Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
We need more math/geometry puzzles....
Tell me it ain't so! Batman watching soccer!?
I like that answer...
...but on the off chance your friend's life is worth more than an apple:
Probly depends on how long 'til dinner...
pj
chgo
Last edited:
The Fight
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
> 'No,' she answered.
> I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
> So, I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> _____________________________
> ___
> I took my wife to a restaurant
> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
>
> _____________________________
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
> reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
> drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
> "Yes", she sighed,
> "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
> right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
> hasn't been sober since."
> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?"
>
>
> ________________________________
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
> that I should get it fixed.
> But, somehow, I always had something else to take care of first, the
> shed, the boat,
> making beer.. Always something more important to me.
> Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
> busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
> scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
> the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
> I handed her a toothbrush.
> I said, "When you finish cutting the
> grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
>
>
> _____________________________
> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, "What's on TV?"
> I said, "Dust."
>
>
> ________________________________
> Saturday morning, I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
> slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
> boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
> downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
> would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
> now with a different anticipation,
> and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
> husband is out fishing in that mess?"
>
>
> _______________________________
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds."
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>
>
> ______________________________
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
> for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
> and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
> I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
> she processed my Social Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped
> your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
>
>
> ________________________________
> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
> "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
> to pay me a compliment.'
> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
>
>
> ________________________________
> I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
> The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
> He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
> So, I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
>
>
> ________________________________
> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
> as a Christmas gift...
> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
> When she asked me why, I replied,
> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
> I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
> 'No,' she answered.
> I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
> So, I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> _____________________________
> ___
> I took my wife to a restaurant
> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
>
> _____________________________
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
> reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
> drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
> "Yes", she sighed,
> "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
> right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
> hasn't been sober since."
> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that long?"
>
>
> ________________________________
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
> that I should get it fixed.
> But, somehow, I always had something else to take care of first, the
> shed, the boat,
> making beer.. Always something more important to me.
> Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
> busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
> scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
> the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
> I handed her a toothbrush.
> I said, "When you finish cutting the
> grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
>
>
> _____________________________
> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
> She asked, "What's on TV?"
> I said, "Dust."
>
>
> ________________________________
> Saturday morning, I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
> slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
> boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
> downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
> would be bad all day.
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
> now with a different anticipation,
> and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
> husband is out fishing in that mess?"
>
>
> _______________________________
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds."
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>
>
> ______________________________
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
> for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
> and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
> I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
> she processed my Social Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office.
> She said, 'You should have dropped
> your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
>
>
> ________________________________
> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
> "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
> to pay me a compliment.'
> I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
>
>
> ________________________________
> I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
> The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
> He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
> So, I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
>
>
> ________________________________
> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
> as a Christmas gift...
> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
> When she asked me why, I replied,
> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
But did he smell his hair?
WAIT A MOMENT . . . Joe's arm is longer than a gorilla's.
.
Why aren't his knuckles calloused & dirty?
.
yes, photoshopped above the elbow