ShootingArts said:
Ponytail said:
Okay, another promising technique to try out.
I'm very impressed by (and grateful for) how much useful advice has already come out of this thread.
-Andrew
How to combat self-anger?
- Thread starter Andrew Manning
- Start date
Okay, another promising technique to try out.
I'm very impressed by (and grateful for) how much useful advice has already come out of this thread.
-Andrew
I could be looking the mirror as I read this, and trust me, it takes one to know one.
Maybe, this, too sounds familiar; Large yet weak ego, expectations way up high, but skill level maybe a level below, expectations of success, but all you can think about is failure, with an inner voice beating yourself up all as you try to perform at your peak?
Yup, that's me, and maybe you too.
The fact is this; there is no magic pill. No books, tapes, DVDs, or people around you can take this quirk away from you. It's part of who you are, and it's nothing more than a weakness in your game. You will never play your best when this is happening, and you know it as well as I do. It's embarrassing for an adult to act out this way in public, and believe me I know because I've done it. Many times. When I first started playing and had my new table I was at my worst. You would think there was a roller derby team in my basement, yet I was down there by myself! Even broke a few cues, but they were cheap graphite cues that had it coming!
Where do you go from here? I don't know, but I will share what works for me. Reading the "Inner Game of Tennis" helped me stop beating myself up so much at the table. I also carry a pic of my five year old son on my cue case like a luggage tag thingy to remind me to act like I would want him to see me as if he were there. This also helps me put things in perspective, if you can call it that. Also, watching top players on tape, you realize that not everything goes their way all the time, and that even they can melt under the bright lights of competition, and some of them are World champions. So take it easy on yourself, and others around you, and just hope that you and I don't match up one day, because you don't need two of us at the table at the the same time! In fact, seeing someone act the way we are discussing is one of the ugliest acts you can witness, as you have a rare opportunity to see for yourself how you look to others.
Good luck, if your like me, your going to need it!
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Problems of the sort you describe have a relatively straight forward solution. The implentation may take awhile. The first step, as previously mentioned, is recognizing the problem. See it for what it is, a behavioral problem based on prior experience. Our learned responses do not go away easily. They are there because they have worked in the past.
What benefits did you previously obtain from this type of response?
How can you derive the same benefits without the unwanted behavior?
Are there other benefits you could obtain with a different response?
What is needed is the recognition that the anger response must be replaced with some other behavior. One temporary solution might be to get up and physically walk away from the problem with emphasis on determinedly walking away. Mutter to yourself or whatever. This will work until you find a solution that satisfies your personal style.
When a satisfactory response has been found begin to learn to use this response in less intense situations such as at the grocery store, the car wash, and at red lights. Use the new response in a variety of situations most often intentionally and in some situations as they occur. See if you like what you do now (versus then) and what you get. If it is a “better” response you will soon use the new response in place of the old.
There will be back sliding. When new responses do not get the result we seek we regress (resort) to the older behaviors. If you are aware of this “back sliding” you will not be so harsh on yourself when you slip and resort to the old response. It simply takes time to learn new ways.
Obviously these types of problems are often best addressed with the help of qualified clinicians. If you find that you are having a difficult time changing your behavior perhaps it is time to seek professional assistance.
The key here is not doing away with a bad behavior it is replacing the behavior with a more adaptive response.
What benefits did you previously obtain from this type of response?
How can you derive the same benefits without the unwanted behavior?
Are there other benefits you could obtain with a different response?
What is needed is the recognition that the anger response must be replaced with some other behavior. One temporary solution might be to get up and physically walk away from the problem with emphasis on determinedly walking away. Mutter to yourself or whatever. This will work until you find a solution that satisfies your personal style.
When a satisfactory response has been found begin to learn to use this response in less intense situations such as at the grocery store, the car wash, and at red lights. Use the new response in a variety of situations most often intentionally and in some situations as they occur. See if you like what you do now (versus then) and what you get. If it is a “better” response you will soon use the new response in place of the old.
There will be back sliding. When new responses do not get the result we seek we regress (resort) to the older behaviors. If you are aware of this “back sliding” you will not be so harsh on yourself when you slip and resort to the old response. It simply takes time to learn new ways.
Obviously these types of problems are often best addressed with the help of qualified clinicians. If you find that you are having a difficult time changing your behavior perhaps it is time to seek professional assistance.
The key here is not doing away with a bad behavior it is replacing the behavior with a more adaptive response.
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I enjoyed the response "You have issues" :groucho: But please do not let that stop you from posting my friend. :grinning-moose:
The suggestions to read Fancher and Gallwey are good ones imo. Here is the concept in a nutshell : Nobody is perfect, which means that everybody misses. The goal through practice is to miss as little as possible, but still everybody (including Reyes, Strickland, Archer, etc.) misses. We all have shots that are very consistent and others that are a little less reliable, and some that are not-so-good. We need to understand these reliabilities and know the rough probabilities of success. Then when you miss it will be accepted more easily (now I'll bet the reaction is "how did I miss THAT easy shot
"), and rather than get mad you will analyse the effort to determin what went wrong and how you might correct this issue when you practice, and toss the shot out of your mind (other than to observe that this was one of the misses you see in practice) when competing. The anger gets replaced with non-judgemental analysis, which is a double-whammy for improvement.Dave
Since I love it when my opponent gets pi$$ed at themselves, I do all I can to NOT give them the same satisfaction.
Control your emotions, analyze what you did wrong (e.g., took an easy shot for granted, jumped up on the shot, didn't use the same pre-shot routine, shot while someone was walking in front of you, ...) and then resolve yourself to not make the same mistake again.
Like Hu said above: smile, laugh, make a joke, etc. Then, shrug off the unforced error after you have analyzed what you did wrong and be ready to pounce out of your chair and devote all your attention and focus to your next shot.
Control your emotions, analyze what you did wrong (e.g., took an easy shot for granted, jumped up on the shot, didn't use the same pre-shot routine, shot while someone was walking in front of you, ...) and then resolve yourself to not make the same mistake again.
Like Hu said above: smile, laugh, make a joke, etc. Then, shrug off the unforced error after you have analyzed what you did wrong and be ready to pounce out of your chair and devote all your attention and focus to your next shot.
good stuff in this thread. i too stuggle with getting angry over missing the "easy shot". once i give in the the anger i am done. i still and stew over it and if i get another chance at the table i really cant shoot, almost like i deserve to lose the game. i'm hoping some of the advice here will help.
andrew it would be interesting to know if when you conquer this problem if it improves your overall game. thanks for starting a great thread
brian
andrew it would be interesting to know if when you conquer this problem if it improves your overall game. thanks for starting a great thread
brian
I was in the exact same boat as you Andrew and have toned it down a little. Years ago, I used to throw and break cues, I've actually had multiple teeth marks in my cue and my right hand constantly hurts from punching the table. I used to only by cheap sneaky petes cause I knew they would get broken. It takes a lot of focus to get yourself to where you have a professional demeanor and positive behavior.
Getting rid of the outbursts and negativity definitely helps your game. I still behave badly in terms of cursing and banging my stick and it's an embarrassment, however I do know that I play better and feel better when my emotions are under control.
I saw this qoute on this forum and it helped me a lot:
"The best thing to do after you miss a shot is to keep your mouth shut." -
Cisero Murphy, as quoted by Blackjack David Sapolis
Christian
Getting rid of the outbursts and negativity definitely helps your game. I still behave badly in terms of cursing and banging my stick and it's an embarrassment, however I do know that I play better and feel better when my emotions are under control.
I saw this qoute on this forum and it helped me a lot:
"The best thing to do after you miss a shot is to keep your mouth shut." -
Cisero Murphy, as quoted by Blackjack David Sapolis
Christian
I feel certain that conquering this problem will improve my overall game.
And you're quite welcome for the thread. I posted looking for advice for my own benefit, but I do hope it helps others too. After all, I don't want to play in a pool hall full of jerks any more than anyone else does
-Andrew
Know you are an Amateur...
Amateurs....
Miss easy shots..
Miss position..
Miss kicks..
Play bad safes...
Play wrong patters..
Choose offence when they should play defence..
Choose the incorrect position routes...
We usually do not play 6 or 7 days a week...
We usually do not compete all the time...almost every day...
We just do not get the table time of a pro or semi pro or road player..etc...
We usually have many other responsibilities happening in our lives other than just pool and playing and competing in pool events 6 or 7 days a week...
Of course there will be times when you have played or will play like a pro, however overall you are an amateur and need to really know that...
Unless you are always out there in competiton....someone who eats, drinks ,sleeps, and breathes pool and only pool, you are an amateur and should not expect Professional play out of yourself overall...
Know you are an amateur...and it is ok to be an amateur....sometimes you will be a very good amateur and enjoy those moments...
You will even occasionally defeat a pro or semi pro or even a road player, but you are still an amateur...
for now.....
Have fun...
Mr. J.
Amateurs....
Miss easy shots..
Miss position..
Miss kicks..
Play bad safes...
Play wrong patters..
Choose offence when they should play defence..
Choose the incorrect position routes...
We usually do not play 6 or 7 days a week...
We usually do not compete all the time...almost every day...
We just do not get the table time of a pro or semi pro or road player..etc...
We usually have many other responsibilities happening in our lives other than just pool and playing and competing in pool events 6 or 7 days a week...
Of course there will be times when you have played or will play like a pro, however overall you are an amateur and need to really know that...
Unless you are always out there in competiton....someone who eats, drinks ,sleeps, and breathes pool and only pool, you are an amateur and should not expect Professional play out of yourself overall...
Know you are an amateur...and it is ok to be an amateur....sometimes you will be a very good amateur and enjoy those moments...
You will even occasionally defeat a pro or semi pro or even a road player, but you are still an amateur...
for now.....
Have fun...
Mr. J.
I try to redirect that energy. Anger is a negative emotion that will not help me improve. When I miss a shot, I immediately ask myself what I did wrong. Now, rather than it being a negative, it becomes a positive learning experience. I can learn from my mistakes and move forward. I watch the ones who explode when they miss, and it is usually still hanging on the next time they get to the table, often leading to more missing, more negativity, more misses...etc.
Keep your energy positive. Even when you miss, you can find something positive if you are looking for it.
Steve
Keep your energy positive. Even when you miss, you can find something positive if you are looking for it.
Steve
Watch Efren use this technique. It has helped me a lot, including changing my initial emotional reaction, not just how I act on it. Pool playing is much more fun without all that childish stuff.
pj
chgo
Check this out too Andrew.. it will help your game as well:
http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_000004.htm
http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_000004.htm
That is a great solution and the one I try to use.
I think it can happen to all of us , even when I miss a simple shot I sometimes say something out loud but not very often , when I'm at the table i'm there to play the table not the person sitting in the chair but one thing is that we are all human .
Just think what he Pro's think when they missed a shot , what's going threw there head .
Just think what he Pro's think when they missed a shot , what's going threw there head .
I usually calm down after I strike my opponent upside the head with my cue.
By the way, I'm looking for a game this weekend. PM me.
Great Advice!
Watching the way Efren handles easy misses has really inspired me not to steam when I do the same thing. When I miss I try to visualize him in the same situation.
The beginning of this video is a good example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1tgkLvyUME
Watching the way Efren handles easy misses has really inspired me not to steam when I do the same thing. When I miss I try to visualize him in the same situation.
The beginning of this video is a good example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1tgkLvyUME
Of course, I'd be happy to play you. Head on down to Dayton and ask around, they know me as Larry the photographer. I'm going to have to insist we play on the local triple-shimmed GC with 10-year-old cloth, dead rails, and which was leveled by drunks. That way I can be sure I get your "best game".
-Andrew
Great thread!
Seve Ballesteros, a golfer from Spain on the PGA and European Tours in the late 70's early 80's was notorious for getting visibly upset with himself while playing. This is how I remember reading about it.
What he started to do instead was casually fold his arms, pull them in, and then slowly dig his fingers into his ribs till it hurt. On the outside it only looked like he was just trying to stay warm or just maybe mildly annoyed with himself.
When you think about it, it's kind of interesting because he was just managing his anger rather than trying to get rid of it and in some ways, that's pretty much the same thing. :smile:
Seve Ballesteros, a golfer from Spain on the PGA and European Tours in the late 70's early 80's was notorious for getting visibly upset with himself while playing. This is how I remember reading about it.
What he started to do instead was casually fold his arms, pull them in, and then slowly dig his fingers into his ribs till it hurt. On the outside it only looked like he was just trying to stay warm or just maybe mildly annoyed with himself.
When you think about it, it's kind of interesting because he was just managing his anger rather than trying to get rid of it and in some ways, that's pretty much the same thing. :smile: