Sunday funnies...

Tramp Steamer

One Pocket enthusiast.
Silver Member
In a small town near where I live is poolroom with two nine-footers, an old web pocket snooker table, four bar boxes, and a little parrot who lives in a cage in the corner.
One bright and sunny morning the poolroom owner picked up the parrot cage and took it outside and set it on the sidewalk next to the front door. "It's too nice a day to be cooped up in a poolroom." The owner said to the little parrot, and went back inside to clean the tables.
About an hour later a lady came walking down the sidewalk and stopped and looked into the parrot cage at the little parrot. This lady was the biggest, homeliest, and smelliest person the little parrot had ever seen.
"Hello little parrot," she said. "Can you talk?"
The little parrot looked up at her and said. "You are soooo f**king ugly!"
The woman shrieked. In a fit of anger she tore open the cage door, grabbed the little parrot, and body slammed him onto the floor of the cage, then stomped off.
The next morning the poolroom owner once again set the parrot cage out by the front door and as luck would have it the same woman came walking down the sidewalk and stopped and peered into the parrot cage. "Well, little parrot. What have you got to say now?" She said.
The little parrot looked up at her with one little parrot eye. His other little parrot eye was swollen shut and one of his little parrot wings was in a sling. He blinked and said. "You are soooo f**king ugly!"
The woman couldn't believe her ears. She tore the cage door off it's hinges, grabbed the little parrot, threw him against the poolroom window where he bounced out into the street and was promptly run over by a passing truck. She walked away in a huff.
The next day the parrot cage was once again setting in front of the poolroom door when, once again, the woman came by.
She looked down into the cage and said. "What have you got to say to me now, you smartass little parrot?"
The little parrot was lying at the bottom of the cage in a little parrot hospital bed. He had a little parrot bandage around his little parrot head. Both of his little parrot legs were were in little parrot casts, and there was a little parrot IV running into one of his little parrot wings. Barely able to move he looked up at her and said. "Yoooou knoooow!" :grin:
 
In a small town near where I live is poolroom with two nine-footers, an old web pocket snooker table, four bar boxes, and a little parrot who lives in a cage in the corner.
One bright and sunny morning the poolroom owner picked up the parrot cage and took it outside and set it on the sidewalk next to the front door. "It's too nice a day to be cooped up in a poolroom." The owner said to the little parrot, and went back inside to clean the tables.
About an hour later a lady came walking down the sidewalk and stopped and looked into the parrot cage at the little parrot. This lady was the biggest, homeliest, and smelliest person the little parrot had ever seen.
"Hello little parrot," she said. "Can you talk?"
The little parrot looked up at her and said. "You are soooo f**king ugly!"
The woman shrieked. In a fit of anger she tore open the cage door, grabbed the little parrot, and body slammed him onto the floor of the cage, then stomped off.
The next morning the poolroom owner once again set the parrot cage out by the front door and as luck would have it the same woman came walking down the sidewalk and stopped and peered into the parrot cage. "Well, little parrot. What have you got to say now?" She said.
The little parrot looked up at her with one little parrot eye. His other little parrot eye was swollen shut and one of his little parrot wings was in a sling. He blinked and said. "You are soooo f**king ugly!"
The woman couldn't believe her ears. She tore the cage door off it's hinges, grabbed the little parrot, threw him against the poolroom window where he bounced out into the street and was promptly run over by a passing truck. She walked away in a huff.
The next day the parrot cage was once again setting in front of the poolroom door when, once again, the woman came by.
She looked down into the cage and said. "What have you got to say to me now, you smartass little parrot?"
The little parrot was lying at the bottom of the cage in a little parrot hospital bed. He had a little parrot bandage around his little parrot head. Both of his little parrot legs were were in little parrot casts, and there was a little parrot IV running into one of his little parrot wings. Barely able to move he looked up at her and said. "Yoooou knoooow!" :grin:
soooo funny--made my day Thanks
 
haha the punchline was weak but 4 stars for the cute "little parrot casts" and "little parrot IV". Told properly it may be good to try on drunk college freshmen. Girls that is.
 
52 a year please

Tramp,you just got yourself a job.
...Looking forward to next Sunday
 
A penguin decides he is going to take a vacation, so he load up his little penguin car with his luggage and heads to Mexico. He's always wanted to vacation somewhere warm and he thought Cancun would be the place to have some fun.

On his way there his penguin car breaks down, he has it towed to the nearest garage and is told there will be a few hours wait till they can look at it. The mechanic says there is a town just a few miles down the road if he wanted to walk into town and wait. The penguin starts walking and it's like 100 degrees out and he's sweating his penguin arse off by the time he gets into town. He sees an ice cream shop and thinks that would be just the thing to cool him down. He orders the biggest sundae they make with all the toppings and starts shovelling it in with his penguin flippers. Delicious!

He walks back to the mechanic and asks what is wrong with his car. The mechanic turns around, takes one look at him and says "You blew a seal".

The penguin starts frantically wiping his mouth off and yells "NO I DIDN'T, I SWEAR IT'S JUST ICE CREAM!"
 
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