A Little Pool Room Humor!
- Thread starter tom mcgonagle
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Yeah, and prolly because his personality can needle the hell outa folks...
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I had a guy shoot three slop shots in a row to get out on me playing 9 ball on the bar box. This was after a phenomenal unlucky streak for me having to kick repeatedly for rack after rack. He makes these three shots in a row and object balls are missing intended pockets, caroming off of balls in the center of the table and finding pockets (gotta love texas express). After he pockets this particular nine, I go to the bathroom, return with a roll of toilet paper and place it on the table. I tell him he's going to need it if he continues to bring the sh$t...
John Horsfall told this story on himself.
John was playing Bernie Mikkelsen, one of the coolest $ players ever.
John was having a bad day and letting the whole world know about it.
He took a break to wash his face and compose himself.....
...when he came back there were slices of cheese wrapped in plastic all
around the table rails.
He exploded "WTF is this?"
Bernie grinned at him and said...
.."I thought you might like some cheese with that whine."
John was playing Bernie Mikkelsen, one of the coolest $ players ever.
John was having a bad day and letting the whole world know about it.
He took a break to wash his face and compose himself.....
...when he came back there were slices of cheese wrapped in plastic all
around the table rails.
He exploded "WTF is this?"
Bernie grinned at him and said...
.."I thought you might like some cheese with that whine."
BCAPL 8 ball night - one of our opponents sees Joe (local A player) from our team walk in, turns to his players and says "I smell stroke" :grin:
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True Story
Happened at the Derby a couple of years back.
A big-name Pro walked up to another big-name Pro.
"Do you still want to gamble at the game that we talked about?" asked player A.
Player B confidently said: "Sure. I am ready to play whenever you are."
Player A said: "I am ready."
"Let's go. But let me go find a backer first," said Player B.
"Me Too," said Player A.
They both left to find backers. Not sure if they ever found any backers and if their match ever took place.
Happened at the Derby a couple of years back.
A big-name Pro walked up to another big-name Pro.
"Do you still want to gamble at the game that we talked about?" asked player A.
Player B confidently said: "Sure. I am ready to play whenever you are."
Player A said: "I am ready."
"Let's go. But let me go find a backer first," said Player B.
"Me Too," said Player A.
They both left to find backers. Not sure if they ever found any backers and if their match ever took place.
Our league team had a fairly arrogant player. Good shot when he wanted to be, but too self-important to be a team player.
One night after the matches, I set him up for a proposition shot. It's the shot where you have the mark stand at the foot of the table, and put his hands lightly on two object balls in the jaws of the pocket. A nickel is placed on the foot spot. I tell the mark that I can pocket both hangers with one shot from the head spot. He assumes it involves the nickel.
That presumption would be wrong. Painfully wrong. A cue ball shot over the nickel directly from this position will go airborne and hit the mark in the stomach or babymakers, depending on height. I figured he deserved a little "humbling".
I got to the head of the table, and bend over the cue ball, and hesitate. I ask him to adjust his stance and positioning of his hands on the OBs - all a set-up to distract his attention and add to the suspense. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is crowded around watching. Then, I sent the cue ball toward the nickel...
As if he was alerted by angels on high, he nervously yelled "Don't hit my balls!" and took his hands off the OBS - clapping them together around the cueball an inch from his zipper!
We all had a good laugh. Would have either way!
One night after the matches, I set him up for a proposition shot. It's the shot where you have the mark stand at the foot of the table, and put his hands lightly on two object balls in the jaws of the pocket. A nickel is placed on the foot spot. I tell the mark that I can pocket both hangers with one shot from the head spot. He assumes it involves the nickel.
That presumption would be wrong. Painfully wrong. A cue ball shot over the nickel directly from this position will go airborne and hit the mark in the stomach or babymakers, depending on height. I figured he deserved a little "humbling".
I got to the head of the table, and bend over the cue ball, and hesitate. I ask him to adjust his stance and positioning of his hands on the OBs - all a set-up to distract his attention and add to the suspense. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is crowded around watching. Then, I sent the cue ball toward the nickel...
As if he was alerted by angels on high, he nervously yelled "Don't hit my balls!" and took his hands off the OBS - clapping them together around the cueball an inch from his zipper!
We all had a good laugh. Would have either way!
Told this before but this is a good place to store it.
A "B" player joins the APA league. The first night he is playing his second game. He is in a tough spot. He backs away from the table and stands there sucking his thumb like a two year old kid while his whole team crowds around the table. At the time the whole team could go to the table and debate the best option.
A "B" player joins the APA league. The first night he is playing his second game. He is in a tough spot. He backs away from the table and stands there sucking his thumb like a two year old kid while his whole team crowds around the table. At the time the whole team could go to the table and debate the best option.
I was playing a guy some sets, who thought he was such a good player, with all his friends watching. I was up a set and he was still in good spirits telling all his friends how he was gunna beat me so badly. He slopped in a ball, grinned real big and said "I'd rather be lucky than good." I just looked him dead in the eyes and replied "well you don't have a f'ing choice now do you?" His friends started cracking up and his smile went away really fast. I don't think he ever recovered from that one.
A few months ago I played a 9-ball match with a buddy of mine.
I was playing rather good, until bad things started to happen.
I had a few very tough shots in a row with difficult position, I made the ball every time, but also scratched on all of those shots. Cue ball barely rolling to the pocket coming 3-4 rails, or getting the perfect kisses and then rolling into the pocket, which otherwise would have been near perfect position, too.
After about 4-6 times it happened, I picked up the cue ball as it was rolling towards the pocket, and in extreme frustration, slammed the cue ball as hard as I could into the pocket.
Long story short, the cue ball bounced back hard at my face. The hit gave me a little cut(surprisingly a lot of blood, too) under the eye, and I had a black-redish-yellowish eye for a week.
It scared the bagesus out of me for the first 5 seconds, since I had no idea what had just happened or where I was, but it was kinda funny aterwards.
Never again
So freaking lucky I didn't knock my teeth in, the speed at which the cue ball came back at me would have cleaned my shelf for sure.
I was playing rather good, until bad things started to happen.
I had a few very tough shots in a row with difficult position, I made the ball every time, but also scratched on all of those shots. Cue ball barely rolling to the pocket coming 3-4 rails, or getting the perfect kisses and then rolling into the pocket, which otherwise would have been near perfect position, too.
After about 4-6 times it happened, I picked up the cue ball as it was rolling towards the pocket, and in extreme frustration, slammed the cue ball as hard as I could into the pocket.
Long story short, the cue ball bounced back hard at my face. The hit gave me a little cut(surprisingly a lot of blood, too) under the eye, and I had a black-redish-yellowish eye for a week.
It scared the bagesus out of me for the first 5 seconds, since I had no idea what had just happened or where I was, but it was kinda funny aterwards.
Never again
So freaking lucky I didn't knock my teeth in, the speed at which the cue ball came back at me would have cleaned my shelf for sure.
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"Funny" can have two meanings.
I was playing in a black pool room in South Dallas with a guy named "Goodyear Red" who worked at the tire company (as you might guess). He got paid every thursday and I was usually there to relieve him of his paycheck.
Once I banked a ball across the side and "skillfully" ran my other seven when he started screaming "My pocket, my pocket. I said "No way, man." He said "You broke frome here. I shot blah blah" and I saw he was right. I had, indeed, run out in his pocket. I said "If that's your pocket why did you let me keep shooting?" He smiled and said "Cause you was doin allright."
Keep it nice. Alfie
I was playing in a black pool room in South Dallas with a guy named "Goodyear Red" who worked at the tire company (as you might guess). He got paid every thursday and I was usually there to relieve him of his paycheck.
Once I banked a ball across the side and "skillfully" ran my other seven when he started screaming "My pocket, my pocket. I said "No way, man." He said "You broke frome here. I shot blah blah" and I saw he was right. I had, indeed, run out in his pocket. I said "If that's your pocket why did you let me keep shooting?" He smiled and said "Cause you was doin allright."
Keep it nice. Alfie
That's the best one so far.
After my buddy had punched a guy who didn't pay up, the guy was pinching his nose in a bar rag to stop the bleeding and said, "Are you happy now, you broke my fuggin' nose?'' I jumped in and quickly asked him, "Hey, you wanna go out to the car and do a line?"
Jeff Livingston
That's nothin'!
I can go you one better than that shot!
In 1970, I was playing a buddy on a bar box, after quite a few beers.
I tried one of those crazy jump shots where you jump the CB onto the rail and off to make a shot. Well, I hit it a bit too firmly, and the CB skidded down the rail, hit the metal corner, jumped toward my friend and almost hit him just south of border.
"Let's see you do that again!" he bellowed.
So I set the shot up again, as he took the same position and unzipped his fly and the small crowd took notice.
As you've probably guessed by now, I hit the shot, the CB struck the metal again, flew through the air and went straight into my buddy's unzipped pants!
True story!
I can go you one better than that shot!
In 1970, I was playing a buddy on a bar box, after quite a few beers.
I tried one of those crazy jump shots where you jump the CB onto the rail and off to make a shot. Well, I hit it a bit too firmly, and the CB skidded down the rail, hit the metal corner, jumped toward my friend and almost hit him just south of border.
"Let's see you do that again!" he bellowed.
So I set the shot up again, as he took the same position and unzipped his fly and the small crowd took notice.
As you've probably guessed by now, I hit the shot, the CB struck the metal again, flew through the air and went straight into my buddy's unzipped pants!
True story!
About four years ago I got my first set of false teeth a short time later a friend of mine and me were shooting a set of five 9 ball for beer and burgers I shot a long cut shot on the nine to win the set and made the 9 I let out long deep breath and my top plate blew out on the table and the cue ball hit it and stopped my buddy called a foul and I called it a win the cue ball was not going to scratch any way. we argue about it ask other opinions drank more beer finally played another game for the set I won but put my teeth in my pocket before we played the game over. friends for ever
There are some really funny stories here. Thanks for posting.
I have one more. I posted it a long time ago but it's worth repeating.
Back in the early sixties Willie Mosconi would frequently come to Boston to do exhibitions. He would do an afternoon session and an evening session. Between shows the owner of the pool room would take several people out to one of the finer restaurants in Boston.
Bob Ingersall, a great player in his own right, and Willies so called opponent would always go along.
The deal was and Willie made it clear to Bob, "They come to see me play. If I happen to miss a shot, you get up and make a few balls and then miss. Bob was getting paid very well to rack for Willie. There was no way he was going to blow the gig.
On this particular day, a busboy that only knew Ingy, was working. As everyone was being seated the busboy announced to them, pointing at Ingy, "Don't ever play pool with this guy. He's the best player in the world. The busboy now walks away."
The rest of the people there including Ingy knew better, especially Willie. Ingy now had to right the situation.
The busboy eventually returned. When he did, pointing at Willie, Ingy said to him, "Son this is Willie Mosconi and he is by far the greatest pool player alive."
Without hesitation the busboy said, "I don't care who you are, Ingy will still beat you."
Ingy paid the price in the exhibition, later that evening but lived to tell this story to me. I thank him for that.
On the day the Mosconi Cup is starting, I'm glad to share this story.
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http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
I have one more. I posted it a long time ago but it's worth repeating.
Back in the early sixties Willie Mosconi would frequently come to Boston to do exhibitions. He would do an afternoon session and an evening session. Between shows the owner of the pool room would take several people out to one of the finer restaurants in Boston.
Bob Ingersall, a great player in his own right, and Willies so called opponent would always go along.
The deal was and Willie made it clear to Bob, "They come to see me play. If I happen to miss a shot, you get up and make a few balls and then miss. Bob was getting paid very well to rack for Willie. There was no way he was going to blow the gig.
On this particular day, a busboy that only knew Ingy, was working. As everyone was being seated the busboy announced to them, pointing at Ingy, "Don't ever play pool with this guy. He's the best player in the world. The busboy now walks away."
The rest of the people there including Ingy knew better, especially Willie. Ingy now had to right the situation.
The busboy eventually returned. When he did, pointing at Willie, Ingy said to him, "Son this is Willie Mosconi and he is by far the greatest pool player alive."
Without hesitation the busboy said, "I don't care who you are, Ingy will still beat you."
Ingy paid the price in the exhibition, later that evening but lived to tell this story to me. I thank him for that.
On the day the Mosconi Cup is starting, I'm glad to share this story.
______________________________________
http://tommcgonaglerightoncue.com
Million to 1 shot
Was playing in a weekly tourney race to 7 score is hill hill. My opponent is breaking, he was a little wild with his cue ball the whole match. He slams the cue and it grazed to top on the 1 ball flew to the next table where the guy was down on his 9 ball shot.( His back was facing us) It barely misses his head, bounced twice on his table and cuts the 9 in the corner pocket... His opponent yells "NO HIT" I almost pissed myself laughing... I wish I had a camera to capture the look on his face.. FUNNY AS HELL
Was playing in a weekly tourney race to 7 score is hill hill. My opponent is breaking, he was a little wild with his cue ball the whole match. He slams the cue and it grazed to top on the 1 ball flew to the next table where the guy was down on his 9 ball shot.( His back was facing us) It barely misses his head, bounced twice on his table and cuts the 9 in the corner pocket... His opponent yells "NO HIT" I almost pissed myself laughing... I wish I had a camera to capture the look on his face.. FUNNY AS HELL