PLEASE help with a poor sport (wife)

9andout

9andout

Gunnin' for a 3 pack!!
Silver Member
Ok. I've posted on here b4 about dumping to the wife. But here's the problem...
My wife will actually watch Mosconi, World Cup and just about any other pool PPV I buy. Or You Tube stuff. And enjoy / comment correctly on it.
Ok that's a plus right?
I asked for a race to 21 (9 ball) for my birthday. (In AUGUST!!!! mind you)
After tonight it is 15 - 8 me. (not playing too much...(the race)
She gets ball in hand at the beginning of every turn at the table except on the 9.
Of course tonight there was drinking involved....BUT She ended up actually crying about losing tonight. And complaining a lot on the sober nights. WTF?
Also, she is a self described "perfectionist" at work, house etc.....
I told her that's a great reason to practice more and try to "perfect" your pool game. Pool is for "perfectionist's" I think. (talked about this when not drinking at all)

Any advice? She obviously likes pool. (watching) playing, sort of....
and has the basics down pat. I call her "The Queen of Cuts
She goes to SBE every year. Even went to a local tournament to watch friends play with me. She knows more about the Pro Pool scene than any guy outside of AZ I think.
Should I really just "dump like a pro" COM stlye?
Confused because I think I might have a diamond in the rough here. At least for fun playing.
Pretty strange situation I think.......Thoughts..............???????
Way past bed time on the East Coast. Check back tomorrow. Thanks.
 
just roll with it and keep her happy and interested. Mama ain;t happy, ain't nobody happy. definitely a good problem to have !
 
If her attitude doesn't change, threaten to kick her off the team! LOL, just kidding; kiss her ass and tell her she's right.
 
I would steam roll her. Dont let her win another game. In order to learn how to win she must first learn how to lose.
 
if you roll over and sand bag and she finds out. you will not be a happy camper. the better thing to do would be getting her some pool lessons from a local pro to advance her game. this would allow her game to grow and not at your marital expense.
 
From experience, my advice is do not put any obvious defensive moves on her
unless she does it first, and even then only if you're playing for real money.
More important advice is do not put her in a "team" situation, at least not on your
team, or even the same league your in>>:smile:
If you ever match up with her in a tournament, you may want to dump...just sayin
 
Just give her some weight. That way it will still be a fair game. Make it a touch heavy and then maybe you'll lose. Why dump? Just spot the weight and you'll probably lose anyway. Since she is your wife, don't play safes and go for everything. That's how I play my parents. I shoot at every shot to make it somewhere. It's more fun with family that way.
 
Matching Up with Significant Other

Try this match up:

8 ball
Ball in hand to start every inning
She gets two misses each turn
You have to run your set in rotation to the 8, no slop
3 fouls lose
You can only shoot two and stop

She figures to be a 7-5 favorite. Adjust from there.
This makes an even game of it and after a while you might not like it!
 
take a whupping awhile and see what it is like

My suggestion, give up more than you can win with for a month and find out how much fun it is to be dominated every time you play! It does get old especially if the one doing the winning is a little too smug about it.

Being a better pool player is pretty insignificant in the overall scheme of things. I was always the best in my group of family and friends. I realized that it was largely because I was the only one that had my level of interest in pool. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't make it one. I could be wrong but I suspect that unless your wife is a whiney broad in general the complaining at the pool table may be 50% or more due to what is coming from you.

She is your partner. Teach her instead of beating her. Sometimes you have to be pretty sneaky with the teaching if she doesn't want it. When momma ain't happy nobody is gonna to be happy long! Competing against your significant other is something to be avoided almost always. Competing with her on the same team can be almost as bad unless you keep it fun.

Hu
 
xXGEARXx said:
Just give her some weight. That way it will still be a fair game. Make it a touch heavy and then maybe you'll lose. Why dump? Just spot the weight and you'll probably lose anyway. Since she is your wife, don't play safes and go for everything. That's how I play my parents. I shoot at every shot to make it somewhere. It's more fun with family that way.
Click to expand...
Yep, the whole "go for everything" strategy is how I play with family and friends new to it. Like if I'm looking up the table with a fairly easy cut, or I could play a bank thats not too hard, but not as easy as the cut - I'll take the bank every time. Make it look good, take the tougher shot of your options in all cases, and don't dump shots. When you lose you can honestly say you've been going for everything, and they chalk their wins up to beating your overconfidence if anything.
 
Empathy: get some.

em·pa·thy
ˈempəTHē/
noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
Click to expand...

Sounds like she's frustrated. Have you talked to her about it?

A few questions:
Does she practice on her own?
Does she ask you to play or are you the one who is always asking her to play?
Why did you want to play her in a race to 21?
Does she ask you for help?
Do you offer her suggestions? With or without her asking for help?

To me, it sounds like she's supporting you and your interest more than making pool a high-priority interest for herself.
 
I agree with ShootingArts & to some extent Allen Brown but also... the competition has to be fair. You're BEATING her 2 to 1. The spot needs to be changed so the ratio is much closer to 1:1.

I know a very good player that was competing with his significant other & the spot was correct but as she got a bit better he was on the losing side & the spot had to be amended to give her a bit less. Now they are completing with a good spot & it's a 'real' competition. They're both having fun & both are enjoying the 'competition'.

By the way, what it is the bet? Perhaps she now realises that she is going to lose & REALLY does NOT want to lose.

Good Luck with it & Best Wishes to You Both,
Rick
 
How fun do you make it for her? As competetive guys who like to focus I think we forget that sometimes people want to socialize with us bad enough to spend time doing 'our' thing with us. If we are quiet and focused it backfires and they complain about losing. Or complain that you are too serious/good/trying too hard. Bottom line is they aren't enjoying themselves and their desire to spend quality time with us isn't what they hoped for.

The key is to make pool second to having a good time with her. What I mean is talk, joke, flirt. Make fun of yourself if you miss. Be over dramatic when you call that kick combo bank in the side and high five if you make it and act crushed if you miss it. Like grab your chest falling on the floor crushed.

High five her if she makes a great shot. Applaud her for trying ridiculous shots and laugh if she misses (good natiredly) and roar if she makes them.

If the conversation is going well, listen, no matter whose turn it is to shoot.
So what if the games take forever?

Bottom line. Pool is your thing and she likes it because you like it. Reward that by having as good a time together as you can when playing. Your ego that helps you be a good pool player becomes a wall between the two of you when you try to compete with her. Encouraging her to have more ego to match yours will only make the wall much more impenetrable.

Abolish your ego with her though, and you two will play pool often and have incredible amounts of fun. But probably won't even finish the first game most nights. Which will be a very good thing.

If pool is too serious a pursuit for you to do this with her. Take up something else that you can be this way with her. And leave pool for opponents you can crush with glee.
 
9andout said:
Ok. I've posted on here b4 about dumping to the wife. But here's the problem...
My wife will actually watch Mosconi, World Cup and just about any other pool PPV I buy. Or You Tube stuff. And enjoy / comment correctly on it.
Ok that's a plus right?
I asked for a race to 21 (9 ball) for my birthday. (In AUGUST!!!! mind you)
After tonight it is 15 - 8 me. (not playing too much...(the race)
She gets ball in hand at the beginning of every turn at the table except on the 9.
Of course tonight there was drinking involved....BUT She ended up actually crying about losing tonight. And complaining a lot on the sober nights. WTF?
Also, she is a self described "perfectionist" at work, house etc.....
I told her that's a great reason to practice more and try to "perfect" your pool game. Pool is for "perfectionist's" I think. (talked about this when not drinking at all)

Any advice? She obviously likes pool. (watching) playing, sort of....
and has the basics down pat. I call her "The Queen of Cuts
She goes to SBE every year. Even went to a local tournament to watch friends play with me. She knows more about the Pro Pool scene than any guy outside of AZ I think.
Should I really just "dump like a pro" COM stlye?
Confused because I think I might have a diamond in the rough here. At least for fun playing.
Pretty strange situation I think.......Thoughts..............???????
Way past bed time on the East Coast. Check back tomorrow. Thanks.
Click to expand...

I think you should confine your playing in your household to practicing
Scotch doubles....
...now you and your wife are on the same team...like it should be.
She will get better quicker.
If you ever get a break'n'run.....'it's WE did it.'

You and her against the world.


pt.....has some experience in these matters.
 
sixpack said:
How fun do you make it for her? As competetive guys who like to focus I think we forget that sometimes people want to socialize with us bad enough to spend time doing 'our' thing with us. If we are quiet and focused it backfires and they complain about losing. Or complain that you are too serious/good/trying too hard. Bottom line is they aren't enjoying themselves and their desire to spend quality time with us isn't what they hoped for.

The key is to make pool second to having a good time with her. What I mean is talk, joke, flirt. Make fun of yourself if you miss. Be over dramatic when you call that kick combo bank in the side and high five if you make it and act crushed if you miss it. Like grab your chest falling on the floor crushed.

High five her if she makes a great shot. Applaud her for trying ridiculous shots and laugh if she misses (good natiredly) and roar if she makes them.

If the conversation is going well, listen, no matter whose turn it is to shoot.
So what if the games take forever?

Bottom line. Pool is your thing and she likes it because you like it. Reward that by having as good a time together as you can when playing. Your ego that helps you be a good pool player becomes a wall between the two of you when you try to compete with her. Encouraging her to have more ego to match yours will only make the wall much more impenetrable.

Abolish your ego with her though, and you two will play pool often and have incredible amounts of fun. But probably won't even finish the first game most nights. Which will be a very good thing.

If pool is too serious a pursuit for you to do this with her. Take up something else that you can be this way with her. And leave pool for opponents you can crush with glee.
Click to expand...

Awful hard act to follow, this is some seriously sound advice, I will simply concur:)
 
I have been married to my wife since1978. I have always encouraged her hobbies and interests. Stuff women like, ceramics, crafts, making jewelry, etc. Additionally, I have encouraged her interaction with girl friends, ie; going to spas etc.

I do not understand guys that get wives involved in their hobbies. You can not possibly enjoy playing with her if you are so much better.

I have never:

1. Taken my wife golfing
2. Taken her to the skeet/trap club.
3. Taken her to the sporting clays club
4. Taken her to the rifle/pistol range
5. Taken her a around pool rooms
6. Taken her to the Poker Room- we have local poker gambling rooms.
7. Taken her to the cigar club, ( I can't go either due to health now)

There are certain bars/restaurants I avoid going to together. I look at it as, what possible good can come out of this?

Good luck
Phil
 
Just read through all your posts.
THANKS TO ALL for the ideas. I really do want to see her improve.
I like to see people get better. Whether its her, or my younger brothers / nephews etc.
With a combo of better a spot and practicing I think we'll get there.
I like the scotch doubles practicing idea a lot!
Thanks again!!
 
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