Negative talk and thoughts

S

Snorks

AzB Silver Member
Silver Member
How do you overcome being the butt of others jokes (so to speak). Granted I have improved a lot over the last 2 years but my friends are still way better then I am. Of course, they always will joke about me being a lousy pool player etc.

I am wondering if this type of talk actually hurts a person's game? I am in a slump right now... I mean a real slump. Then you hear this and that about your game constantly. A friend of mine said that you always have to talk positively about your game to yourself, that you have to believe you are at another level, etc. I am just having a hard time doing that.

What do you do to overcome these self-doubts, or put-downs. Now, understand these are all in fun.. there is no intention to hurt me or my game, but after listening to it for 1 year, I wonder if I have just taken to resembling the remarks rather then how I know I can really play.

Anyway, it feels good to get that off my chest no matter what :)
 
It is easier said than done, but you have to find a way to not let what your friends say effect you or your game even if they do say it jokingly. Otherwise, it will take a toll on your mental game and you will struggle to improve or have the lack of desire to want to get better.

One thing that you could do is find some place else to practice where your friends don't go, play different tournaments that they don't frequent or practice different hours than they do.

Goodluck!
 
or...


The next time you play them, just shoot safety after safety after safety. See how they like that.
 
Neil said:
First off, do NOT make the mistake of confusing your 'game' with who you are as a person. It's real easy to feel like a loser in life when your game is in a slump. Just keep in mind that they are two different things.
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thats a very good point. when i get those horrible rolls (which, as i'm sure you's are aware, is almost everyday) i get that bad outlook on everything life has to offer.

Born To Lose - thats me.

DCP
 
i personally would not take that sort of talk when i'm trying my best, fun or not, especially from friends. with some encouragement you'd be over your hump in a hurry. i'm not in your shoes and can't tell you what to do.. but in life, in what ever it may be, we need to allow ourselves to get better, allow ourselves to get lucky and happy and all that. i know you know this, but it kinda fits in.

on the other side, you're getting thick skin on your nose which usually isn't a bad thing in this game.

good luck snorks
 
Well, if you're getting tired of it, you could tell them that it's bothering you. You could come right out and say it, but if you don't feel like having a big serious heart to heart about it, you could just say what you want to say, but in a joking tone of voice.

Like for example, in a mock angry voice, "Nice constructive criticism there pal. I'll try out those tips. Thanks."

Or, one that I always like, the voice of the guy from Office Space (Milton), "uh, excuse me, it's really not helping my game to get these kinds of comments. I was told that I could have a reasonable amount of respect while shooting pool at the table. And by the way I believe you have my red chalk..." :D
 
Neil said:
First off, do NOT make the mistake of confusing your 'game' with who you are as a person. It's real easy to feel like a loser in life when your game is in a slump. Just keep in mind that they are two different things.

As far as the 'funsters' go, take what they say with a grain of salt. If they say something about your game that is right, work on that. The rest you have to try and ignore. (I know it is hard to do) I'm quite sure you could easily compare them and their game to someone else, and they would look like hacks. There is always someone better, (except for one person- the best, but that can change day to day)

Best case scenario- work on your game when they aren't around. When they are, play like a chump. Then when you are sure you are a bit better than them, get them to gamble. Bet as much as you can afford to. Then YOU get the last laugh.
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A greenie here for damned good advice. NEVER take what you do for fun so seriously that it stops being fun. Sure, try to improve...do your best. But don't let the fun leave the game, okay?
 
REMEMBER, one thing when your playing these guys, or anyone else. PLAY THE TABLE NOT THE PERSON! Let that sink in and beleive me, everything will roll off your back.
 
Neil said:
First off, do NOT make the mistake of confusing your 'game' with who you are as a person. It's real easy to feel like a loser in life when your game is in a slump. Just keep in mind that they are two different things.
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Just for the record, this is not a problem in my life in general. I'm successful enough both professionally and personally to not let 'pool' jokes bother me. However when I have three balls left and I screw up.. wow, do I hear it :)

I liked the quote, play the player not the table. That's a very good tip. Also, when playing in competition, I'm going to go get one of those MP3 systems.... I probably won't even have music going, but others will think I do. LOL.

Do comments day after day bother me? I guess they do every once in a while or I wouldn't have posted the thread. I just want to continue to improve (and I am) but I sure wish I could take that magic pill to make me an AA or AAA player (in our area it goes C,B,A,AA,AAA,Semi-Pro, Pro).
 
Snorks said:
How do you overcome being the butt of others jokes (so to speak). Granted I have improved a lot over the last 2 years but my friends are still way better then I am. Of course, they always will joke about me being a lousy pool player etc.

I am wondering if this type of talk actually hurts a person's game? I am in a slump right now... I mean a real slump. Then you hear this and that about your game constantly. A friend of mine said that you always have to talk positively about your game to yourself, that you have to believe you are at another level, etc. I am just having a hard time doing that.

What do you do to overcome these self-doubts, or put-downs. Now, understand these are all in fun.. there is no intention to hurt me or my game, but after listening to it for 1 year, I wonder if I have just taken to resembling the remarks rather then how I know I can really play.

Anyway, it feels good to get that off my chest no matter what :)
Click to expand...


With all due respect, this is not just a problem with your pool game and your slump may just be a physical manifestation of what I talk about. Seriously, if your friends cannot be encouraging and supportive and they take joy in making fun of you KNOWING it hurts you, you need new friends. I am really lucky to be able to say that MY friends have been nothing but supportive and complimentary to me and have always been there for me whenever I had doubts. When I'm playing in my homeroom against an outsider infront of MY friends, I will undoubtedly play better than if I were in a different environment. My friends make pool fun for me.
 
Neil said:
Since you stated that you are successful, why not give Scott Lee or Randy G., or one of the other instructors on ;here to give you some lessons??
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Scott has seen me once :) Best $$ I have ever spent. But, that doesn't mean that in 3-4 months that I have caught up to guys that have played for 15 years. But yes, I will be taking another lesson at some point.
 
Jude Rosenstock said:
With all due respect, this is not just a problem with your pool game and your slump may just be a physical manifestation of what I talk about. Seriously, if your friends cannot be encouraging and supportive and they take joy in making fun of you KNOWING it hurts you, you need new friends. I am really lucky to be able to say that MY friends have been nothing but supportive and complimentary to me and have always been there for me whenever I had doubts. When I'm playing in my homeroom against an outsider infront of MY friends, I will undoubtedly play better than if I were in a different environment. My friends make pool fun for me.
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i agree 100%, confidence is HUGE in this sport, if you dont have confidence your not going to play well... my friends use to be like that when i first started out playing, and two things happened that stopped it, i finally got tired of there constant remarks and said something to them about it, and 2, i beat the piss outta one of them (on a pool table of course, not physically) and ever since then they have been totally different, when im in action with someone thats not a local, they all gather around to pull for me.
 
Neil said:
Best case scenario- work on your game when they aren't around. When they are, play like a chump. Then when you are sure you are a bit better than them, get them to gamble. Bet as much as you can afford to. Then YOU get the last laugh.
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This is definitely the best advice here. Use it as motivation, then go back and rob them blind. Preferably one at a time, and enjoy it. Then do the same thing to them until they come back and stick you. It's a vicious repetitive cycle that can improve all of your games, as long as you don't let it effect your friendships.
 
Play the table

While skill levels will always vary,as long as you listen to other peoples input then don't worry about what other people say.I have a person on my pool league team that is of a lesser skill level as a majority of the team.He thinks he is just as good as we are and can get out from any situation.He is a good shooter but some of the thing he tries are plain stupid.Play your game and while your game might not be at the level of your friends games a win is a win.Watch and learn and soon your game will pick up.Listen to input and work within your ability and you will be fine.Yes spinning the ball and brilliant breakouts are great to watch,they have there place and tournaments aren't usually one of them.Learn shape and position and how to play balls into pockets where they go.This will work on your position play and elevate your game.Sooner or later you will be able to break balls out and predict where every thing will end up,then you will be able to execute these shots ,but you will find your self passing on them and working with what the table will give you.Play the table not your opponent for while he is in the seat he can do you know harm.Do to your opponent first and keep him on his heels.Your friends will see you improve and comment you on this and sooner or later stop harassing you about it.Good luck ,practice what you have problems with and your game will elevate.I keep mental notes of shots I miss and practice them relentlessly sometimes 50-100 tries until I can get the shot wrong.I have a tendency to under cut balls,I can make the shot with any type of spin,but when I center ball just try to cut the shot I miss.When I practice around I look for this shot and take the shot even if I will get no shape on the next ball.I do this just to practice this cut.
 
walk away

If you are not actually at the table shooting, turn and walk away when negative comments start. This accomplishes two things: One, you don't dwell on the negative. Two, your friends will soon figure out you are tired of hearing that crap especially if you leave them in mid-sentence.

The subconscious is a funny thing. What you think you are feeding it and what you are feeding it can be totally different things. I don't feed myself negative garbage, or even negatively worded phrases that most would think are positive such as "don't" do something. I also don't hang around people complaining about their game or conditions at the event. I'll hang with a group of bellyachers for a minute or two to check the weather, then I'll cross the ones complaining off of my list of people I have to beat and move on. They are going to beat themselves. Folks don't tell me even jokingly how bad I shoot but if they did I would follow my own advice and walk away.

Hu
 
ShootingArts said:
The subconscious is a funny thing. What you think you are feeding it and what you are feeding it can be totally different things. I don't feed myself negative garbage, or even negatively worded phrases that most would think are positive such as "don't" do something. I also don't hang around people complaining about their game or conditions at the event. I'll hang with a group of bellyachers for a minute or two to check the weather, then I'll cross the ones complaining off of my list of people I have to beat and move on. They are going to beat themselves. Folks don't tell me even jokingly how bad I shoot but if they did I would follow my own advice and walk away.

Hu
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Thanks Hu. This is through email, or just joking around. I find myself sometimes going with the joke saying I am terrible.. that's where I worry that my subconscious is possible affected. That's my main concern that somehow going with the joke is making the joke come true. I am 99.9% sure it is done in fun... I am also sure that if I'm in a tournament, I have the largest cheering section of anyone.

With that said, I will try to stop thinking negative thoughts... harder to do then say. The thought process, "don't mess up these last three balls", with something more positive.. play 7 ball in with inside, then 8 straight in stop, then 9... or whatever. And of course, trying to eliminate any other negatives.

Now, how to deal with the "guys"... that's the next challenge :)
 
Kick AZZ

I say train like mad, study the game, get better than your friends, whoop their aZZ, and rub it in their face every chance you get!:D

That should fix your head problem!
 
one of the things I am talking about

You know that you are just going along with a joke. You know when you are making self-depreciating comments that you don't really mean because you don't want to sound egotistical. Your subconscious hears all of this and learns from what it hears. It is said that the subconscious only deals in absolutes, there is no difference between saying "don't scratch" and "scratch". I don't know that I fully believe this but I do know that we often do the very thing we are telling ourselves not to so I indeed completely replace the "don't" phrases precisely as you mentioned, by laying out the positive course of action. Thinking in positive phrasing when thinking with words is an acquired skill. You do have to develop it but absolutely anyone can do it if they try.

We learn by seeing, hearing, thinking, saying, writing, and doing. The more of these channels we use the deeper we entrench the knowledge. Actually we can learn through any of our five senses and we have other means of output too but the same rules apply. The more we reinforce something, the more our subconscious believes it is true, regardless of what we believe on a conscious level.

Hu



Snorks said:
Thanks Hu. This is through email, or just joking around. I find myself sometimes going with the joke saying I am terrible.. that's where I worry that my subconscious is possible affected. That's my main concern that somehow going with the joke is making the joke come true. I am 99.9% sure it is done in fun... I am also sure that if I'm in a tournament, I have the largest cheering section of anyone.

With that said, I will try to stop thinking negative thoughts... harder to do then say. The thought process, "don't mess up these last three balls", with something more positive.. play 7 ball in with inside, then 8 straight in stop, then 9... or whatever. And of course, trying to eliminate any other negatives.

Now, how to deal with the "guys"... that's the next challenge :)
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