The thing is:
- if I hold the cue more towards the cue balance point I feel my stroke very loose and I'm confident, but actually my stroke is bad, because i give unwanted spin.
- If I hold towards the butt, I feel my stroke not loose, actually very rigid, but my stroke is much straighter.
I'm not changing the way I grip the cue and my forearm is always perpendicular with the table. The only thing I change is where I hold the cue everything else is the same.
Why this feeling difference?
Actually Slh, you're not alone. I myself prefer rearward-balanced cues. Perhaps I'm an anomaly, but I actually like the carom specs on a cue, because, for me, it feels more like I'm swinging the cue in a pure pendulum, rather than "pushing" a forward-weighted steel rod through my bridge hand. For me, with a rearward-balanced cue, my stroke feels more "free" and more in-tune with feeling the motion of the cue, than if the weight were more forward-balanced, which feels like I'm pushing a heavy bolt through my bridge hand fingers. I guess it's the distribution of weight that's the problem.
As for why your stroke may be off, Scott's tips are great. I also want to offer that there may be an issue with your grip -- not so much the grip pressure, but rather the contact points in your hand, that may be causing the problem with skewing your stroke when hand placement changes. As your hand "tilts" while going through the pendulum stroke, keep an eye of what parts of your hand are in contact with the cue. You may find out that one side of your hand (most likely the palm side) has more contact points on the cue than the thumb-side, and this asymmetric contact on the sides of the cue can skew or cause yaw in your stroke. One poster mentioned using a three-fingered grip (i.e. thumb + index + middle finger). I think this is a great thing for you to try. You want to try to keep the number of contact points on both "sides" of the cue as symmetrical as you can (even though the human hand itself is not symmetrical), so that no skew or yaw is introduced in your delivery.
The best thing, obviously, is to hire an instructor that specializes in the stroke (i.e. SPF). But failing that, temporarily, you can invest in a laser trainer, like the
LaserStroke. I have one of these, and let me tell you, the laser doesn't lie -- if your stroke has a hitch, skew, or yaw in it, you will see it immediately. And using this immediate feedback, you can make adjustments (e.g. in your grip, in your arm position, etc.) to correct it.
In summary, I don't think you're "strange" for preferring a balance point closer to your hand -- it *is* feel, afterall. You can make modifications to your stroke, or you can adjust your weight bolts further back, or just look for a rearward-balanced cue. You have lots of options here.
Just some things to try -- hope they're helpful!
-Sean