OK, so I'm playing around with this new computer (a 27" iMac), making the transition from years of using a PC and learning how to use it and I'm migrating files from the PC and I came across something I forgot I had and thought some of you would get a chuckle out of.
Back when I first moved to St. Louis, some 20 years ago, there were actually a half dozen viable pool halls and dozens of players around town. I could walk into almost any room in the city and find someone with whom I had an established game for anywhere between $10 and $300. There was always something going on, to include a few 1pocket tournaments each year.
For one of these events -- a handicapped 1pocket tournament and calcutta -- the proprietors decide that they would put out a tout sheet on the back of the flyers they sent out to all the pool rooms advertising the event. Like I said, there were plenty of guys playing, some of them pretty sporty players, and everybody knew everybody, so it really generated a lot of interest.
To protect the innocent, I've deleted the names, but even now, years later, it still cracks me up.
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XXXXX* Perfect format for a comeback...can run out and still call you a maggot
XXXXX* Offensive machine in high gear for this format, you've heard of 8 and out.. how about 15 and out
XXXXX* Capable of a flashback...will love the format
XXXXX* Can get em in large bunches... take a seat when your flyer misses
XXXXX* Will get out of your break and make it look like his... still scary, could snap it off
XXXXX* 2-1 favorite...* will shoot flyers...* a crowd favorite, backer's nightmare
XXXXX* Still claims to know nothing about 1pocket..* usually after an 8 and out
XXXXX* Awesome offense... defense the question
XXXXX* Dangerous... exceptional banker...* Flyers? You bet
XXXXX* Grinder king...will wait you out... on a good day can win it all
XXXXX* On the loose again...the voices keep telling him to "fire away"
XXXXX* FLYER KING...* will turn it loose..* defense not a concern
XXXXX* Not known for 1pocket... but do you really want to play him?
XXXXX* Will play anywhere, anytime... could finish top four
XXXXX* Veteran has one small problem...* going blind... could still win a match or two though
XXXXX* Matches never last long... wonder why?
XXXXX* Has had some recent successes... event will tell... sleeper
XXXXX* Word is out... straight shooter learning the moves... watch calcutta
XXXXX* Has a better chance of putting socks on a octopus... hope he shows though
XXXXX* Old warhorse still plugging away..* could surprise
XXXXX* Patient style could earn spot in finals... will wait for mistake
XXXXX* Not a chance... also ran
XXXXX* Tip off:* if he buys self in calcutta... if not, stay away
XXXXX* Word is out...he's ready for a tournament... just not this one
XXXXX* Cannot trap him anymore... will shoot at his hole, then laugh at you
XXXXX* Still claims to know nothing about 1pocket, usually after an 8 and out
XXXXX* A puzzling sort... could win it, or go 2 and out... calcutta risk at best
XXXXX* This is your basic first round nightmare...* if he feels like playing that day
XXXXX* Twice a year player can get it on...could have a high finish...sleeper special
XXXXX* Do not let school boy looks fool you...can crush you like a grape
XXXXX* Can play 1pocket... no ones seem him lately...* may have been practicing on remote island just for this event
XXXXX* Flashback possible for a high finish...not a good first round match for you
XXXXX* Would rate higher in a 9ball event... do not underestimate...long shot!!
XXXXX* Former state 9ball champ...not without a chance...like no chance
XXXXX* If he surfaces has chance... could someone please tell about this event?
XXXXX* Just point him at his hole and away we go... "flyers?" you ask...* ha ha ha* Think so
XXXXX* Playing good... may or may not smash his pool cue this weekend... sleeper
XXXXX* A must for all tournaments... but can't be taken seriously anymore... done
XXXXX* Only knows one way to play: fire at the hole, pronto...* buy at your own risk
XXXXX* Been through all the 1pocket wars... handicap gives him a chance
XXXXX* Should probably be rated lower... thinks he has a chance... we told him we were using bar tables
XXXXX* I seen him first... NOT a sleeper... just asleep... and I still seen him first
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These are all especially funny if you knew the characters associated with the lines. But even not, I'm sure you all have guys in your neighborhoods for whom one of these descriptions is tailor made.
Lou Figueroa
Back when I first moved to St. Louis, some 20 years ago, there were actually a half dozen viable pool halls and dozens of players around town. I could walk into almost any room in the city and find someone with whom I had an established game for anywhere between $10 and $300. There was always something going on, to include a few 1pocket tournaments each year.
For one of these events -- a handicapped 1pocket tournament and calcutta -- the proprietors decide that they would put out a tout sheet on the back of the flyers they sent out to all the pool rooms advertising the event. Like I said, there were plenty of guys playing, some of them pretty sporty players, and everybody knew everybody, so it really generated a lot of interest.
To protect the innocent, I've deleted the names, but even now, years later, it still cracks me up.
#####
XXXXX* Perfect format for a comeback...can run out and still call you a maggot
XXXXX* Offensive machine in high gear for this format, you've heard of 8 and out.. how about 15 and out
XXXXX* Capable of a flashback...will love the format
XXXXX* Can get em in large bunches... take a seat when your flyer misses
XXXXX* Will get out of your break and make it look like his... still scary, could snap it off
XXXXX* 2-1 favorite...* will shoot flyers...* a crowd favorite, backer's nightmare
XXXXX* Still claims to know nothing about 1pocket..* usually after an 8 and out
XXXXX* Awesome offense... defense the question
XXXXX* Dangerous... exceptional banker...* Flyers? You bet
XXXXX* Grinder king...will wait you out... on a good day can win it all
XXXXX* On the loose again...the voices keep telling him to "fire away"
XXXXX* FLYER KING...* will turn it loose..* defense not a concern
XXXXX* Not known for 1pocket... but do you really want to play him?
XXXXX* Will play anywhere, anytime... could finish top four
XXXXX* Veteran has one small problem...* going blind... could still win a match or two though
XXXXX* Matches never last long... wonder why?
XXXXX* Has had some recent successes... event will tell... sleeper
XXXXX* Word is out... straight shooter learning the moves... watch calcutta
XXXXX* Has a better chance of putting socks on a octopus... hope he shows though
XXXXX* Old warhorse still plugging away..* could surprise
XXXXX* Patient style could earn spot in finals... will wait for mistake
XXXXX* Not a chance... also ran
XXXXX* Tip off:* if he buys self in calcutta... if not, stay away
XXXXX* Word is out...he's ready for a tournament... just not this one
XXXXX* Cannot trap him anymore... will shoot at his hole, then laugh at you
XXXXX* Still claims to know nothing about 1pocket, usually after an 8 and out
XXXXX* A puzzling sort... could win it, or go 2 and out... calcutta risk at best
XXXXX* This is your basic first round nightmare...* if he feels like playing that day
XXXXX* Twice a year player can get it on...could have a high finish...sleeper special
XXXXX* Do not let school boy looks fool you...can crush you like a grape
XXXXX* Can play 1pocket... no ones seem him lately...* may have been practicing on remote island just for this event
XXXXX* Flashback possible for a high finish...not a good first round match for you
XXXXX* Would rate higher in a 9ball event... do not underestimate...long shot!!
XXXXX* Former state 9ball champ...not without a chance...like no chance
XXXXX* If he surfaces has chance... could someone please tell about this event?
XXXXX* Just point him at his hole and away we go... "flyers?" you ask...* ha ha ha* Think so
XXXXX* Playing good... may or may not smash his pool cue this weekend... sleeper
XXXXX* A must for all tournaments... but can't be taken seriously anymore... done
XXXXX* Only knows one way to play: fire at the hole, pronto...* buy at your own risk
XXXXX* Been through all the 1pocket wars... handicap gives him a chance
XXXXX* Should probably be rated lower... thinks he has a chance... we told him we were using bar tables
XXXXX* I seen him first... NOT a sleeper... just asleep... and I still seen him first
#####
These are all especially funny if you knew the characters associated with the lines. But even not, I'm sure you all have guys in your neighborhoods for whom one of these descriptions is tailor made.
Lou Figueroa
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So I got tortured by every living soul in town for several years, took my lumps, watched the Accu-Stats tapes, learned the right moves, and kept learning until a guy that started out giving me 10-7 in '95 wouldn't play when I woofed at him and offered 11-7 three years later 