IPT To Replace Deno Andrews
The IPT has officially announced that Deno Andrews will step down as the assistant to tour director Kevin Trudeau, due to unspecified criminal allegations.
"It was a difficult decision, but I could not have someone with a possible criminal record working for me. After all, what type of credibility would the IPT have if it were run by criminals?" says Trudeau, a convicted felon.
"I am looking out for what's best for the players, which is why I refuse to pay them." Trudeau then added, "What, that doesn't make sense? Look at it this way- if I were to pay the players huge amounts of money, who knows what could happen? They could get robbed! I've seen it happen before- someone ponies up $1500 or $2000 to qualify for something....nevermind."
When asked about whether the IPT would continue it's tournaments, Trudeau commented that he would make an announcement about an announcement for an anouncement sometime in the near future regarding the tour. "As for now, I have to find a good assistant before the IPT can continue. Soon we will be holding $5 entry fee qualifiers for a person to take Deno's position."
The qualifiers won't be pool matches, but rather contests consisting of who can say the most false statements in a given time frame.
"We are leaning towards a fellow named Larry Grindinger, who apparently is the world's greatest pool player living today. He would be the definate favorite to win our upcoming qualifying event. His pool playing prowess would only be a bonus, since we don't really need a pool player, just someone that can *COUGH lieshamelessly COUGH*....excuse me, I had something in my throat",continued Trudeau.
Other notable people who will be competing in the qualifier include Baghdad Bob, Rush Limbaugh, and Dhakala, the Zen Cueist.
Trudeau is also pleased to announce his new product to the market- OKcaine. "OKcaine is an all-natural cure to depression, and as a bonus it clears clogged nasal passages." OKcaine is a white powdery substance that can be inhaled through the nose. When asked to explain where his product comes from, he simply smiled, and said "Let's just say I like to snort it off the back of a naked hook......oops did I say that out loud....err please leave my office...NOW!!!"
Ok everyone, now it's your turn
inspired by:
www.theonion.com
The IPT has officially announced that Deno Andrews will step down as the assistant to tour director Kevin Trudeau, due to unspecified criminal allegations.
"It was a difficult decision, but I could not have someone with a possible criminal record working for me. After all, what type of credibility would the IPT have if it were run by criminals?" says Trudeau, a convicted felon.
"I am looking out for what's best for the players, which is why I refuse to pay them." Trudeau then added, "What, that doesn't make sense? Look at it this way- if I were to pay the players huge amounts of money, who knows what could happen? They could get robbed! I've seen it happen before- someone ponies up $1500 or $2000 to qualify for something....nevermind."
When asked about whether the IPT would continue it's tournaments, Trudeau commented that he would make an announcement about an announcement for an anouncement sometime in the near future regarding the tour. "As for now, I have to find a good assistant before the IPT can continue. Soon we will be holding $5 entry fee qualifiers for a person to take Deno's position."
The qualifiers won't be pool matches, but rather contests consisting of who can say the most false statements in a given time frame.
"We are leaning towards a fellow named Larry Grindinger, who apparently is the world's greatest pool player living today. He would be the definate favorite to win our upcoming qualifying event. His pool playing prowess would only be a bonus, since we don't really need a pool player, just someone that can *COUGH lieshamelessly COUGH*....excuse me, I had something in my throat",continued Trudeau.
Other notable people who will be competing in the qualifier include Baghdad Bob, Rush Limbaugh, and Dhakala, the Zen Cueist.
Trudeau is also pleased to announce his new product to the market- OKcaine. "OKcaine is an all-natural cure to depression, and as a bonus it clears clogged nasal passages." OKcaine is a white powdery substance that can be inhaled through the nose. When asked to explain where his product comes from, he simply smiled, and said "Let's just say I like to snort it off the back of a naked hook......oops did I say that out loud....err please leave my office...NOW!!!"
Ok everyone, now it's your turn
inspired by:
www.theonion.com
