any opponents. Never smiles unless he is rolling his eyes. Has never shaken hands after a match ever. He will have the entire league rule book memorized, and will try to twist and nitpick every rule for any possible advantage. You can spot his teammates by looking for people covering their eyes and looking embarrassed every time he opens his mouth. Playing this guy's team is like pulling teeth, and everyone hates him. Sometimes seen on an entire team of "lawyers"...god help you if that's the case.


The Lovebirds

This couple are in love. No, really in love. They'll hold hands when she is not sitting in his lap. They will pay no attention to the matches unless one of them is playing. He will shoot mediocre, and she will shoot terrible. She'll still likely slop in the 9 now and then and win a match, which results in a loud celebration with the boyfriend/husband as if she just won the US Open. Oh he's also going to coach her every shot, and if you win against her he's going to give you the stink eye for months and never talk to you again.

The crusty old guy

He's been playing pool since the dawn of time, and has some insights and some skill still, but he's also annoyed with all the loud drunk young 'kids' and will mostly keep to himself. He will go weeks without saying more than 3 or 4 words the entire night. Almost always wearing a baseball cap with "Marines" or something similar on it, glasses, and a white beard. A good guy to befriend, if you can get him to talk. Sometimes seen on an entire team of old guys, if so they will probably finish no lower than 2nd or 3rd in the league. His stroke is a little shaky, but he is going to safety you until you want to kill yourself.


The drunk guy

He's convinced his shooting gets better as he drinks more. He'll be loud, annoying, telling long boring stories while you're waiting for him to shoot, and will be likely to get irritable as the night goes along if he's losing. Sometimes makes incredible shots...then turns around and misses a shot 1 foot from the pocket. Patterns or the concept of "leave" is completely foreign to him, and he will hit every shot at near-break speed. If there is any debate about a legal hit or other rule question, look out for fireworks. At the end of the night you can hear him loudly asking the bartender "My tab is how much?" without fail.

The cheerleader

This guy is one of the weakest players on his team, but to make up for that he is going to cheer his teammates on at all times, no matter how annoying. If his teammate makes any shot at all he will invariably spout out "Nice shot man" without hesitation or thought. A bank shot made sends him into seizures of joy and loud praise. If someone on his team makes an actual nice shot he will be jumping up and down trying to high five people and looking as if he's having a coronary. Can be instantly identified by his persistent calls of "You've got this man!" "Nice leave buddy!" and of course "he's got nothing!".



Anyone got any others??

 

[angldemn]

Anyone got any others??

Nice post, you just about got them all.

The exponentially angry guy:

Starts out friendly good sense of humor, and plays decent. As the night progresses his friendly jokes become sharper, then plainly insulting. His shots become fiercer till he hits every ball with break speed. He's missing more and more until he's throwing his stick down or raking the table.

He didn't come back this season though and perhaps he'll have a longer more enjoyable life for it.

 

[Aten]

The crusty old guy

He's been playing pool since the dawn of time, and has some insights and some skill still, but he's also annoyed with all the loud drunk young 'kids' and will mostly keep to himself. He will go weeks without saying more than 3 or 4 words the entire night. Almost always wearing a baseball cap with "Marines" or something similar on it, glasses, and a white beard. A good guy to befriend, if you can get him to talk. Sometimes seen on an entire team of old guys, if so they will probably finish no lower than 2nd or 3rd in the league. His stroke is a little shaky, but he is going to safety you until you want to kill yourself.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: LOL there's a guy in the league I play in who literally matches this description word for word except the young kids part. If I didn't know better I'd think you were describing this man exactly hahaha

I myself am the angry guy :thumbup:

 

[champ2107]

There was this smokin hot blonde bartender that every guy wanted and she ended up on a league team.

Well I had to beat her several games and once I was in the lead the sharking began. She was doing sexy poses in front of the pockets etc.

Then when I only needed to win two more games she really put the screws to me. I'm doing my warm up strokes and she reaches from behind and grabs my crotch!

I turn around and she coyly says some dude did it. But then it continued and I allowed it to continue. Every shot she followed me around the table fondling me.

I was making tough shots and guys were making comments that nothing phased me. I adjusted my pants and considered missing to avoid questions about my orientation.

Finally she got a shot the last game and I gave her a good smack on the ass to keep things even.

Big cold shower that night. Her bar got destroyed in a fire and I never saw her again.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: lol my wife does this to me sometimes lol and i wonder if i should miss too lol

 

[michael4]

The complainer.

This guy complains about something after every missed shot, his knees hurt, the table is bad, the lighting is bad, etc, etc, etc. He thinks he is much better than he really is. He always says he is having a "bad day", but no one has ever seen him have a "good day".

The young gun.

This guy is very good and he knows it. He acts bored when playing you, like he would rather be anywhere else. He will quit soon to play with better players. He will laugh at your bad shots. He will toy with you or sandbag.

The hot girl.

This girl cannot play at all, but everyone wants her on their team. She will get away with almost any foul because she is hot. All the guys will go out of their way to give her pointers.

The foreign guy.

This guy really wants to fit in with the group, but he doesnt. His jokes are not funny and neither are his stories. He is not really well liked, but he plays good.

The broke guy.

This guy never brings any money. He may ask to borrow money, or he will sit there looking so sad, that you feel the need to buy him something. Some of these guys will have a good job or very nice car, but yet they always claim to be broke.

 

[angldemn]

The Scorekeeper:

Pen, paper, calculator. Starts every match analyzing an algorithm for determining the lineup. Commonly seen on the opponents table making sure the scores match. Things he might say are, "We only need three more balls to win this round;" or "That guy's handicap should be higher." Spends a lot of time walking around the table each shot, and will quickly bring over a couple of team members to discuss it. Make sure to tell him your score as soon as your match is finished for he will follow you to the bar, urinal, or even to the gates of hell to get it.

 

[Mickey Qualls]

Anyone got any others??

Actually, I came up with a couple after reading your excellent list...:thumbup:

The Sunday Driver:
This cat has all the time in the world to play, and it shows on the table. Every shot takes them at least two minutes* and, regardless of whether or not they got the EXACT position they intended, they have to spend ANOTHER two minutes (minimum) to plan their next shot. Whether or not they beat you is irrelevant in comparison to the game/match finally being over. Depending on what's at stake, the temptation to unscrew your cue and/or forfeit your match, simply to end the misery, can be overwhelming at times.
*Times may vary based on type of game played and/or balls remaining on the table

The Help Desk (aka Tech Support):
This is the player that likes to have a telephone conversation while they're shooting. "It's not a shark move !!" because, technically, they are doing it during their turn. These players feel the need to explain to the person on the other end of the phone, as well as anyone within earshot (BTW, ever notice how these people get louder during this kind of thing ?), how to do something inane (typically related to electronic, non-life threatening equipment).
Nevermind that they are in the middle of a game/match. The thought of calling someone back when they are done is foreign to them. And it's important, the person that called them has to know RIGHT NOW how to turn on the dishwasher !!!

 

[ridewiththewind]

Oh yeah!...the phone guy....

Not league, but during a money shoot:

During the guy's inning, his phone rings, it's his gf...he leaves the bar for over 10 minutes!! I want the game called, and the TD at the time refused. So, I sit and wait. The guy finally comes back, and is now demanding that I tell him what suit he was shooting when he left....I say, "No way, you leave during your inning for over 10 minutes, and then you expect me to tell you your suit?" The guy starts calling me every nasty name in the book...pissed because now the TD won't back him up and tell him the suit. This goes on for about 5 minutes or so...and then some railbird tells him his suit. I'm livid....it's a freaking money shoot! I finished out the set, which I won...broke my stick down and left. Didn't play again until there was a new TD...which happened a couple of months later.

 

[Spider1]

The Scorekeeper:

Pen, paper, calculator. Starts every match analyzing an algorithm for determining the lineup. Commonly seen on the opponents table making sure the scores match. Things he might say are, "We only need three more balls to win this round;" or "That guy's handicap should be higher." Spends a lot of time walking around the table each shot, and will quickly bring over a couple of team members to discuss it. Make sure to tell him your score as soon as your match is finished for he will follow you to the bar, urinal, or even to the gates of hell to get it.

LOL EVERYONE has played in a league with this guy!! :lol:

The Sunday Driver:
This cat has all the time in the world to play, and it shows on the table. Every shot takes them at least two minutes* and, regardless of whether or not they got the EXACT position they intended, they have to spend ANOTHER two minutes (minimum) to plan their next shot. Whether or not they beat you is irrelevant in comparison to the game/match finally being over. Depending on what's at stake, the temptation to unscrew your cue and/or forfeit your match, simply to end the misery, can be overwhelming at times.

Oh god yes! You forgot "will get down on a shot, stroke a few times, then suddenly stand up and re-analyze the entire table before changing his mind. This will happen two or three times before he reverts to his original shot choice after all. You will pray for your own death before this match is over."


These are funny to read, and so damn true! I swear Jung was right, there are 'archetypes' all around us!

 

[Mickey Qualls]

What a maroon... I forgot all about...

Cliff Clavin (the postman from 'Cheers'):

"Eh, you know you're chalking your stick the wrong way. The way you're supposed to do it is to stick the tip into the cavity in the cube, and twist back and forth until it sounds like someone's dragging their nails on a chalkboard, That's how you get the most chalk on your tip".

Yeah, I'm sure we all know at least one cat like this. The kind of person that tells newbies that they "need to hit the object ball here"... nevermind explaining that they need to imagine a ghost ball to find the contact point, just "aim it here" (which the newbies do, and subsequently miss), at which point the 'postman' mumbles to a decent player that the rookie "will be lucky to win one game tonite". This same character is guilty of claiming to have a 'perfect night', and that he went one season 'undefeated' (oddly enough, in a now-defunct out of area league, so his claims can't be proven).
Then this sad mailman gets to the table and can't make four balls in a row without missing, all the while telling his stories about playing Minnesota Fats "back when he lived around here", and that "George Bowlabooscha is working on my custom for me next week".

 

[Mickey Qualls]

LOL I got another one...

The Memory Stick:

Nice enough guy, but likes to relate the SAME STORY over and over to anyone that will listen on league night (God help you if it's an in-house league)...

To someone that hasn't heard the story (usually someone playing in the league their first year, as the Memory Stick has told all the veteran league players this story at least twelve times):
"Hey, did you guys ever play the Brick Sh!tters, back when Adam played for them ? One night Leon ran out on Dustin, but he left the 12 ball on that table ? Man, that $h!t had us laughin' all night !!"

Then to the unfortunate victim that has to hear the story the thirteenth time:
"Hey, I was tellin' these guys about the night we played Adam's team when he played the Brick Sh!tters. I told them the story about when Leon ran out on Dustin, but forgot the 12 ball !! They thought it was pretty funny !!"

The veteran players feel like doing some similar mental error, just to give the Memory Stick something ELSE to talk about...