Best/Funny Trash talk

"Hellen Keller could run this rack out." Then when they miss or fuck up "hit it Helen!" Or if they baby a ball "did u hit that one with your purse?"
 
While sitting with Groundhog eating the trash concession food in the Rio at the 2013 BCAPL's.

Groundhog: Damn, this food is trash!
Unknown player: But at least it's only ten dollars.
Groundhog: I'd pay you ten dollars to eat this shit!
 
My buddy and I were playing partners at a country dive bar called "the hole in the wall" for beer when we were about 18 and these two rough characters challenge us to play. Looked like they walked off the Deliverance set, pants tucked in their boots with the meaner-looking one having a large handle of a Bowie knife sticking out of his boot I suggest to my friend that we try not pissing them off. After a few games, they were getting frustrated and one says to the other "take your combination" to which his partner replied, "I ain't got nuttin to combinate on". Bit the inside of my lip so I wouldn't laugh and nearly 50 years later when we play and a combo comes up we still say "I ain't got nuttin to combinate on"
 
Guy walks in to the tournament and says he just got bumped to a 5 (APA). Another player tells the TD "He should be at least a 6."
TD deadpans:"He won't live long enough to get to a six."

Young player trying to stir up action woofing at people. Seasoned veteran is not impressed. Tells him:"You got the 8-ball. For life."

(Heard on stream) People talking about who can beat Justin Bergman. "We should get this guy down here..." etc...
Finally Justin looks at them and says:"If they can come here and beat me they can win a house."

And one I've posted on here before:
"You can't quit while you're ahead."
"Aw crap! Now we have to stay here until he learns how to play pool."
 
Thanks for all the replies everyone, had a lot of good laughs. I'll leave you with a classic line to say when someone misses an easy shot "even Ray Charles could have made that one"
 
Not necessarily trash talk, but funny.

Years ago playing at a local place with my neighbor, two young guys at the table next to us were cutting up, giving each other jabs and jokes. They were pretty funny. Think of the characters from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

One guy is taking a sip of his beer and the other says something funny. The first guy stifles a laugh, swallows his beer and says “Dude! You almost made me spit out my beer. And then I remembered ……. It’s beer!”

Cracked us up, and I’ve never forgotten it.
 
When my opponent is pondering a tough shot for too long I'll tell'em "my mom can make that shot, and she's 89" . One guy said "go get your mom to shoot this shot for me then!
 
A buddy and I just wrapped up playing and were leaving when a guy so drunk he can barely talk challenges me to play him to 5 for $100. I tell him we're done and he proceeds to announce to the bar, "Hey everyone, this guy's got no balls! Come check out this no-balls M-Fer b4 he leaves with his girlfriend."
So we play and I beat him 5-0. After the last ball, my buddy goes, 'Hey, look at that, you were right, he has no balls....left on the table. Now pay up."
 
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