You Ain't Gonna Believe This
Fiction, © Copyright 2001, Jim Loy
You ain't gonna believe this, but it's true. I seen it with my own eyes. And I don't hardly ever lie.
My pal Johnny and me was sitting at a table in the snack bar part of the pool room, drinking milk shakes. Mine was strawberry; Johnny's was vanilla. I couldn't understand that. If you pay good money for a shake, why vanilla when you could have a real shake like strawberry or even chocolate, for Pete's sake? In fact, that's what I was arguing with Johnny about. He said he liked vanilla. His taste buds musta been shot off during the war, although he was never in any war.
Anyway, to get back to the true story that you ain't gonna believe, in walks this middle aged blind guy, led by a monkey on a leash. I could tell he was blind (the guy, not the monkey), 'cause he had those really dark glasses, and he stood kinda stiff, and when he talked to us he was facing a blank wall. He also was carrying a white cane, but that coulda been a scam. Anyway, he said, "Anybody here wanna play some eight ball for a hundred bucks a game?"
Before I could even open my mouth, Johnny was up outa his chair. "Yes sir! I'll play you some pool." He pretended to kick the guy in the groin area; and the guy didn't even flinch. So the guy musta really been blind. So we figured that it was gonna be an honest match.
Well the blind guy hardly missed a shot. He beat Johnny five games in a row. I had to loan Johnny four hundred bucks, 'cause I was the one who had just got paid.
Here's how the blind guy did it. The monkey walked around on top of the edge of the table, and directed the shots. He went around and jabbered in monkey talk. He musta been saying where the balls were 'cause then the blind guy would call his shot, and the monkey would sight along the cue and make fine adjustments by pushing the blind guy in the right direction. Each shot took a while, but Johnny forgot to complain about that, 'cause what we was seeing was so amazing. As I said, the guy hardly ever missed a shot. The monkey even examined Johnny's money to see that it was good.
After losing five games in a row, Johnny said he had to go to the can. Instead he went to the snack bar and bought a bunch of bananas.
The next game, that monkey kept looking over at those bananas. He must have been really distracted, 'cause the blind guy missed an easy shot. And Johnny gave one of the bananas to the monkey. After that, every time the blind guy missed, Johnny gave a banana to the monkey. The blind guy still made some shots. But he never won another game.
The blind guy quit when Johnny was seven hundred bucks ahead. The monkey had eaten four or five bunches of bananas and was eating them with less enthusiasm than he was earlier. His stomach was sticking way out. We gave him a plastic bag to keep the bananas that he was saving for later. Johnny came out ahead, even after paying for the bananas.
When the blind guy walked out the door, he said: "Somebody oughta level that table."
___________________________________
This guy's site is AWESOME!!!
http://www.jimloy.com/billiard/billiard.htm
Fiction, © Copyright 2001, Jim Loy
You ain't gonna believe this, but it's true. I seen it with my own eyes. And I don't hardly ever lie.
My pal Johnny and me was sitting at a table in the snack bar part of the pool room, drinking milk shakes. Mine was strawberry; Johnny's was vanilla. I couldn't understand that. If you pay good money for a shake, why vanilla when you could have a real shake like strawberry or even chocolate, for Pete's sake? In fact, that's what I was arguing with Johnny about. He said he liked vanilla. His taste buds musta been shot off during the war, although he was never in any war.
Anyway, to get back to the true story that you ain't gonna believe, in walks this middle aged blind guy, led by a monkey on a leash. I could tell he was blind (the guy, not the monkey), 'cause he had those really dark glasses, and he stood kinda stiff, and when he talked to us he was facing a blank wall. He also was carrying a white cane, but that coulda been a scam. Anyway, he said, "Anybody here wanna play some eight ball for a hundred bucks a game?"
Before I could even open my mouth, Johnny was up outa his chair. "Yes sir! I'll play you some pool." He pretended to kick the guy in the groin area; and the guy didn't even flinch. So the guy musta really been blind. So we figured that it was gonna be an honest match.
Well the blind guy hardly missed a shot. He beat Johnny five games in a row. I had to loan Johnny four hundred bucks, 'cause I was the one who had just got paid.
Here's how the blind guy did it. The monkey walked around on top of the edge of the table, and directed the shots. He went around and jabbered in monkey talk. He musta been saying where the balls were 'cause then the blind guy would call his shot, and the monkey would sight along the cue and make fine adjustments by pushing the blind guy in the right direction. Each shot took a while, but Johnny forgot to complain about that, 'cause what we was seeing was so amazing. As I said, the guy hardly ever missed a shot. The monkey even examined Johnny's money to see that it was good.
After losing five games in a row, Johnny said he had to go to the can. Instead he went to the snack bar and bought a bunch of bananas.
The next game, that monkey kept looking over at those bananas. He must have been really distracted, 'cause the blind guy missed an easy shot. And Johnny gave one of the bananas to the monkey. After that, every time the blind guy missed, Johnny gave a banana to the monkey. The blind guy still made some shots. But he never won another game.
The blind guy quit when Johnny was seven hundred bucks ahead. The monkey had eaten four or five bunches of bananas and was eating them with less enthusiasm than he was earlier. His stomach was sticking way out. We gave him a plastic bag to keep the bananas that he was saving for later. Johnny came out ahead, even after paying for the bananas.
When the blind guy walked out the door, he said: "Somebody oughta level that table."
___________________________________
This guy's site is AWESOME!!!
http://www.jimloy.com/billiard/billiard.htm
