MisspentYouth
Banned
In a possible running series (unless you all think these are unbearably dumb and that I should quit while I'm ahead), here are ten things pros do before 10AM:
Ten Things Earl Strickland does before 10AM:
1. Earl hits his last warp speed back cut stroke shot at precisely 9AM. In between the time it takes the object ball to travel the length of the table to the dead heart of the pocket, he smokes a Marlboro Red, jogs 5 and a half miles and sleeps standing in a perfectly balanced stance with his forehead resting on his bridge hand.
2. He wakes upon hearing the ball drop and throws it up in the air as part of a new trick shot he is working on. Well-rested by now, Earl runs another five and a half miles to a McDonald’s and has a healthy breakfast of two steak and cheese bagels (hold the egg) and a couple more smokes. Then he runs another 5 and a half miles back to Steinway, stopping every mile or so to do 3 or 400 crunches.
3. Earl arrives back at Steinway at precisely 9:15. He takes a shower in adulation. He does not need soap. Earl remembers to restart gravity and catches the ball he threw earlier and thumbsnaps it in a perfect circle knocking in 26 other balls arranged to look like Joe Rogan.
4. At 9:16 he takes out his jump cue and breaks it over the head of the first person who talks to him about golf.
5. At 9:17 he calls Mike Gulyassey through his telepathic connection and orders 50 new shafts. He has a Joss stop today and he’s playing Mike Dechaine, and the last time he broke 49 of them during their match. Earl is always prepared.
6. At 9:18 Earl assembles his mind-bending array of equipment, innovates a few things that no one will give him credit for and laugh at him for the next ten years, and proceeds to hit 13 thousand stroke shots….in his mind.
7. At 9:27 he takes a break and wanders over to the Greeks playing backgammon and proceeds to win argument after argument over how pool is harder than backgammon despite neither knowing how to play backgammon nor caring about his opponents’ rationale. Earl needs to direct negative energy into his hate battery for his upcoming match.
8. At 9:40 when he has sucked up enough vitriol and nonsense to drive a mortal man into a slobbering incoherent froth, he starts to prepare for his match against Dechaine.
9. First he smokes another Red at 9:45, then he unsmokes it. Earl refuses to be bound by physics. Then he runs another five and a half miles. Then he realizes he forgot to get one of his arm weights, but doesn’t have enough time to go to the sporting goods store, so he makes one out of a hunk of Manny’s leftover gyro meat.
10. 10PM. Match time. Earl summons Cthulhu. He prays his break will be a little better today than yesterday.
Ten Things Earl Strickland does before 10AM:
1. Earl hits his last warp speed back cut stroke shot at precisely 9AM. In between the time it takes the object ball to travel the length of the table to the dead heart of the pocket, he smokes a Marlboro Red, jogs 5 and a half miles and sleeps standing in a perfectly balanced stance with his forehead resting on his bridge hand.
2. He wakes upon hearing the ball drop and throws it up in the air as part of a new trick shot he is working on. Well-rested by now, Earl runs another five and a half miles to a McDonald’s and has a healthy breakfast of two steak and cheese bagels (hold the egg) and a couple more smokes. Then he runs another 5 and a half miles back to Steinway, stopping every mile or so to do 3 or 400 crunches.
3. Earl arrives back at Steinway at precisely 9:15. He takes a shower in adulation. He does not need soap. Earl remembers to restart gravity and catches the ball he threw earlier and thumbsnaps it in a perfect circle knocking in 26 other balls arranged to look like Joe Rogan.
4. At 9:16 he takes out his jump cue and breaks it over the head of the first person who talks to him about golf.
5. At 9:17 he calls Mike Gulyassey through his telepathic connection and orders 50 new shafts. He has a Joss stop today and he’s playing Mike Dechaine, and the last time he broke 49 of them during their match. Earl is always prepared.
6. At 9:18 Earl assembles his mind-bending array of equipment, innovates a few things that no one will give him credit for and laugh at him for the next ten years, and proceeds to hit 13 thousand stroke shots….in his mind.
7. At 9:27 he takes a break and wanders over to the Greeks playing backgammon and proceeds to win argument after argument over how pool is harder than backgammon despite neither knowing how to play backgammon nor caring about his opponents’ rationale. Earl needs to direct negative energy into his hate battery for his upcoming match.
8. At 9:40 when he has sucked up enough vitriol and nonsense to drive a mortal man into a slobbering incoherent froth, he starts to prepare for his match against Dechaine.
9. First he smokes another Red at 9:45, then he unsmokes it. Earl refuses to be bound by physics. Then he runs another five and a half miles. Then he realizes he forgot to get one of his arm weights, but doesn’t have enough time to go to the sporting goods store, so he makes one out of a hunk of Manny’s leftover gyro meat.
10. 10PM. Match time. Earl summons Cthulhu. He prays his break will be a little better today than yesterday.
sorry, I had to 