Pool After Death
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Two men were friends all their lives, since they were toddlers, went to grade school together, high school, played on the same church baseball teams, I mean friends for 75-years. They served in the military together, married twin sisters and took vacations together. These guys were literally the best of friends.
Skipping ahead: They shared good times and bad times, especially when they put together their first pool team. They never missed a Tuesday night. A local pool tournament every other weekend was always scheduled. For forty years they played pool through cold weather and hot. Some of these places they played in didn?t even have air-conditioning.
Talk about die-hard fanatics. These guys loved playing pool. 3-Ball, 4-ball, 5-ball, 6-ball, 7-ball, 8-Ball, 9-Ball, 10-ball, Alabama, rotation, banks, straight, it didn?t make any difference; any kind of pool game. And because of their great love for the games of pool they made a solemn declaration that when one of them died and went to their reward they would do everything they could do to make contact with the other to let him know if there were pool tables and pool teams and pool tournaments there so they could continue to play pool throughout eternity.
Inevitably, after about 75 years, one of the men dies. There was a great wake. A couple hundred members from the pool fraternity showed up to pay their final respects. Flower arrangements hung from pool sticks. Have a Great Journey cards were hung from 9-ball racks. Trust Everybody but Check the Racks cards were hung from 8-ball racks. Cube chalk, tappers, a glove, his favorite one-of-a-kind cue stick The Rack Runner especially designed by Doug Patrick was placed inside the coffin. And for a little light reading along the way a copy of Billiards on Broadway by Jay L. Carlton was also placed inside the coffin. The coffin was special made resembling a 7-foot bar-box with smooth Simonis cloth and stocked with a box of Vigma Billiard Balls with pictures of family members set in each ball. It was first class all the way for Harry. Miniature jump-sticks were sticking up and out from the pockets each with an 8 ball balanced on top. The man's trophies, plaques and other awards were impeccably arranged around the coffin-pool table. Egyptian Kings being sent off to wherever Egyptian Kings are sent off to, with their most prized possessions, would turn green with envy.
A couple hours later after all visitors paid their respects and left the building, the dead man's friend hung back to say a few parting words. When the friend passed the coffin-pool table he leaned in and said, Don't forget Harry, you gotta find a way to get back to me. You gotta let me know if there are pocket billiards where you wind up. I'm counting on you.
The next day Harry was planted in the Rock Road Cemetery. His long-time friend waited. Night after night, week after week he waited for a sign. Then one night as Harry's friend was dozing off he felt a strange paranormal experience. A feeling he hadn't felt before. Then a voice. Tonto? it's me Harry. Tonto was visibly shaken. Harry? Harry, is that really you?
Yes old friend; it is I. I finally broke through. I?m here to give you some GREAT news with a touch of sad news.Harry, for goodness sake please tell me there are billiard tables there. Tonto, you're gonna cream in your jeans when I tell you this. All the all-time great pool players are here. There's Ralph Greenleaf, Luther Lassiter, Willie Hoppe, Minnesota Fats, Blackie Lesieur, Fat Bill, Willie Mosconi, man it is so cool. Totally a Who's Who of the Pool World. You'll absolutely flip. There aren't enough adjectives to describe this place.
And most of the world?s greatest promoters and hustlers are here, too; Fast Eddie, Titanic Thompson, Bo Belinsky, P.T. Barnum, Jackie Gleason, Colonel Tom Parker, Jimmy The Greek Snyder, Bill Veeck, Nick the Greek, Sam Munchnick and others. I get to watch these characters every day. Every day and night; can you dig it? I'd-a stroked out if I wasn't already dead. You won?t believe how great it is to see these guys in action. They're always trying to out-do each other. The money games! The tournaments! The cons! It?s outta sight, man.
Talk about stories. I?ve heard some good ones. Here's one they're still taking about. Rumor has it that Louie Roberts. you remember Saint Louie Louie? well, he offered God the 8, the break and two on the wire; and was turned down. Turned down by God! How strong is that? That happened before I arrived but they swear it's true.
Tonto thought for a moment. Wait a minute Harry. That's all very interesting and I'm really excited about knowing we'll get to play pool forever. But did you say something about bad news?
Huh, oh yeah.** There's a big tournament here next Saturday, said Harry. And you're scheduled to play Ralph Greenleaf in the first round". See ya next week, Tonto"
What the hell? Get help!
