Wanna be perfectionist gear ho's!

S

Secaucus Fats

Banned
Does this sound like anyone you know? Hmmmmmmmmm........

I can only play pool on a Gold Crown V or a Diamond Pro Am with Simonis 860 HR and ultra tight pockets. The table must be perfectly leveled to within .000000001 of an inch. The balls must be the latest and greatest (tournament balls) from Saluc (Aramith), less I fall victim to the dreaded "skid". My cue must be a custom made low squirt design by whoever is getting the most money for their cues, it must have a kryptonite radial joint, and it must be tipped with one of those new laminated elephant foreskin, rhino scrotum, eagle skin, wild boar hide, piglet hide, and human baby foreskin tips. I can only use Blue Diamond chalk, or in a pinch..blue pre flag Masters. The room must be kept at a constant 50% humidity level at a temperature of 72 degrees (plus or minus .05 degrees). I demand absolute silence during all matches. Oh and I cannot play unless I have my special pool playing shoes on, which align my spine to maximize my stroke action. And soon, I plan to move up from being a C player to a B- and then those knucklehead players who regularly trounce my tired a** with their cheap inferior cues on dirty tables with less than stellar cloth and old worn out balls will have to bow to me!

Feel free to add more to the list of must haves!
 
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Don't forget the state of the art rack that makes all of the balls touch each other with absolutely no gaps so that maximum spread is achieved on each and every break, pocketing at least two balls each time. :wink:
 
Secaucus Fats said:
Does this sound like anyone you know? Hmmmmmmmmm........

I can only play pool on a Gold Crown V or a Diamond Pro Am with Simonis 860 HR and ultra tight pockets. The table must be perfectly leveled to within .000000001 of an inch. The balls must be the latest and greatest (tournament balls) from Saluc (Aramith), less I fall victim to the dreaded "skid". My cue must be a custom made low squirt design by whoever is getting the most money for their cues, it must have a kryptonite radial joint, and it must be tipped with one of those new laminated elephant foreskin, rhino scrotum, eagle skin, wild boar hide, piglet hide, and human baby foreskin tips. I can only use Blue Diamond chalk, or in a pinch..blue pre flag Masters. The room must be kept at a constant 50% humidity level at a temperature of 72 degrees (plus or minus .05 degrees). I demand absolute silence during all matches. Oh and I cannot play unless I have my special pool playing shoes on, which align my spine to maximize my stroke action. And soon, I plan to move up from being a C player to a B- and then those knucklehead players who regularly trounce my tired a** with their cheap inferior cues on dirty tables with less than stellar cloth and old worn out balls will have to bow to me!

Feel free to add more to the list of must haves!
Click to expand...

I agree with all these, and I also like to have a pretty girl massage my feet between shots.

You forgot to mention "pool pants", which allow you the freedom to settle into your stance easily...For me, they're usually a bit larger in the crotch...:grin:
 
bmccaslin said:
Don't forget the state of the art rack that makes all of the balls touch each other with absolutely no gaps so that maximum spread is achieved on each and every break, pocketing at least two balls each time. :wink:
Click to expand...

Yes, you're absolutely right! And of course, it should have laser beams shooting out of it so it can be precisely aligned.:smile:
 
Although your post is hysterical. There is something to be said for playing in prestine conditions, boy is it fun.
 

I hope all you guys that make fun of me get a bacteria infection of your weener.

OMFG ROFLMFAO!!!!! Probably the funniest and most unexpected thing I have ever read in these forums!

Green to you sir!
 
the420trooper said:
I agree with all these, and I also like to have a pretty girl massage my feet between shots.

You forgot to mention "pool pants", which allow you the freedom to settle into your stance easily...For me, they're usually a bit larger in the crotch...:grin:
Click to expand...

I really like the pretty girl foot massage thing, but she should have long silky hair to use to dry my feet during those long sweaty matches.

Not many people know about the "pool pants". The manufacturer (Zubas) discontinued them back in the early '90s. I stocked up on a lifetime supply of them! They are very comfortable and they induce visual hallucinations and conniptions in my opponent. :eek::grin:
 

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Secaucus Fats said:
No smoking, no toking, no joking. No jukebox, no i-pod, no radio, no tv, no laptops, no cellphones, no talking. Only the click of the balls and the occasional distant rumble of a mouse farting. :grin:
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:eek::mad: Damn mice.....don't they know mouse farts cause global warming. :smile:


Terry < my farts don't cause global warming......uhh or make 'tinkies. :grin:
 
You forgot the PERFECT Glove...Or in my case the Perfect UNGLOVE...FingerSlides!!!

No Joke on this one...I used these before I ever started selling them. They straightened out my stroke.
 
Secaucus Fats said:
I really like the pretty girl foot massage thing, but she should have long silky hair to use to dry my feet during those long sweaty matches.

Not many people know about the "pool pants". The manufacturer (Zubas) discontinued them back in the early '90s. I stocked up on a lifetime supply of them! They are very comfortable and they induce visual hallucinations and conniptions in my opponent. :eek::grin:
Click to expand...
David Lee Roth called, he wants his PANTS back!!!!! LMAO X 100

SEE POST #16 FOR PICTURE OF PANTS!!
 
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