I think I will be in a Rut for a while! (Long, Sorry)

RBLilly

RBLilly

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
Well some of you may have read my NPR question about what I should do in my relationship. Although many of you don't know me, and don't know all the particulars. I really did appreciate all the advice I got in there.

Anyway, I hope that my team mates on both of my leagues will bear with me as I am probably going to shoot like crap for the next few weeks until my head gets clear again! I already starting shooting like crap this week!

I just ended my 5 year relationship with my significant other. We got divorced last summer, and decided that we could work it out. (Yea that went real well!)

Anyway, her parents moving down here have just made matters worse. So I decided to tell her I wasn't happy and that she should find another place to reside.

Her first thoughts were how she was going to afford car insurance, and cell phone! Not that she loved me, etc, etc. In fact when we divorced it was the same thing! I guess I just finally realized I was being used for my money. Even though I am not Mr. Money bags.

Anyway, I was just hoping that people would pray for me. I really need all the support I can get right now. It's hard to end something with someone you have cared about for 5 years, but I know that it has to be done. I can't keep going down the same path over, and over. I need to be happy, and most of all she needs to be happy!

Anyway, if you all would keep me in your prayers it will be a big help. I guess once it is all said and done I will have more time to hit more tournaments now! LOL (I guess I really shouldn't be thinking like that, but it is the truth!)

If you all have any advice you could pass it on to me as well since some of you people have been through a whole lot more than me.

Thanks in advance!
 
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Here's what you do....you go out and find a girl that looks just like her, bag her and then dump her. Sorry...couldn't resist. It's a quote off an old John Cusak movie...Only You....that's not it, but something like that.

Seriously now....you've heard that same old line, time heals all wounds. Man, I heard that so many times and thought it was BS, until I broke up with someone I cared about. From your description of the relationship, sounds like breaking up is the best for the both of you. Spend more time in the pool room and find someone that shares the same passion as you....now that would be awesome. I wish my wife felt the same passion as I do about pool.

Did you have any kids by her?
 
mattman said:
Here's what you do....you go out and find a girl that looks just like her, bag her and then dump her. Sorry...couldn't resist. It's a quote off an old John Cusak movie...Only You....that's not it, but something like that.

Seriously now....you've heard that same old line, time heals all wounds. Man, I heard that so many times and thought it was BS, until I broke up with someone I cared about. From your description of the relationship, sounds like breaking up is the best for the both of you. Spend more time in the pool room and find someone that shares the same passion as you....now that would be awesome. I wish my wife felt the same passion as I do about pool.

Did you have any kids by her?
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Nope, no kids thank god! However, this one likes pool and knows all the same people I do in the pool room. Not all are her friends, but she has a lot of good friends in the pool hall. However, she is in school most the time that I am at league, so that is good!

Hopefully she will do what she did that last time we broke up. She spent all her time at the country bars getting drunk and partying. If she does that, then I won't ever see her at the pool hall.
 
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If it was me, I would buy a new cue loaded with ivory, go practice, forget about everything, and shoot my way out of the rut.
 
I Jes Tell Em, I Dont Splain Em

txplshrk said:
Hopefully she will do what she did that last time we broke up. She spent all her time at the country bars getting drunk and parting.
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Parting ? If she does that, perhaps you should consider simply taking back the 'good parts'.... imo
Doug
( I'll be here all week, please remember to tip your waitiress ) :)









.
 
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alot of us have been there......youre going to be miserable for a couple months, then youre going to start to see all the plus's of not having to deal with her, the freedom to do your own thing, to not be brought down all the time by someone else.......then youll meet someone new who you really like whos the exact opposite and youll wonder why you put up with all her crap to begin with.
 
scottycoyote said:
alot of us have been there......youre going to be miserable for a couple months, then youre going to start to see all the plus's of not having to deal with her, the freedom to do your own thing, to not be brought down all the time by someone else.......then youll meet someone new who you really like whos the exact opposite and youll wonder why you put up with all her crap to begin with.
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Thanks for the support, and kind words! I think I may have already found someone the exact opposite, but not too far opposite. I am going to stay single for a while, but no reason I can't hang out with her and date right? LOL
 
Miserable? Bull!! You have no reason to be miserable. You just got a long-lasting leech off your back. Now you have a chance to have a life. You have no reason to feel guilty or bad for her. She's been using you all along. Now you can build your future instead of being drug further and further down the hole with her and her family.

When you see her you smile and be polite and no matter what you don't get sucked into ANY of her problems. After you've been polite you say a silent Thank YOU to whatever God you believe in, for giving you the power to make a move for YOUR happiness.

You deserve to be happy. Stay away from dating for a while until you know that you have become happy without needing a relationship. After you know you can be happy on your own THEN you know you have the emotional maturity you need to function in a mutually giving relationship.
 
JimS said:
Miserable? Bull!! You have no reason to be miserable. You just got a long-lasting leech off your back. Now you have a chance to have a life. You have no reason to feel guilty or bad for her. She's been using you all along. Now you can build your future instead of being drug further and further down the hole with her and her family.

When you see her you smile and be polite and no matter what you don't get sucked into ANY of her problems. After you've been polite you say a silent Thank YOU to whatever God you believe in, for giving you the power to make a move for YOUR happiness.

You deserve to be happy. Stay away from dating for a while until you know that you have become happy without needing a relationship. After you know you can be happy on your own THEN you know you have the emotional maturity you need to function in a mutually giving relationship.
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Thanks Jim!
 
How 2 get her out?

So anyone have any advice on how to get her out of my house early? She told me that she didn't have anywhere to go, which is wrong. However, now she is starting to do stuff I guess to get back at me. I guess it is her revenge or something like that. She has a self destructive nature anyway, and I don't really want to watch her go through it. So what should I do to make her feel more inclined to move out quicker?
 
Well

Give her a 2 week notice, and tell she has to be out because you're having someone else move in .... LOL no, that would be mean, wouldn't it.

But, the 2 week notice is a good idea, and when she says BUT, just tell her that is HER PROBLEM, not yours. You're not there to enable her weak points, she has to stand on her own. Bet, she cuts off giving her folks money right away, wanna bet?

BTW, how old are you and her? Because things like this affect you differently somewhat by how old you are! (Been divorced 4 times so I know the road traveled).
 
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Snapshot9 said:
Give her a 2 week notice, and tell she has to be out because you're having someone else move in .... LOL no, that would be mean, wouldn't it.

But, the 2 week notice is a good idea, and when she says BUT, just tell her that is HER PROBLEM, not yours. You're not there to enable her weak points, she has to stand on her own. Bet, she cuts off giving her folks money right away, wanna bet?

BTW, how old are you and her? Because things like this affect you differently somewhat by how old you are! (Been divorced 4 times so I know the road traveled).
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She is 36 and I was her 4th hubby!

I am 31 and she was my 2nd wife. The first one I got married way too young!
 
I think after church today I need to go shoot a few racks and clear my head!

Maybe watch the cowboy's game too!
 
Being that age ...

txplshrk said:
She is 36 and I was her 4th hubby!

I am 31 and she was my 2nd wife. The first one I got married way too young!
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I am sure you are taking it much harder emotionally than you should. Egads, she sounds like my first wife, the last time I saw her, she was 26, on her 4th husband, who was 40, and I was 32 at the time.

After someone takes that sign off your back after 2-3 months after breaking up, you will be fine. Find a woman that will just be your friend, with some extra benefits, and then go shoot pool the rest of the time. You'll be amazed how much better you will feel then.
 
You're gunna be better off in the long run to do it legally. She probably has some rights and you don't wanna be wrong. If you aren't checking into her legal rights you'd better because she dammed sure will be. It will give her a chance to get all she can out of you. There WILL be a tussle over what is yours/hers. If you have receipts or witnesses get them prepared.

It's going to be uncomfortable for a while but you'll have to take it and know that it will be over soon. If you have valuables put them somewhere out of her reach.... safe deposit box, friends house, etc. If it's legal get the locks changed TODAY.
 
JimS said:
You're gunna be better off in the long run to do it legally. She probably has some rights and you don't wanna be wrong. If you aren't checking into her legal rights you'd better because she dammed sure will be. It will give her a chance to get all she can out of you. There WILL be a tussle over what is yours/hers. If you have receipts or witnesses get them prepared.

It's going to be uncomfortable for a while but you'll have to take it and know that it will be over soon. If you have valuables put them somewhere out of her reach.... safe deposit box, friends house, etc. If it's legal get the locks changed TODAY.
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New locks are setting in my car as we speak. However, we got divorced last year. I have a legal decree that says what is hers and mine. We haven't accumulated anymore stuff. So it is pretty cut and dry right now!
 
If her name is not on the property lease, or if she has failed to pay all of her rent, then by law, you MUST give her 30 days notice in writing to move out before she can be evicted. Even if her name is not on the lease and she does not pay a penny for anything, you still MUST do this. If you do not, then she can legally stay as long as she wants without paying a penny and you have no recourse. You cannot legally change the locks or in any other way deny her access to the house until you have done this and 30 days has passed. By the way, she can even have friends and family over or have a new boyfriend start staying over sometimes and there would be nothing you could do.

I suggest sending the notice of eviction to her by certified mail only, or having it served to her by someone who is qualified to serve legal documents. Sounds harsh, but otherwise you may end up hearing her tell you at some later point that she doesn't have to leave, doesn't have to pay for a thing, new boyfriend can come over when he wants and there is nothing you can do about it, and she will be right...

I would recommend removing everything you own from the house (before you serve her, she will be pissed) that cannot be easily replaced due to the rarity of the items, excessive cost to replace, or sentimental value. She can take anything she wants and leave one day while you are at work and there is nothing you can do about it except sue her to get it back later, which may or may not be successful. It is not a criminal matter and she could not be arrested.

I've been in your situation before and she decided to make things far uglier than I would have ever thought possible...
 
be careful

Poolplaya9 said:
If her name is not on the property lease, or if she has failed to pay all of her rent, then by law, you MUST give her 30 days notice in writing to move out before she can be evicted. Even if her name is not on the lease and she does not pay a penny for anything, you still MUST do this. If you do not, then she can legally stay as long as she wants without paying a penny and you have no recourse. You cannot legally change the locks or in any other way deny her access to the house until you have done this and 30 days has passed. By the way, she can even have friends and family over or have a new boyfriend start staying over sometimes and there would be nothing you could do.

I suggest sending the notice of eviction to her by certified mail only, or having it served to her by someone who is qualified to serve legal documents. Sounds harsh, but otherwise you may end up hearing her tell you at some later point that she doesn't have to leave, doesn't have to pay for a thing, new boyfriend can come over when he wants and there is nothing you can do about it, and she will be right...

I would recommend removing everything you own from the house (before you serve her, she will be pissed) that cannot be easily replaced due to the rarity of the items, excessive cost to replace, or sentimental value. She can take anything she wants and leave one day while you are at work and there is nothing you can do about it except sue her to get it back later, which may or may not be successful. It is not a criminal matter and she could not be arrested.

I've been in your situation before and she decided to make things far uglier than I would have ever thought possible...
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Maybe once she sobers up she will understand and find another place to live, be very careful, and don't try to deal with her if she's been drinking. Like poolplaya9 says, it could get ugly, and I am sure he is talking about unfair domestic violence charges, which is a no win situation for you. I know that you wouldn't do anything wrong, but I don't know what she is capable of...you never know
 
txplshrk said:
Well some of you may have read my NPR question about what I should do in my relationship. Although many of you don't know me, and don't know all the particulars. I really did appreciate all the advice I got in there.

Anyway, I hope that my team mates on both of my leagues will bear with me as I am probably going to shoot like crap for the next few weeks until my head gets clear again! I already starting shooting like crap this week!

I just ended my 5 year relationship with my significant other. We got divorced last summer, and decided that we could work it out. (Yea that went real well!)

Anyway, her parents moving down here have just made matters worse. So I decided to tell her I wasn't happy and that she should find another place to reside.

Her first thoughts were how she was going to afford car insurance, and cell phone! Not that she loved me, etc, etc. In fact when we divorced it was the same thing! I guess I just finally realized I was being used for my money. Even though I am not Mr. Money bags.

Anyway, I was just hoping that people would pray for me. I really need all the support I can get right now. It's hard to end something with someone you have cared about for 5 years, but I know that it has to be done. I can't keep going down the same path over, and over. I need to be happy, and most of all she needs to be happy!

Anyway, if you all would keep me in your prayers it will be a big help. I guess once it is all said and done I will have more time to hit more tournaments now! LOL (I guess I really shouldn't be thinking like that, but it is the truth!)

If you all have any advice you could pass it on to me as well since some of you people have been through a whole lot more than me.

Thanks in advance!
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You are a softie and she will take try to take advantage of you. She was your wife but is no longer your wife. You both have tried to make a go of it and the second try has failed. Because she once was your wife, you feel that you owe her something and you do but being her sugar daddy for the next millenium is not it. BTW, I do agree with you, you owe her more than a swift kick in the pants since she was your wife.

Sit down with her to discuss this and don't let a sad sob story change your mind.

The bottom line is you want HER to give you a date to move out. First you tell her an earlier date than is possible that you want her to move out on then you ask her for HER DATE FOR MOVING OUT. If it isn't acceptable, tell her so. If it is tolerable, MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT IS THE FINAL DATE.

Make another rule, RULE NUMBER 1.: ANY OF THAT REVENGE BS AND SHE'S OUT THE DOOR IN THE STREET IMMEDIATELY and don't be shy about telling her that. Tell her exactly what you are referring to and don't let her sidetrack you. Women are excellent word meisters and most women can out talk most men especially about emotional issues like this.

When a couple has disagreements about stuff, it's fine to argue to the cows come home about that disagreement but it ain't nice to bring other issues to bear simply because you aren't feeling like you're the happiest person in the world. In fact, it is childish, immature and causes additional hurt and destruction. Giving you additional hell because the relationship isn't working out is wrong in every way.

When she specifies the date, encourage her draw up a WRITTEN plan for moving. MONEY SAVED, WHERE SHE'S GOING, HOW SHE'S GOING TO GET THERE, WHAT SHE'S LEAVING WITH, THE AMOUNT OF RENT FOR THE FIRST MONTH and especially the date she is moving out.

Make sure she has a new lease in her name for her new location.

Don't forget about rule # 1.

Get the date FROM HER AND MAKE HER STICK TO IT.

Easy for me to say, I'm not in your shoes. Wishing you the best. Pool is kind of like alcohol or drugs in that, you can submerge yourself in it and all of your problems fade farther away. Unfortunately, they seldom stay away simply because you ignore them.

Best regards and sincerest sympathies. Hate to see two people in such a difficult situation.

Pool is the ultimate seductress, a siren, an insatiable mistress who will wait for your return. She has great plans for you. :)
JoeyA
 
txplshrk said:
I think after church today I need to go shoot a few racks and clear my head!

Maybe watch the cowboy's game too!
Click to expand...

Then you got more depressed watching the 'Boys lose. :(

Melinda
 
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