Funny pic/gif thread...

Mr. Wilson said:
later that night............
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=J1JnKoH_5XE
Click to expand...

and then...

1234527682_wrestling_midget_face_slide.gif
 
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered 'Is that one word or two?'
 
Psychiatrists vs Bartenders

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those
fears..'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the Doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'
 
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said,
'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

Larry watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....
 
THE LITTLE WOODEN BALL
An old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does..."
 
Canadian Humor

Billy & Tommy saw an ad in the Kentville Advertiser Newspaper in Kentville , N.S. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The following morning the farmer drove up, and said: "Sorry, fellers, I have some bad news for you, the mule died last night."
Billy & Tommy replied; "Well then, just give us our money back."
The farmer said; " Can't do that...I went and spent it already."
They said; "Okay then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked; "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Tommy said; "We gonn'a raffle him off."
The farmer said; "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Billy said; "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Billy & Tommy at Save Easy store and asked: "Say...what'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
Tommy, said; "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonn'a do."
Billy added; "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."
The farmer said; "My Lord, didn't anyone complain...?"
Tommy said; "Well, the feller who won was really upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Billy and Tommy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the investigation of the Senate and the spending scandal.
 
ok last one today, maybe

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the

dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one

hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.



The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, "Hey Old WOMAN, have you ever danced?"



The old woman looked up at the gun slinder and said, “No, I never did dance…never really wanted to.”



A crowd had gathered as the gunslinder grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the woman’s feet.



The old woman prospector – not wanting to get her toe blown off – started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered, his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.



The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.



The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.



The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever licked a mule’s butt? The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No Mam…but…I’ve always wanted to.”



THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE:

1 - Never be arrogant.

2 - Don't waste ammunition.

3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.

5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.
 
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