Pool Jokes

C

cuetechasaurus

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
If you know any jokes that are pool related, post them up.
This one is a little dirty so if your mind is untainted, don't read.
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"

"No, what?" replied the man.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."


From ebaumsworld.com
 
A Pool Player's Night Out

This guy goes out to the bar after work and meets a lady. They get drunk, get a hotel room, and have sex. When the guy gets home, he opens the trunk of his car and pulls out the blue chalk from his pool cue case. He rubs the chalk all over his hands and then heads inside the house.

His wife is waiting for him and demands, "It's 4 in the morning! What the hell have you been doing all night?"

He tells her, "I've been to the bar. I got drunk. I met a gal and we went to a hotel and had sex."

She looks down at his hands and says, "You lying son-of-a-jerk! I know you've been out playing pool all night." :D


(This had to be based on a true story. I've known a few guys that have bought pool equipment to use as an alibi and never really play pool.)
 
pool joke

What big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

A pool table.
 
What do a pool player and a medium pizza have in common?



Neither one can feed a family of four.
 
When I did stand-up comedy, I once wore a green shirt that looked just like the cloth on a pool table. I said that I was a pool hustler and wore this shirt for camouflage. It got a little laugh and no one threw a beer at me, so I'd call it a successful joke.

Jeff Livingston
 
Warning - Dirty

This was told to me by John Horsfall, so I take no responsibility on its content...:eek:

This snooker player wants to have sex with his girlfriend a new way. He tells her to get undressed and then get up on the bed on all fours. She thinks he's going to want it doggy style. So she waits in anticipation with her butt up in the air. The guy is taking a long time with no noise, so she looks behind her and sees him chalking up his d***. She exclaims, "What are you doing?" And he says, "I'm trying to decide whether to take the pink or the brown."

OK, it was bad, but blame John.
 
There is a new reality show about a player who goes around to the pool halls in the U.S.A. making amends to forum posters for all his real or imagined offences. It’s called ‘My Name Is Earl’.
 
Scaramouche said:
There is a new reality show about a player who goes around to the pool halls in the U.S.A. making amends to forum posters for all his real or imagined offences. It’s called ‘My Name Is Earl’.
Click to expand...

Should be called "My name is Drivermaker" or "My name is Fast Larry" although I do love Earl!

Shorty
 
A drunk at the pool hall gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minuteslater, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom...

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and everytime I try to flush,something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts."

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Jeff Livingston
 
rackmsuckr said:
This was told to me by John Horsfall, so I take no responsibility on its content...:eek:

This snooker player wants to have sex with his girlfriend a new way. He tells her to get undressed and then get up on the bed on all fours. She thinks he's going to want it doggy style. So she waits in anticipation with her butt up in the air. The guy is taking a long time with no noise, so she looks behind her and sees him chalking up his d***. She exclaims, "What are you doing?" And he says, "I'm trying to decide whether to take the pink or the brown."

OK, it was bad, but blame John.
Click to expand...


i dont get it but i dont know how to play snooker to.
 
rackmsuckr said:
The balls in snooker include a pink one and a brown one. :eek:
Click to expand...


ok but still i dont understand.oh beautiful beautiful brown eyes ill never love blue eyes again.now i get it im slo slow some time
 
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