Tips for staying focused in chatter-filled friendly matches?

[FranCrimi]

I take on quite a bit of friendly chit-chat in every local tournament and match I happen to play. I'll shoot a great shot or run a couple of racks, and I hear, "That's why you wrote the book!" Or I'll hook myself or miss a shot or play a weak safety, and I'll hear, "Is that in your book?" Laughs follow.

It's really tough (mentally) to compete when you know those who are watching are either expecting excellence or waiting on you to screw up, all so they can say something smart-assed about the fact that I have two books out and a YouTube channel with a few thousand followers.

It doesn't bother me so much anymore. Because I've learned to handle it better. How did I train myself to handle such distractions? Well, I started embracing the comments, even going as far as agreeing when someone cracks off something like, "Is that shot in the book?"

I laugh it off and say, "Yes, actually, it is. You should read it sometime."

Now those sly little comments (whether derogatory or praise) slide right off my back, rather than bounce around in my head.

I have a little book titled, "Emotional Intelligence 2.0", by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. It's a great book for anyone interested in developing a stronger EQ (control of your emotions). And that's the bottom line when it comes to how we react to other people's words or actions. We can't control what others do and say, but we can certainly learn how to control our reactions, our mental response.

Yeah, well go ahead and explain that to a chess player.

 

[BC21]

Yeah, well go ahead and explain that to a chess player.

Lol. Right.... that's a little different. Chess involves much more planning and strategy, constantly flipping through countless memories of board positions and scenarios in the mind. The slightest mental stumbling block can cause a game-losing blunder. It's a mental game, 99.99%. I mean, fine motor skills (mucle memory) is not required, other than moving the pieces and hitting the clock button.

With pool there's a mind-body connection that must work in sync. We have to focus on the shot we're facing and ensure that our body mechanics are performed properly when we execute the shot. This involves keeping the mind free of mental distractions that could compromise our physical performance (body mechanics).

Stress, worry, anger, anxiety, fear, pride, carelessness, anticipation... all of these mindsets affect our physical performance. The brain is so easily triggered to produce hormonal/chemical reactions - our emotions - and this affects how we think and how our muscles behave/perform. Learning how to control our emotions is a good way to ensure that our body performs at its best.

 

[FranCrimi]

Lol. Right.... that's a little different. Chess involves much more planning and strategy, constantly flipping through countless memories of board positions and scenarios in the mind. The slightest mental stumbling block can cause a game-losing blunder. It's a mental game, 99.99%. I mean, fine motor skills (mucle memory) is not required, other than moving the pieces and hitting the clock button.

With pool there's a mind-body connection that must work in sync. We have to focus on the shot we're facing and ensure that our body mechanics are performed properly when we execute the shot. This involves keeping the mind free of mental distractions that could compromise our physical performance (body mechanics).

Stress, worry, anger, anxiety, fear, pride, carelessness, anticipation... all of these mindsets affect our physical performance. The brain is so easily triggered to produce hormonal/chemical reactions - our emotions - and this affects how we think and how our muscles behave/perform. Learning how to control our emotions is a good way to ensure that our body performs at its best.

I like to think several shots ahead when I play, and sometimes even analyze things from the chair. In fact, I highly recommend it, and it requires no mind-body connection at all.

Also, I might want to think about a miss or something I could have done better when I return to the chair, but the chatterbox is trying to force me to engage and is interfering with my thought process, so I have to stop and say to myself, "It's okay. It's meaningless chatter. I'll just ignore it. Now were was I? Who the heck knows? Whatever I was thinking about is gone. Forget it."

I'm the practical type. For me, the practical solution is, either get him to stop or don't play practice sets with him anymore. I'm not the one who's at fault here. I don't have any obligation to find a way to tolerate someone who doesn't know how to control himself. I have a right to react to it. The best I can offer him is a tactful approach to get him to stop.

 

[BC21]

I like to think several shots ahead when I play, and sometimes even analyze things from the chair. In fact, I highly recommend it, and it requires no mind-body connection at all.

Also, I might want to think about a miss or something I could have done better when I return to the chair, but the chatterbox is trying to force me to engage and is interfering with my thought process, so I have to stop and say to myself, "It's okay. It's meaningless chatter. I'll just ignore it. Now were was I? Who the heck knows? Whatever I was thinking about is gone. Forget it."

I'm the practical type. For me, the practical solution is, either get him to stop or don't play practice sets with him anymore. I'm not the one who's at fault here. I don't have any obligation to find a way to tolerate someone who doesn't know how to control himself. I have a right to react to it. The best I can offer him is a tactful approach to get him to stop.

I agree with all of this. Sometimes it can be handled internally, in our own head. But other times you just have to speak up and ask for less chatter.

I have a friend who is a national archery champion. He's also a solid pool player with a fargo score around 650. When we get together for friendly practice matches, he wants to talk the whole time. After about 15min I end up telling him I prefer less talk during play. I don't mind talking about certain shots or options every now and then, but the pointless chatter about non-pool-related stuff is a sure way to lose focus and waste practice time.

 

[FranCrimi]

I agree with all of this. Sometimes it can be handled internally, in our own head. But other times you just have to speak up and ask for less chatter.

I have a friend who is a national archery champion. He's also a solid pool player with a fargo score around 650. When we get together for friendly practice matches, he wants to talk the whole time. After about 15min I end up telling him I prefer less talk during play. I don't mind talking about certain shots or options every now and then, but the pointless chatter about non-pool-related stuff is a sure way to lose focus and waste practice time.

I wonder if your friend likes to chatter when he's competing as well. Maybe less, of course, but I have found that talkers find a way to talk.

One of the requirements I have for myself as a teacher is to not just assess a player's physical game, but to assess what's going on in his or her head. After 30 years of doing this, I've gotten an unique perspective into the minds of ---I can't even imagine how many players. Hundreds? A thousand? I've lost track. Also, add the experience of being a WPBA competitor for 20+ years -- Not only can I recognize traits, I've lived through them, between my own and my many opponents over the years.

So, sometimes I see a post here that seems logical, but something inside of me feels like that's not right, but I can't always put my finger on it right away. I can't refer everyone to a reference book or a research paper to prove it. All I know is that the database in my head is pinging. In this case it's the concept of how dealing with distractions is a learned skill. It's true to a certain extent, but the solution is much, much more intense than people realize. It is NOT easy, and almost impossible for an amateur player.

I say this because based on my experience, the change that must take place is unconscious. It's is a total immersion into the game, which first, takes years to cultivate, and second, some players are incapable of doing --- even on a pro level. It's things like this where starting in childhood is a big asset.

The learning stuff that everyone talks about to deal with distractions is somewhat superficial. It can help at times, but it's not the best solution. So in most cases, the best solution is, whenever possible, to eliminate the distraction rather than try to learn how to ignore it.

 

[BC21]

The learning stuff that everyone talks about to deal with distractions is somewhat superficial. It can help at times, but it's not the best solution. So in most cases, the best solution is, whenever possible, to eliminate the distraction rather than try to learn how to ignore it.

I agree, to an extent. Eliminating distractions is definitely the best solution when possible. Unfortunately, we can't always control what goes on around us.

You seem to be saying that there are only two options for dealing with distractions, particularly when dealing with a chatty opponent or chatty railbirds. Those options are:

1) Try to resolve or eliminate the distraction by asking or telling the person to keep quiet.

2) Remove yourself from the distraction by leaving or getting away from the person.

According to these options, if you can't eliminate the distraction, but you also can't remove yourself from the distraction, are you just supposed to suffer through it or tolerate it, at the expense of playing your best pool?

There is a 3rd option. If you can't eliminate or escape the distraction, then the best thing to do is to learn how to live with it without being affected by it. This involves learning how to handle your emotions by developing a stronger EQ. It is not a superficial coping mechanism. It's a solid mental skill that can be very effective when needed.

Having a strong EQ to deal with distractions is not the same as ignoring distractions. The distraction is still there and it's still coming into the mind to try to stir things up. But the extent of just how stirred up we get is actually something that we can learn to control.

In other words, you can hear or see something distracting and your mind will automatically react to it. The distraction is there, and it's often not something you can control. But how you react to it is 100% something that you can control. It's a mental skill. Like all skills, it requires work and practice to get good at it.

 

[FranCrimi]

I agree, to an extent. Eliminating distractions is definitely the best solution when possible. Unfortunately, we can't always control what goes on around us.

You seem to be saying that there are only two options for dealing with distractions, particularly when dealing with a chatty opponent or chatty railbirds. Those options are:

1) Try to resolve or eliminate the distraction by asking or telling the person to keep quiet.

2) Remove yourself from the distraction by leaving or getting away from the person.

According to these options, if you can't eliminate the distraction, but you also can't remove yourself from the distraction, are you just supposed to suffer through it or tolerate it, at the expense of playing your best pool?

There is a 3rd option. If you can't eliminate or escape the distraction, then the best thing to do is to learn how to live with it without being affected by it. This involves learning how to handle your emotions by developing a stronger EQ. It is not a superficial coping mechanism. It's a solid mental skill that can be very effective when needed.

Having a strong EQ to deal with distractions is not the same as ignoring distractions. The distraction is still there and it's still coming into the mind to try to stir things up. But the extent of just how stirred up we get is actually something that we can learn to control.

In other words, you can hear or see something distracting and your mind will automatically react to it. The distraction is there, and it's often not something you can control. But how you react to it is 100% something that you can control. It's a mental skill. Like all skills, it requires work and practice to get good at it.

Yes of course. But not continuous chatter from your opponent. Even the most experienced competitor will have trouble with that. That's what the topic of discussion is here and what I'm responding to. There's a reason why players hated to play guys like Jimmy Mataya and Earl and Sigel. The chatter from these guys is tough for anyone to deal with. It used to infuriate me, watching players I was cheering for being sharked like that, with the TDs back in those days standing by watching and doing nothing about it, either because they had a bet on the match, or they thought it was entertaining.

I remember the time I finally convinced my boyfriend, Dalton Leong, a road player who was against playing in tournaments because of the exposure, to finally agree to play in one. So we went to the Gary Pinkowski's BC Open in Binghamton, NY,. He wound up having to play Jimmy Mataya who didn't know him, and Dalton jumped ahead in the match. Jimmy was shocked so he resorted to his chatter tactic. It was loud, it was constant and the insults he threw at him intending to throw him off line were outrageous. I ran to the TD, begging him to intervene. He wouldn't. Dalton was rattled and lost the match, and that was a match to get into the money.

A couple of months later, Dalton died. That match was his last tournament match.

 

[BC21]

Yes of course. But not continuous chatter from your opponent. Even the most experienced competitor will have trouble with that. That's what the topic of discussion is here and what I'm responding to. There's a reason why players hated to play guys like Jimmy Mataya and Earl and Sigel. The chatter from these guys is tough for anyone to deal with. It used to infuriate me, watching players I was cheering for being sharked like that, with the TDs back in those days standing by watching and doing nothing about it, either because they had a bet on the match, or they thought it was entertaining.

I remember the time I finally convinced my boyfriend, Dalton Leong, a road player who was against playing in tournaments because of the exposure, to finally agree to play in one. So we went to the Gary Pinkowski's BC Open in Binghamton, NY,. He wound up having to play Jimmy Mataya who didn't know him, and Dalton jumped ahead in the match. Jimmy was shocked so he resorted to his chatter tactic. It was loud, it was constant and the insults he threw at him intending to throw him off line were outrageous. I ran to the TD, begging him to intervene. He wouldn't. Dalton was rattled and lost the match, and that was a match to get into the money.

A couple of months later, Dalton died. That match was his last tournament match.

That story is upsetting! I despise sharking. Can't stand to hear a player run at the mouth, whether it's continual bragging or nitting or trash talking... it's all sharking.

A good tactic I've used when an opponent says something while I'm at the table is to turn and face them, then ask, "Are you finished?"

One time I told a guy at the SBE that if he insisted on talking I could sit back down and listen, wait on him to finish, before taking my shot. I made sure to say it loud enough so that everyone watching would hear me. He was quiet for the rest of the match.

 

[bbb]

Yes of course. But not continuous chatter from your opponent. Even the most experienced competitor will have trouble with that. That's what the topic of discussion is here and what I'm responding to. There's a reason why players hated to play guys like Jimmy Mataya and Earl and Sigel. The chatter from these guys is tough for anyone to deal with. It used to infuriate me, watching players I was cheering for being sharked like that, with the TDs back in those days standing by watching and doing nothing about it, either because they had a bet on the match, or they thought it was entertaining.

I remember the time I finally convinced my boyfriend, Dalton Leong, a road player who was against playing in tournaments because of the exposure, to finally agree to play in one. So we went to the Gary Pinkowski's BC Open in Binghamton, NY,. He wound up having to play Jimmy Mataya who didn't know him, and Dalton jumped ahead in the match. Jimmy was shocked so he resorted to his chatter tactic. It was loud, it was constant and the insults he threw at him intending to throw him off line were outrageous. I ran to the TD, begging him to intervene. He wouldn't. Dalton was rattled and lost the match, and that was a match to get into the money.

A couple of months later, Dalton died. That match was his last tournament match.

my condolences fran on the loss of your boyfriend

 

[FranCrimi]

my condolences fran on the loss of your boyfriend

Thanks. That was a very dark time for me. At the next tournament, everyone signed a condolence card and it was brought home to me. Jimmy signed it too. I hope he thought about that last match when he was signing the card.

 

[BlueRaider]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone.

After thinking about this for a few days, I now realize that I simply haven't trained myself to play well in these conditions the same way I did leagues/tournaments. I think it comes down to a "want it" factor. I desperately want to play well in league and tournament matches. Over time, that desire overruled my nerves.

I want to play well in friendly matches, too, but my focus is divided. It's partially on the conversation and on the other person. Moving forward, I'm going to do two things:

First, propose short races before we ever hit a ball. Race to 3 or 5, depending on how much time we have. I find this helps keep things focused because there's something at stake, even if it's just a pride thing.

Second, challenge myself to focus as intently as I do in actual competitive matches. Creating that expectation for myself now puts something on the line. Can I do it the next time I play someone? If not, can I improve during my next friendly match? I will always be monitoring myself for this ability from now on, the same way I monitor my ability to handle my pressure/nerves.

I think that focusing intently when playing pool, regardless of stakes or circumstances, bleeds over into competitive play, too. There must be an association in the brain of "shooting pool=intense focus."

Picking and choosing my times of intense focus likely means that I'm not as focused as I could/should be in competitive play because my brain doesn't ALWAYS associate pool with intense focus. Sometimes, I'm just goofing off, chatting away, and playing like garbage. I need consistency here.

 

[BilliardsAbout]

I play my best pool in two scenarios: when I'm practicing (and focused on improvement), and when I'm playing competitively in a league match or tournament (assuming I'm not overcome with nerves).

I play my absolute worst pool when I'm playing friendly matches.

I think the issue is twofold:

First, I'm an introvert, and while I don't seem particularly shy in person, conversations take a lot of focus and brain power for me. I have to force myself to engage with people to some degree, especially when I'm preoccupied with something else (in this case, playing pool). In league and tournament matches, people either don't talk much/at all, or if they do, I can ignore them mostly or completely and it's acceptable. But in friendly matches, there's always some degree of chatter, and it's kinda rude to just ignore your opponent.

Second, the chatter thing leads to feeling more judged than normal. If I miss or botch position in league or tournament play, I can shake it off more easily because the game moves right along. But in friendly matches, it often becomes a thing. My opponent may comment on it. Or he will comment on his own errors, which then often causes me to comment on my own. And suddenly I'm hyperaware of the mistakes both of us are making.

Then, inevitably a running commentary will start about mistakes and what we're going to attempt and how X shot didn't work out the way we planned and blah blah blah. It's incredibly distracting but it seems to always happen in friendly matches.

Any tips for this other than gambling every time I play to up the stakes for both of us? I've thought about asking for a "no talking" rule, but that would probably be perceived as even more rude than just ignoring my opponent. Most people view pool, especially friendly matches, as an opportunity to socialize, and I'm probably the odd duck who is fine with talking before and after a game, but wants total silence during it.

I know friendly matches don't mean much at the end of the day, but it bothers me when I play like crap because I feel like I was only able to devote a small percentage of brain power to the game due to also having to keep up with a non-stop conversation.

Why not ask opponents to confine discussion to between games, while the balls are being racked? Limit the time there, too, then promise to chat about the games and shots with them for a few minutes, AFTER the match has concluded.

This is not only a compromise between nonstop chatter and complete silence, it allows you to be friendly and learn from gameplay.