Funny pic/gif thread...

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Now a photo on top of all this humiliation!
 

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A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.




The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"




"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.




"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.




"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."




"Will you spend this at the pool hall instead of food?" the man asked.




"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played pool in 20 years!"




"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.




"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.




"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."




The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."




The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who has given up beer, gambling, pool, and sex."
 
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get
married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me..
My girlfriend; she was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me.
That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight
miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near
me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be
deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I
was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could
not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she
wanted to make love to me just once before I got ! married and committed
my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She
said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with
it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house
and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside... With tears in his eyes he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little
test.

We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the
family!"

And the moral of this story is:




Always keep your condoms in your car.
 
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