Rude Dog - John Morton

[sjm]

Another exceptional poster gone but not forgotten is John Morton, who posted as Rude Dog.

I still remember when many of us put up the money for him to play in the US Open 9-ball event. In Chesapeake, he was like a kid in a candy store, relating how much he enjoyed mingling with the top pros and how kind they were to him.

Rude Dog was one of our very best here at AZB, and I miss him.

 

[JAM]

About a year before Rude Dog passed, we exchanged PMs and e-mails. I sent him some links to NIH, along with information and phone numbers, pertaining to clinical trials and other treatments for his condition. He had a clot in his leg, and I can't remember the name of the condition. I know he did not have the funds or insurance to cover the enormous cost for treatment with everything that was available at that time. It was heartbreaking. He was more worried about his family than himself when he was suffering.

I am so glad that we at AzBilliards voted for John to attend the U.S. Open in 2004. I know he had the time of his life. He shared a room with a Polish player. At the event, John was a little reserved, kind of quiet, until he saw some of his old friends. Then he shined like a beacon.

Here's Rude Dog (depicted on the left) and Don Purdman a/k/a "Purdman," one of the AzBilliard sponsors to send a player to the Open. I think this was in 2004, if memory serves me right. I love the cloud formation in the backdrop of this pic.

Rest in peace, Rude Dog! You are loved, and your spirit is alive today in our hearts!

 

[Koop]

My last email from John

Mon 10/23/2006 6:10 PM
I got some bad news last week from my doctor. The problem with my leg is spreading throughout my body and there's little they can do about it. The clots aren't breaking loose, yet, but other clots are forming and causing very poor circulation. Every day I wake up and wonder.................is this the day? I think I'm taking it well, as well as can be expected, but I'm kind of in a fog at times. My attention span is about 1.4 seconds these days, but hey, .......................what were we talking about again?

Ah, the sense of humor will never go away, even if it's at my own expense. Laughter is all I have to keep me sane so that's how I deal with bad news.

Don't sweat it though, I'm too damn stubborn to let some stupid disease beat me like this. It's a race to 9 and I'm up 3-0 already. (3 years since being diagnosed.) I just need a couple good rolls here and there and I think I can win.


RIP in my friend.

 

[sjm]

Mon 10/23/2006 6:10 PM
I got some bad news last week from my doctor. The problem with my leg is spreading throughout my body and there's little they can do about it. The clots aren't breaking loose, yet, but other clots are forming and causing very poor circulation. Every day I wake up and wonder.................is this the day? I think I'm taking it well, as well as can be expected, but I'm kind of in a fog at times. My attention span is about 1.4 seconds these days, but hey, .......................what were we talking about again?

Ah, the sense of humor will never go away, even if it's at my own expense. Laughter is all I have to keep me sane so that's how I deal with bad news.

Don't sweat it though, I'm too damn stubborn to let some stupid disease beat me like this. It's a race to 9 and I'm up 3-0 already. (3 years since being diagnosed.) I just need a couple good rolls here and there and I think I can win.


RIP in my friend.

Thanks for sharing this, Koop.

 

[UrackmIcrackm]

I remember seeing this on another forum shortly after Rude Dog had passed. John Morton made me laugh more than anyone ever did on here. Tom Ferry was a close 2nd in that department. I miss their quick wit.

RIP

Part 1


John was one of the funniest guys I knew. I spent the evening going back through his old posts to pick out some of the classics he's posted over the yrs. I might as well have just copied every post. Some had me in tears I was laughing so hard. Some got lost in translation due his responding to someone else's post. I only pulled the ones that didn't need the post he was replying to in order to make sense. RIP Rude Dude.

Thanks to Roscoe, I figured out how to make my pic fit. If anyone ever wants to play, we can play for all of these you want.

Cool, now I can honestly say that "I'm hung like a carrot."



Ha, I'm mean. I sent my kid to school with no green on, lol. (dated 3/17/06)




My ass itches.


I think I got a SHORTY! Yep, I do, my wife said so!



Now THAT'S some funny ****! You owe me a new chair, I broke mine when I fell out of it.


Nah, I'm not too big to jump, it's the landing that kills me every time.


No I'm not...............I mean, do you know how ugly I'd have to be to be smarter than I look? C'mon, don't tease me like that Pablo.


Looks like we're back in action fellas, I shoulda bought just half a ticket cuz I'm on the edge of my seat!


Wow, I wish we had a rack girl like that around here. Hell, we don't even have a table, how we gonna get a girl to rack for us?


I came across an old roll of film and had it developed and lo and behold, I think I got a picture of The Lochness Monster. Upon further inspection, it seems that he is holding a can of Bud Light!

That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen, and believe me, I'm a dummy magnet!


LOL, I'm not looking for a traditional cue, I'm looking for a free one, lol. J/K, but not really!


Yeah, whatta dick-head he was, huh. If I ever run into that guy, I'm gonna beat him 7-0, no, 7-2, just to tease him.


Dammit, that one gets me every time, and I know it's coming..........I gotta change my shorts, thanks a lot LWW.


Too funny LWW, at least those didn't require me to change my shorts.



Yeah right! So what DO you think about when you're playing well? And when was the last time you played well enough to use that statement?




He can't address these questions until he gets his lips off the nuts. He's been swingin' on 'em for 2 months now checking out the buoyancy.




I own a beer gut, I can drive the balls into the rail with the best of 'em, and I laugh at my own stupid jokes all the time, does that count for funny?




If DM caused your panties to crumple up then you should try boxers.




I tried to put myself on my ignore list, but I kept telling myself to ignore that idiot. Does that count?




Anyone ever think about angles when you're driving and you're stuck in traffic? Oh yeah, if I could carom that car into that big truck over there I could 2 rail myself around this old lady in the Pinto going 35 in the fast lane. (No, I was not the cause of that 48 car pile-up on I-10 a few years ago, it was the dog playing the 4 railer off the Pacer)




Okay, I agree too. Peace, John. What did I agree to? Does it cost anything?



I dunno Purdy, after I agreed to it, I dropped my bong and all hell broke loose. Wait a minute, I don't have a bong, what the hell AM I smoking?




Um, Timberly, "work" is a 4 letter word. There are adults in my house that do not indulge themselves in any type of activity that involves the mere mention of that disgusting word. OOOOh, just typing "word" felt like a sin. Peace, John.




Darn, this took me about 15 minutes to figure out what the heck you were talking about, lol. I went over my first post about 6 times and couldn't figure out what you meant. The A,B,C,D, threw me off, I guess. But then my meds kicked in and lo and behold, DOM DOM dum DOM, SMART MAN is here! I Do know a Mary huh? And I didn't and I won't, YeeeeeeeeeeHah! Peace, John.



Ohhhhh Noooooo, no more DIRTY DOG? Wooooof, Woooooooooof, see how slow my bark is now? Damn slow a$$ computer! Maybe I do need more MB? That's for "More Bark", right?




So DM, is it not good to think about the 10 lb. steak I got waiting at home for me when I'm down on the 9 ball for the cheese? I knew I wasn't focusing on the right thing. (Mental Note; The steak will be there, the steak will be there, just make the ball and get home)


I just ordered a Marlboro cue with my miles. LET THE GAAAAAAAAMES BEEEEEEEEEEEEEGIN!


That's a helluva idea. I could fit 50 sponsors on myself, lol. I could get all of the dog food companies, Kibbles-n-Bits, Puppy Chow, Wendy's, Oh, that just tastes like dog food, nevermind that one. And NO, I don't know what dog food tastes like but for the right price, I'd eat a bowl of it on air, in front of millions of spectators. Hell, it can't be any worse than the fast food I eat every day, right?




Thanks everyone, that was sooooooooooooo cool! I went out last night and you may find this hard to believe, but I got plastered. Yeah, I know, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale, the world will NOT come to an end now because of this. Anywho, I got home at about 3:30 A.M. and went straight for the computer and to my favorite site, and proceeded to type away for about 45 minutes. Well, lucky for everyone on here, and myself, that when I was finished I had no connection. I was too drunk to spell. It was horrible, and I remember it for some reason. Anyway, thank you to everyone for the B-Day wishes. I noticed that one poster, Barbara, saw that today is also my wife's B-Day too. Thank you very much. She is my life and without her, there is no Rude Dog. Now, does anyone have some Tylenol? I only need about 45 or so. LOL. Peace, John.




I knew it was you Eydie, give 'em back, NOW! Without my happy pills I can't be in a happy place. And when I'm not in a happy place..............well, you KNOW HOW MEAN RUDE DOGGY DOG CAN GET!


Art? That's not art! I'll tell you what art is. Art is if I put up pictures of me butt-naked doing the Watusi in front of 100,000 people at the Super Bowl. C'mon, everyone join in, 'My ding-a-ling, My ding-a-ling, why don'tchu-come play-with-my-ding-a-ling.' Now I know I missed Pill-Call!




SportsCenter music, please. Dunadunt, dunadunt, Shorty...........Just.....Got...............Jacked ...........Up!




No it's not pill call................yet, but I'm watchin' the clock closely.




Sing that song again Shorty and I'll do a lil' dance. You know the one, "Short people got............................" 1...2.....123.......Hit it! Free Video Clips, Play Free Online Games




All I know is, I'm still dancin' with no music. "Do a lil' dance, make a lil' love, get down tonight." <----------Rude Dog don't need no music-------------->




Do a lil' dance, make a lil' love, GET down tonight! If I could do a cartwheel, I'd do 10 of 'em right now!




That's it! Now I'm mad as all hell. Ya had to go straight to the gut, didn'tcha? I'm walking to the fridge right damn now, I'll show you. Damn, nuttin there. Hmmmm, I got a banana, Rice Chex, 2 Top Ramens, and a onion. Ah what the heck, I've eaten worse. I take that back, I've eaten a lot worse. Inmate #27149-086.




Hey R.D., are you really mentally unstable? Hell no, only people that talk to themselves are labeled that. Oh, okay, just wonderin', I saw that you were typing with no pants on again and your underwear are on your head. Duh, it's pill time!




Ah hell, I think I've broken every damn rule there is. How did I even get in to this place? Is there a cover charge? And where's all the strippers? Oh, that's an AZ, I thought it was ASS. Well I'll be a sumbeeeeyatch. I'm goin' to the pool hall. Damn, that place closed down months ago, WTF, where's my happy pills?




My job won't let me leave here. Wait a minute, I don't have a job. Hmmm, I was gonna quit but now I don't have to. Well how the hell am I gonna get outta here w/o a job that I don't have to quit from to leave? See Jimmy, too many decisions for me. Oh, BTW, my game is better than what it was, at least the 7 ball better. I haven't missed a ball in 10 days. In the past, I never went 10 days w/o missing a ball, maybe 3 or 4, but never 10.




I know this wasn't directed at me Landshark but I gotta say it, I'M FEELIN' THE LOVE IN THE FORUM. Well, I think it's love. I can now come here to my favorite billiard site when I'm feeling blue and leave feeling fuzzy all over with this look on my face----> Does it get any better than that? No more flame wars, nobody disagreeing with one another, everybody is right, I think I'm gonna cry. OOOOOkaaaaaaaaaay now, where did I put that damn Prozac? WHO TOOK MY PROZAC? Did I say that out loud? Yeah, I've lost it, don't worry people, I'll be okay, I've been through this before, the seizures will stop momentarily. Still shaking. Okay, all better, coffee on the way, HIGH REV! Peace, John.




The lab on the left in the picture had another litter last night. She couldn't do it at a normal hour, noooooooooooooo, she had to wait until 2 A.M. And, she went underneath the house, right under our bedroom so we could hear all the little rug-rats crying. So, how many do ya want, first bid gets 'em all. She had 13 last time, not sure how many she has this time though. Pics? Sure, as soon as the lil poopers come out! I did have a sighting though, I think Shorty is the proud papa.



Is there an echo in here? Wait............listen...........hear that? No! That! Oh, never mind, those are just ricochets.




I've been in denial since I saw this thread 2 days ago. After reading what Jimmy wrote, I thought to myself, "Self, he ain't talkin' 'bout you, you got a life man. Look, you wake up at O'Dark-30, hit the bathroom, talk to yourself in the mirror, do a lil' dance for yourself, and then off to the computer to check some emails. Then you check the previous nights scores of the N.B.A. on E.S.P.N., maybe play a few hands of poker on PokerStars, then over here to AzB. So, there is absolutely no way that Jimmy could be talking about people like you because it takes you at least 7 minutes to get to AzB after waking up." But today, I skipped the poker and came straight to AzB. So yeah, I have no life.




I'm far from confused. The point of this thread is this, all of us, except for GeraldG, have done some things in our past that we're not proud of, but why does that give people like him the right to come to a billiard forum and attempt to belittle those of us that have? This is not an attack on anyone by me, I just can't stand to see stuff like that going on in here when the accusers are probably guilty of far worse crimes than who they're talking about. **** public record, find mine and share it with everyone, I don't give a ****. My closet is wide open for the skeleton seekers to look at. BRB, my favorite dress just fell out, wouldn't want ya to see that.




Wow, everyone works in this forum................except me! I'm lazy, disabled, lazy, and oh yeah, I'm lazy too. I used to work for $5.25 a month and saved and saved until I could retire. I used to have lots of illegally made money until the government stepped in and informed me that I was being a very bad boy. Then they grounded me and locked me up in my room for 6 years. But during that time, they taught me all kinds of ways to make money in other illegal ways so they can step in once again, but, I'm much too smart to fall for that one..............again. Send me $19.95 and you too can be rich like me! Uh oh, meds are in over-drive again. Gotta GOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!

 

[UrackmIcrackm]

Rude Dog tribute

Part 2

Ha, I didn't think about the single part, I don't think my wife would be too keen on the idea either. OUCH, now I know she isn't, she just hit me with her shoe! I don't fit the other categories either, I'm wider than I am tall, I'm a Twinkie away from 300, I'm disabled, and I'm in Az. Oh well, I got my wife's attention at least, and the mark on the back of my head to prove it. BTW, I'd never ever ever ever ever ever ever, well...............maybe once, leave my wife. Now I've got a matching mark on the side of my face. I'm outta here!




I had a 13 year gap when I found my last job. Kinda funny when the boss asked me about it too. I hadn't had a job since 1989 and this was 2002 and he asked me, "What were you doing for 13 years?" I told him, "I was in prison even though they never found the murder weapon." The look on his face was priceless. I was in prison for 6 of those years, not for murder though, but he liked my sense of humor for some reason and he hired me. He even gave me a $1.25 raise the first day! But, I don't think this is a good idea if you really want to get hired, but WTH, it worked for me. Good luck, John.




This is definitely pool related and that's why I'm posting it here. I have a problem, a serious one at that. When I'm sittin' on the ****ter, reading a magazine, always billiard mags, BTW, I find myself so into the articles that I forget where I am and what I'm doing. I sit there for an hour sometimes, no idea how much time has passed by, and I'm still reading. Then, this happens. On the left is a no-name brand T.P., feels like sand-paper and I don't really care for it at all. But there's like 50 rolls of it in my bathroom because my wife works for a company that makes it. Now, on the right, is Charmin, ooooohhhhh so soft, smells so fresh(before use), and I'd much prefer to have this in my bathroom than the other, but there's only about 10 sheets left on the roll. So, no-name, Charmin? No-name, Charmin? Ha, I got it, if the magazine I'm reading has some ****ty advertisements in it, DING DING DING, down the bowl it goes. Anyone else have this problem? Or is it just me? Just sharing my thoughts out loud, pay no attention to me. Now WTH did I do with my meds? Peace, John.


I'm drunk Anyone else? Wednesday night 9 ball tournaments seem to have an effect on my drinking habit. Ah, who cares anyway? I'm going to sleep, please don't wake me til at least noon or else I'll be one pissed off drunk with a hang over. Wait a minute, make it 1 p.m. WooooHoooo, I just found a whole pack of cigarettes in my dresser drawer, wonder how old they are? Hmmm, tastes like ****, dry as hell, but it's better than nothin'. Damn I wish I had a double-double right now. I'll play anyone in the world a race to 9 for a double-double right now. Hell, I'd give Efren the 7 for a double-double. Have I mentioned how much I love double-doubles? He might get the 6 if we made it a 4X.


I gotta stop drinking so much on Wednesday nights. I'll wake up tomorrow, check my previous posts, see this one, and go ape ****. But who cares anyway? We're all family, right? Yea right, kick the drunk ass outta the house, huh? Night all. Oh, 1 more thing, anyone going by In-N-Out Burger, pick me up a double-double, fries, and a very large coke. Peace, John.


Oh sheesh, wtf did I do? I wasn't drunk, drunk is when you drink too much alcohol. I drank ALL of the alcohol in the bar. The bartender made up a drink for me to try and damn it was good. OUCH! Hang over head smasher just now. Next week I'm going to the bar a little earlier, maybe they won't run out of alcohol before 1 a.m.

 

[sjm]

Thanks, UrackmIcrackm for sharing this. Rude Dog did have a style all his own and had a very unique slant on things.

 

[Eydie Romano]

I just saw this post from last March re: The Rude One.

Ug, brings back tears. A good deal of azbers were in Las Vegas for (I think) BCA when we got the word of his passing. Never will forget that. What a loss, what a guy, what great memories of him. If you never met the rude one, you missed a hell of a guy.

I miss ya doggie, always will....

Eydie