Ok. This place takes its fair share of heat. Mostly from inside. People are this, people are that, trolls galore, selfish, brainless, self-absorbed, etc, etc and on and on and on.
Most of you know by now I have cancer. Throat, to be precise. I didn't ask for it, don't want it but I'm dealing with it. The best I know how and the best I'm able. This ain't my first go-around. In 07 I had the same thing in the same place. But I was not here til years later. I stopped going in the room as I did not want people to know what I was going through. No reason for them to know. Only a few people at work knew. It was me and my girlfriend ( my son was 11 at the time and, thankfully, pretty oblivious to it, even though, technically, he "knew" ).
I got through it.
I was raised in a pool room, basically. I was a kid who ran, while maybe not "wild", certainly with VERY little parental supervision. I did a TON of things most kids don't and never do. Most of it was LOTS of fun and I had ton of adventures. Some of it I'm not particularly proud of. But that's water looonnnggg since under the bridge. Point is, I came and went as I pleased. Quit school at 15. Had my own lawn business at 8. Started making *extra-legally-curricular* $$$ starting at @ 14 ( my big sister's b/f was a HUGE pot, well... you know. One of those. So I always had tons of pot and $$$. And I began spending more and more time in the poolroom cause I was IN LOVE with pool, had a hefty amount of natural ability and a burning desire to be the best who ever lived ( yeah, yeah... I know, right? ).
So, spending so much time in there ( and, lots of time in other rooms as well ), I learned a lot of life lessons early. Most I would not, ever, recommend. One of those was, it''s not only ok to lie, it's actively encouraged. With the intention of getting all ( or, at least, most ) of YOUR $$$ out of your pocket and into mine. Period. And trust me on this ( and there are plenty here who are the choir I'm preaching to ), it's an art-form. And, in a lot of ways, it was fun. For a starry-eyed kid who really wanted to be a world champion, who ( at the time... thankfully, since, I've grown wiser ) LOVED $$$ and even though I had a lot of it most of the time, I wanted more, but I wanted it from pool. From beating someone's brains in.And I was a smart kid. I learned quickly. And, yeah, it was fun. It was like Guy Clark's famous song "Desperadoes Waiting For A Train". It could be dangerous. But that added to the adrenaline rush.
But... and this is a HUGE "but", it was NOT what I would ever want my own child to learn as the lessons that would successfully get him ( or her ) through life and out the other side as a healthy, self-respecting contributor to the wild, woolly world in which we live. It was largely based on greed. On dishonesty. On "sleight-of-hand". On fleecing people of their $$$ cause they just were, basically? Defenseless... they were fish. Suckers. Contributors. And I don't want to be disingenuous here... I LOVED that life. Absolutely craved it. And I defended it, many times to a lot of people. And in the end? I decided it just wasn't for me. And ironically enough at that point I was JUST starting to really get it together as a player. I was getting out. A LOT. I had stakers and encouragers and people telling me I was on to something. But there was something about it that just didn't settle well. And I hope this doesn't sound like preaching cause that's the last thing I'm trying to do. I'm trying to make a point about AZ. A valid one. But I'm trying to give background on why the point I want to make @ AZ is so startling to me.
I grew up not trusting people. And it wasn't just pool that did that to me but it did have a large part in it. I take EVERYTHING ANYONE says to me with a hefty grain of salt. And while that stands me in good stead a lot of the times, it's kind of heartbreaking in a way. I would much prefer if I could be GUARANTEED EVERYONE told me the truth, as much as that might hurt or anger me at times. But, we all know that's total bulls*it. Ain't happening... So I grew up believing that most people are here ( life, not AZ ) for themselves, period. That most people are basically, at their core, greedy, selfish, self-involved, disingenuous... and that ain't a particularly pretty picture.
So, here comes AZBIlliards.
I've been coming here since @ 2011, at that time mostly skulking in the dark, reading, not posting anything. Then my PC died and I lost all my passwords, etc, and just didn't bother coming back here. Until 2013. Then I hung a bit, then left for a long while, coming back @ a year or so ago. Since then, I've participated a lot. And, yeah, this is a lot like every other forum about anything. It can be ridiculously petty. Stupid. Boring. Filled with people you have to roll your eyes at and say, hayzeuz... this person has WAAYYYY too much time on their hands. But, conversely, this place can be like no other forum I've been on, and I've been on a bunch. It can be challenging. Insightful. Chock-FULL of good info. Funny stuff. Heart-warming stuff. Educational stuff. Stuff you'd be hard-pressed to get anywhere else. And I've been grateful for it. In a lot of ways. This has become very much like home to me.
About a month and a half ago, I PM'd Garczar ( one of my first GOOD friends here ) and told him I'd just been diag'd with cancer. He was extremely thoughtful and encouraging. As I would've expected. But, what I did NOT expect ( and I can't fault him as I DID NOT tell him to plz "keep it on the down low" ) was coming in the next day and finding a thread about my cancer and the coming dust-up with it. I didn't really quite know how to feel. I'm a pretty private person. I don't feel comfortable hanging my laundry out to dry in public. But he meant well ( as he always does, in my experience ) and so I just went with it. Maybe a part of me knew, instinctively, any additional encouragement would help me. And boy, howdy, has it ever. The first thing I knew, I had people, most of whom I had no idea who they were, never spoke with them, period, posting to the thread with good wishes and TONS of encouragement. And I was a bit stunned, frankly. I had to keep telling myself, this is a POOL forum, Michael. But these people don't want anything from me. They're sincere. What's WRONG with this picture??? I have to tell you, folks, that got to me. Emotionally. More than a few times. And the PMs! TONS of PMs from people I do not know, saying the same things, wishing me well, telling me their own experiences, asking for updates. I was like... wow. Just.. wow.
So, today, I come on, like every day. And I notice ( I'm a BIG detail-oriented type ) right off my name is blue. I got NO idea what that means but I **KNOW** it wasn't blue last night. So I ask in a thread, "Whazzat?" And Rubik says cause you're a gold member and I just laughed and said, I think NOT! I ain't given no $$$ to AZ! So I go into become a member area and sure enough, it says I am a gold member.
Ok, folks... I may not be Einstein ( or anything close ) but I ain't *stupid*, neither. I'm a gold member. **I** sure as hell didn't do it. Things like that don't just "happen".
SOMEBODY PAID FOR ME TO BE A GOLD MEMBER.
WTF? Why?
Well.. the answers could be many. But one in particular keeps occurring to me. Because someone here, for whatever reason, wanted to do it. And did... and I gotta tell ya. That affected me emotionally this morning. A lot. I mean, ok. yeah, it's like 40 bucks for a year, big deal. But for me? It feels like someone just paid off my mortgage. I really am overwhelmed. And I know this was not an AZ "conspiracy". It wasn't. it was one person with a heart of gold. Who cares about me and I have no idea who it even is. But the point is, and I truly believe this, and it's the point of this loonnggggg rambling post, it could have been almost ANYONE here. Because I've learned that this place is crawling with quality people. Good-hearted people. Generous, smart, morally upstanding, GOOD people. Who care about each other. And man does it make me feel small. And unimportant. And I kinda like that.
This place f'ing ROCKS. And I thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart.
For everything.
Most of you know by now I have cancer. Throat, to be precise. I didn't ask for it, don't want it but I'm dealing with it. The best I know how and the best I'm able. This ain't my first go-around. In 07 I had the same thing in the same place. But I was not here til years later. I stopped going in the room as I did not want people to know what I was going through. No reason for them to know. Only a few people at work knew. It was me and my girlfriend ( my son was 11 at the time and, thankfully, pretty oblivious to it, even though, technically, he "knew" ).
I got through it.
I was raised in a pool room, basically. I was a kid who ran, while maybe not "wild", certainly with VERY little parental supervision. I did a TON of things most kids don't and never do. Most of it was LOTS of fun and I had ton of adventures. Some of it I'm not particularly proud of. But that's water looonnnggg since under the bridge. Point is, I came and went as I pleased. Quit school at 15. Had my own lawn business at 8. Started making *extra-legally-curricular* $$$ starting at @ 14 ( my big sister's b/f was a HUGE pot, well... you know. One of those. So I always had tons of pot and $$$. And I began spending more and more time in the poolroom cause I was IN LOVE with pool, had a hefty amount of natural ability and a burning desire to be the best who ever lived ( yeah, yeah... I know, right? ).
So, spending so much time in there ( and, lots of time in other rooms as well ), I learned a lot of life lessons early. Most I would not, ever, recommend. One of those was, it''s not only ok to lie, it's actively encouraged. With the intention of getting all ( or, at least, most ) of YOUR $$$ out of your pocket and into mine. Period. And trust me on this ( and there are plenty here who are the choir I'm preaching to ), it's an art-form. And, in a lot of ways, it was fun. For a starry-eyed kid who really wanted to be a world champion, who ( at the time... thankfully, since, I've grown wiser ) LOVED $$$ and even though I had a lot of it most of the time, I wanted more, but I wanted it from pool. From beating someone's brains in.And I was a smart kid. I learned quickly. And, yeah, it was fun. It was like Guy Clark's famous song "Desperadoes Waiting For A Train". It could be dangerous. But that added to the adrenaline rush.
But... and this is a HUGE "but", it was NOT what I would ever want my own child to learn as the lessons that would successfully get him ( or her ) through life and out the other side as a healthy, self-respecting contributor to the wild, woolly world in which we live. It was largely based on greed. On dishonesty. On "sleight-of-hand". On fleecing people of their $$$ cause they just were, basically? Defenseless... they were fish. Suckers. Contributors. And I don't want to be disingenuous here... I LOVED that life. Absolutely craved it. And I defended it, many times to a lot of people. And in the end? I decided it just wasn't for me. And ironically enough at that point I was JUST starting to really get it together as a player. I was getting out. A LOT. I had stakers and encouragers and people telling me I was on to something. But there was something about it that just didn't settle well. And I hope this doesn't sound like preaching cause that's the last thing I'm trying to do. I'm trying to make a point about AZ. A valid one. But I'm trying to give background on why the point I want to make @ AZ is so startling to me.
I grew up not trusting people. And it wasn't just pool that did that to me but it did have a large part in it. I take EVERYTHING ANYONE says to me with a hefty grain of salt. And while that stands me in good stead a lot of the times, it's kind of heartbreaking in a way. I would much prefer if I could be GUARANTEED EVERYONE told me the truth, as much as that might hurt or anger me at times. But, we all know that's total bulls*it. Ain't happening... So I grew up believing that most people are here ( life, not AZ ) for themselves, period. That most people are basically, at their core, greedy, selfish, self-involved, disingenuous... and that ain't a particularly pretty picture.
So, here comes AZBIlliards.
I've been coming here since @ 2011, at that time mostly skulking in the dark, reading, not posting anything. Then my PC died and I lost all my passwords, etc, and just didn't bother coming back here. Until 2013. Then I hung a bit, then left for a long while, coming back @ a year or so ago. Since then, I've participated a lot. And, yeah, this is a lot like every other forum about anything. It can be ridiculously petty. Stupid. Boring. Filled with people you have to roll your eyes at and say, hayzeuz... this person has WAAYYYY too much time on their hands. But, conversely, this place can be like no other forum I've been on, and I've been on a bunch. It can be challenging. Insightful. Chock-FULL of good info. Funny stuff. Heart-warming stuff. Educational stuff. Stuff you'd be hard-pressed to get anywhere else. And I've been grateful for it. In a lot of ways. This has become very much like home to me.
About a month and a half ago, I PM'd Garczar ( one of my first GOOD friends here ) and told him I'd just been diag'd with cancer. He was extremely thoughtful and encouraging. As I would've expected. But, what I did NOT expect ( and I can't fault him as I DID NOT tell him to plz "keep it on the down low" ) was coming in the next day and finding a thread about my cancer and the coming dust-up with it. I didn't really quite know how to feel. I'm a pretty private person. I don't feel comfortable hanging my laundry out to dry in public. But he meant well ( as he always does, in my experience ) and so I just went with it. Maybe a part of me knew, instinctively, any additional encouragement would help me. And boy, howdy, has it ever. The first thing I knew, I had people, most of whom I had no idea who they were, never spoke with them, period, posting to the thread with good wishes and TONS of encouragement. And I was a bit stunned, frankly. I had to keep telling myself, this is a POOL forum, Michael. But these people don't want anything from me. They're sincere. What's WRONG with this picture??? I have to tell you, folks, that got to me. Emotionally. More than a few times. And the PMs! TONS of PMs from people I do not know, saying the same things, wishing me well, telling me their own experiences, asking for updates. I was like... wow. Just.. wow.
So, today, I come on, like every day. And I notice ( I'm a BIG detail-oriented type ) right off my name is blue. I got NO idea what that means but I **KNOW** it wasn't blue last night. So I ask in a thread, "Whazzat?" And Rubik says cause you're a gold member and I just laughed and said, I think NOT! I ain't given no $$$ to AZ! So I go into become a member area and sure enough, it says I am a gold member.
Ok, folks... I may not be Einstein ( or anything close ) but I ain't *stupid*, neither. I'm a gold member. **I** sure as hell didn't do it. Things like that don't just "happen".
SOMEBODY PAID FOR ME TO BE A GOLD MEMBER.
WTF? Why?
Well.. the answers could be many. But one in particular keeps occurring to me. Because someone here, for whatever reason, wanted to do it. And did... and I gotta tell ya. That affected me emotionally this morning. A lot. I mean, ok. yeah, it's like 40 bucks for a year, big deal. But for me? It feels like someone just paid off my mortgage. I really am overwhelmed. And I know this was not an AZ "conspiracy". It wasn't. it was one person with a heart of gold. Who cares about me and I have no idea who it even is. But the point is, and I truly believe this, and it's the point of this loonnggggg rambling post, it could have been almost ANYONE here. Because I've learned that this place is crawling with quality people. Good-hearted people. Generous, smart, morally upstanding, GOOD people. Who care about each other. And man does it make me feel small. And unimportant. And I kinda like that.
This place f'ing ROCKS. And I thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart.
For everything.
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