I can't remember who got it, maybe it was a joke present in the Chinese Auction we always have on Christmas Day. Anyway, even on Christmas Day, someone always gets a goofy present.
It was a singing, gyrating Elvis lamp. It was actually quite a hoot and worked well.
Last year, my wife got a Justin Beiber singing tooth brush.
Yeah, like that one ever got used. Its still sitting on the dresser so imagine that it will end up being a regift.
I had an Aunt that was fairly well off. She was a regifter. Remember those stupid String Art things. It was like a paint by number thing, only you put stick pins
on the outline and then attempted to wind string around the pins.
They looked like shit when they were done and up there with the velvet paintings. My Aunt gave me one. You could tell by how worn the box was that it had been sitting around for a few years.
I was bored one night and tried to do it. It was a piece of velvet with an outline of a sailing ship on it. The velvet was wrapped around a flimsy piece of styrofoam.
Every time I attempted to wind a piece of string around one of the pins, the pins would fall out. It lasted approx 2 minutes before I crunched it up and threw it in the can.
I had opened it up and it was like another, Gee Thanks, you have no idea of how much I have always wanted to try one of these. Yeah, like about as much
as I wanted to try dental work without the freezing.
And get this, same Aunt who traveled the world with my Uncle who worked for the Canadian Embassy. Sent me 2 Camel saddles from Cairo one year.
And yet another Gee Thanks, now all I have to do is get a FKing Camel. Like where am I going to find a Camel in Saskatchewan.
I figured that I'd look pretty stupid riding one of my friends horses with a camel saddle.
Things are still sitting in the basement. I have absolutely no idea as to what I should do with these saddles. Maybe put them on EBay and trade them
for a couple of Velvet paintings or a sombrero.
Oh, I just remembered one last thing before I go. Apparently in the desert, each home has a wash basin with a stand in the middle to hold a ewer of water. This was so travelers could wash their sandaled feet before entering your home.
Yeah, you got it. Straight from Tel Aviv. Sitting in the same area as the camel saddles.
The good news is, it is made from hammered brass and apparently, several hundred years old.
Brass. Maybe I can melt it down and make a few bullets from it and shoot the next FKing person that gives me the next useless Christmas present.
Sorry, just remembered, a brass gong with a cobra on it. Cool, the next time I want to summon the butler, all I have to do is bang the Gong. Hey, Isn't that a song? But, it does have some cryptic squiggles on it like there is on the Great Pyramids of Giza. It does have some little flying saucers on it too. Thats kind of neato.
A long handled shoe horn with the head of Nefertiti as a handle. I have no idea on what I can say about this, other than it is somewhere in the house, where, I don't know but it is here. The head is quite heavy. Maybe I can use it as a fancy fish bonker.
Congratulations fish, you now have the privilege of getting seriously messed up by the one and only Nefertiti, Goddess of whatever or something in Egypt.
Now, a real thoughtful present might have been a miniature Sphinx. A 1000 pounder or something. I coulda put that in the back yard at least
Like, stop sending me Christmas presents from the Middle east, OK! Don't they have any cool stuff in the Middle East, like IPhones or Nintendos.
Even a couple of ell bees of Primo hashish would have been more useful. I know they have it there. Holding out on me.
Well, at least I'm thankful a didn't get a pair of 7 day shitters, (thats what they call those baggy pantaloons they wear in the desert), a towel for my head with a braided head band. My Uncle had some. Cool if you happen to be living in the desert, not good if you live in Canada.
OK, I do have one keepsake from Egypt that I like, just to be fair. It is a very old hand carved Meershaum pipe. The bowl is the head of an East Indian man, Turban, full beard etc. Now that might be worth a couple of bucks. But, I have this feeling that I will eventually break down, put a screen in it and blow a bowl
or two of some decent Skunk outta it. Ya know, I don't quite get it, Egypt, India, close, but no cigar. What happened, the Indians set up a little trinket shop next to the Sphinx or something. Maybe that was before they thought it was a good idea to drive taxis and open up convenience stores on every corner.
However, I did get kind of one other decent present from Madrid. A little hand carved wooden plaque with miniature swords, that are removable, surrounding the plaque. The swords are made from Toledo steel so thats a bonus. Apparently, it looks like the swords are of the type that they use to kill the bulls in the bull ring. Well, great, the next time I get attacked by some miniature bulls, I will at least have a way of dispatching them.
One dinky little thing from Russia. A stand with a small bell on it. It is the replica of the Broken Bell, or Tsar Bell. The Tsar bell is the largest bell in the world.
It was broken due to a fire in the Kremlin and had never been rung. If the small bell was removable, I could at least give it a tinkle when I want to summon my wife and get her to make me a sandwich and a beer. Totally useless.
Dr. appointment in the morning, gotta run. With any luck, I get a new scrip for my meds. Happy meds. Night good folks of AZ Land.
It was a singing, gyrating Elvis lamp. It was actually quite a hoot and worked well.
Last year, my wife got a Justin Beiber singing tooth brush.
Yeah, like that one ever got used. Its still sitting on the dresser so imagine that it will end up being a regift.
I had an Aunt that was fairly well off. She was a regifter. Remember those stupid String Art things. It was like a paint by number thing, only you put stick pins
on the outline and then attempted to wind string around the pins.
They looked like shit when they were done and up there with the velvet paintings. My Aunt gave me one. You could tell by how worn the box was that it had been sitting around for a few years.
I was bored one night and tried to do it. It was a piece of velvet with an outline of a sailing ship on it. The velvet was wrapped around a flimsy piece of styrofoam.
Every time I attempted to wind a piece of string around one of the pins, the pins would fall out. It lasted approx 2 minutes before I crunched it up and threw it in the can.
I had opened it up and it was like another, Gee Thanks, you have no idea of how much I have always wanted to try one of these. Yeah, like about as much
as I wanted to try dental work without the freezing.
And get this, same Aunt who traveled the world with my Uncle who worked for the Canadian Embassy. Sent me 2 Camel saddles from Cairo one year.
And yet another Gee Thanks, now all I have to do is get a FKing Camel. Like where am I going to find a Camel in Saskatchewan.
I figured that I'd look pretty stupid riding one of my friends horses with a camel saddle.
Things are still sitting in the basement. I have absolutely no idea as to what I should do with these saddles. Maybe put them on EBay and trade them
for a couple of Velvet paintings or a sombrero.
Oh, I just remembered one last thing before I go. Apparently in the desert, each home has a wash basin with a stand in the middle to hold a ewer of water. This was so travelers could wash their sandaled feet before entering your home.
Yeah, you got it. Straight from Tel Aviv. Sitting in the same area as the camel saddles.
The good news is, it is made from hammered brass and apparently, several hundred years old.
Brass. Maybe I can melt it down and make a few bullets from it and shoot the next FKing person that gives me the next useless Christmas present.
Sorry, just remembered, a brass gong with a cobra on it. Cool, the next time I want to summon the butler, all I have to do is bang the Gong. Hey, Isn't that a song? But, it does have some cryptic squiggles on it like there is on the Great Pyramids of Giza. It does have some little flying saucers on it too. Thats kind of neato.
A long handled shoe horn with the head of Nefertiti as a handle. I have no idea on what I can say about this, other than it is somewhere in the house, where, I don't know but it is here. The head is quite heavy. Maybe I can use it as a fancy fish bonker.
Congratulations fish, you now have the privilege of getting seriously messed up by the one and only Nefertiti, Goddess of whatever or something in Egypt.
Now, a real thoughtful present might have been a miniature Sphinx. A 1000 pounder or something. I coulda put that in the back yard at least
Like, stop sending me Christmas presents from the Middle east, OK! Don't they have any cool stuff in the Middle East, like IPhones or Nintendos.
Even a couple of ell bees of Primo hashish would have been more useful. I know they have it there. Holding out on me.
Well, at least I'm thankful a didn't get a pair of 7 day shitters, (thats what they call those baggy pantaloons they wear in the desert), a towel for my head with a braided head band. My Uncle had some. Cool if you happen to be living in the desert, not good if you live in Canada.
OK, I do have one keepsake from Egypt that I like, just to be fair. It is a very old hand carved Meershaum pipe. The bowl is the head of an East Indian man, Turban, full beard etc. Now that might be worth a couple of bucks. But, I have this feeling that I will eventually break down, put a screen in it and blow a bowl
or two of some decent Skunk outta it. Ya know, I don't quite get it, Egypt, India, close, but no cigar. What happened, the Indians set up a little trinket shop next to the Sphinx or something. Maybe that was before they thought it was a good idea to drive taxis and open up convenience stores on every corner.
However, I did get kind of one other decent present from Madrid. A little hand carved wooden plaque with miniature swords, that are removable, surrounding the plaque. The swords are made from Toledo steel so thats a bonus. Apparently, it looks like the swords are of the type that they use to kill the bulls in the bull ring. Well, great, the next time I get attacked by some miniature bulls, I will at least have a way of dispatching them.
One dinky little thing from Russia. A stand with a small bell on it. It is the replica of the Broken Bell, or Tsar Bell. The Tsar bell is the largest bell in the world.
It was broken due to a fire in the Kremlin and had never been rung. If the small bell was removable, I could at least give it a tinkle when I want to summon my wife and get her to make me a sandwich and a beer. Totally useless.
Dr. appointment in the morning, gotta run. With any luck, I get a new scrip for my meds. Happy meds. Night good folks of AZ Land.
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