Funny pic/gif thread...
- Thread starter dfweyer
- Start date
Short line laughs
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
and
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.
A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory.
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I FOUND JESUS!
He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana
This will be funny to some, but sad to others. In any event, it fits in with current events.
last attempt to lighten everyone up who lost some scratch in the recent market swoon:
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #
Joke from 2009, but still funny today:
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #
Joke from 2009, but still funny today:
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
Henry Tyroone (James Garner) – The Wheeler Dealers
I know the stock market is money and emotion. There’s hope when you start out, greed on the way up, fear on the way down. I know the stock market is people. And if there is anything you can’t sell people I have yet to find out what it is. These people need a reason to buy and the beauty of it is the reason doesn’t have to make sense.
I know the stock market is money and emotion. There’s hope when you start out, greed on the way up, fear on the way down. I know the stock market is people. And if there is anything you can’t sell people I have yet to find out what it is. These people need a reason to buy and the beauty of it is the reason doesn’t have to make sense.
It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's SUPER BUNS:
<Stolen from OldZilla's Facebook - thanks Gary>
London Olympics!
Dick Feller Songs
The Credit Card Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMpJl38NtmI&feature=related
When Uncle Bill Quit Dope - Johnny Cash
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu418stMOUc&feature=related
The Credit Card Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMpJl38NtmI&feature=related
When Uncle Bill Quit Dope - Johnny Cash
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu418stMOUc&feature=related
Take that $214.00 and buy more beer and recycle those cans and you get even more! Why not throw a BYOB party once a month, recycle your friends cans, buy more beer, and get yet more recycle "cah-ching" ... sounds like endless free beer!