Written 8-ball "Bar Rules" - Please add to...

Geeze! We almost forgot the most important rules...

When your opponent is about to shoot, distract him by asking why he is about to shoot in one of "your" balls. Then argue with him about who has which group of balls for a while, then eventually concede that he was about to shoot the correct group. Then tell him to go ahead and shoot.

If your opponent has shot in more balls than you and there is no way you can make all of your balls, shoot in his remaining balls when it is your turn to shoot. If he insists that you are shooting in his balls, place your stick on the wall and say you will not play with someone who cheats!

How much hand powder is enough to use? Put on plenty. Your hand should have so much powder on it that it will leave hand prints on the rails and cloth. If you are not leaving hand prints where you place your hand, apply more hand powder.
 
Another....is a ball IN the kitchen or OUT? If you scratched, then for your opponent, if any part of the OB is on the line, it's IN the kitchen. But if your opponent scratched, then you can shoot that shot as the OB is OUT of the kitchen.

Or if you're placing the cueball, you can place it on the line and still be in the kitchen. But you can't shoot the OB that is also on the line even though before it was OUT of the kitchen, now it is IN. If it is your opponent doing these things, he's playing chickenshit pool, of course, Standard Rule #1 in the Bangers Critters of America rule book.

If the table has a line marked a half-ball ahead of the head string so you can logically and rationally look from above to really see if it is in or out of the kitchen, you must declare: "Some idiot put the line in the wrong spot, so we'll just 1) use it for the line even though it isn't where it is suppossed to be, or 2) use a pretend line. Whichever it is, you canNOT use the line as it was intended as this is chickenshit pool."

Alright, who took the chalk?....

Jeff Livingston
 
I just checked my "Standardized Barbox Rules, Chickenshit and Cowpoke Edition" and these rules need to be included:
- Never give your opponent a tight rack.
- Two feet do not have to be on the floor (Flying Superman Technique).
- Shooting behind the back at least once a game is encouraged, even if it is not necessary.
- Shooting the 8-ball must be "clean" meaning: no caroms and no titty banks.
- It is a "Do Over" if a guy is shooting with a cigarette in his mouth and the smoke curls up and drills him in the eye just as he is shooting, causing him to miss.
- You must jump up and yell: "You didn't call that!" after any shot where three or more balls move. Alternate is: "Did you call that?"
- It is a foul to not sing along with the jukebox while you are shooting and "Friends in Low Places" is playing.
- If you are really drunk, it is always your turn next.
- Anyone using a glove, custom cue, granny stick, or jump stick is a sissy and should be addressed as "Hot Shot" when spoken to.
 
BillYards said:
I just checked my "Standardized Barbox Rules, Chickenshit and Cowpoke Edition" and these rules need to be included:
- Never give your opponent a tight rack.
- Two feet do not have to be on the floor (Flying Superman Technique).
- Shooting behind the back at least once a game is encouraged, even if it is not necessary.
- Shooting the 8-ball must be "clean" meaning: no caroms and no titty banks.
- It is a "Do Over" if a guy is shooting with a cigarette in his mouth and the smoke curls up and drills him in the eye just as he is shooting, causing him to miss.
- You must jump up and yell: "You didn't call that!" after any shot where three or more balls move. Alternate is: "Did you call that?"
- It is a foul to not sing along with the jukebox while you are shooting and "Friends in Low Places" is playing.
- If you are really drunk, it is always your turn next.
- Anyone using a glove, custom cue, granny stick, or jump stick is a sissy and should be addressed as "Hot Shot" when spoken to.
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Rember that any two piece cue is called a "CUSTOM" two piece cue even if it came from Walmart.
 
MO4 said:
Rember that any two piece cue is called a "CUSTOM" two piece cue even if it came from Walmart.
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That is correct!

And another rule: if anyone shows up with their own stick, you have every right to ask to play with their stick. You can even break with it! If they don't let you, they are a "stingy bastard".
 
...And don’t forget to tell stories about how your dad used to make a living hustling pool.

A little story anong those lines.

One time I was in a bar playing partners 8 ball with a buddy where making the 8 on the break wins.

This one guy on the other team starts rattling on about how he has never seen his dad miss a ball and the other guy on the team has some buddy that can make the 8 on the break nine out of ten times.:rolleyes:

My buddy and I were in stitches trying to imagine what an awesome doubles team these two guys they were talking about would make.:D
 
Breakup:

You are right too! Also here is another rule:

- When you lose, you have to walk up to the other guy and tell him while nodding knowingly "I can shoot pool!" or "I used-ta play great pool, I am just drunk" or "I know a guy that you should play...." That line always kills me!!
 
BillYards said:
Breakup:

You are right too! Also here is another rule:

- When you lose, you have to walk up to the other guy and tell him while nodding knowingly "I can shoot pool!" or "I used-ta play great pool, I am just drunk" or "I know a guy that you should play...." That line always kills me!!
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Or..... " you should come with me to this other bar, you could make a lot of money."
 
I also like the guys that will watch you play all night, then after the smoke clears and you are just batting the balls around, they come over and set up some test shots for you... "Can you do this?" "Can you make that?" Then they nod knowingly when you can do it all... as if you are kindered spirits... or goddam blood brothers or something. Dang hacks! Hahaha!
 
More Rules.......

Also...

When you go to pay for your game, if you don't have enough quarters for the game, take one of the free ones off of the rail.

When removing quarters, it is always best to tidy up the quarters by moving them all to the front of the quarter rack.

To improve you chances of winning, it is best to put more than one quarter up in a row.

If there is a chalk board in the bar, erase all the names before writing yours as large and unreadable as possible. Then go to the bar and get a drink. Don't return.

When racking, be sure that all the same colored balls are touching...1 and 9, 2 and 10, and so on. It is important that this procedure take as long as possible.

When placing the rack, never place the head ball directly on the foot spot. It must be placed at least one inch above, below, to the left or right.

You MUST twirl the rack when removing it from the table, and slam it into the rack holder.

When racking, place you drink on the rail, or better yet, in the pocket. If you already have a stick, preferably from a guy who previously won using it, place it in the corner pocket in a "golf course hole" manner. In the event the person you are playing is on the 8-ball, you should place you stick in the pocket, "golf course hole" style. This will help him see the pocket. Just before the 8 goes in, pull your stick away. In the event the 8 contacts your stick and does not go in the pocket, it is your turn, and you continue to shoot.

When selecting a house cue, immediately before you opponent is about to break, roll your stick on the table. Repeat as necessary until the best stick is found.

Always chalk you stick. Always take the chalk from the table, even if its your turn or not. Put it in you pocket, and forget you have it. When you can not find another piece, take it off the next table. Repeat procedure until all chalk is missing from the bar. Go home, do laundry, and wonder where all the f***ing chalk came from?!

Sit on the next table, waiting for your turn to shoot. Ignore the game on the table on which you are sitting.

And before leaving the bar, be sure to spill you drink on the table. Why not? I am not playing anymore!

Get drunk, and steal the 8 ball, because "It will look awesome on my gearshift"

At anytime, a behind the back shot will impress anyone within eyesight. If necessary, lift both feet of the ground, and roll back on to the table after loosing you balance.

When shooting over a ball, it is always necessary to move the interferring ball, and try to replace it. Repeat until object ball is made. Note: previous rules about calling all kisses, banks, caroms and rail do not apply, since it "was really really hard" to shoot over said ball.

Play a game for shots/beers. When you loose, procede to buy the winner the most disgusting shoot (i.e. Cement Mixer, Three Wise Men, etc) or cheapest beer the bar has. It's only fair.



Brian
 
While your opponent is shooting, jingle the quarters in your pocket.

Just before your opponent shoots the 8, unscrew your stick and say good game.
 
this has got to be the funniest thread i've read. i see this $hit all the time, and laugh to myself thinking WTF. i have probably seen everything on this thread a hundred times and it still makes me laugh my a$$ off, it's kind of like a fart, or someone slipping on ice. it'll make me laugh every time:D
 
We always beat the hell out of frat guys for drinks. Some red neck always puts his quarters up and then tries to change the rules when its his turn to play. One night we were playing and my partner shot a safety. The guy got really mad and said that it was cheating. They ended up getting in a heated argument and this damn guy pulls out a garden spade! There were 5 or 6 of us and he quickly stepped back and left, but we laughed for days about this guy and his weapon of choice in a bar.
 
What can I say? I live in a college town. Need I say more? You should see how many Frat guys will stumble into a game of 3 ball and think, "Man, three balls? This is gonna be easy"

Brian
 
-It's required to scratch the cue ball into the pocket on every hanger you shoot at

-you have to tap the rail with your cue and hang your head in shame after every miss
 
Speaking of quarters....If the table has one of those thingies, glued to the table above the coin slot, that you place your quarters in so you "know" when it's your turn, you must stare at the thing for a while (especially if your interrupting a game) and then rearrange the quarters so everyone is confused as to who is next. If there are enough spaces free, you should place one quarter in each open spot and claim, "I have the next 5 games."

If the place has a chalkboard, you should look at all the names, be sure no one is watching, then erase them all and write yours at the top. :D

Oh, then you have to argue and argue about the whole mess when someone else tries to rack the next game. Failure to argue is a foul.

Jeff Livingston
 
And last but not least....

You must always knock the chalk into the pocket, thus jamming the entire table.

When racking the balls, if a ball is missing, you must drop the cue ball in to each pocket at least three separate and non-consecutive times, in an attempt to clear the jam. In the event that the 8-ball has been stolen (see previous pst) this event will continue indefinitely. If it has been determined that the ball is still in the table, the largest and drunkest guy in the bar must pick up one end of the table, and drop it a distance of no less than 6 inches off the floor. For this will surely release any stuck ball.

If there is no hand talc in the bar, and the humidity is high, carefully color the crook of your thumb and index finger blue with the chalk.

bb
 
Just once

One player must at one time during the match put their cue between their legs. Then, holding two numbered balls between their legs, they must exclaim, "Yeah, that's about the right size!" Afterwards their wife or girlfriend will add, "Only in thickness, not in length!" Argument ensues. Game is forfeited. Feelings are hurt. Next match begins.
 
breakup said:
If a ball hangs up, pick up the end of the table and drop it to jar it loose.
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Hey you stole the one I was going to post :D

Always take the only decent cube of chalk with you when you leave the table, leaving the 3 that are worn down to the nub.

After you chalk for 30 seconds (squeak, squeak, squeak) whack the cue shaft on the rail to dislodge any excess chalk. (Blowing on the tip is an acceptable alternative)
 
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