And the judge wasn't gonna look at the 28 8x10 color glossy photographs...
and I said Obie... did you think I was gonna hang myself, for litterin'?
Fictional interview
- Thread starter Michael Andros
- Start date
And the judge wasn't gonna look at the 28 8x10 color glossy photographs...
and I said Obie... did you think I was gonna hang myself, for litterin'?
AZB: Ok, so... tell us about your first really "big" score. You remember it?
WT: Oh yeah... it was at a pretty big tournament, lots of world beaters. I was just a kid. So it's late, around maybe 2 or so in the morning, I'd been playing pretty much all day. I wasn't in the tournament, just in action. So this guy wants to play, pretty cheap, I think 20 a game, 9ball. So I dog like, 3 balls in a row and he wins 3 quick games. So I quit. I was tired, just wanted to go sleep. The next day he sees me and starts yappin', really cocky, really mouthy. REALLY annoying. He wants more of course. So my staker says "We'll take the 8.". The guy says "You got the breaks".
AZB: How old were you?
WT: Hmmm... 18? Maybe 17. I know I wasn't driving yet.
AZB: Ok, so you're getting the breaks. What then?
WT: We played for 4 or 5 hours. I busted him. We ended up at 50 a pop.
AZB: How much?
WT: 1200.
AZB: Wow... you win 24 games at 50 per?
WT: I won a lot more than that. We started at 20. I had him stuck around 7 or 8 hundred before he wanted to bet 50. After it was over, he was cryin', literally. I was trying not to laugh at him. He was SUCH a jerk. When we started, he was strutting around the table, yap yap yap, really annoying. But that didn't last long. He shut up once he was stuck a few hundred. After that he just whined a lot. One of his friends came up to me about halfway through and told me "You don't need the breaks, play him even." I told the guy "Let him win it back like he lost it."
AZB: That's funny...
WT: Yeah, it was. That was the first person I ever beat that I felt REALLY good after it. I'm a pretty quiet person. I don't like all that yapping. I'd rather let my cue speak for me.
AZB: And it's spoken pretty well for you through the years, huh?
WT: It's done ok... yeah.
WT: Oh yeah... it was at a pretty big tournament, lots of world beaters. I was just a kid. So it's late, around maybe 2 or so in the morning, I'd been playing pretty much all day. I wasn't in the tournament, just in action. So this guy wants to play, pretty cheap, I think 20 a game, 9ball. So I dog like, 3 balls in a row and he wins 3 quick games. So I quit. I was tired, just wanted to go sleep. The next day he sees me and starts yappin', really cocky, really mouthy. REALLY annoying. He wants more of course. So my staker says "We'll take the 8.". The guy says "You got the breaks".
AZB: How old were you?
WT: Hmmm... 18? Maybe 17. I know I wasn't driving yet.
AZB: Ok, so you're getting the breaks. What then?
WT: We played for 4 or 5 hours. I busted him. We ended up at 50 a pop.
AZB: How much?
WT: 1200.
AZB: Wow... you win 24 games at 50 per?
WT: I won a lot more than that. We started at 20. I had him stuck around 7 or 8 hundred before he wanted to bet 50. After it was over, he was cryin', literally. I was trying not to laugh at him. He was SUCH a jerk. When we started, he was strutting around the table, yap yap yap, really annoying. But that didn't last long. He shut up once he was stuck a few hundred. After that he just whined a lot. One of his friends came up to me about halfway through and told me "You don't need the breaks, play him even." I told the guy "Let him win it back like he lost it."
AZB: That's funny...
WT: Yeah, it was. That was the first person I ever beat that I felt REALLY good after it. I'm a pretty quiet person. I don't like all that yapping. I'd rather let my cue speak for me.
AZB: And it's spoken pretty well for you through the years, huh?
WT: It's done ok... yeah.
AZB: What's the strangest thing you ever beat somebody out of? I had someone tell me once they won a car and when they opened the trunk it was full of fish. Like, just caught off a pier or something. Anything like that ever happen to you?
WT: ( laughing ) Now that's pretty funny. Nope, no fish. But, I DID win a whole truck load of frozen hams, once. We were posting up and once he lost the last set, he said if I'd let him keep the post up, he'd give me his entire load of hams. At first I was like, no thanks. But one of the sweaters was a butcher at a local grocery store. He called the store manager and they bought the whole load. I ended up getting @ 500 more than the post up. So that worked.
AZB: Must've been a lot of hams.
WT: Yeah... it was a pretty big truck. Not a semi, but a pretty big truck. There was maybe 5 or 6 hundred hams.
AZB: Wow. That's a lot of ham sandwiches.
WT: Yup.
AZB: Alrigthythen. So what's the most you ever lost?
WT: Hell, I don't know. Not too much. You'd have to ask the guy that was staking me.
AZB: Ok. So drop some names. Who are some of the world beaters you've busted. We've heard a lot of names. A lot of those sessions were documented. But a lot are just stories... who's the biggest name you ever busted?
WT: Ah, I don't wanna get into all that. And honestly, I never really paid too much attention to that stuff. I just wanted to play, you know? Just post up and flip for the break.
AZB: Oh, c'mon Wes. You've beaten *everyone*. At least that's the scoop. You can't give us even a *couple* of names?
WT: Nahh... no sense in it. Most of 'em beat me at one time or another. I wouldn't like hearing *them* crow about it. So I'll just leave it at that.
AZB: Hmm.. ok. Well then, who was the toughest player you ever played, whether you busted him or he busted you...
WT: That's easy. Buddy. Hands down.
AZB: Really? Not Efren? Or Earl?
WT: Buddy's the only player I ever played that scared me. Not terrified. But... "concerned". Usually, when I'm bearing down and there's a lot of cheese in the mix, I don't see *anything*. I don't *hear* anything. It's all white noise to me. But Buddy? Man... Let me put it this way. Lassiter said once if he had to pick one person to make a ball with Lassiter's life on the line, he wanted it to be Don Willis. If I had to pick the same thing? It'd be Buddy. The guy was just... different. We scuffled around a bit together and it was like having an insurance policy that never ends. He just never misses a ball. Never out of line. Just solid. Rock solid. Scares the s**t outta people. I like that.
AZB: We've heard the same thing about you.
WT: ( shrugs ). No idea. I just love to play.
AZB: What the scariest thing that happened to you out there? Louie said he once left his cue on the table, went to the bathroom and crawled out the window. anything like that happen to you?
WT: ( laughs ) Louie told me that story more than once. He was a trip. Great guy. I liked Louie a lot. Hell of a player. What happened to him sucked.
AZB: Yeah... so? Anything like that?
WT: Nah, not really... I mean, yeah, I've had guns pulled on me. I've been robbed. I've been stiffed at gunpoint. I even got stiffed at *bat*point.
AZB: Ok, we give... *bat*point? Fill us in.
WT: Well, I beat a guy outta, I dunno... 5 thousand I think. So we play again the next day and we're posting up, a thousand a set, races to 7 I think. So I win another 4 thousand and after I win the next set, I see the guy standing there with his hand on the post up and a baseball bat in the other. He just looks at me, doesn't say a word, puts the post up in his pocket and walks out the door, with the bat. I was like, ok... whatever. I still win 9 thousand.
AZB That is *classic*! Stiffed at batpoint. I love it!
WT: ( laughing ) Now that's pretty funny. Nope, no fish. But, I DID win a whole truck load of frozen hams, once. We were posting up and once he lost the last set, he said if I'd let him keep the post up, he'd give me his entire load of hams. At first I was like, no thanks. But one of the sweaters was a butcher at a local grocery store. He called the store manager and they bought the whole load. I ended up getting @ 500 more than the post up. So that worked.
AZB: Must've been a lot of hams.
WT: Yeah... it was a pretty big truck. Not a semi, but a pretty big truck. There was maybe 5 or 6 hundred hams.
AZB: Wow. That's a lot of ham sandwiches.
WT: Yup.
AZB: Alrigthythen. So what's the most you ever lost?
WT: Hell, I don't know. Not too much. You'd have to ask the guy that was staking me.
AZB: Ok. So drop some names. Who are some of the world beaters you've busted. We've heard a lot of names. A lot of those sessions were documented. But a lot are just stories... who's the biggest name you ever busted?
WT: Ah, I don't wanna get into all that. And honestly, I never really paid too much attention to that stuff. I just wanted to play, you know? Just post up and flip for the break.
AZB: Oh, c'mon Wes. You've beaten *everyone*. At least that's the scoop. You can't give us even a *couple* of names?
WT: Nahh... no sense in it. Most of 'em beat me at one time or another. I wouldn't like hearing *them* crow about it. So I'll just leave it at that.
AZB: Hmm.. ok. Well then, who was the toughest player you ever played, whether you busted him or he busted you...
WT: That's easy. Buddy. Hands down.
AZB: Really? Not Efren? Or Earl?
WT: Buddy's the only player I ever played that scared me. Not terrified. But... "concerned". Usually, when I'm bearing down and there's a lot of cheese in the mix, I don't see *anything*. I don't *hear* anything. It's all white noise to me. But Buddy? Man... Let me put it this way. Lassiter said once if he had to pick one person to make a ball with Lassiter's life on the line, he wanted it to be Don Willis. If I had to pick the same thing? It'd be Buddy. The guy was just... different. We scuffled around a bit together and it was like having an insurance policy that never ends. He just never misses a ball. Never out of line. Just solid. Rock solid. Scares the s**t outta people. I like that.
AZB: We've heard the same thing about you.
WT: ( shrugs ). No idea. I just love to play.
AZB: What the scariest thing that happened to you out there? Louie said he once left his cue on the table, went to the bathroom and crawled out the window. anything like that happen to you?
WT: ( laughs ) Louie told me that story more than once. He was a trip. Great guy. I liked Louie a lot. Hell of a player. What happened to him sucked.
AZB: Yeah... so? Anything like that?
WT: Nah, not really... I mean, yeah, I've had guns pulled on me. I've been robbed. I've been stiffed at gunpoint. I even got stiffed at *bat*point.
AZB: Ok, we give... *bat*point? Fill us in.
WT: Well, I beat a guy outta, I dunno... 5 thousand I think. So we play again the next day and we're posting up, a thousand a set, races to 7 I think. So I win another 4 thousand and after I win the next set, I see the guy standing there with his hand on the post up and a baseball bat in the other. He just looks at me, doesn't say a word, puts the post up in his pocket and walks out the door, with the bat. I was like, ok... whatever. I still win 9 thousand.
AZB That is *classic*! Stiffed at batpoint. I love it!
One time I was gonna kill myself. So I go up on a roof and then run toward the edge. Just before the edge, I trip on something. do a triple front flip and land on my feet 3 stories below. Two kittens on the roof are watching... one say to the other. "See? That's how you do it..."
I went into a restaurant once. They had a sign that said "Breakfast anytime"... so I order an omelet. From the Renaissance.
Why do you get a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your 2 cents in...? Somewhere, someone's making a penny.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I was a peripheral visionary.. I could see the future,
but only way off to the side.
"Did you sleep well?..." No, I made a few mistakes.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a
couple of payments.
If you shoot at mimes.. should you use a silencer?
Right now I'm having Amnesia and Deja Vu at the
same time... I think I've forgotten this before.
I was a peripheral visionary.. I could see the future,
but only way off to the side.
"Did you sleep well?..." No, I made a few mistakes.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a
couple of payments.
If you shoot at mimes.. should you use a silencer?
Right now I'm having Amnesia and Deja Vu at the
same time... I think I've forgotten this before.
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Gospel according to Steven Wright !
Love observational stuff like the that.. George Carlin is the
master
" If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something
that doesn't work "
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