Tips for staying focused in chatter-filled friendly matches?

BlueRaider

Registered
I play my best pool in two scenarios: when I'm practicing (and focused on improvement), and when I'm playing competitively in a league match or tournament (assuming I'm not overcome with nerves).

I play my absolute worst pool when I'm playing friendly matches.

I think the issue is twofold:

First, I'm an introvert, and while I don't seem particularly shy in person, conversations take a lot of focus and brain power for me. I have to force myself to engage with people to some degree, especially when I'm preoccupied with something else (in this case, playing pool). In league and tournament matches, people either don't talk much/at all, or if they do, I can ignore them mostly or completely and it's acceptable. But in friendly matches, there's always some degree of chatter, and it's kinda rude to just ignore your opponent.

Second, the chatter thing leads to feeling more judged than normal. If I miss or botch position in league or tournament play, I can shake it off more easily because the game moves right along. But in friendly matches, it often becomes a thing. My opponent may comment on it. Or he will comment on his own errors, which then often causes me to comment on my own. And suddenly I'm hyperaware of the mistakes both of us are making.

Then, inevitably a running commentary will start about mistakes and what we're going to attempt and how X shot didn't work out the way we planned and blah blah blah. It's incredibly distracting but it seems to always happen in friendly matches.

Any tips for this other than gambling every time I play to up the stakes for both of us? I've thought about asking for a "no talking" rule, but that would probably be perceived as even more rude than just ignoring my opponent. Most people view pool, especially friendly matches, as an opportunity to socialize, and I'm probably the odd duck who is fine with talking before and after a game, but wants total silence during it.

I know friendly matches don't mean much at the end of the day, but it bothers me when I play like crap because I feel like I was only able to devote a small percentage of brain power to the game due to also having to keep up with a non-stop conversation.
 

GoldCrown

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
Silver Member
I play my best pool in two scenarios: when I'm practicing (and focused on improvement), and when I'm playing competitively in a league match or tournament (assuming I'm not overcome with nerves).

I play my absolute worst pool when I'm playing friendly matches.

I think the issue is twofold:

First, I'm an introvert, and while I don't seem particularly shy in person, conversations take a lot of focus and brain power for me. I have to force myself to engage with people to some degree, especially when I'm preoccupied with something else (in this case, playing pool). In league and tournament matches, people either don't talk much/at all, or if they do, I can ignore them mostly or completely and it's acceptable. But in friendly matches, there's always some degree of chatter, and it's kinda rude to just ignore your opponent.

Second, the chatter thing leads to feeling more judged than normal. If I miss or botch position in league or tournament play, I can shake it off more easily because the game moves right along. But in friendly matches, it often becomes a thing. My opponent may comment on it. Or he will comment on his own errors, which then often causes me to comment on my own. And suddenly I'm hyperaware of the mistakes both of us are making.

Then, inevitably a running commentary will start about mistakes and what we're going to attempt and how X shot didn't work out the way we planned and blah blah blah. It's incredibly distracting but it seems to always happen in friendly matches.

Any tips for this other than gambling every time I play to up the stakes for both of us? I've thought about asking for a "no talking" rule, but that would probably be perceived as even more rude than just ignoring my opponent. Most people view pool, especially friendly matches, as an opportunity to socialize, and I'm probably the odd duck who is fine with talking before and after a game, but wants total silence during it.

I know friendly matches don't mean much at the end of the day, but it bothers me when I play like crap because I feel like I was only able to devote a small percentage of brain power to the game due to also having to keep up with a non-stop conversation.
Same. I have nothing to say while playing. I’m not into chit chat if serious or socially. Simply do not engage. Tell your opponent you’re trying to concentrate or you’re breaking concentration. After you get comfortable telling your opponent that you’ll be fine. Your opponents will have an understanding. BTW… expressing how you like to conduct yourself at the table is not rude. If you don’t you’re being unfair to yourself.
 

WobblyStroke

Well-known member
The game is very mental. You ever watch pros in a more social/exhibition environment? They miss a whole lot more than you're used to seeing from them as well. It's a rare animal like Keith McCready, Mike Siegel, or Earl who can just be a motormouth and play their A game... or at least a solid B game while their talk plunges their opponent deep into their C game.

So when playing socially, don't be so hard on yourself. You really only have two choices:
1. Lean into the fact you are in a social game and just have fun playing, taking misses as they come. You aren't working on your game right now, you are playing around with friends. The more you favor flashy, tactically stupid, shots over safeties, the better.
2. In the event you want to actually work on your game with a friend, let that be known and lay down some ground rules. No talking initiated by the player not at the table during games is fair.
 

BC21

https://www.playpoolbetter.com
Gold Member
Silver Member
This is common with almost everybody. If you want to play your best pool in these situations, you have to limit or not engage in the friendly chit-chat while you're at the table. It's fine when you're standing around waiting on your shot. But when you step up to the table and get down on a shot, don't respond to any comments or chatter. If someone says something that makes you laugh or triggers a comment for you, stand up from the shot and laugh or reply. Then get back down and do your business.

And it's really not good for your game to shoot show-off or flashy shots just to be doing it, for the "fun" of it. It's important to treat every shot and strategy choice as you would in competition. This helps reinforce your overall consistency, rather than tearing it down or chipping away at it.

Bottom line is, you can have fun cutting it up with friends, but it should only affect your game if you let it.

Friendly, talkative matches or get-togethers are opportunities to practice and strengthen your mental toughness. Being able to flip the "performance mode" switch on and off in your mind whenever you have to is a great skill to have. But it requires practice. So use these situations as opportunities to practice that skill.

The performance mode switch is flipped on when you go down for the shot to address the cb. Any distraction should have you flipping the switch off and standing back up. There is no better opportunity to practice this than during a good friendly chit-chat match with a few noisy, smartass friends.
 

FranCrimi

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
First, let me say ---- I've been there and found the situation to be frustrating as hell.

You worry about hurting your friendly opponent's feelings so you keep quiet and bear it. You even join in, distracting yourself even more. And what's the result? You're miserable, you perform poorly and you're training yourself to be negative and unhappy.

Your opponent could be the nicest person in the world, but it's not worth sacrificing your own game and enjoyment just to not hurt their feelings. Your opponent doesn't know how you feel. You have to tell him if you want to continue playing him. There are self-depreciating ways you can do it, like for example: "I'm not good at walking and chewing gum at the same time, and I find that I'm distracting myself when I talk about my game when I play. Would it be okay with you if we just played like a real match in a tournament and talked about it afterwards?"

If your opponent is a nice guy, then he'll probably be only too happy to oblige. Now that you set the stage, it's okay if he slips once in awhile and you don't respond. He'll get it and won't feel offended. If he still can't control himself, then you gave it your best shot, and now have to stop playing him.
 
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evergruven

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
not an instructor
looks like the main bases are covered here..much good advice
as someone who can relate, I would only add don't focus on the issue
instead, let the challenge inspire you to dig deeper/different
I used to not like playing when my hands got cold
then I decided to play with the door open..embraced it
now, I play equally bad hot, or cold :p

it's not a solution, as others have suggested
but just changing our perspective can affect our game..good luck!
 

dquarasr

Registered
The performance mode switch is flipped on when you go down for the shot to address the cb. Any distraction should have you flipping the switch off and standing back up. There is no better opportunity to practice this than during a good friendly chit-chat match with a few noisy, smartass friends.
Not an instructor.

I was about to post something but BC21 beat me to it. You'll have to learn to separate the time away from the table from your turn at the table. Switch off all distractions once the CB stops rolling and it's your shot. If you are being distracted when it is your turn, stop. You're not on a shot clock. After a while your opponent will figure out that as long as you're not shooting or even looking at the table when it's your turn and they're talking to you, and they'll eventually shut up. Or take the direct approach.

Being able to disassociate your thoughts between performance and non-performance mode is a skill you should work on, and use these friendly encounters not as a hindrance but as an opportunity to learn for "real" competitive matches, since distractions come in all forms, not just friendly chatter (e.g., being sharked, too loud music, the hot member of the opposite sex (lol), etc.) Best of luck.
 

BC21

https://www.playpoolbetter.com
Gold Member
Silver Member
Not an instructor.

I was about to post something but BC21 beat me to it. You'll have to learn to separate the time away from the table from your turn at the table. Switch off all distractions once the CB stops rolling and it's your shot. If you are being distracted when it is your turn, stop. You're not on a shot clock. After a while your opponent will figure out that as long as you're not shooting or even looking at the table when it's your turn and they're talking to you, and they'll eventually shut up. Or take the direct approach.

Being able to disassociate your thoughts between performance and non-performance mode is a skill you should work on, and use these friendly encounters not as a hindrance but as an opportunity to learn for "real" competitive matches, since distractions come in all forms, not just friendly chatter (e.g., being sharked, too loud music, the hot member of the opposite sex (lol), etc.) Best of luck.

Excellent advice.
 

bbb

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
Silver Member
Quick story
I took a lesson with Demetrius Jelatis known as tin man here on AZ, Billiards
He would be discussing a layout or a shot with me, and then
what really struck me
was when it came time for him to shoot
, his whole demeanor, changed
the look on his face, the eye of the tiger in his eyes, and his full concentration to the shot
He was definitely able to separate
talking time, planning time and shooting mode
His look every time he stepped to the table to shoot, made a big impression on me
for the record
i would recommend demetrius as an instructor
i learned alot and he is definitely passionate about helping the student improve
 
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WobblyStroke

Well-known member
Quick story
I took a lesson with Demetrius Jelatis known as tin man here on AZ, Billiards
He would be discussing a layout or a shot with me, and then
what really struck me
was when it came time for him to shoot
, his whole demeanor, changed
the look on his face, the eye of the tiger in his eyes, and his full concentration to the shot
He was definitely able to separate
talking time, planning time and shooting mode
His look every time he stepped to the table to shoot, made a big impression on me
for the record
i would recommend demetrius as an instructor
i learned alot and he is definitely passionate about helping the student improve
This is a good skill to have and can def be developed. Playing good pool in a social environment is doable but difficult because you constantly have to be refocusing and entering a performance mindset anew instead of getting in there once and maintaining which is far less demanding.

Your story reminded me of this scene from Baggar Vance. Bobby Jones goes from friendly banter with a smiling face to a Tom Brady in a Super Bowl lazer focus in the blink of an eye when it is his shot (around 1min mark).
 

BC21

https://www.playpoolbetter.com
Gold Member
Silver Member
This is a good skill to have and can def be developed. Playing good pool in a social environment is doable but difficult because you constantly have to be refocusing and entering a performance mindset anew instead of getting in there once and maintaining which is far less demanding.

Your story reminded me of this scene from Baggar Vance. Bobby Jones goes from friendly banter with a smiling face to a Tom Brady in a Super Bowl lazer focus in the blink of an eye when it is his shot (around 1min mark).

One of my favorite books! Great movie too!
 

FranCrimi

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Quick story
I took a lesson with Demetrius Jelatis known as tin man here on AZ, Billiards
He would be discussing a layout or a shot with me, and then
what really struck me
was when it came time for him to shoot
, his whole demeanor, changed
the look on his face, the eye of the tiger in his eyes, and his full concentration to the shot
He was definitely able to separate
talking time, planning time and shooting mode
His look every time he stepped to the table to shoot, made a big impression on me
for the record
i would recommend demetrius as an instructor
i learned alot and he is definitely passionate about helping the student improve
I've often wondered if this was more of a personality trait than a skill. I don't know any pro player who was initially disturbed by chatter in their early years who trained themself to where it didn't affect them at all anymore. Sure, it's possible to train yourself to deal with it in a better way, but it's not a switch that everyone can turn on and off. If it was a learned trait, then you wouldn't see any professional players bothered by it, and that's far from the case.
 

WobblyStroke

Well-known member
I've often wondered if this was more of a personality trait than a skill. I don't know any pro player who was initially disturbed by chatter in their early years who trained themself to where it didn't affect them at all anymore. Sure, it's possible to train yourself to deal with it in a better way, but it's not a switch that everyone can turn on and off. If it was a learned trait, then you wouldn't see any professional players bothered by it, and that's far from the case.
Fair point. But there has to be a skill component to it as well since you can get better at this. A solid chunk of getting better is just developing the discipline to get up and start your PSR over again when you get distracted instead of just saying F it, I'm shooting anyway. I'm sure we've all been there at one point or another.
 

BC21

https://www.playpoolbetter.com
Gold Member
Silver Member
Fair point. But there has to be a skill component to it as well since you can get better at this. A solid chunk of getting better is just developing the discipline to get up and start your PSR over again when you get distracted instead of just saying F it, I'm shooting anyway. I'm sure we've all been there at one point or another.

It's definitely a skill that can be developed with practice and discipline.

I did a little experiment once in an airport. My theory was that if I could learn to keep my focus when reading a book in a crowded place, it would carryover into helping me keep focus on a pool table with distractions present.

The first time I tried reading in the airport, I could not keep my focus/attention on the book for anymore than a few sentences, due to all the distractions/noise. I remember looking up and seeing someone else reading a book, seemingly unaffected by everything that was going on around us. So I opened my book and tried again to leave that noisy place, to lose myself in the pages of the story. But then a kid would cry, or someone would laugh or cough or whatever, and I'd close the book again.

I noticed that the same person was still reading her book, oblivious to anything outside of the words that were filling her head. Seeing this made me keep trying.

I spent the next few weeks reading with the radio on, or the tv on, or sitting at the food court in the mall, etc... Eventually it just happened - my mind began to tune out everything that wasn't related to what I was doing. I can now read anything anywhere and not get distracted so easily, and it has strengthened my focus when playing pool also.

So, yes, the mind can certainly be trained/programmed to tune out distractions. But a person's current frame of mind, as well as their EQ, plays a big part in just how well they can tune things out on any given day.
 

tg_vegas

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
There is a guy in our regional league that acutally wears noice cancelling headphones while he plays. A little strange to see but it allows him total concentration and seems to work well for him... APA 6
 

bbb

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
Silver Member
what will distract me often when playing
is when a song i like comes on as i am doing my warm up strokes
my focus shifts to the song
sometimes i will just observe it happens and go back to focusing on the shot
i have disciplined myself to be aware of whats happening
sometimes i get back up and restart my psr
since i think thats what i should do in spite of my meditation training
...............
as an aside
in college i was in to transcendental meditation
the yogi gives you a mantra that you have to repeat among other things
as you repeat the mantra over and over
its normal especially when new to the technique for your mind to wander
you try and train yourself to notice the wander and then return to your mantra
you notice the wander as an observer not a participant
its hard for me to explain
and for the record noone spiked my coffee this morning.....😂
 

Pin

AzB Gold Member
Gold Member
Being able to flip the "performance mode" switch on and off in your mind whenever you have to is a great skill to have. But it requires practice. So use these situations as opportunities to practice that skill.

The performance mode switch is flipped on when you go down for the shot to address the cb. Any distraction should have you flipping the switch off and standing back up. There is no better opportunity to practice this than during a good friendly chit-chat match with a few noisy, smartass friends.
Not an instructor.

Something I found that works to tune me in before an innings is to recall the weight and feel of a pool ball in my hand, bring to mind the sensation of its weight, like when you pick something up and juggle it around a little to get a sense for it (e.g., just before you throw it).

That warms up the intuitive kinaesthetic part of my brain, which will be doing the shooting, whilst the other parts fall quiet.

(I'm especially proud of that one because I worked it out from psychological principles of different types of thinking and experiences of their 'momentum', that it *should* work. Then played around with it and found it did.)

I think the exact specifics of what works for someone are likely to be very personal, and it's possible that an individual's subconscious's visual/auditory/kinaesthetic preference plays a role too (although I'm on the fence about that because I think there are arguments for and against). But something along those lines could be a good technique if you can make it work for you.

-----

On a different tack, if you made a point to be talkative and conversational between racks, but less so during, you might be able to meet your friend's social expectations and also teach him your mid-game conventions.


I really like this question, by the way.
 

FranCrimi

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
........So, yes, the mind can certainly be trained/programmed to tune out distractions. But a person's current frame of mind, as well as their EQ, plays a big part in just how well they can tune things out on any given day.
Yes, but the OP gave us some very important clues about his/her personality that we have to take into consideration. He's fine when it comes to other types of competitive play, such as gambling and tournaments. There are distractions that go along with those as well. He's not saying he can't handle normal distractions. You can't equate this type of constant barrage of chatter to normal competitive play. This is above the normal limits of what any player should have to accept.

The problem is not the OP. It's the other guy who has no awareness of anything around him. You're all basically telling the OP that he can train himself to ignore this. Why should he have to? Do you expect him to be Superman? Why don't you all try putting yourself out there day after day, getting constantly barraged by chatter while trying to play practice matches? See how you can 'train' yourself to ignore it. I've tried. I can't do it. So am I deficient too? Do I lack proper training?

How much is a player supposed to be able to take on? What's reasonable? What's not?
 
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WobblyStroke

Well-known member
Yes, but the OP gave us some very important clues about his/her personality that we have to take into consideration. He's fine when it comes to other types of competitive play, such as gambling and tournaments. There are distractions that go along with those as well. He's not saying he can't handle normal distractions. You can't equate this type of constant barrage of chatter to normal competitive play. This is above the normal limits of what any player should have to accept.

The problem is not the OP. It's the other guy who has no awareness of anything around him. You're all basically telling the OP that he can train himself to ignore this. Why should he have to? Do you expect him to be Superman? Why don't you all try putting yourself out there day after day, getting constantly barraged by chatter while trying to play practice matches? See how you can 'train' yourself to ignore it. I've tried. I can't do it. So am I deficient too? Do I lack proper training?

How much is a player supposed to be able to take on? What's reasonable? What's not?
What is reasonable comes down to how you frame the 'social' game. Like I said in my original response, the options are pretty much lean into it being a social outing with friends and forget about playing anywhere near your best pool, or set some ground rules for what is okay and when to give yourself a fair shot at playing well.

Social games come in many forms. If I'm out with friends who enjoy pool but are about 150FR points lower ranked than I am, I flat out refuse to play my game and mostly focus on the social interaction. The game is the background activity that gives us friends an excuse to hangout. I lean into the fun outing and play a flamboyant stroke, play zero safeties, and favor ending racks on a 'fancy finish', levelling the playing field and giving my friends more opportunities at the table (or at least a fancy show if I happen to get out that way). Mentally, I am about as far away from peak performance mode as it gets and no miss can possibly bother me (esp since it looks bad to be berating yourself for playing bad when still clearly playing the best out of anyone there...don't be that guy folks).

In contrast, if the 'social' game is with friends that are actually players and we want to play some real pool, there is a certain etiquette to that concerning when to engage in banter/conversation. If both parties are here for the pool and not just the fun, it should be easy enough to set some ground rules for conduct everyone can agree on. Can't agree? Find a different playing partner.

As far as personality differences go, two of my four sons have a sensory 'disorder' (hate that word almost as much as 'defect') that makes them hyper sensitive to external stimuli, so I have a better appreciation than most when it comes to how much more difficult focusing in a distracting environment can be for some compared to others. Nobody on here is discounting the personality/wiring component to dealing with distractions. Some people literally process things differently and this in turn can result in them having to overcome a significant challenge in dealing with a situation that barely even registers for someone else. That said, they can work on this and get much much better, as I have seen in my 24year old. They get better because they have to. To do so, they may need to develop strategies for dealing with things others don't even notice. Consequently, their ceiling for just how good they can get compared to others will naturally be lower as they have so much more to overcome.

The most painless path of least resistance solution to OP that doesn't involve a long arduous road of self-improvement is still to just advocate for yourself and try to promote an environment more conducive to you playing your best pool... set some ground rules and follow them. Replace playing partners that won't play by those rules with others that will. But you might as well work on how you can get better at dealing with distractions too because even the best meaning playing partners may slip up here and there so you want to be as ready to deal with that as you can.
 
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BC21

https://www.playpoolbetter.com
Gold Member
Silver Member
Yes, but the OP gave us some very important clues about his/her personality that we have to take into consideration. He's fine when it comes to other types of competitive play, such as gambling and tournaments. There are distractions that go along with those as well. He's not saying he can't handle normal distractions. You can't equate this type of constant barrage of chatter to normal competitive play. This is above the normal limits of what any player should have to accept.

The problem is not the OP. It's the other guy who has no awareness of anything around him. You're all basically telling the OP that he can train himself to ignore this. Why should he have to? Do you expect him to be Superman? Why don't you all try putting yourself out there day after day, getting constantly barraged by chatter while trying to play practice matches? See how you can 'train' yourself to ignore it. I've tried. I can't do it. So am I deficient too? Do I lack proper training?

How much is a player supposed to be able to take on? What's reasonable? What's not?

I take on quite a bit of friendly chit-chat in every local tournament and match I happen to play. I'll shoot a great shot or run a couple of racks, and I hear, "That's why you wrote the book!" Or I'll hook myself or miss a shot or play a weak safety, and I'll hear, "Is that in your book?" Laughs follow.

It's really tough (mentally) to compete when you know those who are watching are either expecting excellence or waiting on you to screw up, all so they can say something smart-assed about the fact that I have two books out and a YouTube channel with a few thousand followers.

It doesn't bother me so much anymore. Because I've learned to handle it better. How did I train myself to handle such distractions? Well, I started embracing the comments, even going as far as agreeing when someone cracks off something like, "Is that shot in the book?"

I laugh it off and say, "Yes, actually, it is. You should read it sometime."

Now those sly little comments (whether derogatory or praise) slide right off my back, rather than bounce around in my head.

I have a little book titled, "Emotional Intelligence 2.0", by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. It's a great book for anyone interested in developing a stronger EQ (control of your emotions). And that's the bottom line when it comes to how we react to other people's words or actions. We can't control what others do and say, but we can certainly learn how to control our reactions, our mental response.
 
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