Poor little doggy not sleep-walking but sleep-running :sorry: 
http://www.maniacworld.com/dog-sleep-running-into-wall.html
http://www.maniacworld.com/dog-sleep-running-into-wall.html
Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
What's running through my mind usually requires a few midgets.. but this chick'll do...
JV
Pure Evil.
caution. what up shredded out man forearms
also, that AK is friggin haggard
also, that AK is friggin haggard
No $HIT! Looks just like my arm! She does have better hair and shoes tho...
What? It's just Bob Pyles. Or it is a chupacabra?
Iams Diet........
Don't ask a retiree a dumb question ...
The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams Dog Food for my loyal pet, Abby, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Iams Diet" again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Don't ask a retiree a dumb question ...
The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Iams Dog Food for my loyal pet, Abby, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Iams Diet" again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Thanks, I needed that!!
What a first date!
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I Hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date
experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took
the prize! She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the
guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had
never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the
mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have
had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with
a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she
try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the
heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that
he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front
seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about
was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the
situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh
from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, She
answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply
that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She
too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves
they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was,
they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take
something hot to free her chilly cheeks From the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place,
both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as
she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants
and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought
your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a
whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was
sitting next to her on the Leno show.
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I Hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first
date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first
date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date
experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took
the prize! She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the
guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had
never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the
mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have
had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with
a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she
try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the
heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that
he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front
seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about
was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the
situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh
from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, She
answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply
that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She
too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves
they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was,
they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take
something hot to free her chilly cheeks From the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place,
both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as
she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants
and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize
hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down.' And you thought
your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a
whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was
sitting next to her on the Leno show.
