A question...

[Peer]

The "inevitable scenario"....

I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks.

Uh... that's all you do..?

I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario.

I don't understand your so-called "inevitable scenario" here -- if you can tell us (the entire internet) about this, why can't you then tell your boyfriend?! I don't get it.

When it comes to me, I've never played pool with any of my GFs, (less let them watch me play). To me it's just silly to see partners always hanging out together, trying to do the same stuff. You be you, I be me -- that's my take on this "inevitable scenario". (Sure, when it comes to relationships with women, I'm the winner of the August Strindberg Award, so what do I know...)

-- peer

 

[JoeW]

Contrary to popular thought, people who have long lasting relationships have similar styles, interests, values, morals, and ethics. Opposites are fun for the weekend but not for a lifetime.

 

[bigskyjake]

We like museums because we're both nerds He took me to the Fernbank Museum of Natural History for the first time a couple weeks ago. It was awesome. He plays chess and likes to read about history and science. He watches the Discovery and History channel. He has two bachelor's degrees, one semester away from a third, and will be finishing his Master's in History this fall. He opens every door for me, even when I'm getting out of the car. He orders for me in restaurants. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me every day. He goes with me to my church. He puts up with my wanting to watch crappy 80s movies. My puppy loves him. The puppy I rescued (that his parents adopted) loves him. He's sardonic, intelligent, thoughtful, handsome, attentive, and amazing in every way.

Marrissa, your man is sounding a little soft. For an extra birthday present you need to buy him a couple guns, some flannel shirts (not the weak chamois ones either) a case of Beech-Nut, and some Wild Turkey

 

[Tom M]

If I get him a cue, he's going to want to pursue it. He's going to want to go to the pool hall. I don't want this. I'm happy with pool not being a major interference in my relationships.

Don't you mean that you're happy with relationships not being a major interference in your pool? I'm not saying that's bad, but it is different and it's important to recognize your true feelings about it.

Depending on how serious the relationship is, you should just tell him what you told us (paraphrasing): "I'm very serious about playing pool, and it's personal time where I enjoy being off on my own for a few hours, completely focused and free of distraction. For now I'd like to keep it that way".

At the same time, you could also compromise, and agree to spend an occasional session with him at the table. The important thing would be for you to decide ahead of time that the session is for him, and to forget about your own practice or playing during that time. That will keep you from getting frustrated.

I like it when my wife comes to the ski lake on weekends, when there's plenty of time, but I would hate it if she started wanting to ski in the evenings when time is tight. It would seriously hinder my own training. She understands that and enjoys the quiet time at home while I'm at the lake.

Unfortunately, many people think that a "perfect" relationship means being joined at the hip 100% of the time and neither person having individual interests. That's a load of crap and hopefully your guy is not one of those people. If he is, he's going to have a tough time dating a pool player.

Hope this helps,
Tom

 

[Tom M]

Contrary to popular thought, people who have long lasting relationships have similar styles, interests, values, morals, and ethics. Opposites are fun for the weekend but not for a lifetime.

Yes, similar, but not identical. Healthy, mature relationships not only tolerate but actually embrace individuality and independent interests.

 

[poolplayer2093]

...............................................

 

[JoeyA]

Marissa, your man is sounding a little soft. For an extra birthday present you need to buy him a couple guns, some flannel shirts (not the weak chamois ones either) a case of Beech-Nut, and some Wild Turkey

You really make me laugh Jake. Your humor is funny to me. Marissa may as well invite him to a full-blown bucherie from beginning to end. If he can get past the shaving of the hair and the meat processing he will be able to hang out and make toasts with Bill Braskey's pals.

JoeyA

 

[bigskyjake]

You really make me laugh Jake. Your humor is funny to me. Marissa may as well invite him to a full-blown bucherie from beginning to end. If he can get past the shaving of the hair and the meat processing he will be able to hang out and make toasts with Bill Braskey's pals.

JoeyA

To be well and truly cured of being a sissy he needs to be able to
-enter a steak eating contest
-hit small animals with a stream of tobacco juice
-gut and skin his own deer
-re-jet the carbuerator on the 79 Bronco that Marrissa needs to buy him
-walk into Starbuck's wearing full hunting gear (Pac's, wool trousers and woolen shirt) just to piss people off
-consider jerky, redbull, sardines a decent breakfast

 

[juanbond]

You really make me laugh Jake. Your humor is funny to me. Marissa may as well invite him to a full-blown bucherie from beginning to end. If he can get past the shaving of the hair and the meat processing he will be able to hang out and make toasts with Bill Braskey's pals.

JoeyA

I once watched Bill Braskey break and run 17 racks of rotation, in under 60 seconds total. He also killed a grizzly bear with his bare hands while running these racks. Amazing!

 

["T"]

And yes, I do love him.

Cool! Good for both of you!

Not sure how good the advice might be on relationships here, lol, but for me, the obvious differences are the easiest to accept.

Good luck!

 

[cplayermagic]

I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks... He doesn't play pool at all. Except the other day he mentioned that he wants a pool cue for Christmas. That way, he says, I can teach him.

This has not worked well in the past. I don't like to teach, don't know how to teach, and get bored playing with someone that doesn't know what they're doing. I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario. Showing someone how to make a close bridge for twenty minutes while they fail is just not appealing for me. I want to break their fingers. I'd rather listen to my mp3 player and play pool in my little bubble that I create for myself. I don't talk or acknowledge anyone for the most part.

So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?

the real issue at hand, here, is that you teaching him pool destroys any chance he has of achieving the 'alpha male' symbol. although he may be your boyfriend, you seeing him 'fail [for twenty minutes]' may very well ruin your attraction to him. his loss of confidence, displayed through a weak stance and poor stroke mechanics, will make his testosterone levels drop beyond what your gender considers mating-material. at this point, your relationship is rendered sour and detached. unless he re-asserts himself as a strong, dominant male (usually by drastic means involving domestic abuse) he will never again achieve status in your eyes.

simply put; teaching a guy to do things that guys typically teach girls ruins your sex life. why not teach him how to sew or cook, instead? let's not forget our socially acclimated roles.

- hunter/gatherer

 

[akaTrigger]

Ironically...

"Everybody Loves Raymond" has an episode on right now about Ray and his wife golfing. His wife wants to participate in something Ray likes so much, and to spend some quality time with him.

On Hole One, they are hugging and kissing.
On Hole Six, she's making puts and he is not.
By Hole Nine, she no longer wants advice and he is getting agitated with her shadow, lol!
By Hole Thirteen, they are done with each other and they have both decided she should never go golfing again and he should show her a little more attention around the house.

Just a story to lighten what must be a tough situation. Good Luck Marissa.

 

[Drew]

You're going about this the wrong way. The best way to learn is through experience. So drop him off at the pool room with 500 bucks and tell him he's not allowed to come home unless he has 1000. He'll learn quicker that way.

 

[Koopa]

You're going about this the wrong way. The best way to learn is through experience. So drop him off at the pool room with 500 bucks and tell him he's not allowed to come home unless he has 1000. He'll learn quicker that way.

What if he actually makes the 1000? He'll get hooked and never come home!

 

[bigskyjake]

What if he actually makes the 1000? He'll get hooked and never come home!

It would be like raising an injured bobcat from kittenhood. Once it gets older and you set it free it will either starve to death (her man loses the entire 500 biscuits within an hour), drags home a grouse for you every night (her man doubles up and comes home with the bacon), or chases the grouse across the highway and gets crushed by a truck (her man doubles up and then gets stomped and robbed in the parking lot)

 

[tigerseye]

I am so happy with my boyfriend. We watch movies, go to museums, enjoy nice dinners, take walks... He doesn't play pool at all. Except the other day he mentioned that he wants a pool cue for Christmas. That way, he says, I can teach him.

This has not worked well in the past. I don't like to teach, don't know how to teach, and get bored playing with someone that doesn't know what they're doing. I've tried to be patient, but it's all too frustrating. And I don't want to be frustrated towards him. However, that's the inevitable scenario. Showing someone how to make a close bridge for twenty minutes while they fail is just not appealing for me. I want to break their fingers. I'd rather listen to my mp3 player and play pool in my little bubble that I create for myself. I don't talk or acknowledge anyone for the most part.

So how do I tell him I'd rather not? Or am I being selfish and unaccommodating?

I would say it is as frustrating for him as a beginner than it is for you to teach him how to play pool... just so you realize that he is just as frustrated as you are...That is if he really wants to play good pool.
If he doesn't really care about pool then beat him every game and laugh when you do. Maybe he will give it up and go play something else....

 

[gforces1911]

Definitions and boundaries

It may help for you to define what pool means to you and what it represents. If it is concentration, competition, and meditation that is one thing.

Many people see pool and think of it as a recreational and social game. For them to see someone play hard--- they view that as antisocial i.e. you are playing "dirty pool".

So, my advice is to set some boundaries on it. He may just want to come and watch you. If he takes up the game himself that is his decision. He is the only one who can answer the question: just how good do I want to be?

Him taking up the game does not require lessons. He may be perfectly happy banging balls just to be in the same place as you.